So I promised someone an update as a belated birthday present, and surprisingly enough I've managed to deliver one. It's not the best I've done so far, but I've been blocked on this story for so long I decided to simply muddle through.
Anyway, to those that read and reviewed the previous chapter, my thanks as always. It always make slaving away in front of the computer just a tad bit more worth it if I know you at least enjoyed it a bit;)
Senior Year: The Reunion.
Chapter 13: Dressed for success.
Kyla's point of view.
People, in my humble opinion, are pretty damn stupid.
They're stupid, because they live their lives in fear. Fear of violence and heartache, fear of disappointment and embarrassment, hell, some people fear life itself! Ashley happens to be one of those people. She's shut herself up tighter than an oyster, never letting much in that could possibly hurt her.
I'm not saying this isn't a very natural defence mechanism, but do I really have to remind you all what happens when a grain of sand does wiggle its way into an oyster? All I'm saying is a little hurt now could lead to pearls later, people. Pearls! A thing of pure beauty that's born from something decidedly ugly.
Okay, it's born from something that's supposed to make you really horny, but that ruins my rather nice analogy, so I'll just ignore that part...
Back to my point. Ashley is missing out on so much love, so much joy, simply to avoid the little bit of pain and work that goes into achieving it. She can't see past her hurt, can't find a bit of courage to reach out and fight for the one person that could make her happier in this world than anyone else. I think that deep down she realizes this, that she knows in her heart that Spencer can bring her back to life again, but she's just too scared to do anything about it.
See? Stupid. It's just all so stupid. Ashley is stupid for being scared and Spencer is stupid for being so Goddamn noble that she feels she doesn't deserve being with Ashley. They're two frustrating morons if you ask me, but that's not going to stop me from showing them the error of their ways. Oh no, don't let it be said that Kyla soon-to-be Woods again is scared of a little stupid, because hello? I did date Aiden for a good few years, so I'm not a stranger when it comes to stupid.
I don't care how long it takes or how mad at me Ashley gets, I'm going to get her past her fear and give her her happy ending. I know I promised that I'd stay out of her business this time around, but would you stand idly by and watch a person walk blindly into rush hour traffic? Would you stand out on the street and watch a house burn down without going in to help the people inside?
Of course not! And I know that comparing Ashley's dilemma to a house burning down is maybe not exactly accurate, but it boils down to the same thing. Would you sit back and let someone get hurt themselves if you know there's something you could do to help them? I'm just not built to do that, so I won't. Ashley can bitch all she wants and Carmen can give me those worried eyes, but I'm a do-er, not a thinker!
Well, of course I'm a thinker, but you know what I mean, right? Anyway, so I'm doing something about this whole mess. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not going to lock them in a room and threaten to throw away the key until I hear grunting sex noises or anything. I know you can't fix something that took years to be broken, in one night. That's not my intention at all, no. What I want to do is give them time. Time has been my friend, has given me clarity on my own mistakes through the years and has brought Carmen back to me. Time took away Carmen's anger towards me, has softened her heart so much that all it took was one kiss and we both knew things could work out again for us.
Am I sorry that I had to spend all that time away from Carmen to get to this point? Yes, yes I am, but I also know that for us that was the right thing somehow. We needed time apart to fix ourselves, we needed that distance from each other to think clearly and find our feet. Spencer and Ashley though? They've spent the time apart wallowing in darkness, as melodramatic as that sounds.
They've had time, but the distance from each other hasn't helped them at all. So I'm giving them time, but I'm giving them time together. They don't get to push each other away again, don't get to stay in their little corner of self blame or guilt or anger and huddle the day away. Uhuh, they are going to spend time together and they are going to like it. They need to be reminded how nice it is to just soak up the sun a bit, you know? And we all know they're each other's sunshine, each other's happiness, don't we? Well, I sure do and I'm going to remind them of that fact.
So we're going shopping. For Prom dresses.
A little juvenile perhaps, but no less perfect as a bonding exercise than any other really. Besides, I missed doing this the first time around, didn't I? I'm honest enough to admit I'm doing this for myself as much as for Spencer and Ashley. I never got to go shopping for a dress with my best friend in high school, because I pushed her aside. I haven't forgotten that I've hurt Spencer too, that I owe her an apology for choosing Aiden and a 'normal' life above being her friend.
"Hey, what're you thinking about, you look miles away."
Carmen's voice is a low grumble in my ear and I find myself shifting just a little closer to her, smiling a little sadly when I smell perfume at the juncture of her neck and not the well remembered scent of warm, freshly baked bread. I remember walking into a bakery not long after seeing her in hospital after the rape and breaking out in tears in the middle of the shop, because I was over run by the scent of baked goods and it reminded me of the day we made pancakes and love.
God, you don't even want to know what the sight of pancakes can still do to me...
"Nothing really, just...stuff."
Carmen nods her head once and smirks at me.
"Stuff, huh? Like schemes? Like how exactly you're going to stick your nose, along with mine, into other peoples business and play cupid?"
I'm about to get into a bit of a huff at the comment, but then I look into her blue eyes and I see the affection in them. I see the half smile curving up her cheek and I don't get mad, I just shrug a shoulder and kiss the side of her throat.
"Maybe I am...or maybe I'm thinking I owe Spencer an apology for some of the things I did back then."
Carmen frowns and looks away, her gaze on the scenery flying past us as we drive.
"Yeah, maybe you do, but I'm pretty sure she's forgiven you for that a long time ago." Then she finally turns back to me, her eyes half lidded as she stares at me. "You're easy to forgive..."
My stomach drops at the purr in her voice and my thighs quiver slightly. Holy hell, her voice does things to me that makes me want to forget the fact that we're in the back seat of a car with an audience in the front. Especially with her eyes flitting down to my mouth and her arm tightening around my shoulders...
God, whose stupid idea was it to go to the mall again?
I sigh and look straight ahead and Carmen laughs softly, like she knows exactly what she just did to me and I can't help but smile a little. She's a smug bitch, but she's finally my smug bitch again. Can't say I'm complaining about that fact.
I catch Ashley's eyes in the rear view mirror and give her a small smile, but she just rolls her eyes and turns away. Guess she's still a little bit embarrassed about her obviously jealous outburst from earlier. Carmen was shaking so hard with silent laughter next to me I think she might have rattled loose a lung or something! It was priceless though, Ashley being jealous of a twelve year old...
Just proves my point about how stupid people are, though, right?
When we finally hit the mall I'm happy to see that Carmen is smiling and even Ashley is perking up a bit. It's just Spencer that's kinda following us around like a lost puppy, but I suspect that's because she never was one much for shopping. I always had to drag her to the mall and that hasn't seemed to change one bit.
After an hour of fitting on a variety of dresses, I hit the jackpot. Not for myself though, but for Spence. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up buying the black dress I tried on in the first shop we hit, but I've been less than happy with what we found for Spencer so far. This dress though, changes that. It's a brilliant, soft blue that's going to hug tightly in all the right places and flow freely in the rest. I'm so excited I actually feel like bouncing up and down on the spot, but I choose to rather rush towards Spencer with the dress held reverently in my arms.
"Come on, Spence, this blue one would do wonders with your eyes and coloring. You have to try it!"
Spencer grabs the dress and grumps her way into the dressing room, leaving me with nothing to do but wait. Of course that idea basically flies out the window when Carmen pushes open the door of her dressing room and steps out wearing a deep red dress. It's a pretty simple design really, just a sheath of material that flows nicely down her legs and that holds itself up by wrapping over her right shoulder. To say it's gorgeous with her straight black hair draping down her bare shoulder is an understatement, but I try to find my voice to say so anyway.
"Ung...uhm..." Words aren't really working for me though, so I shamelessly give a little growl and shove her back into the dressing room. "Pretty."
It's all my muddled mind can come up with as I bury my face in her neck and nip at the skin. I find myself blushing in slight embarrassment when Carmen throws her head back and just laughs.
"I'm guessing that means I should buy this one?"
I nod as I make my way up her neck, my lips not really keen on doing something that doesn't involve kissing her right about now. I'm no more than half an inch from her mouth when her hands find purchase on my shoulders and I'm pushed away.
"Aw, come on!"
Carmen snickers a bit and leans forward, pecking me quickly on the lips before pulling away again.
"Sorry, Tink, but there's no way we're doing this in a cramped dressing room."
I pout to the best of my ability, giving her puppy dog eyes that would put any five year old to shame as I take a step toward her again. I'm pretty sure my hormones have taken over at this point and that I don't care that we're in a dressing room, all I care about is Carmen. Or more accurately, tasting more of Carmen right the hell now!
Hands cupping my cheeks halt my attack though, and the strangely tender look in eyes so blue they make me ache, steals my breath a little.
"When I have you, Kyla, and I will have you, it's going to be in a bed, with you flat on your back," A hand drops down to my stomach and cradles the life growing there gently. "nice and safe."
The care and thought behind what she's saying hits me squarely in the chest and robs me of what little breath I had left. This woman, this woman who I've hurt and betrayed, is showing me more love and consideration right now, than my husband or Aiden ever did. More importantly, she's showing my unborne child the same thing. I swallow down the tears I can feel pricking the back of my eyes and give her a smile.
"Fine, no sex in the dressing room, I get it."
She nods and opens the door to push me out I guess, but then I spot Spencer shoving Ashley into the dressing room across from us. Hmm....now what can that be about? When I turn back towards Carmen she's sporting a cocked eyebrow herself.
"We're not going to press our ears to the door and listen, so don't even think it."
I frown at her words and flip my hair over my shoulder, wondering how she knew that was exactly what I wanted to do.
"No, I guess we're not, but I am. You can just wait here I suppose."
I figure that wasting time and trying to convince her that I hadn't thought of that immediately would just waste time. Time I could spend with my ear pressed to that door...
So I don't wait for an answer, I just casually stroll over and press an ear to the door and listen, but as my luck would have it I can barely make out what's being said. Honestly, why do people insist on heated whispering when they have discussions? What's wrong with clearly projecting your voice so that nosy step-sisters could hear what you're saying?
Honestly, people these days are so inconsiderate...
Then a hand finds the back of my shirt and tugs insistently until I'm standing upright and staring into Carmen's frowning face.
"Tink, there's boundaries, you know? I mean I get that it's a bit of a foreign concept to you, but that doesn't mean you can just ignore them completely." She sighs and kisses me on the cheek. "Some of this stuff they have to figure out for themselves, okay? I know you want to help, and I'm sure you will, but let them at least try to work some things out on their own?"
Before I can answer though, the door I had my ear pressed against not so long ago opens. Spencer steps out first, her eyes looking over at us questioningly as we stand in the middle of the hallway. Then Ashley peeks over her shoulder and her eyebrows shoot up.
"Is my crazy-with-hormones sister trying to maul you in the hallway?"
Carmen gives her a smile and shakes her head, giving me a little squeeze as she does it.
"Nah, she tried that in the dressing room already. We were just waiting for you guys, since I think I found my dress and by the looks of it," She gave Spencer a quick look and smiled, "by the looks of it so did Spence."
The blond rolled her eyes, but a hand self consciously snaked down and smoothed out the blue material over her hips.
"Yeah, now I just need to find myself a date in the next..." She peeked down at her watch and frowned. "...five hours. Ugh, I'm gonna have to call Glen, aren't I?"
Carmen threw her head back for the second time in just a few minutes and laughed out loud. Ashley and I just gave each other confused looks.
"Oh, this is gonna be good. You remember the last date he set you up on? The one with the gym instructor?"
Instantly Spencer is blushing, and for a second she looks exactly like she did when we were eighteen. She's not a cop chasing down some kid in our old high school, she's not tanned muscle and handcuffs, she's just my old best friend nervously shuffling her weight from one foot to the other.
God, I never realized how much I missed her until right this second...
"Please don't remind me."
When Ashley and I both look at Carmen questioningly, she smirks and pats Spencer on her bowed head.
"Oh, she just tried to shove her hand down Spencer's pants in the restaurant's bathroom and the good officer here squeaked like a stuck pig, which ended up frightening a lady that was trying to pee two stalls down. So the woman comes barging out of the toilet with her pants still only up to her knees, because she thinks someone is being murdered or something, and finds Spencer pushed up against a sink with the gym instructor all over her. She screams bloody murder and five minutes later Spencer and her date are escorted out of the place and kindly asked not to dine there again."
Carmen is shaking with laugher, Spencer is red faced and huffing while Ashley's mouth hangs open.
"You almost had sex in a public bathroom?"
Spencer's head shoots up and she stares at Ashley, all indignant and hurt. This just has Carmen laughing harder and even I have to bite down on a knuckle to keep from giggling.
"No! She just attacked me with no warning and definitely no encouragement from me. I mean even if that lady hadn't interrupted us, I sure as hell would have stopped it." She brought a hand up to her face and rubbed her eyes once, letting a puff of air out after a second. "Actually, taking that into account, going stag might not be the worse thing ever..."
As funny as the story was, I can't help but be distracted by something.
"Okay, wait, let me get this straight. Glen, your brother, set you up? With a girl?"
Back in high school Glen had thrown an epic fit when Spencer came out. He'd publicly called both Spencer and Ashley some really horrible names and kept up his ranting that whole year and well into the rest of their relationship.
And now he's setting her up with horny gym instructors?!
"Yeah, after Clay...well, after everything that happened my family just saw things differently. Losing a brother, a child, it puts things into perspective."
We're all quiet for a moment, the thought of Clay and everything else that happened that night settling down over us.
"So now they take turns setting me up on hideous dates, because they're afraid I'm going to die an old spinster or something. I mean even my mother, and you remember how she was, gives it a try. Actually, my mother was the one that introduced me to my last girlfriend now that I think about it."
Ashley seems like she's having trouble not choking on her own tongue and actually grabs a hold of Spencer's arm, turning her towards her.
"Your mother, who once threatened to beat me with a turkey leg at dinner, introduced you to your last girlfriend?!"
Spencer just shrugs and smiles, apparently amused by Ashley's reaction to her statement. I can't say that I'm not surprise either, because Paula Carlin had been a bitch of a woman. And that's putting it as kindly as I can.
"Okay, before Ashley breaks her poor head trying to process all this, how about we get some coffee and something to eat? I'm starving here."
Once again I'm caught off guard as Carmen's hand drifts down to my belly and cradles it, her mouth sporting a small, gentle smile.
"I bet you are, I mean you're eating for two and all."
I watch as her fingers drift over my clothed belly, as she frowns cutely while concentrating on her actions. Something warm and gentle blooms in my chest, something so comforting and welcome that I end up sighing in quiet satisfaction.
Somewhere, deep down, I had wondered how Carmen would react to my pregnancy. I wasn't stupid enough to imagine that she'd be over joyed by the fact that I came with an almost instant family, that I was in the middle of a divorce, but this last hour has proven to me that I underestimated her. That I underestimated what she feels for me.
"You're pretty fantastic, you know that?"
Carmen cocks her head and looks genuinely puzzled by my breathy words, her eyebrows drawing together.
"I am?"
I smile and lean over, kissing her on the tip of her nose quickly.
"You are. You really are."
She smiles brilliantly at me and once again the urge to stuff her back into that dressing room and try my luck at getting her naked, bubbles up.
"You know, I wouldn't be surprised if some crappy Celine Dion love song started playing right about now."
I give Ashley the stink eye, but she just rolls her eyes and drags me down the hallway. Spencer and Carmen takes the time to change and then pay for there dresses, while Ashley and I quickly run back to the store where the dress I want is. Twenty minutes later we all meet up again at the food court, but before I can sit down at a table, Spencer takes me by the arm.
"We're going to the bathroom, so you guys can just order for us, okay?"
She doesn't actually wait for an affirmation, just starts barreling our way towards the bathrooms. Over my shoulder I catch Ashley and Carmen's eyes, but they seem about as surprised as I am over Spencer's little kidnapping scheme.
"Uhm, Spence? Why the sudden rush for the bathroom?"
She gives me a look, all slitted eyes and pursed lips, and I suddenly realize this is what she must look like when she's facing off with a suspect. There's an instant aura of power, of simmering malice beneath her skin, and it makes me take a step back. This woman in front of me, with her suddenly cold eyes and her firm grip, she's nothing like the Spencer from ten years ago.
"We need to talk, you and I, and I'd rather do it in private."
That said she continues on her way and I'm stumbling gracelessly to keep up. It feels like that time I slapped Cindy Carlson in fourth grade and got dragged to the principles office. Only I'm pretty sure Principle Sanders didn't own a gun....unlike Spencer.
I'm still looking to see if I can spot a bulge that would indicate she's packing heat, as they so eloquently call it on all those cop shows I tend to watch, when she stops us in the middle of the mall's brightly lit bathrooms.
"Okay, spill it. What are you doing making kiss-y faces at Carmen when you're obviously pregnant and," She grabs my left hand and I'm mortified to spot the wedding ring I've yet to remove, "married?"
I gulp. No, really, I actually gulp. You would too if you saw her face, if you felt phantom hands reach for your throat and squeeze in anger.
"I'm getting divorced, honest! I'm not planning on sneaking around with her or something, my intentions are...uhm...entirely pure."
Except for the part where I want to do dirty things to her in the dark and have dirty things down to me...but Spencer doesn't need to hear that right now.
"You mean that? Because I won't stand back and let you hurt her again, Kyla. I simply won't. She means a lot to me, I love her as much as if she was my own sister, and I won't see her hurt, not again. I want to be your friend again, I really do, but that doesn't mean I'm going to turn a blind eye to what you did to her back then."
She's blunt, to the point and unapologetic when she says it, and I believe it. If I hurt Carmen, I'll have to deal with Spencer. My relationship with Carmen will directly affect my friendship with Spencer, and if things go wrong, she's making it clear that she'll choose Carmen over me.
It hurts, to hear that from the best friend I probably ever had, but that doesn't change the fact that she has every right to say it. Carmen's been there for her over the last eight years, they live together, they have a life they've built that deeply involves the other and I've...
I've been the cause of a great measure of hurt for both of them. So I don't get to be defensive now, I don't get to be hurt or angry at her words. I only get to stand here and promise her I'll do my best, because that's all I can honestly say.
"I mean it with my whole heart, Spence. I love her, I have loved her since I was just a girl, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to love her 'till we're both gray and wrinkled. Just like I hope you and I can be friends until we're both gray and old. Look, I wanted to wait before having this discussion with you, but I guess now is as good a time as any."
Spencer raises an eyebrow and leans against a counter, her arms crossing over her chest.
"What discussion is that?"
I swallow once and bravely look into her eyes, warmed at least a little when they don't seem to be shooting poison arrows at me anymore.
"The one were I tell you how sincerely sorry I am for what I did to you in high school. Where I tell you I've regretted losing your friendship almost from the first second that fight started in the kitchen that morning. I was scared and you...you were so strong then, Spence. I saw how you held your head high, how you held Ashley's hand in your own as you walked the halls of that school and I was just so ashamed of myself. I was just so scared of how I felt about Carmen, about what it meant for my future and you were a reminder of how much of a coward I had been..."
I swallow, surprised when old hurt and regret rushes through me and I have to swallow hard to keep from choking up.
"I've wanted to make it right for a very long time and I have my chance now, not just with Carmen, but with you too. What I'm saying is....can you forgive me?"
Then once familiar arms wrap themselves around me and I sigh in relief.
"I've forgiven you a long time ago, Kyla. I think part of me wasn't even all that mad really, just disappointed and worried for you. Besides, I wasn't exactly acting like a saint that morning either, I said things that hurt you too, things I deep down knew wasn't true, but I still said them..."
I shush her quickly and just squeeze her harder, so happy to just be able to put it behind me that I don't care about the particulars right now. What happened back then is over, we can't change that, all I want is to move forward from it.
And I'm lucky enough to do that not just with Carmen, but with Spencer by my side as well.
- - - -
So yeah, I don't know if you'll like it or not, but I think there was at least one or two rather sweet moments here, so that redeems it for me!
Hopefully I'll hear from the few of you still hanging around reading this story.