Try Honesty

Author- Luna P aka Nikki

Rating- R/M, still don't get the new rating system --U

Warnings- Wincest, angst, language, I think the incest is the major thing here, oh and there's slash n.n enjoy.

Disclaimer- Ah, not again, nope I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters, infact the only thing I own is the plot, I hope that's something n.n Oh, I also own Alex, he belongs to me n.n so if you would like to borrow please ask n.n

Summary- What exactly did Sam say to Dr Ellicot and what if Dean somehow found out?

A/N- I'M BACK! (cowers as various heavy objects from reviewers make contact with her head) I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it wasn't my fault, my muses jumped ship for fear of being eaten by the Kraken then my sis got a new computer, hers is the only one with an internet connection but there were so many problems with the internet and stuff and it took soo long to get it back up, it made me cry a few times then when we finally got it back but went down and I couldn't update… sorry…

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

Lost

Soft hazel eyes fluttered open, the world slowly coming into focus as the haze filtered from his vision. He groaned softly as he sat up feeling the blood crashing within his head, a few hazy pictures appeared inside his minds eye, a pounding beginning in his skull, he groaned again rubbing his temples softly whilst trying to work out the blurred images within his head. He really hoped that this wasn't the beginning of another vision, he didn't think that he could take it right now. The last one had felt like his brain was being ripped open.

"You ok Sam?" Dean asked, he was leaning against the headboard of his bed, file folders scattered around him, all open, one sat open in his lap, currently ignored as Dean's attention was focused on his little brother.

"Ugh, fine, I think, what time is it?" Sam asked, rubbing his forehead to try and calm the pounding, he was scared to say the least. Dean lifted his arm slightly, glancing down at his wristwatch.

"Half seven in the afternoon, you've been out for a while, I didn't want to wake you, you seemed almost peaceful," Dean explained swinging his legs round off the edge of the bed, sitting so that he was facing his baby brother. The file still in his hands. "You were right," Sam stared at the elder confusion, sleep still sitting heavily on his brain. Noticing the others perplexed expression he decided to elaborate, "Peter Rosenkreuz was in the army, he did get called to go fight, meaning he had to leave Evangeline on her own, from what I can tell that is when things started to go wrong but it's all a little sketchy. They got worse though when Peter was presumed dead."

"What? What happened?" Sam asked as he stretched the sleep from his body,

"Well the war ended, Peter didn't show up, the next thing you know Evangeline has her husbands senior officer showing up on the door telling her that Peter has been killed in the line of duty. His obituary is in here, a few months later the bars went up on the windows, then staff from the Orphanage started to go missing, others left, not willing to stay any longer. Apparently Eva even fired a few believing that she could cope on her own. The next thing the town knows all the children are dead and Evangeline Rosenkreuz missing. The children were buried somewhere on the grounds," Dean explained, rubbing his eyes,

"So, what are we going to do?" Sam asked,

"If you're feeling ok then we can go to the Orphanage now, try to work out exactly what happened and put all the ghosts within that place to rest." Dean suggested Sam nodded in agreement, all he was really thinking about though was that the sooner they got this out of the way the sooner they could talk and get everything worked out between them. Sam wanted things to just go back to being the way they had been before that goddamned tape.

"I'm fine," Sam assured smiling as if trying to convince his brother to believe his words, he actually felt like his head had just been put through a blender not to mention all of the emotional stuff that was going on between himself and Dean at the moment. He just wanted a break from it all, from the visions, from Dean, from the fights, from the supernatural in general. He just wanted to go back to Stanford to his normal life, he wanted Jessica back, he wanted things to be how they were before. Before Dean came back and dragged him back into the life he had tried so hard to escape from, before Dean had pulled him away from Jess' burning body and convinced him to join him on these stupid hunts for things that lurk in the dark.

Sam glanced over at Dean who was currently slipping into his leather jacket, the thought crossing his mind that everything he did in his life eventually came back to Dean. Dean was the cause of everything he did he also seemed to end a lot of things he did. He was a bit confused as to whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. Thinking back over his life so far, there hadn't been many good things, or at least they hadn't stayed good things for long. Sometimes he couldn't help but wonder if he would in fact be better off without Dean in his life, wondered if things would be better without him…

"Let's go then, it'll be getting dark soon," Dean snapped his baby brother out of his internal musings, grabbing the keys to the Impala off of the side. He stopped when he reached the door, glancing back at his brother with an eyebrow raised at the look of general confusion and consideration his little brother was giving him. "Sam, are you sure you're ok?" Sam just nodded, standing from the bed and throwing on a jacket before joining Dean at the door.

They drove to the Orphanage in silence, each lost within themselves, when they pulled up outside Rosenkreuz the sun was already setting on the horizon. Dean got out of the car and went to the trunk, popping it open and placing all the weapons he thought they might need into a duffel bag. He then grabbed two guns and loaded them with rock salt, passing one to Sam and keeping the other for himself. He tucked the weapon into his belt and grabbed some rock salt and lighter fluid, dropping it into the bag before slamming the trunk.

"Let's go," Dean ordered, heading towards the building, Sam sighed softly, placing the gun into his belt and following his brother. He was not going to hurt Dean, no matter what happened in that place he was not going to hurt him.

The door swung open with a sharp creaking sound that caused both of the brothers to wince slightly, with a sigh Dean stepped in grabbing a couple of torches from the bag and passing one to Sam. Slowly he began to advance through the darkness, Sam following after him, they began to make their way down the corridor when the distinct sound of a young girl laughing filled the air. They stopped, searching for the origin of the sound immediately, there appeared to be nothing there.

"Check the EMF," Sam instructed, Dean nodded softly and removed it from his coat pocket, waving it around, he turned to Sam with a slight smile.

"All the freaks are out tonight," he informed the younger placing the EMF back into his pocket, "of course where they're hiding I just don't know." Dean muttered, there was a loud creaking sound followed by a loud bang and Sam and Dean looked at each other, each coming to the same conclusion. "The door," Dean ran back to the door with Sam on his heels, shaking the door in an attempt to open it, when it refused to open he snarled and kicked it. "Damn it, we're locked in," Dean growled, Sam smirked softly.

"Just another night for us, I guess,"

"I just hope the bars are up there to keep something out," Dean muttered, Sam nodded in agreement, staring at the bars with a sense of foreboding as his older brother started stalking towards the staircase once again. With a sigh the younger ran a hand through his hair and followed his brother. They slowly made their way up the stairs; Dean glanced into the room baring the chalk outlines of bodies for a moment. Sam begging he'd just walk past, he didn't think he could go in there, not yet anyway, he could feel it from the doorway, his breathing becoming slightly laboured. If Dean noticed he didn't say anything, calmly walking away from the room. Sam followed; his breathing becoming easier the further he walked from the room.

"I hate to think what they've done with those bodies," Dean stated, passing another room almost covered in chalk outlines, "shit, how many kids were here… how many got out alive Sam? How many were just ignored by the town…" Sam stared at his brother's back, he could tell that the other was unsettled by all of this, angry that no one had done anything to stop it, feeling guilty that he couldn't have stopped it. That was just like Dean blaming himself for something that obviously wasn't his fault, there was no way he could have stopped all of this, he hadn't even been born when it had happened. Yet he still blamed himself, it was an admirable quality, also a completely insane one.

"I don't know Dean, but there's nothing you could have done to stop it so stop internally beating yourself up about it," The elder turned to face him, a slightly irritated slightly bemused look on his face.

"Stop using your freaky little powers to find out what I'm thinking, it's creepy," Sam chuckled softly causing Dean to raise an eyebrow inquisitively, "what's so funny?"

"You, I don't have to use any 'powers' to read you Dean, you're an open book to me, hell you probably blame yourself for there being no oxygen in space, I bet you stand there at night thinking 'damn, I just didn't try hard enough.'" Dean half glared at his little brother before rolling his eyes and continuing down the corridor. The double doors ahead of them opened and slammed shut. "Why aren't they manifesting?"

"I'm not sure, maybe they don't want us to see them?"

"Why not?" Sam asked, Dean just stared ahead at the doors, shrugging softly,

"They're kids, they're playing a game I guess, like hide and seek for ghosts, they're hiding, we have to find them,"

"Not so easy when they're invisible," Sam mumbled, Dean nodded softly, advancing towards the doors that closely resembled those one would find in a hospital. "Dean, are you ok?" Sam asked, walking just behind his brother, the elder stopped in his tracks, spinning on his heel to face his little brother,

"I'm fine Sam, why?" The taller male shrugged softly, blushing a little he wasn't sure he just got the feeling that Dean was upset and he had no idea why, he didn't think he was angry just really… sad…

"I just… the stuff between us… these kids… it's getting to you I know it is," Dean merely stared at him, an unreadable expression on his face, he shrugged and turned around, continuing down the corridor.

"I'm fine Sam,"

"Why don't you just let me talk to you Dean? Why do you keep walking away from me all the time, I'm trying to fix things, trying to sort things out between us."

"You're going to have to try harder Sammy," Dean shot still walking, Sam caught up with him quickly, grabbing his shoulders and slamming him up against the wall, glaring at him,

"Stop it Dean, stop punishing me for the things I said on that tape, they're all true and you know it so why are you so fucking mad that I said it, can't you handle the truth about yourself Dean? Don't you like who you are? Aren't you comfortable with being yourself?" Sam asked, slamming Dean against the wall a few times for emphasis, the elder stared at him for a moment, regarding him with silence before leaning forward, one whispered word falling from his lips.

"No…" Sam blinked, letting his grip fall from his brother's shoulder; Dean didn't look at him, just turned and started walking once again. If Dean thought that Sam was just going to let that go he was wrong, he caught up to him once again, grabbing his older brother and pinning him to the wall just as he had done before. Dean glared at him, "Sam, stop throwing me against walls, it's getting annoying," Dean half joked, Sam just narrowed his eyes.

"What do you mean no," Dean raised an eyebrow,

"What?"

"Stop playing dumb, what do you mean by no Dean?"

"Exactly what I said, no, Sammy, I don't like who I am, I'm who I am due to certain circumstances that have caused me to become me. I don't like it but I can't change it either, what upsets me is that you… I… just… never mind Sam." He gave up, staring at the door to his left rather than at his younger brother, Sam stared at him in confusion for a moment. Yet his hands did not drop from where they held his brother against the wall.

"What…"

"Just leave it Sam,"

"No,"

"Please,"

"No," the determination in his younger brother's eyes made Dean ever so slightly nervous, though he refused to let this show, staring at his baby brother with indifference. "What don't you like about yourself," Dean smirked darkly, leaning forward, invading Sam's personal space, their faces but an inch from one another's.

"Everything you don't like about me, pretty much everything there is." Dean explained, voice low, as if daring Sam to keep going. Sam visibly gulped, how far did he really want to delve into Dean's self-loathing? "Unusually quiet there Sammy, anything you want to say? Anything you want to ask? How much do you really want to know Sam?" Dean asked, voice barely above a whisper, Sam shivered slightly,

"I want to ask a lot Dean, I just don't know where to start," Sam admitted, Dean smirked and shrugged,

"Can't help you there bro,"

"Talk to me Dean,"

"I can't,"

"You can't keep doing this?" Sam explained, staring at his brother with worry and concern evident in his eyes. Dean met his gaze, curiosity burning within his own eyes,

"Can't keep doing what Sammy?" Dean asked, that malicious glint still burning within his eyes. It scared Sam slightly. He had never seen that look in his brother's eyes before, and never wanted to again.

"Tearing yourself apart," Sam explained, Dean just shrugged,

"What are you going to do about it, shoot me?" Sam flinched at the words and a part of Dean regretted saying them but the rest of him was glad that he had. If they were going to move on from this they were going to have to get a lot of things off of their chests, they were going to have to fight, scream, rant, rave, throw a few punches and then kiss and make up.

"Dean,"

"What Sammy?"

"Why are you so mad with me?" he asked softly, Dean smirked staring at him like you would a slow child who was taking far too long to understand something that you viewed as being so simple.

"Ah, ah, play nice now," they both turned to see a woman stood beside them, dressed in white with a horrible sickly sweet kind of smile plastered across her face. Evangeline Rosenkreuz, before either brother could say or do anything a blinding, searing pain shot through their heads and they collapsed, falling into the dark wondrous embrace of blissful numbness.

They came too some time later, both groggy and holding their heads, the soft pounding the indication that they hadn't merely dreamed the events that had previously occurred. Taking in their surrounding they realised one of two things, they were locked in a small room. A small padded room, barren of any furniture or anything at all except for the two of them.

"You ok Sam?" Dean asked, rubbing at his temple, trying to soothe the pounding that lay there.

"Yeah, you?" Sam muttered as he stood, using the wall as support, Dean nodded immediately regretting doing so as it sent a fresh wave of pain shooting through his head. He didn't bother to stand, just shifted so that he was sat in the corner of the room, his throbbing head leaning back against the soft, padded, white wall. "What are we doing in here?" Dean chuckled softly, shrugging, eyes closed, easing the throbbing slightly.

"Maybe Eva thought we needed a time out, we were at each others throats out there," Dean mumbled, not feeling up to the task of speaking with perfect clarity at that point in time.

"You sure you're ok?" Sam asked,

"I'm fine," he insisted, "come on, we've got to find a way to get out of here," Dean explained, rising from where he was sat, he leant against the wall for a minute, closing his eyes as his vision blurred and blackened and his head swam. When his head cleared he opened his eyes to see Sam stood infront of him, a concerned look on the younger siblings face.

"Dean? Are you sure you're alright?" Dean rolled his eyes and nodded,

"Yeah, my head hurts a little but it'll pass, now get your butt into gear and find a way out," Dean demanded, Sam just stared at him for a moment longer before walking over to the door and trying to open it. It didn't even budge, after five minutes of searching the walls for some sort of hidden escape route the two gave up, finding nothing and collapsing against the padded walls.

"Well this sucks," Dean growled, glaring at the closed door as if he could somehow make it open with nothing more than the power of his mind.

"I don't think it's so bad," Dean looked over at Sam like he had just grown an extra head,

"Let me get this straight, we're in a haunted orphanage in the forest, no one around for miles, locked in a padded cell with a few, possibly malevolent, ghost wandering around outside and have no idea how to get out. Where is the good in this situation?" Sam smiled softly, shrugging as he glanced up to meet his brother's gaze.

"We have time to talk," Sam explained, Dean glared before standing and walking over to the door, desperately trying to force it open, after a long few moments of throwing himself against the door and not getting anywhere he gave up, glaring at Sam as the younger merely chuckled. "And this time you can't run away,"

"I don't talk Sam, not about what you do," Dean explained, eyes focused firmly on the ground,

"So what? We go through the rest of our lives snapping at each other, growing further and further apart until we hate each other and can't stand to be anywhere near each other? I'm not going to accept that Dean,"

"Look, why don't we finish with Rosenkreuz and then we can talk,"

"No, because you'll just keep putting it off, I want to get this over with now, when you can't go anywhere, when you haven't got any other choice but to talk to me." Sam explained, Dean growled, running a hand through his hair. Why couldn't Sam just let it go? Why couldn't he understand that Dean didn't want to talk about certain things. "What are you afraid of Dean?" The elder let his head fall back against the wall staring at the ceiling yet not really seeing anything.

"Reliving things that I've tried so hard to forget…"

"What?"

"Nothing, please, Sam just… stop…" Sam made his way over to where Dean was sat, sitting down infront of his brother and trying to work out what he was talking about from just studying everything about him that he could see.

"Dean… stop pushing me away," Dean didn't respond, after a long few moments of silence Sam went to say something, then closed his mouth, trying to think of a better way to ask the question he wished to pose. "Dean… did you listen to the whole of the tape?" Sam asked, he had been thinking about it for a while, wondering if he had heard everything or just little snippets of information.

"Why would I do that? I don't think I want to sit for an entire hour and listen to my brother telling some stranger everything he thinks is wrong with me, everything he hates about me." Dean growled,

"I don't hate you Dean," Sam insisted, the elder male stood up walking away from his brother and chuckling softly,

"Is that why you said what you did, is that why you repeated them in the Asylum?" Dean asked, walking back over to where Sam was now stood and backing him into the corner. "Is that why you shot me?"

"Dean I was possessed I couldn't control what I said, what I did," Sam explained, Dean chuckled once again.

"Yeah I guess, but the things you said, they hit too close to home, their all on this tape," Dean said removing it from his coat pocket and then sliding it back once Sam had seen it. "So, it wasn't just made up, it wasn't like you didn't think it, didn't believe that it was true, it was just that you never meant to say it to my face, is that right?"

"You should listen to the whole of the tape Dean," Sam said, his voice wavering a bit, as if he wasn't quite sure whether he should have suggested.

"And what would I hear if I did?"

"It's not all bad,"

"Really, so what nice things did you say about me?"

"Dean stop acting like this," Sam demanded pushing his brother away and putting some much needed space between them,

"Like what?"

"Like you're loosing your mind,"

"And what if I am?"

"Don't…"

"Don't what," the sound of crying reached their ears, they turned seeing the form of a young girl crouched in the corner, a teddy clutched in her arms as tears fell from her eyes. She was looking at them, watching, when she saw them turn she lifted her index finger to her lips, signalling for them to be quiet.

"Shh, you mustn't fight you'll make her mad… please… stay quiet…"

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

Ok well there is the new chapter, too short and I don't really like it, I'm quickly losing love for this fic meaning I may have to put it on a hiatus, I'm not sure yet but I might, sorry to all of you if that has to happen…

Anyhoo please review and tell me what you thought, maybe positive feedback will revive my muses n.n