It feels like I'm sitting around for hours waiting for my name to be called. I nose through some of the magazines, none of them are really any good and I'm relieved when the nurse calls my name…even if she does pronounce DiNozzo wrong.
The whole process of getting my cast removed is very quick and my arm is cleaned and ready to go in no time.
The nurse tells me it might take a few days to get the mobility back but at least I can start playing again…I missed it so much.
Just as I'm leaving the hospital I see a familiar face, one I've already seen this morning. Jenny?
I watch her heading up to the oncology ward. What the hell is going on? Before I can stop myself I am following her. Jenny can't have cancer? Surely?
I watch her go into the clinic. I wait for her outside the clinic entrance for about an hour. When she finally comes out and stand up to greet her.
"Bethany, what the hell are you doing here?" she says loudly, suddenly looking around her to check that no one heard her. I hold my arm up-the cast removed.
"I had it taken off just now…what are you doing here?" I say, She tries to walk away from me but I'm far too worried to ignore this now. Does anyone else know about it? Probably not, I think.
She halts before me and stays silent for several minutes. I can think of nothing to say to break up the thick silence that has fallen between us.
"Jenny?" I beg. I've known her for so long and I'd like to think that we were close and she could trust me with anything. The silence is starting to become unbearable.
"I…" She begins, there's no going back now.
"…have…a brain tumour. It's inoperable" she says, I've never heard her sound so broken. For the first time in my whole life I have nothing to say…what could I say?
"What?" is all I can stutter.
"I'm dying" she says bluntly. I can see so much emotion in her eyes. I also see a sense of relief that she has told someone.
"Oh my God, I'm…" I can't seem to speak. She shakes her head at me.
"Just, don't say anything, please. No one must know do you understand?" She says, I can't believe what I'm hearing.
"what! You're not going to tell anyone? They're agents, they're gonna notice something is wrong!" I say, I don't think I'm going to be able to control my emotion for much longer.
"I've just signed a form requesting to stop my treatment" I hear her say. I just can't register it all.
"How long have you known?" I ask, purely out of interest so I can work out how long she has managed to keep this news a secret.
"5 months" she says.
"Gibbs would want to know, he could help you out…I know he would, he'd want to" I try but she shakes her head at me again.
"Jenny…if there's anything, anything at all I can do…" I start but my voice catches in my throat.
"Thank you Bethany, You're a really sweet girl, kind, compassionate. You're everything I could have wanted for a daughter" her words are kind and touching.
"I've made some decision in my life that I'm not proud of. If me and Gibbs now…it would break his heart all over again…I don't want to put him through what happened with Kelly and Shannon again…" she says.
"Regardless of whether you admit your feelings for each other, he's still going to feel that way after you've gone" I tell her. I think she knows it but is trying to convince herself that by easing her own pain, she is saving Gibbs pain too.
"When you go back to NCIS, you don't say a word about this, not to anyone, not your father…no one, do you understand?" she says sternly. I nod.
"If is they ask you if you've seen me, you haven't, ok?" she instructs. I nod again.
"Do you want me to drive for you?" I say, I desperately want to start again after finally getting my cast off. Jenny smiles.
"No, I'm just going to walk, it's not far" she says.
"Ok" I reply.
"Go on, everyone will be wondering where you are" she says.
"They'll be wondering where you are too" I hint.
She smiles and walks past me. Before I know it, she's gone.
***
When I get back to NCIS, as soon as I get out the elevator my father rushes up to me. He takes me by the shoulders.
"Where the hell have you been?" he says frantically.
"At the hospital" I say, frowning.
"All this time? Why didn't you answer your cell?" My hand flew to my pocket. I turned it off when I went into the hospital and must have forgotten to turn it back on again.
"Sorry, I switched it off" I said apologetically. He looks at me in embarrassment, he notices that everyone is looking at him.
"What?" he snaps at them all. They begin to busy themselves. Ziva comes up to him.
"She's a big girl, Tony" she tells him, her hand on his shoulder. I laugh, she always sets him straight.
"What are you going to be like when I go to New York?" I ask him. He suddenly looks horrified, as if he'd forgotten that I was leaving home in less than 8 months time.
"I'll need some major distracting" he said.
"Oh, I'm sure we'll think of something" Ziva chuckles. I frown at them both.
"What?" they both say together, for me, it doesn't bare thinking about.
"Gross" I say.
"Bethy D, have you seen Jenny?" Gibbs asks, I halt. I remember our conversation at the hospital and it breaks his heart.
"Er, nope…haven't seen her at all today" I lie, it kills me to do so because Gibbs looks quite worried.
"Neither have I" he says. "I have some important news for her" he says wondering off without another word.
Suddenly I can't stand to be around anyone at NCIS, just in case I let out the secret.
"Bethany?" my dad calls after me but I ignore him.
***
When I get home, I shut myself in my room and put on my iPod speakers. Pulling out my big photo album, I glance over the memories captured through picture. I can't get the thought out of my head that Jenny is going to die and I'm the only one who knows. It's unbearable pressure on me and I can't begin to wonder what it was like for Jenny before she told me.
Dad arrives home a little later and I wake up when I hear the door shut. There are muffled voices and I assume his has brought Ziva home with him…again. I rub my face and rid my eyes of tears so they don't know I've been crying. I just can't face them yet.
"Bethany, We're back?" he calls through the apartment. We're? Ziva's practically living with us now?
"Beth? I'm making the meatballs in the tomato sauce you like…it's your favourite!" he yells, the very thought of food makes me feel sick.
"I'm not hungry" I shout from my room. That's very unusual for me so I expect a worried response.
"Are you alright?" he asks, gently knocking at my door.
"Don't come in…" I scream, tears filling my eyes.
"Honey, what's the matter?" he presses, I just want them to leave me alone.
"Nothing, nothing I'm fine" I say knowing full well that he doesn't believe me.
"Is it Dan? Have you fallen out?" he says angrily.
"No, no! it's nothing to do with him. Just please, leave me alone, I'm just tiered that's all! I promise!" I say, finally he backs down.
I hear the clattering of pots and pans and the aroma for tomato sauce fills the apartment. I lie still on my bed, I desperately want to talk to Jenny but I know if she wants to talk, she'll call me. I hear my bedroom door creek open slowly and I hear the soft padding of small feet approaching me. I don't need to turn over to know it's Ziva who has come to pry the truth out of me. But I'm not going to budge. I made a promise and I'm not going to break it.
"Bethany, talk to me…you might be fooling your father, but I know when someone's lying" she says gently placing a hand on my shoulder. I roll over to face her.
"I just got some bad news" I say playing my cards carefully.
"Oh, would you like to talk about it?" she asks, brushing my hair out of my face. She's my best friend and no matter how much I want to tell her, I know I can't.
"No" I say.
"It will make you feel better" she hints. I know she's good at keeping secrets but that is not the point. I promised not to tell. Gibbs has some rule about secrets-the best way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself. Maybe I'll use that as my trump card when I finds out I've known all along.
"I found out that an old friend of mine from school died from cancer" I lie, I hate lying to people but I'd rather do that than break a promise. "She moved to Arizona two years ago when she was first diagnosed" I finish, hoping that Ziva will fall for it. I'm not exactly lying. Someone I used to know did move to Arizona after her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.
"Oh, Bethany I'm so sorry" she says soothingly. I don't want to say anything more in case I blow my cover.
"Dinner will be ready in a while" she says.
"I told dad I'm not hungry" I say sitting up clutching a hippo similar to Abby's Bert. It used to fart like hers too but the batteries went dead long ago and I never got round to replacing them.
"Are you staying?" I ask.
"If that's ok" she asks in return.
"It's fine by me" I reply. These two are starting to drive me mad. The keep dancing around their relationship for far too long and it's starting to get ridiculous.
"Well, I'll put some aside in case you're hungry later ok?" she says maternally. She has told me in the past that she has no maternal instincts what ever but I have to disagree with her. I think she'd make a great mother one day…I'd like a brother or sister one day.
"Thanks"
She quietly leaves the room and I get ready for bed and fall asleep almost instantly.
***
I get woken by the sound of shrill vocals, it's only my father. He and Ziva have decided to sing along with the Mamma Mia DVD. Ziva has always had a great voice though she denies it completely. It's 11pm. I turn over and try to get back to sleep.
I wake up early the next morning to the smell of pancakes…dad never cooks breakfast! I get out of bed and get a quick shower. It's a Sunday so he doesn't have to be in work. I realise what the day is and it dawns on me that I have a concert this evening and he's promised he that he will attend…I also ordered him to bring Ziva along as his plus one.
Dressed in jeans and a baggy DC Youth orchestra tour t-shirt I approach the glorious smell of pancake batter.
"You? Cooking breakfast?" I laugh as he spoons some mixture into a frying pan.
"Yes, me!" he replies, proud of himself.
"Your father has many hidden talents…" Ziva's voice startles me. I whirl around and stare, my jaw drops to the floor. She's just wearing a rope…
Jeez, I really must have been sleeping like a log!
This scenario has played in my head a lot but in reality it has quite confused me…my dad and Ziva BOTH in a robe IN THE SAME ROOM? I close my eyes and open them again, guessing I was dreaming but no…it was very real.
"Are you alright?" She asks me, snapping me out of my reverie. I brush a loose strand of hair out of my face.
"Erm, Yeah, I was, I just wasn't expecting to see you…here…like…that!" I stutter. I don't mean to sound rude but I'm just so overcome by shock.
"You can pick your jaw up off the floor, Bethany, she stayed in the spare room!" my father said, setting me straight.
"Oh, that's nice!" I squeak.
"Yeah, the movie when on later than we expected so I just told her she could crash here…" he said flipping a pancake very professionally.
"Is that alright? I mean, you do not mind, do you?" Ziva said shyly, her accent so beautiful I find it no wonder that my father has fallen for her, I'm so glad he has.
"No, no, of course not" I reply seating myself at my usual spot at the table.
We eat in silence; it's quite uncomfortable and I get the impression that they need to talk…without me around. Thankfully I have a rehearsal for tonight so I make my excuse and get my stuff ready. While I'm in my room, I hear the phone ring. When I come out, I find that that father has gone into a complete blind panic.
"What the hell is going on?" I ask.
"Me and Ziva have to accompany Director Sheppard to a funeral in LA. The flight leaves in four hours…we'll only be gone a couple of days" he says. My heart sinks, I guess he has forgotten. I know that if I remind him he'll plague himself with guilt so I don't bother. I try not to sound disappointed.
"Ok, LA? Sounds like fun…are you going to catch some rays?" I say to Ziva who looks at me blankly. It dawns on me that she doesn't understand the phrase. Her English is so good that I sometimes forget.
"Sunbathing?" I rephrase and she gets it straight away. She shakes her head.
"Probably not. We'll be much too busy" she says.
"Take a bathing suit, just in case" It silently dawns on me. Jenny's health. Getting on a plane with a brain tumour? I become sick with worry and I mustn't let it show.
"Tell Director Sheppard I said hi!" I say.
"Will do…Ziva we'll stop at your place on the way so you can pack some stuff" my father says opening the front door.
"Thanks…by Bethany" she says brushing past my father on her way out.
"No house parties!" My dad says sternly before he slams the door shut. Suddenly, I feel very lonely. They were gone so quickly it takes a while for me to process what has just happened.
My Dad. Ziva. Away for a few days in LA? I have to call Abby.
***
Instead of calling Abby, I just walk to NCIS. It's a few blocks away but I don't mind. I still haven't been able to afford a new car yet and the insurance company hasn't paid out yet.
She meets me with excitement.
"She stayed over?" she repeats what I just said to her moments before.
"Yes, In the spare bedroom" I tell her.
"Did you hear that McGee!" Abby holars, McGee is clearly not interested.
"Hear what?" Gibbs said striding into the lab.
"Nothing!" came all three replies at once.
"Ok" Gibbs said frowning, not really buying it at all.
"Are you going to be ok by yourself for the next few days Bethany?" Gibbs turned to me.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. I know where he hides his emergency credit cards don't worry!" This earned me a chuckle from Gibbs.
"I have no doubt" he says smiling.
My concert comes round quickly and I spend the whole time worrying about Jenny. I try to call Ziva and my father but neither answered their phones.
***