Disclaimer: I don't own Maruma in any way, shape or form.

Written for: charille
Original Request: Fic please. Maou!YurixWolf gay-ish something. So that is incorporates... um... plants. Talking plants. Yes. Humor/Romance/Drama is fine. Angst = /3 Thank you very much.
Summary: Yuuri makes a wish on a fortune telling machine. Next day, he wakes up in Wolfram's body while Wolfram wakes up with the Maou in his head trying to get into his pants.
A/N: For those following Yuuri's Travels, no I haven't abandoned that fic (it's my ultimate fic that is very dear to my heart), I've just been stuck on the fifth arrival and one scene just refuses to get written. I blame it on the shiny shiny Wolfyuu scenes in the latest episodes. In the meantime, I hope this fic holds you over (10 chapters already completed).

Kyo Kara Wagamama Pu

Prologue

--A Gorgeous Frenchman in a Swiss Restaurant--

When she walked in the room, everyone, men and women, turned to admire her. And what was there not to admire. She had long slender legs that carried an elegant figure, red hair gathered at the top then cascaded down her back all the way down to her pert behind, and the brightest blue eyes this side of the pond. But it wasn't all this that made everyone gaze at her with a certain longing. Her face held a beauty that seemed out of this world. That sort of exquisite loveliness should only be found in the imaginary worlds of the Elysian Fields. It seemed out of place in this ordinary mortal world.

I was about to approach her (pretty as she was, I wasn't worried, after all, I myself had dated A-list models) when her companion walked in. He had an ordinary sort of face, tan, older, late fifties I'd say. His hair was still mostly black except for the streaks of white above the ears. I would mock him as being an over-the-hill man trying to recapture youth with his dark sunglasses but for the aura of power that surrounded him. I sat back down admitting defeat. So that's the kind of man this unearthly beauty preferred.

Chapter 1

--Yuuri--

Murata and I stared at the old-fashioned fortune telling machine. It was one of those that I had seen in an American movie about a kid that wished to be big. Except instead of Zoltar, it was a plant with a big giant bulb that looked like a cross between a rosebud and a Venus fly trap with big fat lips. Wasn't there another movie that had one of these?

"Little Shop of Horrors" my genius friend from the prestigious high school responded to my unasked question.

"Ah, I see," I replied, "Is this the new fad now? Putting mixed-up paraphernalia from American movies from the eighties?"

"It's the only one of its kind I've seen so far," he said as he put a 100 yen coin in. Several light bulbs flashed in sequential order and the "See Your Future" sign lit up. Murata grabbed the small piece of white cardboard that fell down in the bottom receptacle and read it. He smiled and showed it to me.

It read, "You will marry the man of your dreams and have seven children."

"Perhaps they should make the fortunes gender neutral," I pointed out. "I told you, you'd be wasting your money."

"How do you know I won't marry the man of my dreams?"

I looked at him quizzically. Sometimes, I couldn't tell when he was teasing and when he was serious.

"Live a little," he continued. "Since I got my fortune, you're going to have to get yours also. Maybe you'll get to marry the man of your dreams too."

Hah! Only if the man of my dreams was the super-bishonen Wolfram von Bielefeld who was currently in another world probably beating up his personal guards during training or painting god-awful pictures with equally god-awful smelling paint.

Man of my dreams? What was I saying?

"Hey, isn't that Hashimoto?" Murata exclaimed nodding towards the entrance of the arcade which was behind this fortune telling machine.

I crouched unconsciously making myself as invisible as possible. Not that it mattered, unless she has X-ray vision, it would be impossible for her to see me. Hashimoto Asami-san was a nice girl who attended a prestigious high school like Murata. I couldn't really say anything bad about her. In fact, I would even say that she was cute. Not in the same level of cuteness as Wolfram. Well, no one was on the same level of cuteness as him, I had yet to meet anyone on Earth whose beauty brought men back from the brink of death. So trying to compare Hashimoto to him would be unfair.

Murata looked back at me and smiled, "I'm going to say hello, are you coming?"

"Um... I need to get my fortune first you know," I replied.

"Are you avoiding her?"

"No, no, of course I'm not. But you know if she sees me she'll want to drag me all over the place. And we really should be getting back to Shin Makoku. If I'm late again, Wolfram is going to be mad."

Wolfram was very particular when it came to the location of his fiancé. Me, being that fiancé. Never mind that we're both boys. He made a habit of getting angry at my supposed faithlessness. I didn't like getting Wolfram angry. Angry Wolfram usually resulted in a sore and bruised Yuuri. Therefore, I tried to make it my constant goal to keep the spoiled ex-prince content and mollified.

I stuck the 100 yen coin in as Murata walked away calling her name.

"So... you don't think I'm such a waste of money anymore?" a sonorous voice said.

One might say I jumped out of my skin in surprise. There was no one around that could have said that. I looked behind me and saw that the bank of games were empty. I let my eyes surreptitiously scan the area without turning my head. I had a vague feeling of dread. It was that same feeling I got when I was young, the one that came after watching too many horror flicks, and after realizing that I was the only one left downstairs, knowing I was going to be the one that would have to turn off the lights. My young self knew in the back of my head that as soon as I flipped the switch, the zombies would come ambling for me.

There were no zombies here and it was still daytime. I breathed a sigh of relief. It had to be one of the games saying it.

I looked at the fortune telling machine, and waited for the red incandescent bulbs to flash. Nothing happened. I checked the bottom receptacle. No little card with ominous fortunes. I checked the return coin receptacle and retrieved my coin. "I wonder if it's broken," I said to myself.

"No, I'm not. Just wanted to give you a chance to back out and save you some money."

This time I literally jump. Not out of my skin. But a few feet in the air and a few feet back. I stumbled and landed on my backside looking up at the green bulb with the fat lips which was staring down at me from behind the glass. Staring was a relative term. It had no eyes. But I had a feeling that it was indeed glaring.

"Um... you..." No this was not happening. I was on Earth. This was not Shin Makoku. There were no flying skeletons here. And there certainly were no talking plants here. Unless this was a movie.

I looked up at the ceiling, up at the corners. It was a bit dark, was that a camera I saw? Yes, that was it. It had to be. The Japanese were well-known for their strange penchant for game shows designed to embarrass the hell out of participants.

"Okay. You got me," I said, my voice sounding unnaturally loud. "You can come out now."

I stood up and leaned casually on the machine. As casually as a freaked-out teenager could manage.

"Nice plant," I smiled tentatively. My voice didn't even break.

"Sure, I am," it countered sarcastically. "Who are you asking to come out?"

"You... and... and the rest of your cronies. Of course."

"My cronies?!" it managed to snort despite the lack of nasal passages. "There's only me and I'm already out. As you can see. You're not blind as well as wimpy, are you?"

"Hey, you're not the one allowed to call me that!" I blurted.

I growled and rub my head in frustration. I cried out loudly again to the wall and ceiling for the pranksters to come out.

"Just come out already. I said you got me, okay? I'm sure Mom would love seeing my face on TV. But you're not getting else out of me, so why don't you just move on to your next victim."

"Look," the plant said, "we could go on and on for the next hour. Why don't we just pretend that I'm really a talking plant, okay? Then you could get your fortune and go on with your life and I can go on with mine."

"You're a rather mouthy plant."

Its only response was air kisses. Wonderful, not only a talking plant, but a wise guy too.

"Fine, fine," I said. "I don't have time to waste on you guys anyway."

"Well, you want your fortune or not?"

Before I answered, I surreptitiously peeked towards the entrance. Hashimoto and Murata were still standing there talking. No help for it.

"Sure, why not."

"You're enthusiasm is overwhelming. Now, I can finally accomplish the culmination of my life's work. My creators would be oh so proud that I, a humble plant, could serve you, oh great one."

"Do you have to go on and on with that sardonic tone of voice? Are you going to give me my fortune or not?"

"This is not for free, you know."

"A bit mercenary, aren't we?"

"Hey, it's not like I'm not doing an honest day's work here! There are bills to be paid like electricity and the rent in this place is not cheap. And you know, I have to eat too."

A scene of the Little Shop of Horror's plant singing about eating people pop in my head. I asked, "You don't drink human blood, do you?"

"Ew, that's disgusting, why would you think that?"

"Um... nothing," I said as I slipped the 100 yen coin in.

The lights start flashing. Then they stopped.

"Just wanted to pause for a bit there to let you know," it said, "I like sweets."

"Well, next time I'm here I'll bring you something."

"Good, I'll hold you to that." It actually grinned displaying two rows of sharp teeth.

The lights finish flashing and the "See Your Future" sign lit up. I grabbed the card from the receptacle. It was red.

"Ooohhh... you got the red one!" he commented.

"Do the red ones mean they're bad?" I asked apprehensively as the squawks of bad omen birds echoed in my head.

"Hmph, not at all. They're special though."

I read the card. It said, "Tomorrow, you will receive whatever you wished for today".

"A free wish? I don't even get my fortune that says I'll marry the man of my dreams?"

"Well, if what you want is the man of your dreams..."

"Eh! No! No! Really... It's alright. If this is real, I'll probably just wish for the Seibu Lions to win their next game."

"There's a waste of a wish," it said in a snotty tone.

"Why? Do you know that they're going to win?" Perhaps I could make a bet with my classmates if I knew the final score.

"Why would I know something like that?"

"Because," I said slowly emphasizing each word, "you are a fortune telling machine."

"It'll cost you 100 yen."

"That's alright, I think I'll wait to watch the game."

"Cheapskate!"

I ignore this remark and peek out again. The two were still standing there. When were they going to finish? Murata and I needed to get to the park fountain soon or I would be suffering Wolfram's domestic abuse as soon as I get back.

"If it's not the man of your dreams you want," the plant teased, "then it must be the woman of your dreams. Is that who that is and you're just being shy?"

"Huh? Oh no, I'm just waiting for them to finish," I replied.

"Why are you hiding from her?"

"I'm not hiding... okay, I am hiding. It's not that I don't like her. But I have an appointment to keep and my friend is waiting. He's rather impatient... and violent. Violently impatient, you might say."

"Why would you want a friend like that?" it asked.

"He's not that bad. Actually, he's very close to me. And he cares about me a lot. And I care about him. He's always pushing me to do my best. Never settling for half-hearted attempts. You could almost say, I'd be lost without him. I just wish sometimes that he would understand me more. I think it would help with lessening his explosive tantrums."

If I only knew that conversing with talking wisecrack plants who tell fortunes and grant wishes would cause a great deal of trouble, I would have let Hashimoto drag me all over the place and suffer through Wolfram's violent show of affection.

tbc...