I seem to be on an updating roll this weekend, but I'm guessing you guys don't mind that at all;)
As always my thanks goes out to those that take the time to read and review, your input is always welcomed and appreciated. Hopefully this doesn't disappoint, because I'm feeling pretty good about this chapter and I hope you guys do too.
You know the drill by now, I don't own SON, I've stopped pretending I do and I've even given up hoping someone will give it to me for Christmas!
Senior Year: The Reunion
Chapter 9: The push and pull.
Kyla's point of view.
They say that reality is always a thousand times better than what your imagination can come up with and I have to agree on that one, seeing as Carmen Garcia in the flesh is a thousand times better than anything I've imagined to date.
She's raw and intense, beautiful in an almost feral way, while still retaining such a hidden sweetness that few believed she had back in high school. I'd known her sweetness, her passion, back then, but you know how that ended up, right? Oh, the folly of youth...
Back to my original point though. Seeing Carmen again is a thousand times better than I'd managed to imagine in the few years that passed since we saw each other last. She lost the last semblance of childhood, her face having acquired a few signs of age, but it doesn't distract one bit from her attractiveness, hell, it just makes her hotter in my opinion.
Her face looks like that of a woman who fully lives her life, with small laugh lines forming next to that firm mouth of hers and frown lines from all that lawyering that she does I suppose. She's just magnificently comfortable in that toned skin of hers and it shows.
Yet the hotness factor doesn't manage to completely distract from the fact that she has a little boy glued to her hip.
It's...worrisome. I'm honest enough to admit that even if that child is hers, even if she's had some commitment ceremony and is living in utter bliss with some woman and two or three of their artificially inseminated babies, I'm going to put up a fight for her. Even if that woman turns out to be Spencer, actually, especially if that woman turns out to be Spencer.
Because we all know Carmen was mine first, and I was hers. That short lived relationship of theirs in high school was nothing like what happened between us.
The fact that we haven't been together for over ten years is just a...minor road bump. All the best couples have those, I mean look at Romeo and Juliet? They had their problems, right? Not to mention Sleeping Beauty, Snow White or that little robot that just wanted someone to hold his hand! All the great love stories have obstacles in the way before getting to the happily ever after part.
So I'm more than ready to work to get what I want and I want Carmen. Ashley can call me crazy all she wants, can blame my behavior on hormones or the fact that I'm possibly a little bit insane, but I know my own heart, know my own mind, and both mind and heart agree that Carmen Garcia is the one for me, always has been and always will be.
Just like Spencer was made for Ashley, as much as Ashley is currently ignoring that fact, I was made for Carmen. I really, truly believe that.
That doesn't mean I think it's going to be as easy as me walking up to Carmen and asking if she'd like to be my Baby Mama. Or my other baby mama or...uhm...you get what I'm saying. She's never been the kind to let herself be pushed around, not by me or anyone else, so she has to come to me out of her own free will. I need to prove to her that I'm what's best for her, she has to choose me.
So pushing her up against the hospital cafeteria wall and kissing her senseless is probably not the best way of going about that, but God knows that's what I want to do right now. Have I mentioned the hormones thing yet? Yeah, pregnant woman have a higher than usual sex drive, proven fact that. Still, I'm not stupid, there will inevitably be a crap load of talking and arguing before we get to the groping part of our journey. Oh to have a fast forward button for life, wouldn't that make things so much easier? I can't help sighing a bit wistfully and it seems to finally break the silence that fell over us as we settled down to sip at our juice.
"So...is that Aiden's baby?"
Ah, so she's been wondering about that, has she? I really like the fact that the thought that this could be Aiden's baby seems to upset her, hell, she looked positively green in the face just asking the question. As much as I want to enjoy that fact, there's something I've been worried about too...
"Is he yours...yours and Spencer's?"
She smiles and shakes her head, her eyes closing for half a second tightly before the smile turns into a grimace, like she realizes her question gave away more than she intended, but then so did mine.
"I asked you first."
I cock an eyebrow, because is that the best that a lawyer could come up with? That argument barely works when you're five! I think she realizes that, because she closes her eyes for a brief second again before giving me an irritated look. The kind of irritated look she used to give me, the kind of look that led to naked sexy time in the shower...
"Tommy is my sisters son, I just look after him sometimes. Spencer and I are just friends who happen to share living space, nothing more. Now back to you and your little bundle of unborn joy?"
My hand finds it's regular perch on my belly, the heat that my child is generating as he or she grows in me warming my palm. I never understood how a woman could love a child so much before she's even had the opportunity to hold them in her arms, but now I do. It's instinct, it's something imprinted in our DNA, something that only a woman will ever know. It's beautiful and scary and exhilarating, and I find myself again surprised as with a rush of emotion I realize Carmen is who I want to share that with. I want her to be excited about this baby, I want her to love it with me, I want us to be this child's family.
I still love Andre in my own way, he'll always be important and I know he'll be as good a father to this child as he can be, but it's Carmen that I want by my side when I raise my child. So I don't want to hear that tone in her voice, don't want to see that dark look in her eyes as she looks at my pregnant body.
"It's not Aiden's. We broke up..." Here I hesitate, because I'm not sure now is the time to bring up that terrible night in the hospital after she was attacked, the night she said she didn't want me and Aiden finally realized I didn't love him. "A long time ago, years ago. This is Andre Richmond's child, my husband."
She jerks slightly at the words, her face contracting with fleeting pain and surprise before she composes herself, but that half second of uncontrolled emotion is enough for me. It's enough for hope to bloom like a thousand purple posies in my chest, elation that she showed even just the slightest of reactions to my words making me positively gleeful.
"So you're married, that must be...nice."
The word seems to trip on it's way out of her mouth, like her tongue had some trouble forming it, or the taste of it was foul in her mouth. All good signs in my not so humble opinion.
"Hmm...I guess you could call it nice, but I prefer to call it boring, which would probably explain the whole divorce thing."
She jerks again, this time a little juice managing to escape the confines of her plastic cup and land on her pinstripe pants suit. Have I mentioned the outfit yet? Yup, she's all corporate looking, what with the black framed glasses, the hair that's pulled back into what was probably a neat French twist and the clothes that remind strongly of what lawyers wear in all of those cop shows. Is it wrong that I'm imagining her with a horsewhip in hand promising to punish me for being a very bad girl?
Probably, but that's the beauty of having inner thoughts, no one can judge you on them!
"So you're pregnant and in the middle of a divorce?! What kind of an assho...uh, jerk, leaves his pregnant wife?"
She sounds so incredulous and indignant on my behalf that I can't help smiling. If Carmen was still mad at me, if she really didn't care like she told me all those years ago back in her hospital room, then why is she acting like this? Why is she acting like she cares? Only reason I can think of is because she does care.
Call me over confidant if you want, but I'm thinking I have this in the bag. It's so not the impossible task that Ashley told me it would be, the whole winning Carmen's heart again thing.
"Actually, I asked for the divorce and he conceded, because we both know we're not in love, not like a married couple should be at least. We care about each other, but we're not...it's not..."
I search for the right way to explain it, to express what I know I feel for Carmen, but she seems to beat me to it.
"It's not gut clenching, breath stealing, lightning bolts and thunder crashing, all encompassing, drives you up the wall with craziness, passionate love."
I smile, my eyes locked onto that deep blue, concentrated gaze of hers that sends shivers down my back, as I nod my agreement. She knows exactly what I mean, because we felt that way about each other once. My satisfied smile is stolen rather swiftly from my face however...
"You do realize that that doesn't exist, right? I mean I see what supposed love is every day, with every pre-nuptial agreement I set up and divorce that I file, I see what it really is. It's hormones, it's stupidity, it's an illusion that people buy into when they're too young, or too dumb, to know any better and then they get decimated. There isn't love, Kyla, there's just respect and friendship if you know what's good for you. Because that whole crazy, intense love crap is only fleeting, will only hurt you in the end..."
She stops then, whatever else she wanted to say being swallowed down as she blinks rapidly for a second, as she takes a deep breath and seems to compose herself for the millionth time. I suddenly hate the fact that she's not exactly like the girl I used to know, that girl that spoke her mind passionately and didn't censor herself at all.
"What you had with your husband, that was probably far better and safer than what you're apparently looking for. If more people realized that the divorce rate in this country wouldn't be this high."
She sounds guarded, somewhat jaded, and that doesn't bode well for me. Apparently my confidence was a bit...premature. Well, I truly didn't believe this would be easy, but I really didn't expect another person spewing that whole bullshit spiel about true love not existing, or not being worth the pain. I get that enough from Ashley, whose still obviously pining over her true love, so I don't want to hear it from Carmen too. Besides it makes me feel that old guilt again that I hurt her, that this is just the product of my selfishness and stupidity.
Well, if I broke it, I can damn sure fix it! Kyla Richm...uh...soon to be Woods again, knows how to apply herself when the occasion calls for it. Spencer and Ashley's two year relationship proves that, since I orchestrated it and all.
"You really believe that? That settling is the better option when you could have something so beautiful, so unique and special, as real love? I don't think it's stupid and I don't think it's naïve to suggest it exists, because you and I both know it does. I guess it's just a matter of being strong enough to fight for it and not just sticking your head in the ground like an ostrich, because it's nice and safe."
And suddenly the passionate, argumentative, challenging girl I used to know and love appears. She's up out of her chair, her face alight with indignation and anger, but it's beautiful and open and it excites me beyond comprehension. This is what I missed, this is the fire that's been absent from my life for too many years!
"I'm the coward? I'm the one that wants nice and safe? If I am, it's only because you chose those things first! So don't waltz into my life and judge me, because you made me like this!"
Then I'm out of my chair, my blood pounding in my ears and my eyes seeing nothing but Carmen, nothing but her heated gaze and her firm, set lips.
"I know, and now I'm trying to say that I'm not that person anymore! You're just being too thick headed to understand me. God, I was a child back then, I was young and scared and I made a mistake and I'm sorry, but I know better now!"
Carmen scoffs at me and rolls her eyes, her face darkly flushed as her chest heaves with strain, as she fights in vain for her previous cool restraint.
"You were a child? That's no excuse and you know it! I was young too, I was scared too, but I still...I still...I still fucking loved you, Tink!"
And then there's thunder bolts and lightning crashing, there's stars exploding and bells ringing, there's every cliché you've ever heard as my heart basically implodes in my chest, because that's the first time she's admitted it to me. I stopped her all those years ago from saying it, from saying the words that now make me quiver and ache with need and expectation: She loved me and...and she called me Tink!
Then suddenly we're kissing, we're fused together by lips and breast and hips. There's no time, there's no world, there's no blame or anger, there's just us. There's the cool slide of her lips over mine, of her hands in my hair holding the back of my head as she moans and arches into me. This is life, this is food and water and shelter, this is everything that I'll ever need to survive.
She's my breath, my heart, my future...
"Uhm...excuse me? Ladies? Would you mind..."
Then there's nothing but space between us, when moments ago there was only heat and passion. Oh what a cold, cruel word we live in that would rob me of this moment!
"Aw, Tink, now why the hell did you have to go and do a thing like that?"
She still wanted this, wanted me, I could tell by the way her heart beat so fast against my own chest that it forced me to fall into time with her, match her beat for beat, breath for breath. This was the way we were supposed to be, the way our bodies and our hearts and our breaths happen in perfect synchronicity, this should have been our past.
We simply weren't made to match as faultlessly with any other human being on this planet, each of us a jaggedly cut half of the perfect whole. We had both tried to force a fit with someone else, had tried to smooth down our edges or chipped away at them, but no matter what we did it was always a painful process that was inevitably destined to fail.
I'm finally tired of trying to fit a circle into a square, if you know what I mean, and I'm going to make Carmen realize that fact too. Even if she fought me the whole way, even if she threw back into my face every stupid, painful, unfair thing I ever did to her, because we fit and deep down she knows that too.
When I finally pull my gaze from Carmen, it's too see some plump old nurse standing there, her face blushing heavily and her eyes darting uncomfortably between me and Carmen. Carmen's just standing there blinking, her chest still heaving, but now I know it's with passion and not anger. Well, maybe anger too, but there's definitely more passion there...
Hey, did she lose a button? Uh, that's strange, a minute ago she had all her buttons intact, I'm sure of it...unless...Oh. I guess I maybe ripped one off? Uhm, oops?
At least that explains why the poor nurse lady looks so mortified. Guess those pregnant hormones really kicked in there, didn't they? Well color me embarrassed.
"I'm sorry to interrupt ladies, but...uhm...you're scaring the children."
Then I blush as I realize we probably just attacked each other like two hungry animals in full view of the hospital cafeteria, all moaning and kissing and apparently groping.
"Right, sorry about that. Won't happen again, scouts honor!"
I put on my best smile, rub my semi swollen belly for good measure and watch as the nurse wearily nods her head and scurries off. Time to face the music though, because I finally notice that Carmen isn't just standing there any more. She's shouldering her handbag and lifting her nephew out of his chair and onto her hip.
She's running. Expected I guess, but still disappointing.
"Before you leave, give me your number."
She stares at me like I've grown horns and sprouted a beard, but I ignore it. She's not slipping away that easily, I have plans for her.
"Your number and your address, because I'm picking you up tomorrow night for the Prom Redux thing. You're my date."
Her jaw drops and her eyes bulge, but I push forward anyway. Seconds later I shove a pen and paper into her hand and fold my arms, nothing but resolve in my face. I think it's more out of pure stunned surprise that she actually takes it from me and rather mechanically writes down her information.
"Do you want my number?"
She drops the pen back into my hand and scowls, like she's finally come out of her haze and realized whats happening around her. That I might have taken slight advantage of her surprised state for my own benefit. I mean sure I said she had to come to me, that this had to be her choice, but I never said I wouldn't nudge her along a bit.
"No, no I don't want your number, what I want is to..."
My phone ringing cuts her off, but I'm pretty sure the words 'strangle you' was about to leave her mouth. I hold up my hand when I notice Ashley's picture on my screen.
"It's Ashley, I should take this."
It is indeed Ash. A very pissed off sounding Ash, whose threatening to leave me at the hospital if I don't meet her out front where she's got a cab waiting. I figure I've used all my luck for today, so I agree to be there as quickly as possible. Which turns out to be pretty quick, because when I turn back to where Carmen had been standing, she's not there anymore.
I'm not blaming her for that though, because I'm guessing she needs a little time and space to process all of this. See how great an almost girlfriend I am? I'm all considerate of her feelings and stuff, despite wanting desperately to find her and continue mauling her in a supply closet or something...
Outside I'm greeted by the sight of rainclouds and thunder and no, I'm not talking about the actual weather. Ashley's face is stormy and I know that she's upset and angry and probably a thousand other things right now. I knew she wasn't going to walk out of this hospital happy, not while she still told herself she was over Spencer Carlin, but I didn't expect that level of pain to be hidden beneath all that anger.
My sister is lost, has been for years now, but right now she looks positively desolate and...heartbroken.
"Are you okay?"
She looks at me like I just gave her a rattlesnake for Christmas, like I'm either demented or stupid or both.
"I'm perfectly fucking fine, thanks for asking."
Then I'm manhandled, or Ashelyhandled, into the waiting cab without much fanfare. She's quiet next to me, the faint scent of vomit still clinging to her, but I try not to focus on that. Pregnant woman tend to vomit easily and profusely, a fact that I'm sadly well aware of.
"So...I'm guessing things didn't go so well after we left?"
I get the death stare of doom and a healthy sneer thrown in for good measure as answer.
"No, she's a bitch."
Right, sweet Spencer Carlin who just happens to not only be a great person, if I remember correctly, but who now also seems to be doing one of the most selfless, under appreciated jobs in the world, is a bitch.
"And why exactly do you say that?"
Ashley swivels my way so fast I wonder how her head stayed attached to her body.
"Why? Because she fucked me up so badly all those years ago and now..." She swallows and runs a hand through her hair, her movements jerky and agitated. "Now she's all 'I never stopped loving you, I just stopped loving myself' and shit. I mean really, like that's supposed to fix things? Like I'm supposed to just forgive her for everything, because she admitted it was all her fault and not mine. Well it's eight years to late for that, baby!"
Then Ashley is huffing in her seat like a toddler and I can only shake my head. She's fighting so hard against the inevitable and she doesn't even realize it. Poor thing is in for a big surprise when she finally pulls her head out of her ass long enough to realize that she's probably already halfway past forgiving Spencer.
"Oh yeah, that must have been so horrible to hear. I can't even imagine what it must have been like to hear her admit she loved you, that she was sorry about what happened. I guess it was infinitely better to keep believing she never loved you at all and didn't ever regret treating you like crap. The horror of it all!"
Heavy sarcasm has it's place, trust me, and when dealing with a self pitying Ashley it's sometimes a necessity.
"Oh ha ha, Kyla, that was really funny, I'm swallowing a lung I'm laughing so hard. Don't think for a minute I won't throw your pregnant ass out of this cab if you keep...irritating me."
I just roll my eyes and ignore her comment, because when she thinks I'm not looking she stares at my belly for ages with this wishful smile on her mouth. She'd never in her life kick a pregnant woman out of her car, because babies make her all gooey inside.
"Yeah, whatever. So did Spencer tell you she and Carmen were living together?"
And then I'm actually worried she's really swallowing a lung, because she's sputtering and turning an unbecoming shade of blue.
"As housemates! That's all, it's completely platonic as I understand!"
The sputtering eases off a bit, but I find myself still sinking down into the uncomfortable cab seat, withering a little under her gaze. I finally decide that it's maybe time I left Ashley to do some quiet contemplation, and maybe do a little of my own, ensuring a violence free trip home for me.
Ashley, not so surprisingly, doesn't stay for coffee, but simply drops me off and leaves without a word in the back of the cab. I don't want to worry about Ashley, but I always have and I always will, so that's what I do for the rest of the day. Well that and replay the sock rocking kiss I shared with Carmen in the hospital.
I'm still not sure who kissed who first, but I know that she didn't resist a second of it, so that's good. The passion is still there between us, now I just need to address the issue of trust. She can trust me with her heart, completely and utterly, but I know it's not going to be that easy to convince her of that.
So my day goes by and I welcome the night, knowing that I'm going to have nothing but good dreams. And I do, but those dreams are disturbed pretty early when Ashley phones me at just past seven in the morning, her voice quietly asking me for Spencer's address.
"Ash, are you okay?"
If you could hear her voice, so small and timid, you'd ask her that question again too, because this is the version of Ashley that worries me the most. When she's unguarded and fragile, her feelings so exposed and raw that you feel her pain as if it was your own, she breaks my heart.
"No, Kyla, I'm not okay. I just...I need to see her, so I can...I need to see her, please?"
It's the 'please' that gets me, because Ashely for the most part demands, or simply expects things to come to her. So it's very seldom that you hear the word please from her and it tells me that she's feeling pretty damn desperate.
"Okay, Ash, just give me a minute."
Her voice hitches a little, like she's so relieved it's forcing itself out of her in the form of tears.
"Thank you."
So I give her what she asks for and then spend the rest of the morning trying to not phone her. She needs to settle things between herself and Spencer, that much is clear, and I know that means a talk that's uninterrupted by her nosy stepsister.
A decision that turns out to be a mistake, because just after ten I get a phone call from Ashley's cellphone.
"Hey, Ash, how did it go with..."
I'm cut off by Carmen's gruff voice, the tone making me tingle pleasantly for a few seconds until her words sink in and the sensation fades.
"Not Ashley, and the reason it's not Ashley is that she's currently passed out in Spencer's bed, drunk as a skunk and fucking with my best friends heart. Mind picking her up, before I throw her out?"
Great, seems like every time I think any of us has taken a step forward here, we're actually stumbling a few steps back...
- - -
So did you like? I know it seems like I'm rushing with all of the couples, but I'm probably going to hit the brakes soon with them, so enjoy it while it lasts! (laughs evilly!)
Okay, hopefully you'll review if you enjoyed it and if you do, you might as well tell me whose POV you want next. Ashley or Carmen?
You choose, either could work for me at this point.