EDIT!!!!!!
Hello readers! sorry for the excitement, no new chapter or anything, just wanted to give a shoutout to the amazing miss sketchyluls over at PHOTOBUCKET for her beauuuuutiful FANART that she has made for Redshirt!!! :DDDD
please check it out, it is AMAZING!!
Thanks again, sketchyluls!!!
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Everything was burning.
Every inch of my skin, from the tips of my fingers to my scalp, felt as though they were on fire.
The air was toxic.
Every breath I drew burnt my lungs and throat.
My eyes were closed, but through my throbbing lids I could feel the brightness of the radiation-flooded engine room.
"Spock!"
The voice sounded thick and far away.
It was Jim's voice.
I opened my eyes.
The room itself did not resemble death. It was so bright. So clean.
I stood, shakily, adjusting my jacket carefully.
I turned in the direction of Jim's voice.
Everything I saw was very milky and thick. The radiation was clouding my eyes.
I made out a human figure behind the glass.
Blindly, burning, I stumbled towards it.
I bumped into it much faster than I had anticipated.
My skin was bubbling, and as I hit the window, the skin on my chest seared.
I tried to angle my head in Jim's direction.
Yes, I could make out his face now.
"Ship..."
My voice sounded dead and gravelly. I sucked in another polluted breath.
"...Out of danger?"
I could feel his stare running over the blistering green skin on my face.
"Yes."
I nodded sternly. I had done it.
I looked up at my friend again.
"Don't grieve, admiral." I swallowed, bits of my tongue went down my scorching throat, "It is logical."
Logic.
Even now, when I was about to expire, it held me fast and tight.
All my life it had hindered me, but held me up. It made me stronger.
Even now.
I looked briefly down at my gloved hand.
I shut my eyes.
Somewhere, deep inside my brain, I wondered if I would be with her again.
Illogical.
I opened my eyes again.
"The needs of the many....Outweigh...."
My voice, rough and sick as sand, faltered.
In my head, I heard the phrase uttered in a sleepy little voice.
Jim's deep tone interrupted.
"The needs of the few."
I nodded slowly.
The room was beginning to go even more out of focus. Edges were blurring. Colors were running. The light was becoming suffocating.
"..Or the one." I added, trying to put the nearest thing to a smile on my burning lips.
One of my organs felt immediately as if it had disitegrated.
I hunched over for a moment.
Jim miserably put his hand up to the window.
I tried to stable myself.
"I never took.....The Kobiashi Maru test...Until now." I joked.
Joked.
Perhaps at a long last, I finally did.
"What do you think of my solution?"
If I could have chuckled, I would have.
My poor friend shook his head in agony behind the glass.
"Spock..." His voice was becoming a whisper now.
Another searing pain inside me caused me to double over.
I gasped in pain, only to breathe in more of this fire.
My knees buckled beneath me, and I leaned heavily against the window before sliding to the ground.
I turned to Jim, who had joined me on the floor.
"I have been, and always shall be...your friend!"
The little piece of humanity inside me that I had been repressing for all these many years, had survived the radiation.
It was the only thing that didn't throb now.
I shook the glove off of my melting hand.
I threw it against the window. The cold of the window soothed it vaguely.
My fingers were spread in the Vulcan salute.
"Live long...." my voice was becoming even more liquidy. Like thick mud. It cracked inaudibly. I was leaving Jim behind. It was logical. It didn't feel right.
"...And prosper."
On the other side of the glass, he put his hand up to mine.
I did not feel it.
I was alone.
My body became to heavy for me. I wouldn't be in it much longer.
My eyes closed.
I slumped heavily against the glass.
"No..." Jim's voice shuddered.
It sounded very distant.
The light felt even brighter now. My eyelids must have been thinning.
I dug into the long forgotten memories that I had kept myself from remembering.
For the first time in years, I allowed myself to recall Susan Perry's laugh.
It flooded my head like cool water.
It filled every crack in my brain, saving it. It soothed it, somehow.
The pain was gone.
The laughter trickled down into the rest of my body, curing the fire that had been curdling my green blood.
I felt cured.
For the first time since her death, I felt whole.
A shadow blocked out the light from my eyelids.
I opened my eyes.
The engine room was quiet.
A figure was standing in front of me, looking downwards at me curiously.
The light cast her face in a shadow.
Slowly, almost timidly, she extended her hand out towards me, two fingers held out together.
I stared at them for a moment.
It couldn't be.
The logic in my head seemed to knock upon my mind, begging to be let back in.
I wanted to. Oh, how desperately I wanted to.
However, that glimmer of hope, that insane wish that was growing in my mind refused to let it in.
"Who....Are you?" My voice no longer sounded gravelly.
The hand dropped sorrowfully, and then was sheepishly pulled behind her back.
The silence was deafening.
I needed to hear the voice.
I needed to know this was not some insane illusion.
"Sorry, Vulcan. I thought you'd remember me."
My heart exploded in my chest.
That was Susan's voice.
My Susan.
I attempted to scramble to my feet.
I made it all the way to my knees before I gave in, throwing my arms around her waist.
She was warm.
She was living.
It was her.
She stumbled a little at the force of my impact, but I held her tightly and closely.
And then I heard it: Her laugh.
It was no longer a fuzzy memory buried under years of scar tissue.
It was alive, it was falling all around me like rain.
"Susan." I whispered. My breath was heavy with this incredible joy.
I shut my eyes and felt her warm stomach against my face.
Her hands were excitedly running all over my head and shoulders, through my hair and across my ears like she wanted to be sure I was real.
"Oh, Mr. Spock!"
I felt her knees collapse beneath me, and she sunk to her knees as well.
She held my face in her hands.
Her face was practically glowing. Her eyes were bright and deep, the same sparkling stars that I remembered from years past.
"Mr. Spock, I'm so sorry! I-" She shook her head, her eyes glistening like the old black and white movies, "I didn't want to go."
Her lip quivered lightly and she slid her arms around me, burying her face in my neck.
"I didn't want to leave you..."
I could feel her hot tears on my neck.
I put my nose into her golden hair, holding her as close as possible.
"I'm sorry that my life went on so long." My low voice choked out.
She pulled back to look at me.
Her fingers ran along the deep wrinkles on my cheeks.
"No, no. You were wonderful. I watched you every day." She smiled, her eyelashes sparkling with dewy tears. "You are so brave."
I smiled.
I truly smiled.
I gingerly put my fingers to the side of her face.
I let out a short gasp.
I forgot how vivid her mind read.
All of the thoughts in her head were buzzing around, spinning gleefully.
All of the thoughts had my name in them.
Susan giggled softly and leaned her head forward,so our foreheads were touching.
I opened my eyes and looked at her.
Our smiles were reflected in the other's eyes.
And I kissed her.