Communique Chapter 8, a transformers/beast wars fanfic

Many thanks to the lovely people at DevArt who gave me ideas for this little monster :D

Communiqué 8

From: Spike (autobotsquishytrannet)
To: All addresses except technochicktrannet
Subject: WHO TOLD!?

0o0o0o0

From: Red Alert (redalerttrannet)
To: Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
Jazz (dajazzmantrannet)
Ironhide (ironhidetrannet)
Ratchet (cmowithahatchettrannet)
Wheeljack (kaboomtrannet)
Subject: Security Breach

Because of the breach in protocol regarding Spike and Carly's wedding, a security hazard in itself, there's been a significant jump in perimeter breaches by human journalists! Not even to mention the hundreds of communication attempts that I have been warding off since! This is a major, in-progress attack on our security that must be dealt with at once! With Prowl gone we are already at risk, not to mention the severe security risk of having a high ranking officer out on his own in a remote location and without even a hint of a personal guard or any other precaution like that is simply irre -message length exceeded-

From: Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
To: Red Alert (redalerttrannet)
Jazz (dajazzmantrannet)
Ironhide (ironhidetrannet)
Ratchet (cmowithahatchettrannet)
Wheeljack (kaboomtrannet)
Subject: Re Security Breach

True, this is something that needs to be dealt with before it gets out of hand. Suggestions?

From: Jazz (dajazzmantrannet)
To: Red Alert (redalerttrannet)
Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
Ironhide (ironhidetrannet)
Ratchet (cmowithahatchettrannet)
Wheeljack (kaboomtrannet)
Subject: Re Re Security Breach

Easy. We declare we ain't to be contacted by civilians for a while and the five miles around th' base are a no-go zone, post warnings, all legally airtight, that anyone found in there is gonna have their vehicles impounded an' recording equipment confiscated, no responsibility for any damage taken in th' process.

Then we get th' Dinobots t' do the impounding an' confiscating, in whatever way they see fit.

-That- 'ill scare 'em off if nothing else will

Alright we'll go for it, it's better than our current measures and can be stood down easily enough once the matter is over. Jazz, Ironhide, Wheeljack make it happen. Red, see if you can track down this leak.

From: Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
To: Jazz (dajazzmantrannet)
Subject: Heh

I like the way you think

From: Jazz (dajazzmantrannet)
To: Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
Subject: Re Heh

Hehehe, I aim to please boss-mech

0o0o0

From: Bluestreak (blubottrannet)
To: Hound (lonegreenrangertrannet)
Subject: Twostroke

Have you seen her anywhere? I've been looking for ages and she's come in at night I know that but I can't find her anywhere during the day and it's really starting to worry me and I'd really really really like to have her back again.

From: Hound (lonegreenrangertrannet)
To: Bluestreak (blubottrannet)
Subject: Re Twostroke

Sorry Blue, I haven't seen her. Why don't you try ask Jazz or Smokescreen?

From: Bluestreak (blubottrannet)
To: Hound (lonegreenrangertrannet)
Subject: Re Re Twostroke

Ok, thanks

0o0o0

From: Sideswipe (cheekydeviltrannet)
To: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
Subject: Muahaha

First one's set up

0o0o0

From: Tracks (killercorvettetrannet)
To: All addresses
Subject!&#!!

SOMEONE GET ME DOWN FROM THIS THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0o0o0

From: Sideswipe (cheekydeviltrannet)
To: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
Subject: SCORE!

We got Tracks! Ooooh this is just too great! XD!

From: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
To: Sideswipe (cheekydeviltrannet)
Subject: Re SCORE!

Yes! C'mon, let's get the next ones ready!

0o0o0

From: Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
To: Spike (autobotsquishytrannet)
Subject: Was wondering

Would you like us to handle transport on the day?

From: Spike (autobotsquishytrannet)
To: Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
Subject: Re Was wondering

That'd be great Optimus, thank you!

From: Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
To: Spike (autobotsquishytrannet)
Subject: Re Re Was wondering

Our pleasure Spike

0o0o0

From: Red Alert (redalerttrannet)
To: All Addresses
Subject: Security Warning

Suspicious devices have been discovered in corridors 3A, 2A and 6D. One has been tripped in corridor 5B. All personnel are to proceed with caution and report any further suspicious activity.

0o0o0

From: Smokescreen (bettingbottrannet)
To: Mirage (foxtrottrannet)
Subject:

Stockbroker just called me, after that last battle in Maine shares in fisheries are plummeting, we couldn't give them away if we wanted to.

From: Mirage (foxtrottrannet)
To: Smokescreen (bettingbottrannet)
Subject: Re

Bother.

0o0o0

From: Blades (chopperbottrannet)
To: Air Raid (skykingtrannet)
Subject: Hey Seekerclone!
You, me, basketball court. After duty.

From: Air Raid (skykingtrannet)
To: Blades (chopperbottrannet)
Subject: Re Hey Seekerclone!

I'll be there skytrash, prepare to be humiliated.

From: Blades (chopperbottrannet)
To: Air Raid (skykingtrannet)
Subject: Re Re Hey Seekerclone!

You and what army runt?

From: Air Raid (skykingtrannet)
To: Blades (chopperbottrannet)
Subject: Re Re Re Hey Seekerclone!

I don't need an army to vape your sorry tailfins. Oh yeah that's right, you don't even
-have- tailfins

From: Blades (chopperbottrannet)
To: Air Raid (skykingtrannet)
Subject: Re Re Re Re Hey Seekerclone!

You're gonna be reprocessing those words through your tailpipe after I'm done with you

From: Air Raid (skykingtrannet)
To: Blades (chopperbottrannet)
Subject: Re Re Re Re Re Hey Seekerclone!

Oh yeah? Prove it whirlybird

From: Blades (chopperbottrannet)
To: Air Raid (skykingtrannet)
Subject: Re Re Re Re Re Re Hey Seekerclone!

I will. Prepare to lose wingling

0o0o0

From: Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
To: All Addresses excluding autobotsquishytrannet, technochicktrannet
Subject: Volunteers?

Anyone want to help with the transport to the wedding?

From: Bumblebee (buzzybeetrannet)
To: Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
Subject: Re Volunteers?

I'll take Spike and Sparkplug!

From: Sideswipe (cheekydeviltrannet)
To: Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
Subject: Re Volunteers?

Bridesmaids!

From: Smokescreen (bettingbottrannet)
To: Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
Subject: Re Volunteers?

I call groomsmen

From: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
To: Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
Subject: Re Volunteers?

Bride!

From: Jazz (dajazzmantrannet)
To: Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
Subject: Re Volunteers?

Dibs on Carly!

From: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
To: Jazz (dajazzmantrannet)
Subject:

Ha! First come first served!

From: Jazz (dajazzmantrannet)
To: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
Subject: Re

Aww, c'mon Sunny, please?

From: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
To: Jazz (dajazzmantrannet)
Subject: Re Re

Nope.

From: Optimus Prime (optimustrannet)
To: Jazz (dajazzmantrannet)
Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
Subject: Excuse me but..

..you do realise that taking the bride means you take the mother of the bride too, right? Carly's father is dead so it will be just the two of them. I trust you can sort this out yourselves.

From: Sunstreaker
To: Jazz (dajazzmantrannet)
Subject:

I've changed my mind, you can take them

From: Jazz (dajazzmantrannet)
To: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
Subject: Re

Nuh uh, like you said Sunny-boy, first come first served

From: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
To: Jazz (dajazzmantrannet)
Subject: Re Re

It's alright, you take them, you wanted to

From: Jazz (dajazzmantrannet)
To: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
Subject: Re Re Re

My friend, I'd sooner make a single-mech attack on th' 'Con base wearing a pink Energizer Bunny suit an' singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star than have Scary Lady that close to me again.

From: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
To: Sideswipe (cheekydeviltrannet)
Subject:

Not. One. Slagging. Word.

0o0o0

From: Grimlock (megrimlocktrannet)
To: Slag (slagtrannet)
Subject: cat

You Slag give cat back to him Bluestreak now

From: Slag (slagtrannet)
To: Grimlock (megrimlocktrannet)
Subject: Re cat

But me Slag like cat

From: Grimlock (megrimlocktrannet)
To: Slag (slagtrannet)
Subject: Re Re cat

Her cat not your cat. Give back

From: Slag (slagtrannet)
To: Grimlock (megrimlocktrannet)
Subject: Re Re Re cat

0o0o0

From: Perceptor (perceptortrannet)
To: All Addresses
Subject: Help!

If someone could help me down I would be most grateful. It appears some of the missing bungy cords have turned up.

0o0o0

From: Wheeljack (kaboomtrannet)
To: First Aid (hatchetsapprenticetrannet)
Subject: Incoming

Just spotted Blades and Air Raid. ETA five minutes after they've stopped pummeling each other

From: First Aid (hatchetsapprenticetrannet)
To: Wheeljack (kaboomtrannet)
Subject: Re Incoming

Thanks for the warning 'jack.

From: First Aid (hatchetsapprenticetrannet)
To: Hotspot (tlhotspottrannet)
Subject: le sigh

I'm adopted, aren't I? Please tell me I'm adopted.

From: Hotspot (tlhotspottrannet)
To: First Aid (hatchetsapprenticetrannet)
Subject: Re le sigh

Yes First Aid, you're adopted.

0o0o0o0

From: Sideswipe (cheekydeviltrannet)
To: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
Subject: Idea

Catapults.

From: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
To: Sideswipe (cheekydeviltrannet)
Subject: Re Idea

Catapults?

From: Sideswipe (cheekydeviltrannet)
To: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
Subject: Re Re Idea

-nod- Catapults. Or slingshots. Depending on what ammo we beg/borrow/steal/kidnap

From: Sunstreaker (handsomedeviltrannet)
To: Sideswipe (cheekydeviltrannet)
Subject: Re Re Re Idea

0o0o0

From: Anon1
To: Anon2
Subject:

Have they figured out who was the leak yet?

From: Anon2
To: Anon1
Subject: Re

Nope. Keep listening.

0o0o0

From: Ironhide (ironhidetrannet)
To: Prowl (autobotprowltrannet)
Subject: Update
Attachment: SituationReport.doc

Have fun

From: Prowl (autobotprowltrannet)
To: Ironhide (ironhidetrannet)
Subject: Re Update
Attachment received

Thank you

0o0o0

From: Hoist (hoisttrannet)
To: All Addresses
Subject:?
Has anyone seen my spare paint cans?