'They Say That Good Things Take Time' – Chapter 17
It was the final day of term at college and Lilly Truscott was filled with gloom after she had successfully managed to complete term papers on time, whilst juggling her remorse at Miley's lack of commitment to her. She was sat in her shared room in front of her suitcase, gradually filtering through which clothes she would need over the vacation. Neither of her parents could find the time to collect her so once again she had to fly home alone, but the blonde was growing more frustrated as she believed her suitcase to be too small for her belongings.
Lilly did not even need to look up to acknowledge the fact that her roommate had just returned from her last lecture before Christmas. The creak of bed springs informed Lilly that she had sat down nearby and was now watching Lilly closely, as if waiting for the blonde to realise that she was there. Reluctantly, Lilly looked slowly upward and met Jess' twinkling eyes with a small smile.
"Hey." She mumbled before returning her attention to a pair of socks she was holding, wondering if they were worth keeping due to the vast holes that had recently appeared in the soles.
"Hello. Well, I've just had my last lecture and now I'm free, and guess what that means?" Jess chirped brightly at Lilly who merely shrugged her shoulders in return, "Erm, it's nearly Christmas, duh!" Jess giggled and punched the air.
"Yay." Lilly muttered dryly before unceremoniously binning her socks.
"Aw come on Lils, you get to go home and spend time with your family…" Jess began, until she saw the disapproving look that Lilly faced her with. Jess gulped, "Well, you get to spend the New Year in Malibu. That's something, right?"
Lilly sighed and shook her head dejectedly, she did not see any reason to celebrate that fact as of yet, particularly as she had not spoken to the boy she would be staying with in over a week.
"Come on Lilly, cheer up." Jess pleaded with her friend, who looked up to meet her bright expression with mournful eyes. "Is this about Miley?" Jess began gently, whilst biting her lip out of fear for her roommate's reaction.
Lilly stared at the floor blankly before finally meeting Jess' worried, green eyes, "I don't know. I guess I'm just stressed out about flights, seeing my family again and yeah, of course I'm getting anxious about New Year. Sorry about being so down on you today though. I just don't feel my usual, chirpy self." Lilly replied apologetically.
Jess' warm eyes were soon flooded with sympathy and she nodded in agreement, "I understand. I just wish that you and Miley could sort something out." She breathed out heavily, "Have you ever thought about telling her how you feel?"
Lilly's eyes widened out of reaction to this statement and she shook her head passionately, "Good god no. Miley's over all of that now, for her it was probably just a phase. Well, now it's my turn to suffer."
"Lilly," Jess mumbled exasperatedly, "that's not the way you should see things. And besides, you don't know how she would react. There's still the possibility that she feels the same way about you. Being with this guy might just be some crazy method she's invented to help herself get over you."
Lilly laughed slightly sardonically, "I don't think so somehow."
Jess lightly shrugged her shoulders, but took this as her cue to back away from the conversation. "Hey, I was just going to run down to the store to grab something for lunch. Do you want anything?"
"No. I'm good thanks." Lilly replied blandly.
Jess raised her eyebrows in protest, "Lilly, snap out of it! That's it, I'm gonna get you a sandwich." Lilly looked up and saw that Jess' eyes were sparkling with affection as she regarded her love-stricken friend. The past month had not been easy for the blonde but Jess had been there for her as much as she could. The brunette had also suffered over a past unrequited love and although her religious father, from whom her interest in god had stemmed, readily expressed his disapproval of same-sex relations, to Jess love was love and nothing could change that.
Lilly listened to Jess' retreating footsteps as she wandered down the hallway on her miniature mission to get them both something to eat, before she began to delve underneath her bed for anything that she might have missed. She slowly pulled out a box of her belongings which, in her haste to go out and make new friends, she had completely forgotten to unpack when she moved into her room. Lilly's brow creased in curiosity as she poked around inside it, exploring her old things once more and cursing herself for being so vague that she would not remember this.
Within the box she found the very diary that she had kept when she went on tour with Miley to London two summers ago and, flicking through it, she began to smile at the brief anecdotes she let her eyes dwell on. From her words she realised how blind she had been to Miley's feelings, particularly when she read over all the special activities that Miley had planned for them. Lilly felt adrenaline surge through her as she suddenly thought of calling Miley up and demanding an explanation of her true feelings toward Lilly, yet realistically she knew that this would get her nowhere, only into more pain.
Lilly sighed as she put the book to one side before rifling through her stuff once more. She found an old pen which she happily plopped into the stationary pot on her desk, and also a useful notepad as she was running low on paper. In addition to this, Lilly unearthed some jewellery all settled inside one of her favourite old hats which she had forgotten she had. Lilly turned the item of clothing over in her hands, gazing whimsically at it; it had been a long time since she last wore a hat. She pulled it down over her dark blonde hair and turned to admire herself in Jess' floor-length mirror. Her reflection was smiling back at her and Lilly giggled from her image as she looked suddenly so much younger. She was still smiling as she returned her attention to the box where the final item was a single CD, wrapped up in paper and Lilly lifted it out of the box to decipher what it was exactly. The CD was not marked itself and the paper she had wrapped it in was plain. There was no note to go along with it, but Lilly was bored and got up to slip it into her laptop and hit play.
For a couple of moments, no sound came out and Lilly hesitated with her hand hovering over the eject button. Suddenly the melody of a single, acoustic guitar emerged from the silence and Lilly froze in remembrance of the song. Miley's voice melted into her hearing and Lilly lowered her outstretched arm. As the music progressed and Miley broke into an emotional chorus, Lilly wrapped herself up into a ball whilst memories played across her mind, as vividly as the song she was listening to, haunting her soul and causing tears to wet her cheeks. Yet the song remained incomplete as it cut out at the end of the second chorus and Lilly put her hand up to replay it. She wanted to hear Miley's pure, unadulterated voice and finally feel the emotions, which she had failed to notice, stemming from the other girl when her love for Lilly was at its strongest. Lilly sat and listened, whilst crying from longing, and that was the state which Jess found her in on re-entering the room.
Lilly looked up sharply at the other girl who was standing and watching her with a shocked look on her face at discovering her roommate looking so upset. The blonde scrambled to her feet to shut out the noise that had been filling their space and she wiped her eyes.
"Oh, hey Jess." She greeted lamely, "So, what did you get us?"
Jess merely raised an eyebrow before reaching into the bag that she had brought back with her. She passed Lilly a baguette from the deli and handed her a coffee.
"Thanks." Lilly muttered briefly while she sat and began to pick at her lunch.
"What was that music you were playing Lil?" Jess asked casually after a short pause.
"Hmm?" Lilly glanced up with a mouthful of food. She swallowed quickly before replying, "Oh, I don't know. Just an old CD that I found in a box of stuff I never unpacked."
Jess nodded slowly, looking as if she was trying to wrap her head around some confusing thoughts, "Oh right. What was on the CD? It sounded like Hannah Montana to me."
Lilly forced a smile across her reddening cheeks, "Oh, well, it wasn't really." Jess was still watching her and Lilly knew that she had to give the other girl a better answer, "Okay, it was a CD which Miley made for me ages ago but I forgot I had it."
Jess still had not taken her gaze away from Lilly's face who was now beginning to feel distinctly uncomfortable. "Can I hear it?" She asked quietly.
Lilly was not surprised by the question, but she was unsure whether she would want anyone else to listen to something so private to her and Miley. Eventually her mind won over her conflicting emotions and she knew it would be beneficial in the long run. She nodded as she set up the CD to play again, before lowering her finger onto the play button and turning to Jess, "The song's called Goodbye, by the way."
Jess' face was expressive as she listened to the short song which Miley had composed for Lilly, just over a year ago when she loved her with everything she was. Lilly watched her roommate frown slightly as she adjusted to the lyrics and her eyes were sorrowful as Miley's emotion struck her. When Lilly finally stopped the music, Jess could not help but let out a sigh, "Gosh, that's a good song."
Lilly smiled slightly as she responded, "Yeah. It really is."
"Full of memories too I bet?" Jess asked gently and Lilly nodded sadly. "Well, she really loved you then Lilly, and feelings like that never completely fade away."
Lilly scrunched her face up slightly before she shook her head, "I can't go thinking like that Jess. I'll only get my hopes up."
Jess nodded in understanding, "I know where you're coming from, but don't put the thought out of your head, okay?" Lilly shrugged her shoulders in reaction to Jess' statement. Jess was content enough with this answer and she sat back in her chair as she pondered over some thoughts for a moment.
Lilly cocked her head to one side as she watched Jess, growing slightly wary as she realised that the other girl was quietly scheming something, "What are you thinking about?" Lilly asked.
Jess smiled suddenly, "I was just thinking about how good that song was, even though it wasn't finished." Lilly was staring at her blankly, so she decided to continue with her idea, "And, I was also thinking about how there's an open mic night at the club on Fridays." Now she really had Lilly's attention as the blonde girl's eyes began to widen in alarm, "What would you say if I asked you to perform in late January? I mean my society has booked it out then, we've got a lot of people who are musical and they wanted to give it a shot…"
"Are you crazy?" Lilly interrupted, her eyes glazed with fear, "I can't perform in front of a group of people. Especially not that song. I can't even sing!"
"What? Lilly! Of course you can sing. Well, when you think people aren't around to hear you. I've heard you in the shower, heck, the whole building has and you're actually pretty good."
Lilly was still shaking her head, "No way. I can't do that, it's an insane idea."
Jess was really smiling now as her eyes twinkled mischievously, "Lilly, the best ideas are usually the craziest ones. After hearing all your hair-brained high school schemes, I know you understand that better than anyone." Yet, as the blonde girl remained irresolutely silent, Jess could only sigh, "Well alright, but we'll see how you feel about this after you've given it some thought."
"It's so not going to happen." Lilly stated defiantly whilst crossing her arms in front of her stomach.
"We'll see about that." Jess remarked with a sly grin on her face.
The following day, Lilly had returned to an icily cold St Louis just in time for an early supper with her family. The drive back with her brother from the airport had been light and full of funny conversations about her first term at college, whilst her brother contributed amusing tales from his medical classes. Her mother had welcomed her back with a familiar embrace and trails of tears that had run down her cheeks when she had sighted her daughter. Lilly had grinned sheepishly as Heather Truscott attempted to invade her privacy and wean college gossip out of her, but she held strong and was finally allowed to unpack.
Once the plates from their first complete family meal had been cleared from the table and her father had been placated with Lilly's assurances that she was studying hard, the blonde left the room to make a much needed phone call.
"Hello?"
"Hey Ollie, guess who?" Lilly squeaked down the phone.
"Is that you Santa Claus?" Oliver replied sarcastically.
"Ha. Ha. Very funny Oliver. No, of course it's not Santa, it's me! The one and only Lilly Truscott." She chirped brightly.
"Oh no." Oliver teased lightly, "Not you again."
"Yup." Lilly's eyes were twinkling as she instantly felt comfortable talking to the boy who she had not seen for so long.
"Alright, so what's up Lils?" Oliver asked as he settled down into a chair in preparation for Lilly's conversation.
"Well, I just thought I would ring to double-check to see if I'm still allowed to stay at yours for New Year?"
"But of course, you didn't think my plans would change, did you?"
"Nope. I know that you cannot survive for much longer without me by your side bestest buddy."
"Too true. And I even still have all the flight details saved on my computer so you can put your mind at ease; the Ollie Trolley is coming to get you."
Lilly smiled as she heard the grin in Oliver's tone, "Excellente. So, what exactly is the plan for New Year anyway? Last time we spoke you gave me a list of possible parties and told me that we'd choose later on."
"Oh yeah. Well, it's all planned out now actually."
"Oh right, cool! So, where are we going?"
Oliver cleared his throat and paused whilst he ran his fingers through his thick, brown hair, "Well, actually, we're going to Miley's."
Lilly's eyes widened out of shock and the simple mention of the brunette's name, but she quickly shook off the feeling, "Oh right. Since when?"
"Erm, since Miley called me like an hour ago and told me that she's having this party thing to get the old Malibu kids together again. She asked me to invite you along because she knew I'd be talking to you later."
"Okay then." Lilly replied shortly.
"So, that's the plan then?" Oliver asked.
"Yes indeedy. Plan Batman." Lilly babbled.
"Are you alright Lils?"
"Sure, I'm fine. Just peachy. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Because you're acting like a weirdo. Look Lilly, I've known you for too long to know when something is floating around that simple little mind of yours. Now come on, spill."
Lilly gulped before fiddling with a strand of hair as her mind sought for an answer, "Well, nothing's really, really wrong. I just, well, I just feel a bit weird at the moment."
"Oh right." Oliver answered, sounding puzzled and Lilly could imagine the confusion blurring his expression, "Why do you feel weird?"
"I don't know." Lilly responded vaguely.
"Yes you do." Oliver interrupted, "Come on Lilly, let's just cut to the chase, what's got you bugged? Is this to do with Miley?"
"Kinda." Lilly said, her insides twisting painfully.
"Well, if you're still worried about her liking you, then don't because she's got that boyfriend guy at the moment."
"Yeah, I know that."
"Oh. Then what's going on with you and Miley? I gather you haven't been spending much time together." Oliver sounded thoughtful for a moment, "Yeah, actually, what's with that? You're meant to be B.F.F's but you never see each other anymore."
"Well, that's because things are a little complicated."
"Oh really? How so?" Impatience was beginning to grow in Oliver's voice and Lilly knew that he was just assuming the usual, melodramatic girl issues, which she and Miley used to plague him with all the time.
"For one, we're both studying real hard. For two, we live on opposite sides of campus and have different friends, and for three, she has that boyfriend now." Lilly replied, hoping that Oliver would not notice the touch of disdain in which she finished her sentence.
"Okay, well I can understand the first two would only be minor issues, Lil, so don't put them out there as a massive problem." Oliver replied shortly, "So, what's wrong with Miley's boyfriend? Is he a jerk?"
Lilly sighed in frustration, "I don't know. I've never met the guy. He sounds… nice."
"Oh. Then what's wrong with him? Surely it's a good thing, especially for you, now Miley's getting over you at last?"
Lilly winced, wishing that Oliver would magically know the answer so that she would not have to say it out loud to him, "There's nothing wrong with him. And yeah, it is a really good thing for Miley, and in that sense I'm happy for her."
"Then what the hell is the problem Lilly?" Oliver asked, yet his tone was gentler than his words and Lilly found herself shaking.
"W-well, it's kind of strange…" She began, and quickly checked for the possibility of lurking family members. On seeing no one else around, she surreptitiously lowered her voice and hugged the phone closer to her ear, "You see, Miley doesn't like me like that anymore." Lilly paused, but quickly took Oliver's silence to mean that he wanted her to continue, "And that's great, for her."
"What?" Oliver took this moment to softly intervene, "Do you still want Miley to like you? Why on earth would you want that? It's torture for her."
"I know it's torture." Lilly breathed quietly and her vision was disturbingly becoming more blurred.
"Hang on." Oliver muttered, as his voice etched with the beginnings of realisation, "How exactly do you know?"
Lilly gulped; visibly trembling now and she lowered her voice even further, "Because I feel it too. Oliver, I'm in love with Miley."
Oliver was temporarily shocked into silence and Lilly could only wait, nervously hanging onto the phone, until he finally found his voice to speak, "Woah." He then took another breath as he sought for words, "God. That's shit timing Lils."
"Ya think?" Lilly responded with a roll of her eyes.
"Does she feel the same way?"
"How the hell would I know?" Lilly answered back morosely, "She's got that Will guy now and the last time I saw her, she seemed pretty damn happy to be in a relationship with a boy."
"Oh. What are you going to do about this?"
"Ollie, there's nothing I really can do. My fingers are tied because I'm either going to make a fool out of myself or… well, that's really the only answer. And then she'll never talk to me again." Lilly resolved in defeat.
"Lillian Truscott, you always make a fool out of yourself, so there's nothing new there." Oliver spoke back strongly, "Why don't you try? I mean, next time you see her you should say something, or do something to let her know you feel the same way. And when you talk about Miley never speaking to you again, erm, hello? She was brave enough to bare her heart on her sleeve for you and did you stop talking to her? No. You hadn't been talking to her, but when you knew that she needed your support, you were there for her one hundred percent. Don't you think that Miley would do the same for you? She's been there, had those feelings and now she's finally pulled through. Don't tell yourself that you're not strong enough to do it Lilly; don't give up on Miley either. It's a part of you, and there's nothing wrong with just being yourself. It's more than enough."
Lilly was stunned as Oliver's words hit her hard, stinging slightly from truth and she chewed her lip in anxiety. Finally she took a breath and smiled before replying to Oliver, "Thanks for the pep talk Ollie. You should have been a cheerleader or something."
"You're welcome Lils. And FYI, I was too busy watching the cheerleaders to ever have the inclination to join."
Lilly chuckled at the doughnut who had never failed in coming through for her when she needed him the most, "You know, for a dumb boy, you sure do give good advice and make a girl feel real better." Lilly mumbled affectionately.
"I know. That's just my charm, baby." Oliver smirked down the phone.
Lilly giggled, "Alright then, baby. Well I'd better go now before I inflate that head of yours any further tonight."
Oliver laughed, "That's probably a good idea."
"Yeah. Speak to you later though and see you very soon!"
"But of course you will."
"Oh, and Ollie?"
"Mmhmm?"
"Thanks again."
"Anytime Lilly. Bye."
"See ya." Lilly hung up the phone and sat for a moment in quiet contemplation. She was on the cusp of two different frames of mind, the primary was to hide herself away and avoid Miley at all costs, perhaps then she could get over her feelings. Yet the latter, and the more practical, was to face her demons and finally confess the way she felt to her beautiful brunette. Miley had done it to her in the first place, and Oliver was probably right, her friend would be there to help her through, yet that would almost certainly make it more difficult. Lilly sighed, only time would tell.
The rush of the heaving ocean which surged only a stone's throw away from her balcony had held Miley's attention for the past ten minutes. She had only opened her French windows to step outside for some fresh air after her epic cleaning session that morning, yet the sea never failed to keep her enthralled. There was something poetic about the movements of the waves and, after living in Malibu for the past seven years, Miley knew that her love for the ocean would never die. She breathed in the sweet, salty air as she had done every day since her return for Christmas, before stepping backwards into her bedroom and closing the doors behind her. It was New Year's Eve and she still had her room to re-organise for the house party that evening.
Miley's father and brother were both out, attending separate events to the young brunette and she had been placed wholly responsible for tidying the house and making sure it was clean for their return the following day. So far the downstairs was strewn with banners and balloons, the lounge was cleared for a dance floor and all breakables had been stowed safely away. Now Miley had locked her Hannah closet and was re-making her bed for the second time that morning, just in case anyone should wander in during the evening. Just as she was standing up, after giving her pillow a sound plumping, Miley accidentally knocked over a photo frame which sat in pride of place on her bedside-table.
"Sweet nibblets." Miley mumbled to herself as she knelt down to pick the item up and check it closely for cracks. Fortunately the glass was still intact and the image of the two girls within the frame was unmarred. Miley smiled nostalgically at the photograph that she took everywhere with her, and gently ran her finger over the blonde girl who was grinning broadly back at her from the snapshot. Miley shook her head and sighed at the sweet memory from her days in high school before returning the picture to its regular spot, determined to resume her attention to her chores.
As if suddenly inspired, Miley lowered herself down to the floor until she was lying flat on her stomach in order to check underneath her bed. Miley knew that it was irrational to think that a visitor to her room would probe the underside of her bed, yet she wanted to be certain that she had taken care of all her dirty laundry. Sure enough, from her position, Miley spotted an unsightly pair of laced panties which she hurriedly removed with an embarrassed chuckle. She was just about to turn her attention away from the dusty gloom, when her mind performed a double-take and she threw herself to the floor once more. Miley slid a slender arm into the darkness and gradually managed to scrabble forward, panting slightly, until her fingers finally grazed something recognizable. She stretched out a couple of inches further to gain a good grip on the thing and soon she was able to draw it out.
Miley sat up as she held the old book in her arms and turned it over to glance at the front cover. The brunette bit down on her bottom lip in familiar anxiety as she knowingly stroked the hardback, which was lightly covered with a layer of dust that she shortly brushed away. Her old diary was bringing back a strange, fluttering feeling in her gut and the same image of blonde who was present in the photograph on her table was now seeping back into her mind. Miley shook her head and told herself that she was being foolish, yet curiosity was more powerful than her faulty reasoning and she opened the book to the first page, which signalled the beginnings of her tortured high school years.
Dear Diary,
Okay, so now it's May 19th and I am using you for the first time. I know that you were given to me for my last birthday and I was meant write in you about my thoughts and feelings at the time, but back then none of those thoughts are like anything that I'm feeling now. Okay, so for my future self or anyone who is cruel enough to invade my personal space and read this, I am 15years old and I think I'm going crazy. I mean, am I really weird or something? I went to the beach with Lilly today, and gosh, she looked so cute with her hair in two braids and one of her crazy hats on her head. So yeah, we got into our bikinis and then I turned around and saw her, and it was as if I was seeing her for the first time. I got this feeling in my belly and I felt as if someone had kicked me. I couldn't breathe momentarily and I know that I was beginning to blush. She had just bought this new and really cut bikini. It's pale blue with daisies on… but that's not the point. The point is that I've got this weird feeling for her and if I didn't know any better I'd say it's…well, I think it's a crush. Is that right?! I mean, I'm a girl. I can't be crushing on my best friend who is also a girl. Does that mean I'm a lesbian? Eurgh. I hate that word. I don't think I am. I don't like other girls in that way. I mean, I thought I might be so I looked at Amber in the locker room, cos the guys say that she's really hot, but I couldn't do it because it was weird looking at another girl like that. Plus she's Amber and she's a total freak. So why whenever I look at Lilly do I feel like laughing and crying at the same time? The feeling comes and it goes, sometimes I'm alright and then other times I'm such a dork and I get all upset for nothing when I see guys talking to her in the hallways…
Miley blinked and then flicked past her first entry, it felt strange to remember back to almost five years ago and reading the beginnings of her feelings for Lilly. She could recall feeling so terribly lonely, yet when Lilly had been around, she felt as if she was in the presence of pure life-force itself. These memories felt like they were coming back to life, springing up from the pages of her book as if to haunt her, but Miley did not seem mind and she pressed further into her past. Only a couple of pages later she came across the first poem she had ever written when she lived, hopelessly driven by love.
Everyday you walk into the room
And smile. Warmth spreads over
Your face as the grin becomes
A laugh so contagious I just
Want to join in. But I
Can't. Because I didn't
Hear the joke. I'm
Scared of looking stupid if
I just start laughing. But I
Act stupid anyway when I'm
Around you. So I just sit there
And smile, hoping you'll smile back.
Miley felt as if she wanted to cry when she re-read these words again and she thought back to the pitiable image of her younger self, sitting alone on her bed with happy tears streaking her cheeks as she thought of Lilly Truscott. Although the poetic skill was limited, Miley still understood the meaning. The brunette had grown so much over the years that she had begun to fall in love with Lilly, but now she closed the book, just as she had tried to close that very chapter of her life.
Her cell-phone, which she had left on her bedside-table, suddenly glowed as a message came through and Miley turned her attention to it at once.
Hey baby, I hope your party goes well tonight. Sorry I can't be there. Miss you –Will.
Miley's expression was blank as she lowered the phone, telling herself that she would reply to her boyfriend later before glancing back over the book once more. She let out a shaky sigh as her insides twisted in confusion, and she felt like she was betraying her former self.
"What?" Miley thought allowed, "What am I thinking?" She shook her heard in a statement of defiance, "Betraying myself? No way. I'm helping myself, this is a good thing. Four years ago I wanted this, so now I'm gonna be happy for me." Miley forced a smile and a nod in an act of optimism. She quickly pushed the old diary back under the bed, negating her previous paranoia that someone might search her room, and made her way downstairs to put together the final touches for the party.
A/N: So amidst the February snow showers I have managed to add to my story. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I quite enjoyed writing it. :) Oh and the poem is something I wrote in my younger teens lol I just thought I would bung it in there because I wanted to add something vaguely real to the diary entry.