next chapter is the last one, feedback is love :)

Laying there in her bed, Torrie felt like she actually knew what people meant when they said that they were heartbroken. It was like an everlasting numbness, like pain searing in her chest, like she was screaming at the top of her lungs on the inside..and no one would ever hear her.

Daylight brushed her eyelids as it slipped in from the crack in the curtains, it wasn't like she had been sleeping anyway...she had been awake all night just thinking. It had been like that since Trish had turned her away, she had been suffering this insomnia for over a week now. Her mind had travelled down a million roads and each one of them lead to the same conclusion, karma really was a bitch.

This was all her own fault of course, and she knew it.

When all this got started it had trouble written all over it...one drunken night doesn't usually lead to a happy ending. She should have known better...she should have saw it for what exactly what it was.

But back then all she could do was call it a mistake over and over again, yet if it was such a mistake then why did it keep happening? And then when she at long last did give in it was like she suddenly couldn't have enough of the Canadian. Sober or not she never should have let it happen that first time at the hotel, because one night of drunken pleasure turned to more nights of passion. She found herself leading a secret life and then all the new-found bliss turned to gut wrenching heart ache.

Trish had just been so unbelievably cold, so utterly detached to her...it was like a complete one eighty. While Torrie knew that Trish wasn't in love with her, it was a not yet thing in her mind, she never thought that it was all just crazy some ploy to the other woman. It was so surreal because she had been working so hard to keep Torrie, to make her realize that she wanted what she had to offer, only to push her away when the Boise bell wanted it all.

And she felt so bad for her mistakes, but what she felt the worst about was the fact that no matter what she had done to her...she still missed Trish.

A knock on the door disturbed her from her guilty thoughts, "Go away!" She yelled, burying her face in the fluffy pillow under her.

It only seemed to make the mystery person knock louder, but they wouldn't be a mystery person for much longer. "Let me in, it's me.. John."

She didn't understand how she didn't recognize the voice sooner, but she suddenly found herself dragging her body out from under the blankets to let him in. After what she'd done to him, she at least owed him that much.

Taking her time she opened the door for him, and he slowly stepped passed her to move inside of the hotel room. "I just really needed to see you Torr," He explained to her softly, sticking his hands down deep into his pockets awkwardly as he made his way over to the sofa.

Torrie didn't have a response for him, she simply followed him across the room and sat down on the near by chair. "John...I.."

He cut her off before she could finish, "No you don't need to say anything right now...just please let me talk."

Lowering her head she nodded in both frustration and submission.

"You hurt me, I'm not going to lie..it hurt really bad Torr. But what hurts even more then the betrayal itself is the way that I left things between us, I'm sorry how it turned out...I wish I would have been thinking clearly. I was too quick to throw it all away..."

She looked at him sincerely, "I'm sorry..."

But yet again he wouldn't let her speak, it was vastly becoming a trend, "I know you're sorry..." He said to her, taking her hand in his, "And that's why I'm here... I've thought about it and I'm willing to take you back. You made some mistakes but I know we can get through it, all of it."

The blonde woman snatched her hand back, "No John, listen to me for once! I'm tired of you cutting me off...and I'm tired of pretending that our relationship was something beautiful. I am sorry for what I did to you, it wasn't right...but what I'm really sorry for is the harsh reality that I don't want you back. This whole thing has made me realise that I just don't love you."

He looked at her disgusted, "Fine but don't come crying to me when you miss me."

Turning around she watched him rush from the apartment slamming the door as he went. That was hard but it wouldn't have been fair to take him back out of nothing more then pure pity. The love really was gone, and she sort of wondered if it was every really there at all, or was it just the comfort of him that she enjoyed? Torrie was starting to think she was more in love with the idea of John Cena then anything else. She couldn't remember ever feeling like she die without him, and even if things were only sexual with Trish (on her end at least), she knew the feelings on her own part were completely real.

Because right now she felt like she was dying without her.