Try Honesty

Author- Depraved Doll aka Nikki

Rating- R/M, still don't get the new rating system --U

Warnings- Wincest, angst, language, I think the incest is the major thing here, oh and there's slash n.n enjoy.

Disclaimer- Ah, not again, nope I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters, in fact the only thing I own is the plot, I hope that's something n.n Oh, I also own Alex, he belongs to me n.n so if you would like to borrow please ask n.n

Summary- What exactly did Sam say to Dr Ellicot and what if Dean somehow found out?

A/N- eh hem, it's been a while, ne? I am sorry for the cough year long wait, been very busy for me so sorry and I'm back and the fics back and thanks for all the reviews and support and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story you deserve it…

For all those who have waited and reviewed, I hope you enjoy

Xxx

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May

Dean was the first to speak, crouching down next to the young apparition as if she was just a normal scared child. Sam couldn't help but smile whenever he saw Dean with a kid, he was so caring, it reminded him of being a child himself, Dean had always been there for him, always cared for him, given everything he had for him even if he hadn't really wanted to. Anything that Sammy had wanted Dean had got for him and he wasn't entirely sure how he had been able to do it. All Sam really knew was that Dean had made growing up without a mother and equally a father a lot easier than it should have been.

"Ok, we'll be quiet, I've seen you before haven't I?" Dean queried the girl; she nodded hugging her doll tighter but said nothing in return. Sam knelt down beside his older brother, glancing at him briefly before turning his attention onto the young child cowering in front of them. "Pretty little doll you have there, does she have a name?" The elder Winchester asked, she smiled brightly, obviously more than pleased to talk about her prized possession. Sam just watched Dean, every little smile, every small gesture, every caring concerned word, the gentle movement of his lips as he tried to get the child to talk to them.

"She's called Mary she says hello," The girl smiled and waved the dolls arm at them both in turn.

"My name's Sam and this is Dean, what's your name?" she seemed to shy away at the question, looking down at the doll in her arms and hugging it tighter before even considering to answer the question.

"I'm May," she said smiling softly again. She shivered momentarily a look of panic crossing her pretty young face, "you must be quiet, she'll come for you if you're not quiet," the girl explained almost crushing the doll with the force in which she hugged it.

"Who will come for us and why?" Sam asked, briefly glancing over at Dean before returning his attention to the girl.

"Miss Eva," she whispered, "she doesn't like us to be too loud, we're not meant to be loud, she tells us to stay quiet." The girl explained so quietly that the Winchesters had to strain slightly to be able to hear her properly.

"What happened to everyone here?" Dean asked, the girl looked at him with a look of confusion on her face a bell rung in the distance and she looked toward the direction that it had come from. She said nothing else before she disappeared once again leaving the two brothers alone. Dean sighed, rising to his feet and running the palm of his hand over his face, Sam knew that everything that was happening was starting to get to him, what he himself had said and the things that had happened to the kids, it was ripping him in two. Dean hated when something bad happened to kids always had.

"You ok Dean?" Sam asked, standing up and walking over to his brother, gently placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. Dean nodded, regaining his somewhat stoic composure almost immediately.

"Yeah Sam I'm ok," the elder said yet he sounded more distant than his younger brother had ever known him to sound.

"Dean…" the elder looked up at him their eyes locking for the first time in what to Sam felt like years and he could see the damage that he had done to his brother the most important person in his whole life he had hurt more than he had ever hurt any one else. He would have given anything to take back what he had said on that tape. "You're not ok," Sam said and Dean didn't object to it in the slightest.

"Sammy…" and there was something in the way he had said it that made Sam want to wrap his arms around him and hug him, just hold him and let him know that he was sorry and that everything was deeper than what Dean thought it was. There was more to that tape so much more yet he wasn't sure if Dean listening to it was best, after all Sam had no idea what his older brother would think and once what was said had been said there would be no taking it back. He was sure however that nothing could be worse than having Dean feel as he did now.

"Dean, there's something that you have to know,"

"No Sam, just stop ok whatever it is I'm sure it can wait an hour or so," the elder said, sliding down against the wall and sitting down on the somewhat comfortable floor.

"Not everything's bad Dean,"

"Really, that's not the experience that I've had Sammy, so sorry if I'm somewhat pessimistic," the elder explained with that shit eating grin of his that always drove Sam mad whenever he saw it.

"For God's sake Dean what the hell is your problem?" Sam snapped growing increasingly more impatient with his older brothers behaviour.

"At current Sammy? I'm guessing you," Dean shot back, standing and walking over to his brother, pushing him gently, more of a desperate attempt to get him to stop than anything else. Sam just pushed back, a firmer push that sent Dean stumbling backwards a couple of inches.

"Stop it Dean, stop using that tape as an excuse to be mad at me and push me away, you haven't even listened to the whole thing, stop jumping to conclusions all the time. If I hated you why would I still be here with you? Hm? The tape isn't why you're pushing me away I'm not stupid there's something else something you're trying to hide from both you and me alike. Now choke on this egotistical macho pride of yours and tell me for once honestly what the fuck is wrong with you!" The elder hit him then, hard and fast, and Sam briefly thought that maybe he'd pushed one too many buttons but equally he thought that maybe he hadn't pushed enough.

"Still with me? Do you not remember all those times you left? All the times you've threatened to leave? Told me that you can't wait to get back to your 'normal' life? Whined at me day in and day out for bringing you back to me?" Dean snapped and Sam could see that he was getting mad but so was he himself, everything always seemed to come back to this.

"Me leaving for Stanford? Is this why you're mad at me? Dean, I'm allowed to live my life however I want to, I didn't do it to make you mad I did it because it was what I wanted to do. Something I wanted to experience."

"Without me you would have never gone, never got close, everything I ever had I gave for you, everything, I never had anything left for anyone else, sure it hurt you left but you know what I got over it," He wasn't sure if that was true, if he ever actually had, if he ever would, "I just hate the way you hold it over me. 'I can leave Dean anytime I want, I have something else, you don't,' and you're right." Dean mocked, becoming somewhat solemn but trying to keep up his bravado, "this is it for me, but you know what it was always good enough for me that you had something else!" He slammed his fist against the wall so as not to slam it into his brother's face.

"What are you on about?" Sam asked, confusion evident, "what's all this about? One minute it's the tape the next minute it's Stanford and after that it's just nothing, it's 'I'm ok' it's 'no chick flick moments' but it's not ok cause you keep bringing it up," Sam explained, gripping hold of Dean's collar and slamming him up against the padded wall, getting closer than maybe both of them were comfortable with.

"Oh that's it Sammy get mad, let me see all that resentment, you have no idea what I've done for you!" Dean yelled at him, grabbing hold of Sam's collar more in an attempt to steady himself than anything else.

"I know you were always there, I know you cared, I know you're the only person that I've ever been able to rely on," Sam explained, trying to bring some sanity back into the conversation,

"Act like it then?"

"What? What are you on about, talk to me, tell me what you want from me!"

"I want you to get the fuck off of me!" Dean snarled shaking himself free and slamming Sam up against the wall instead,

"Dean grow the hell up will you, I don't know what your problem is but stop making excuses about it! Just tell me! Scream at me hit me do whatever you want just please learn to bury the hatchet!" Sam demanded, Dean just chuckled and rolled his eyes,

"I have done a million times baby bro, you are the only person that I'd ever do the things that I have for, that I'd ever forgive the way I have,"

"Forgiven for what Dean? Going to Stanford? Why can't you let that go?!"

"Because you left me!" Dean yelled, finally seeming to snap, "Everything that I did I never once resented, never, but then you left, you just ignored everything and left me, and it made me wonder if it all was worth it if you even realised it, cause you know what it didn't feel like it then." He explained, "I still watched out for you, made sure you were ok, called you, when did you ever call me? You didn't, not once, and I guess I know why now, because I'm not good enough for you, a little slut you're ashamed of, is that it?!"

"No of course not?!" Sam insisted,

"Stop lying to me! Tell me why you did it!"

"Did what?"

"Why did you leave me?!"

"Now now children, I think it's time we took care of the both of you once and for all," they both turned just in time to see Evangeline Rosenkreuz smiling down at them before a bright light surrounded them both blinding them and effectively knocking them both out. Sam collapsing on top of his older brother. Unconsciously Dean wrapped his arms around the younger, instinctively protecting him as best he could as he always had and more than likely always would…

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Ok first chapter in a long time hope it was good enough I'm just trying to get back into the flow of things, well I hope you enjoy if you're still reading, I'm actually ill at the moment and have been signed off of work so chapters should come faster hopefully, hope you enjoyed,

xxx