Closed Book
Disclaimer: I do not own HSM
AN: Okay so this is the fifth chapter and the ideas are still flowing through my mind. This is totally new for me so I have no idea how long this story will end up being.
Gabriella Montez
I think I'm going crazy. Not surprising. Someone living like me should have gone crazy long ago. Yesterday I actually almost told Troy everything. Troy of all people! You'd think if I was going to tell anyone it would be Taylor! Thank goodness I got a text to bring back to reality. Not saying I liked that text because it's quite the opposite. The text merely reminded me of why I'm going crazy.
"Gabs! Gabriella!!" Oh great, it's Chad.
"Hey Chad, what's up?"
"Nothing much, can you help me with something?" Of course, why else would anyone need to talk to me?
"Sure."
"I knew Troy was wrong." Huh?
"Wrong about what?"
"He was just talking crazy about how I should give you a break because you have your own problems or something like that. I don't know. He wasn't making much sense." He's telling people I have my own problems!?
"What else did he say?" Hide your anger Gabriella. Hide it. Okay, good.
"I don't know. He said that you are too nice to turn down people but you really don't want to help them. Crazy right? It's not like you two even know each other."
"Yeah crazy. Look Chad I really gotta go" I'm going to kill Troy.
"Hey! What about my problem?" I can hear him calling behind him but I really can't handle that right now.
Drama class, Troy is going to get an earful.
"Troy, hurry up and sit down." Oh would you look at that. He thinks I'm going to tell him my problem! HA! Any chance of that happening is officially gone now.
"Hey, what's up?"
"Why would you do that?" Oh yeah. I'm jumping right into it.
"Do what?" As if he doesn't know.
"Tell Chad I have problems and that I don't want to help him!"
"But it's the truth." Honesty, pfft.
"Don't give me that crap Troy! If I wanted people to know any of that then I would have told them. What gives you the right to tell people things about me?"
"I was just trying to ease your load."
"Well don't! See, this is exactly why I don't tell people things! Because then they tell other people and the list continues! You are lucky Chad's stupid and doesn't believe anything you said."
"Gabriella, keep your voice down unless you want more people to know that you aren't just a nice girl who loves to help people." Honestly I don't know if I can keep my voice down. For the first time in years I am losing control of my emotions. I can't let this happen! Not around people! Not around Troy!
"I'm out of here." And with that I'm gone. Walking fast enough to get out but not so fast it will start people talking. Keeping my face as composed as possible before I reach the roof.
Ahhh the roof. My hideout. My sanctuary.
Apparently my hideout isn't so secret anymore. Honestly this kid has only been here for just over a month and he already found my hideout. What is the world coming to?
"Hey."
"You are the last person I want to see right now."
"Well, I'm all you got right now." God, I hate him.
I'm not going to answer him.
"Look, Gabriella. I'm sorry alright. I didn't realize that I was revealing something about you to Chad. I thought it was common sense that everyone has their own problems. I didn't know that you are seen as some almighty person with no problems of your own." Almighty? Ha, very funny.
I'm still not going to answer…
"So I'm going for a monologue then. I get that. But Gabriella if you ever want time to figure out your own stuff you are going to have to turn some people away. You can't go on trying to fix things for everyone else. Especially since you can't even fix things for yourself! Now I'm sure no one else notices this but I can tell that you are going crazy with stress!" So what if I am?
"I still don't understand what this matters to you! Why are you so obsessed with trying to help me? You are being such a hypocrite!" It sounds as if I decided to talk again.
"Hypocrite?"
"Yes! You tell me that I can't handle everyone else's problems but then you come and try to handle mine!"
"I'm not trying to handle your problems. I'm trying to get you to handle them for yourself which it appears you are not doing."
"How would you know? You don't even know what my problem is!"
"You're right. I don't know what that problem is, but Gabriella? Let's face it. You have more than one problem on your plate." I guess that's right.
I'm going back to not answering, I liked it better.
"Ahhh. So she's not talking again. Alright. I have one question for you. Are you okay?" Whoa, hold up.
"I – uh, -- did you… just" Good job Gabriella, nice use of words.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that."
"You just asked me if I was okay." Way to go captain obvious.
"I know. And I'm still waiting on the answer." He makes it sound so casual.
"I – uh, well. No one has ever actually asked me that you know?" Oh god. I just said that out loud.
"Really? I can see that."
"What do you mean you can see that? Are you saying no one cares about me?" Well I guess that's true but still.
"No, no! I just meant that no one thinks you have problems so no one feels the need to ask if you are okay."
"But that's the thing! They are my friends! Aren't friends supposed to be the ones who know when something's up? How come none of my friends ever notice when I have something going on and then you come here and less than 2 months later you know exactly what's going on with me? See before I thought it was just because I was an excellent actor but now you've proved me wrong there because you see past everything just by looking in my eyes – which I still think is weird by the way." Wow, I think that's the longest I have ever talked without it being advice to someone else.
"Gabriella, you're friends are great people." I know that. I love them. "They don't realize what's going on with you because you don't give them anything to work with so they just assume everything is fine."
"Then why do you know everything isn't fine?"
"I'm an eye-reader remember?" I laughed.
"No seriously."
"Seriously?" I nod "I notice because…. well honestly I don't know. I guess it's because I'm new here so I'm not used to the way you act and I could tell it was off. I'm sure if any of your friends were just meeting you for the first time they would notice too." I guess that makes sense. I have been working this lifestyle since 7th grade.
"Okay fair enough. But I still don't understand why you care?"
"I'm still trying to figure that one out myself." What is that supposed to mean? "Hey, you never answered my question before." That's not surprising.
"Which question are you referring to?"
"Are you okay?" Oh, that one.
"Uh. Honestly?" I look up to see him nod "No."
I must be going nuts. I just told Troy Bolton I'm not okay. I hadn't even admitted that to myself yet!
"Okay." Okay? That's all he has to say?
"Okay? That's all you have to say?" Hmmm... Now I repeat my thoughts out loud word for word it appears.
"Yup. What did you expect me to say?" Good question.
"I don't know. In case you've forgotten I don't do this often."
"Me neither."
"Then how can you act so calm and casual like its all second nature?" So now the word thoughts means words.
"Geez. It sounds like your talking about dating for the first time. Gabriella. This is just talking. Talking shouldn't be as difficult as you are making it." He has a point.
"It's not like I do it on purpose."
"Isn't it though? You try so hard to keep people out and to mask all your feelings and thoughts. There must be a reason behind it all." So what if there is?
The bell rings.
"Looks like we missed drama."
"Don't change the subject Gabriella. And I don't care if we miss all our classes." I. DON'T. UNDERSTAND. THIS. BOY!
I'm going to sigh loudly to show my annoyance and admit defeat. Let's face it, this is bound to come out sometime whether I decide to tell it or not.
He noticed my sigh and is looking at me more intently if that's possible. And he's waiting…
"Okay, now I will tell you my reason on two conditions."
"Anything."
"One: you mustn't interrupt while I speak. And Two: I don't want to hear your opinion until I ask for it so don't offer it. Got it?"
"Got it."
"Alright. So, it started in grade seven. Believe it or not, I used to be a normal person."
"Gabriella, you are normal –"
"HEY! I said no interruptions!" He motions locking his mouth. It appears we've gone back to being six.
"As I was saying… Grade Seven. My parents were having a fight which wasn't unusual at the time. It started out like any other fight until my mom started to bring me into it. She was yelling at my dad for something stupid when she started saying things like 'Do you have any idea what this is doing to our daughter? She cries at night because of you.' And then my dad would rebuttal with 'me? You think this is all my fault'. Now I know this doesn't sound like something too major but for some reason it really hit me. I felt like my mom just told my dad a secret I only shared with her. She told him that I was scared of him. And before he left us that night he said 'I'm leaving. Maybe now our daughter can live a happy life'. Now I know when most parents separate they always tell the kid it's not there fault but how can I believe that when he said he was leaving to make me happy? Why would he think having no father would be in my best interest? And I always thought. If I didn't tell my mom that dad's yelling scared me then maybe he would still be here. So, since that day I vowed to never share my feelings."
"What did your friends say when your dad left?" Damn, I forgot to tell him he couldn't ask questions.
"It was like they were constantly waiting for me to break down. I kept telling them it was just a divorce and it happened all the time and eventually they got past it and stopped asking questions." Why am I telling him this again? No one knows this. Damn Gabriella, what have you gotten yourself into?
"I'm not going to tell anyone if that's what you think."
"You told Chad earlier."
"That was a mistake. One I won't make again, and as stated earlier I really didn't think I was telling him anything." I know...
He's biting his lip, obviously holding back something. Now I'm curious.
"Okay, you can tell me your opinion now." I better not regret this.
He let's out a sigh of relief just as another bell goes… only one more period until the end of the day.
"Don't worry. I think you're going to like my opinion." I better. "I think… that is a perfect reason to hide your feelings." Really?
"So you don't think it's stupid?" I can't help but sound hopeful.
"Of course not. Gabriella. You were in grade seven! No one expects you to act rationally when something like that happens! And I'm sure your parents didn't mean to bring you into their fight. I'm sure the divorce was inevitable and they were just looking for any jabs to throw at each other." I know he couldn't possibly know that but it's still nice to here.
"But you still think it's stupid to act the way I do." Of course he does.
"No, I think that was fine behaviour… at the time. I think it's stupid that you have carried this on for so long."
"Why? I was comfortable so I felt no need to change my attitude."
"I get that. But the older you get they more difficult this attitude is going to get harder and more stressful because other people problems as well as your own are just going to get bigger and bigger."
"I don't think mine can get any bigger." I hope I mumbled that low enough.
"It could always be worse." Of course he heard it.
"But how do you know that?" I hadn't noticed that I was crying until now. I haven't cried since seventh grade… I reach up to touch the foreign tears.
"Fair enough, I don't know. But I do know you are one strong person and can probably handle anything." He's just noticing my tears. "I take it you haven't cried in a while?"
I chuckled lightly and shake my head. "How come I'm telling you all this? Why are you able to bring this out of me before I even decide to tell you?"
"It's because we're not friends remember?"
"I didn't mean that Troy, We –"
"No, don't!" I hate being cut off.
"What?"
"I would prefer if we weren't friends because then you wouldn't tell me anything." He's got a point.
"I don't think I would have a choice. My mind seems to make decisions without me these days."
"Well I'm glad." For some reason so am I.
AN: Wow! That is quite the long chapter!! I use a lot of dialogue. I kind of like it hehehe. Review? And I would have continued this chapter until I noticed how many pages it was!!