I'm guessing most of you thought I'd abandoned you again, but I've really just been a bad writer with a severe case of the lazies...

I apologize for that and hope that this update makes up for it, despite not much happening in this one. I don't honestly know how many chapters I've got left in this story, but I don't think it'll be many more. I guess I'm thinking of wrapping it up in another four or so, but we'll see how it goes I guess.

As always thank you for the kind words and the subtle (and not so subtle) hints that I need to update more. Lol.

Senior Year: The Reunion

Chapter 12: Dare you to move...

Spencer's point of view.

"Oh, well."

A beat of silence follows the voice drifting into the room, my eyes still closed, but conciousness slowly starting to seep in because of it. I ignore it, snuggling closer to the warmth I find myself wrapped around and sigh contentedly.

"Oh, well, what?"

Vaguely I register Carmen's voice, but I'm tired and warm and perfectly happy to tell myself I'm just dreaming.

"I mean oh, well, I was actually hoping they were at least groping each other in their sleep or something, but they're just snuggling."

I frown when the thought finally hits me that this isn't some wacked out dream I'm having, I'm actually hearing voices in my room.

"Hey, snuggling's good, don't knock it. I prefer seeing them snuggle a thousand times over walking in on them naked or something. That would be scarring to say the least."

I finally pry my eyes open when a rather loud snort is heard. I'm disorientated to say the least, because not only am I staring at the back of a head covered with tangled, brunette curls, but I'm pretty sure my former best friend and my current one is standing beside my bed arguing about walking in on me...naked?

The hell?!

"Right, you would be absolutely horrified to walk in on two hot chicks, naked? Do you really think I'm falling for that one?"

When I turn my head, my hands and body simply refusing my orders to pull away from the body they're currently wrapped around for some reason, it's to the sight of Carmen giving Kyla a smirk and a small shrug.

"Well, I guess if you put it that way..."

I blink twice just to make sure I'm fully awake and actually seeing what I'm seeing.

"Uhm...guys?"

Two sets of smilling eyes turn my way and I find myself blinking again. Blinking in shock and confusion, because is that really Carmen Garcia standing in my room, looking years younger than she did a few hours ago when I saw her last? Her smile is almost blinding when she throws it my way and I almost swallow my tongue when she gives me a wink and then proceeds to meld herself against Kyla's side.

What the hell happened in the hour or two that I've been asleep? And why the hell is my arm so numb?

I turn away from the goofily smilling faces of the two woman looming over me and turn my attention to my numbed arm and the cause of it. With a start I realize that Ashley's still next to me in bed, fast asleep and pinning my uninjured arm underneath her. My other arm, the one with the cast around the wrist, is being gently cradled against her belly, her own hands covering it softly with our fingers clumsily tangled together.

My heart stills for a minute, just bathing in the still familiar sensation of waking up with Ashley, heat trapped between us and her smell lingering on my sheets and skin. God, it's enough to set my body alight and to set stars exploding off in my mind's eye and instinctively I find myself pulling her in closer. I have to fight off the cavewoman inside me that tells me to growl ferosciously at the unwanted interlopers until they pee their pants in fear and run away, leaving me alone with my woman.

Hmm...I think I've been spending too much time with Glen again, because his neanderthal ways seem to have rubbed off on me a bit. Then through the fog and the loud chants of 'mine, mine, mine, mine' in my mind, my body finally comes fully awake and I remember this morning and everything that was said.

Ashley isn't mine, might never be again, despite what my baser instincts are loudly shouting in my head. So I sit up and gently pull away from Ashley, depsite every fibre in my being protesting the action.

"Oh good, you're awake."

I nod at Carmen, opening my mouth to talk when pain shoots through my wrist and I have to take a moment to swallow down the pain.

"Yeah, I'm awake, but why's that good again?"

I'm really wanting the answer to that question, because currently being off in dream land seems a thousand times better than being awake and facing my reality that consists of a busted wrist, and even more painful than that, a broken heart.

"Why? Because as much as I love you, Spence, I gotta tell you that you're pretty much stinking the place up. Ever heard of taking a shower after sweating half your body weight out?"

I'm pissed off for a whole two seconds, then I take a sniff and realize that Carmen is pretty much on target. It doesn't help that Ashley smells like a distillery next to me either. Together we're pretty ripe and I wriggle my nose in distaste.

"Uhm...yeah, you're right, I kinda stink."

My shirt is plastered to me in a sticky, sweaty mess and I feel pretty gross now that I've got all my faculties about me again. Ugh, I'm pretty sure I'm actually looking as gross as I feel, both inside and out.

"Nah, you don't...hmm...smell yummy actually."

I'm not sure who's more stunned, me or the staring duo beside the bed as Ashley flips over after she spoke and basically buries her face in my lap, apparently still happily caught between sleep and wakefulness.

Or she could still be drunk, I'm thinking that's a pretty viable option too right about now. Which means I have to do the honorable thing here and get my ass out of bed before I embarrass her and myself anymore.

"Ashley, come on, it's time to wake up."

She turns her head a fraction and one bleary, brown eye looks at me through a half open lid, the white of her eye blood shot.

"Pretend time over?"

The softly asked question has me biting my lip to keep from...I don't know, maybe crying my eyes out? I almost find it strange that while I was the one begging her for us to just pretend forever before we went to sleep, she's the one that seems most upset about the fact that we can't now that we're awake.

"Yeah, Ash, pretend time's over I guess."

For a second I feel her hand that lay against my hip tighten its hold, her fingers digging itself into my flesh almost painfully, like she's holding on for dear life, but then the hand is gone and she's sitting up.

She's rumpled and hungover, sadness coating her very being as she rubs her eyes like a small, tired child, the gesture making my stomach muscles clench as I fight the urge to pull her back into my arms. To take her back to a place where she could pretend and so could I, and we could be happy, or at least blissfully ignorant of all the crap that waited for us in this world.

Crap that was all our own fault, because we fell in love too young, too hard and probably too fast all those years ago.

"Right, so you two need to shower and get dressed, because we're going shopping!"

Kyla's bright and cheery voice gives me an instant headache and by the way Ashley flinches, she's feeling pretty much the same.

"We are?"

Carmen seems just as surprised as I am by the announcement when she turns to Kyla, but once again I don't miss how they both reach out and touch each other lightly, how Kyla's hand brushes my best friend's arm or how Carmen actually stands there and nuzzles her cheek for a second.

"We are, because I want to look absolutely stunning tonight for you and I'm expecting you to return the favour. So since we're going, they might as well tag along and not sit here and wallow in abject misery."

Abject misery? Does she even know what that means?! And since when is she going with Carmen, who coincidentally was supposed to be my date for the evening even though she hadn't known about that little fact yet. Great, this is just fanfreakingtastic. My date, as platonic as it would have been, just dumped me for a pregnant chick, my wrist is in a cast and I'm going stag when I face masses of people that tried to eat me for breakfast back in highschool.

Oh God, Madison Duarte and her chronies are gonna have a field day with me. Not that I'm scared of the crazy bitch, because if worse comes to worse I could probably get away with shooting her if I go about it the right way...

"Earth to Spencer, come in Spencer! What you smiling about, Sunshine?"

Carmen's looking at me with her head cocked to the side and her eyebrows raised to the heaven, looking strangely like a dog asking for a treat and my smile, absurdly as it sounds taking into account the toiled bowl that is currently my life, broadens.

"Do you think I could take my gun to the Reunion?"

Carmen twitches her nose once, Kyla cups a hand over her belly and Ashley blinks rapidly as she stares at me. Okay, maybe that wasn't the right thing to say right about now.

"Uhm...nevermind, doesn't matter."

For a beat no one speaks, then Kyla, who I assume is the ring leader of this little ambush, steps forward and puts her hands on her hips and glares at both me and Ashley. Isn't it funny that a pregnant woman could turn out looking so intimidationg if she wants too?

"Now didn't I make myself clear a little while ago?" When Ashley and I simply glance at each other in question and then look at her again, Kyla sighs. "Get up! Go take a shower and be ready to shop till you drop in no more than twenty minutes!"

She sounds a little like a drill sargeant and the policewoman in me reacts automatically as I stumble out of bed and fight down the urge to reply with 'Yes, Mam!'. Ashley's a little slower in getting up, but when she's finally standing next to me she looks a little panicked.

"Uhm, I don't have any clothes to wear."

Her dress, probably once a sleek little black number that would have successfully fried my braincells the night before, is now a rumpled mess with suspicious stains on it.

"That's okay, Carmen's almost your size so I'm sure she's got a pair of jeans or something you could borrow, right my little Sugar Muffin?"

Carmen just about swallows her tongue and gives Kyla the look that people always give those flashers in the park. All startled and horrified, while still coming off angry.

"Sugar Muffin? Are you out of your freaking mind?! God, I almost think I'd prefer Ghetto Barbie! My name's Carmen, or if you must call me Garcia, but if you ever intend to get me out of my clothes in the not too distant future, you will not, I repeat NOT, call me Sugar Muffin!"

Righteous indignation looks good on Carmen and by the way Kyla gives her the once off with a slightly leery look in her eye, she notices that too.

"Ooooh, you know what it does to me when you get all riled up like that, don't you Sugar Pie?"

Before they lay into each other or rip each other's clothes off, I'm not sure which would be more horrifying at the moment, I step in and clear my throat.

"Uhm, so Carmen, maybe you could let Ashley use your shower and get her some clothes while I get cleaned up?"

I turn to Ashley for confirmation, but she's looking at Kyla with a frown on her face, muttering something about 'baby hormones' and shaking her head. God, I swear everyone in this room is a special brand of crazy. Me included probably...

When I've finally cleared my room of groping friends and a morose ex-girlfriend, I make my way to the shower I generally use upstairs. When the door finally shuts behind me and I can't hear voices from downstairs floating up anymore, I finally crack.

The tiles are cold beneath me as I sit and stare at my hands, my breathing coming slowly and evenly despite it feeling as if my heart is beating my ribs ragged. Everything is just happening too fast for me to keep up with. Carmen, usually so cautious when it comes to relationships, is practically hooking up with Kyla. Who broke her heart, or whose heart she broke, whatever, years ago. It's so obvious she's jumpimg in blind here and that has me worried, because she's gone through so much to get where she is today and I don't want to see her hurt again.

More disturbing than that though is Ashley. Ashley who shows up drunk on my doorstep and kisses me, tells me she's sorry for letting me down and then tells me we'll never be together, despite the fact that I'm not a moron and can see she still feels something for me. Oh God, my head is five seconds away from exploding and I'm just not prepared for all of this. The walls close in on me then and it feels like I can't even breathe in here.

"Shit, pull it together, Spence. Don't have a panic attack, just breathe. Breathe you mongoose!"

My chest finally obeys my commands and drags in air, somewhat loosening the tight band that settles around it when my thoughts wandered to Ashley. I can't sit here forever though, can't afford to let my worries take over and end up dead on the floor from a heart attack or anything, so I force myself up and strip, my clothes a forgotten bundle on the floor as I open the shower door.

When the cold water hits me I shudder, but I ignore the sting and close my eyes, lean myself forward and rest my forehead against the tile as I let the water rush down my body. I give myself a minute to just stand there, to just close my eyes and settle my mind a bit.

I'm Detective Spencer Carlin, for God's sake! I put murderers in jail everyday, I used to go undercover when I worked in narcotics, no gun and no back up sometimes and I always made it through. I've held a gun in my hand, had life and death depend on my actions and words, I'm tough God dammit!

I can surely face going to the mall with Ashley Davies.

"So suck it up, Spence. You're not that weak little girl anymore, you're not eighteen, chubby and completely screwed in the head and you sure as hell know which way is up these days. So act like it!"

I'm not sure giving myself pep talks out loud is healthy, but it beats the chest constricting fear of earlier. With that in mind I grab my body wash and get down to business, scrubbing my skin untill I'm pink and tingly, my hair washed quickly but vigorously and ten minutes later I'm heading to my room with a towel wrapped around me.

I find my oldest and most favoured pair of worn Levis and tug them on, throwing a tight t-shirt on and slipping sandals on my feet to finish off my little ensemble. I look like a beach bum, but I'm at my most comfortable and that suits me just fine. My hair takes me a few minutes to dry and I leave it hanging loose down my back.

When I pound my way down the stairs I can hear voices in the kitchen, so that's where I head. Carmen's got coffee waiting for me and I take a cup gratefully, frowning when she shoves a muffin in my face and then places a pain tablet down in my palm.

"Drink that."

I give it a quick look and when I'm happy it's just normal Ibuprofen, I do as I'm told. Arguing with Carmen is like arguing with a...well, with a laywer. Which she is obviously, so sometimes even I have to admit it's a loosing battle.

Ashley's sitting sullenly on one of the kitchen chairs, her head a mass of wet ringlets and smelling of strawberry shampoo as she sips coffee and stares out the window. I'm guessing she didn't give herself any pep talks in the shower then...

"So we're really doing this? Getting dresses and then heading to our high school reunion tonight to hang with losers we didn't even like back in the day? God, I hope Madison picked up wait at least, maybe that'd make things semi bearable."

I'm trying my best to keep the mood light, because after this morning and the day before, I think I've had as much darnkess and angst as I can handle at any given time. Carmen gives me a smirk and a small nod, as if saying thank you. Thank you for what I'm not sure, mabye for at least trying to make this situation slighly less awkward and painful than it could be, or for going at all for that matter.

"True, but it would be even sweeter if Aiden turns up bald and beer bellied. Yeah, that'd be a real nice surprise."

Carmen's smile as she talks is pure malice and I can only smile as Kyla smacks her in the stomach and rolls her eyes. Still, Kyla's look is indulgant and nothing but loving, making me take a deep breath and trying to clamp down on the flutter of nerves I can once again feel. Like I said before, this is a lot of stuff happening at once that I'm supposed to process. Kyla, Carmen, Ashley...yeah, that's a lot in my opinion.

"Okay, if we do this, we do this in my car though. Carmen drives like a spazz and I doubt that little sports car out front could hold all four of us, so I'm voting for the Mustang."

Carmen sniffs and gives me an eat shit look.

"I drive just fine, it's everybody else in L.A that has the problem. I mean hell, if one more little old lady cuts me off I'm gonna crack a skull or two. Besides, do you think you can drive with your wrist? The doctor told you to take it easy and you've already ignored that by going running for hours this morning."

I roll my eyes at the strangely mothering tone in Carmen's voice and give her a look of my own.

"It wasn't more than ten miles and I was gone for no more than an hour and a half, so stop exagurating. And I can drive just fine, so for once could you not argue and just go with it?'

Actually, my wrist is pulsing with pain, but I really don't like other people driving. I think I might have a touch of the control freak in me when it comes to that, because I even fight with Carter about this and he's the best driver I know.

So that's how we end up in my car, Carmen and Kyla having made a not so sublte dash to the car to procure the back seat, leaving Ashley up front next to me. She hasn't said a word yet, she's just sitting there, her eyes fixed to the dashboard as I pull into traffic.

"Uhm...so I guess you're taking your girlfriend tonight? To the Prom Redux thing?"

I don't want to ask, don't want to hear anything about the woman she spoke to on the phone the day before, but I don't know how else to start this conversation, not after how we left things this morning.

Ashley seems startled by my question, her eyes finally meeting mine as she swallows and then licks her lips.

"Patrice, yes, she's going with me tonight. She's a...uh, she's an actress, you might've seen her in something before?"

The question is awkward and stilted and it's so obvious she's answering not because she wants to but because she doesn't want to seem rude. God, is this what it's come to? Polite small talk after we basically massacared each other emotionally a few hours before?

"The name doesn't sound familiar, but I don't watch movies much these days, at least not movies that aren't either animated or has that Zac Efron boy in it. Man, Julie really likes that guy."

It's true, unless it's Wall-E or High School Musical number 5646789, I don't really watch anyting else. The kids have free reign on the t.v and the same when we go to the movies, so mostly I'm watching a movie with Julie drooling over he-who-needs-a-good-shampoo or with Tommy just...well...drooling really.

Ashley seems to straighten in her seat and suddenly all her attention is focused on me, so much so that I almost end up ramming the car in front of me when we pull up to a red light. I kinda forgot how absolutely distracting it can be when she pins me with those dark eyes of hers...

"And I guess Julie's your date tonight then?"

I frown in total incomprehension, ignoring the snickers from the peanut gallery in the back seat as I chance a quick look at Ashley.

"Uh, no. Why would I take a twelve year old to my Reunion?"

Ashley blushes for some reason and slumps down in her seat, her hand coming up to rub at her forehead as she throws me a look and gives me a grimace that's half pain and half smile.

"So Julie isn't your girlfriend then. Gotcha."

Oh. Oh! She was jealous! She was totally jealous...and I'm not sure I should be as excited about that fact as I am. It still doens't change the fact that she definately has a girlfriend and made it clear she doesn't want anything to do with me romantically.

After that I decide polite conversation isn't really going all that great for us, so I simply flick on the radio and drive to the mall as quickly as I safely can.

- - -

An hour at the mall and we're nowhere nearer to having dresses than we were when we arrived here to begin with. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up wearing the pants suit I had picked out for the occasion if things go on like this.

Kyla is a shopping monster, she really is. She's had us traipsing from shop to shop and she insists on trying everything on. I could live with that really, but she keeps making me try a bunch of dresses that there is no way in hell I would ever wear in public on as well.

"Come on, Spence, this blue one would do wonders with your eyes and colouring. You have to try it!"

I bite the inside of my cheek and give Kyla a small smile, trying my hardest to keep my irritation to myself, because even Ashley and Carmen seems to be enjoying this. I haven't really seen Carmen flutter like a butterfly before, but she's doing a pretty good job of it today. I guess it helps that everytime she tries on a dress Kyla fawns all over it...

So I make my way back into the changing room and for the fiftieth time today strip my clothes off and slide a rather slinky soft dress over my body. I don't even bother looking in the mirror, I just fling open the door and make my way out to show Kyla so I can get this over with as quickly as possible.

Only thing is Kyla's nowhere in sight when I step out, but Ashley's there. Ashley who gives me one look and swallows hard before she turns away. She's halfway down the small hallway and into another little dressing room when she stops and casually speaks over her shoulder.

"You should take that one, it..." her voice seems to crack a bit and she quickly clears her throat, "it looks beautiful on you."

Two steps later she's inside and wanting to close the door, but my hand planted firmly against it quickly stops her.

"Uhm..."

That's all she gets out before I shove past her and close the door behind me. It's cramped with two people inside, but I try my best to ignore the small slither of space seperating our bodies as I look into her eyes.

"Look, we need to talk. I mean I know what you said, that we can never be...that we can never get back what we had, but can't we at least try and be friends? Can't we at least stop trying to ignore one another and get past this? I don't want to lose you again, Ashley. I've lived through that once and it was almost more than I could bare and I refuse to go through that again."

I'm not sure what I expect her to say, but desperation floods me as she simply stares at me in silence.

"I just want you in my life, okay? And I don't care if it's as a friend or a casual coffee buddy that I see once a month, I just care that you're in it, that I can at least have a number to phone if I just want to hear your voice and know that you're okay. I just...please just let me have that, I know I don't deserve it, but please..."

I can feel tears start to burn in my eyes and the back of my throat closes up, but I keep my pleading eyes on her. I know I'm begging, I know I'm throwing what little self respect I had left out the window, but I can't let her go again. I just really can't.

I'm not stupid enough to think we can magically fix things and fall into each other's arms, but is it really that much to ask that we can sit down and hold a civil conversation? Is it wrong that I want just that small piece of herself if she'll give it to me?

I watch as a hand shakily makes it way up to my cheek, feel as it settles softly against my cheek and the air that leave my lungs is filled with relief.

"Is that a yes?"

Ashley drops her head down, but her hand remains and I cover it with my own, willing my warmth into her skin, willing it to melt a little of the ice around her heart.

"I don't know if we should do that, Spence. I don't think it's a good idea, I don't deserve..."

Her brown eyes are swimming in unshed tears when she finally looks up and I don't really think, I just react. My arms are around her and without having to think hard about it, I know what she was going to say.

"You don't think you deserve to be in my life? Ash, I don't deserve to be in yours, or in Carmen's, or my parent's for that matter, because I've hurt you all, but sometimes whether you deserve something or not, you want it enough to look past all of that. It's shelfish of me and wrong, I know that, but not even I'm strong enough to..to take that away from myself. So I'll fight to stay in your life now, I'll fight you with everything in me until you see reason and let me be your friend."

Ashley finally pulls back and my heart almost leaps out my throat when I catch her half smile as she looks at me.

"You're really not going to back down on this, are you?" I shake my head no and she gives another half smile before biting her bottom lip slightly. "It's not going to be easy."

I nod my head and give her a little more space, happy that I've at least got her to agree to this one thing. This one small thing that will probably hurt me and heal me in equal measure...

"No, no it won't be easy, not at first, but we'll get to know each other again and we'll talk about everything that happened and maybe one day, maybe it'll be years from now or maybe just weeks, we'll look at each other and it won't hurt so much. Maybe it'll be easier and in the end I think that makes it worth it, don't you? Don't you maybe need me just a little bit too, Ash?"

I'm a little surprised when she basically slumps against me, her face tucked neatly against my neck as she puffs out a soft breath against my skin that tingles.

"Yeah, maybe I do need you, Spence. Maybe just a little..."

- - -

Okay then, hope that didn't suck to badly. I was trying to keep things just a tad lighter than the other chapters since they were, well, rather depressing I think. Also if there's more spelling mistakes then usual, it's cos my stupid spell check thingy wouldn't work:( Sorry.

Let me know what you though, yeah?

Next I'll try to get an update out for either Bad Reputation or The Prodigal Daughter. You guys can pick which one really, so let me know.