Hi, Midnight Crystal Sage here! Apparently, I've inspired AngelEyes87 to do this little story thanks to my crackilicious creation, "100 Ways to Kill Ilia." Since she was kind enough to read, review, and even contribute a chapter to my fic, I can't do anything but return the favor!

So enjoy this retarded piece I've come up with!

Death by Link

(by Midnight Crystal Sage)

"YO WAKE UP ELF DUDE! IT'S DINNER TIME!"

"It's three in the morning, you duckbutt…" Link said to a rambunctious Astaroth as he angrily opened his eyes to glare at the purple goliath.

Talim, who was sleeping in the next bed, grabbed one of her tonfas and threw it at Astaroth, nailing him in the head and leaving a huge black bruise on his forehead, "DUDE WHAT HIT ME?!"

"Shut up, and go to bed…" the wind charmer begged, placing her pillow over her head.

The Hylian looked up at the purple Hellspawn and knowingly asked, "…You're drunk, aren't you?"

"WHAT?! I ONLY HAD 70 BEERS!!"

Link sweatdropped and got out of bed as he grabbed his emerald green tunic and threw it on, "Screw this, I'm going for a walk…"

Astaroth skipped out of the room, and tried to jump down the stairs, but he tripped and fell. He was sent tumbling down the stairs, breaking a few steps in the process before landing at the bottom. When Link arrived on the first floor, he passed by the violet skinned ax weilder, who was now stuck in the wall with his backside thrashing about to try and free himself.

The elf shook his head as he strolled into the kitchen, where Ivy, Raphael, and his girlfriend, Tira, happened to be sitting.

"Hey, you…" the green-haired girl greeted him, giving Link a swift kiss on the cheek, "Think you could do me a favor?"

"Sure, anything…" he replied, grabbing a glazed donut from out of the box sitting on the breakfast table.

Tira whipped out a pink and ivory shield with beige inlays upon it, "Sophitia left this here yesterday, think you could take it back to her?"

"Sure, I was about to go for a walk anyway…"

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy that it hurts..." Raphael sang off-key as he danced like a drunken elephant on the table. Ivy, who had pretty much had enough of the Frenchman's antics, stood up and kicked him through the window

Raphael suddenly shouted, "YEAH, MOTORBIKE, BITCH!!"

Ivy facefaulted, "Please kill me…"

Link decided to take his leave and began to make his way to Sophitia's house.

--Ten Minutes Later—

"HONEY! WE'VE GOT BUTTMONKEYS AGAIN!!" was the first thing Link heard as he stepped onto the porch of Sophitia's home. He looked to his right and saw a small snow monkey sitting in a chair, looking at Link with black, button eyes.

The blond briskly knocked on the wooden door, and only had to wait a few seconds before Pyrrha answered the door, "Hi, Mister Gnome. Daddy's gone crazy again…"

Link nearly fell over, but he kept his cool and walked inside the house.

It was utter chaos, to say the least…

The kids were jumping on the couch, Rothion was throwing tons of expensive vases and such around the room, and Cassandra was sitting on the dining room table, making out with a watermelon.

Feeling his sanity beginning to lessen, he went into the kitchen and found Sophitia, who was humming to herself as she placed a fresh tray of chocolate chip cookies on the counter, "Oh hey, Link."

"Hi… Sophitia?"

"I suspect you've seen the idiocracy in the living room?" she asked knowingly.

"Uh… yeeeeah…" the Hylian said, his eyes shifting to the living, where Cassandra was now humping the watermelon. He turned back to the warrioress and handed her the shield, "You left this at my house, Tira wanted me to return it to you."

"Aw, how kind of you, Link. Thanks," the mother of two replied gratefully as she accepted the weapon.

Link turned around and proceeded to walk out the house when Rothion opened his big mouth, "Hey Honey! It's Peter Pan!"

The blonde stopped in his tracks and looked at the man with death in his eyes, 'WHAT THE FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK DID HE JUST CALL ME?!'

"Yo, Rothion, come'ere right quick, yeah?" Link asked, pulling out a bomb. Rothion came over to him and Link gave him the bomb, "Eat this. It'll let you fly."

"Yay!" Rothion swallowed the explosive whole and ran outside.

Three seconds later, the house violently shook as a sonic boom ripped through the air.

Okay, that's my piece. Hope this passed the test. Thanks, and keep on writing, AngelEyes!

--Midnight Crystal Sage

AE87: lmao, I really loved this xD Trust Rothion to confuse Link with Peter Pan, lol. And yeah, I'll keep on writing.