So I've got a TON of angst saved up. But I thought I'd do something funny for now. :)

This is for Darthishtar's Act Your Age challenge.

Characters: Edward

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Edward Cullen hated being a freshman. With a passion.

He sat in a metal chair that didn't look remotely safe (it creaked and wobbled every time he took a breath) in a cafeteria that didn't look remotely clean (there were several sticky dark splotches on the floor that smelled revolting).

Freshman orientation was the worst. At the past few schools, they had done it before school started. Fortunately, that meant antisocial teens such as Edward weren't required to show up. He rather liked it that way.

In Forks, they had orientation on it on the first school day. They herded the group of tiny ninth graders (all shorter than Edward) into the cafeteria and lectured them about classes, sports, grades, counselors, and the like.

Edward looked to his left. As he moved, the brunette next to him immediately looked to the left as well.

Coincidence?

He's soooo hot. I hope he didn't see me staring.Edward thought not.

Wait, yes I do. Then he'll know I'm interested! Is he starting at me? Her eyes slid to the right as far as possible without her actually turning her head. Darn it, I can't tell. Has he seen what I look like? I just got my haircut, I wonder if he likes it.

The girl went on to picture her and Edward's wedding, with her in some ridiculous dress dripping in sequins and feathers of all things, and Edward wearing nothing at all.

He winced, and turned the other way. On his right was a blonde.

I will date him, I will date him, I will date him, she was chanting in her thoughts. She was picturing her and Edward's children: twins. A boy who looked like a miniature version of Edward, and a girl who looked like a miniature version of the blonde.

Suddenly, the blonde began steadily inching towards him. She was rather pleased with herself, because she'd thought he hadn't noticed. Well, she'd gone from about a foot away to two inches away in two seconds flat, so it was rather difficult not to notice.

Edward shifted to the left, but then felt his leg brush the brunette's. Apparently, she thought sitting close to him was a good idea, too.

Great. Just fantastic. Sandwiched between the disturbing fantasies twins? He highly doubted that was by chance.

Sure enough, the brunette was picturing a spectacular shoving match where she'd weaved and darted her way through the crowd of fellow freshman and knocked some poor red-head over in order to sit down in the rickety folding chair next to Edward.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and stared at his feet. Alice had bought him some new pair of sneakers, and he hadn't really looked at them until now. He liked them, he supposed. Blue stripes with a white Nike check. Edward quite liked blue.

Finally, as the librarian continued on with her twenty minute speech on "treating the books with respect," the blonde on his right decided to speak to him.

He heard her sentence forming in her head before she said it aloud. I need to talk to my future husbaaand! What should I say? It has to be clever and witty, because we'll remember this for the rest of our lives. My name, I need to say that. Hi, no wait, Hey, I'm Lauren. Pretty boring, huh?"Hey, I'm Lauren," she whispered, flashing him a wide smile. "Pretty boring, huh?"

Edward looked up. "Yes, it is," he replied with as little interest as he could manage. Lauren laughed, though nothing Edward said had been at all funny.

The brunette's jaw dropped. I can't believe she talked to him first! Oh my god, now what do I say? Something witty and clever. Um... this librarian is boring? No, lame. Hmm, I read an article in a magazine about being honest, and boys like you for that!

She tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned. "I'm Jessica," she said, and smiled. "Are you as nervous as I am?"

Not at all. Just bored, and thirsty.

"Act your age, Edward," hissed Alice from the other side of the room. Edward looked up and locked eyes with her. "Pretend you are! Freshman are always nervous." She smirked.

He glowered. He didn't see any stupid males trying to chat her up and picturing her naked.

Then he focused on the thoughts of a blonde boy who was ogling Alice's chest.

Never mind.

Edward squeezed his eyes shut. He really didn't need to see that.

"Yes, I'm nervous," he said to the brunette in a tone that he hoped sounded sheepish and freshman-like. "I just moved here."

"Oh, good, I'm not the only one! We should definitely stick together. You know, then we'll at least know someone." Smooth, Jess! Nice one. "What's your class schedule? We can walk each other to classes, and eat lunch together..."

Alice was convulsing in silent laughter.

Just rip me apart and set me on fire now, he thought, and was infinitely glad no one could hear his thoughts.

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:) That was fun to write.

Review, review, review!