***
"Ziva? Tony? Are you ok?" Abby says engulfing Ziva in a bone crushing hug. Gibbs and my father pry her off in an attempt to protect Ziva's unborn children.
"What? I'm only giving her a hug!" Abby frowns. McGee comes around the corner.
"Hey, Ziva!" he says.
"Give her 9 months there's no way will you be able to hug her unless you have go-go gadget arms!" My father says, earning a slap on the head from Gibbs and a whack in the stomach from Ziva.
"Wait…you? No!" Abby says working it out.
"Baby?" She says "You're pregnant!" She squeaks at a pitch beyond recognition.
"Congratulations guys" McGee says, shaking my fathers hand.
Abby whitters on about being able to be aunt Abby and doing all this cool stuff. My jealous streak returns.
"Twins, double the trouble!" My father says proudly. I can feel tears pricking my eyes. Amongst all the commotion, Gibbs pulls me to one side.
"You ok?" he asks me.
"Yeah, I'm just being stupid-that's all" I say trying to sound as convincing as possible; it just doesn't work on Gibbs.
"Do you want me to talk to your father?" he asks me.
"No, no…it's nothing, I'll be fine…I just think I'm the one who needs to get used to it more than them!" I say. Wiping my eyes, I push past him and head to the rest room.
"Bethany?" I hear my father call after me but I can't let him see me like this.
"She's just going to the bathroom" I hear Gibbs defend me.
***
Three months later and it's two weeks until I start my first semester and the New York School of Music. I've received many letters saying how eager they are for me to start my four years with them but I'm very, very nervous. I haven't really spoken to Ziva or my father about it. They have enough on their plates as it is; Ziva is already getting quite huge. My father has already started decorating the spare bedroom, he's painted it a neutral colour so it will be perfect whatever combination the twins will be. It's really sweet actually, the walls are cream with cream and brown lions, giraffes, elephants and other animal wall stickers over the walls.
Gibbs has beautifully hand crafted two cribs and two hanging mobiles to match. He truly is a talented craftsman.
I start packing some of my things into boxes so it is not all left to the last minute.
"What are you doing?" My father asks me as I pack my books into a box and tape it up.
"Packing, I'll be leaving soon…had you forgotten?" I ask.
"I'm sorry, I've had a lot on my mind what with the wedding and the twins…" he begins.
"It's ok, I understand…you're happy, that's all that matters" I say returning to my packing.
"But you're not happy?" he asks. Fathers always have the knack of sensing when something is wrong.
"I'm fine…just a little nervous that's all" I say.
"You'll be fine, you'll do me and Ziva proud" he says. I turn and look at him.
"What about mom? Would I make mom proud?" I say.
"Of course you will, and she'll always be with you when you're in New York, when I can't be with you" he says. I don't respond. I can't think of what to say without crying.
"This must be very hard for you" he says. No kidding! That's the understatement of the century.
"I'm just going to find it hard to settle with me being in New York and you and Ziva being here in DC…I'm just…" I finish before the tears come.
"Admit it, you're going to miss your good ol' daddio!" he jokes, I don't think he understands how much I'm hurting.
"Once I get settled I'll be fine!" I say avoiding his eye contact.
"You are ok about me and Ziva right?" he says.
"Of course I am" I say. I'm fine with them-I'm just angry at myself.
"You'd tell me if there was something wrong, right?" he asks.
"Yeah, I'm fine, seriously" I say starting to get annoyed.
"Ok, I'm just going to run to the store-Ziva needs some grapes" he says. It makes me laugh how he chases up her every need.
"Grapes?" I ask smiling.
"I know, Gibbs tells me it will only get worse" he says.
"You want anything?" he asks me.
"Nah, I'm good" I say I watch him leave. I return to my packing suddenly feeling a lot better now I've had that conversation with him.
***
Today is the day. I've left some of my things unpacked for when I come home but it still looks very bare- I've packed all my photos and posters and artwork. The corner where I prop my violin looks very strange without it.
"Are you almost ready?" Ziva calls to me from the doorway.
"It's a long drive to New York" she tells me.
"I know, I'm coming…how are you feeling?" I ask, heaving a back pack over my shoulders and picking up my violin from my bed.
"it's going to be weird without you around" she says.
"It's going to be strange not being here" I say.
"Are you looking forward to it?" she asks me. I think about it for a moment.
"Yes. Yes I am!" I say
"I'm glad…you know if you ever want to talk to anyone, I'll always be around for a nat" she says.
"You either meant chat or natter!" I say. She laughs to.
"At least you know what I trying to say" she laughs.
We head downstairs out into the warm Washington DC air. My father is loading cases and boxes into the car.
"There you are" he calls. I head over and dump my bag on the front seat.
"You need a hand" Ziva calls to my father.
"Absolutely not!" he says "not in your condition" he finishes. If looks could kill, Ziva would have just wiped him out.
"condition?" she repeats. My father gulps.
"Be careful how you say that, dad" I laugh. Ziva rests a hand on her quite visible bump now.
"Ah, Him and Gibbs are just as bad as each other…why do you keep acting as if I'm going to snap at any given moment!" she says.
"We just don't want anything to happen to you or your kids" Gibbs says surprising everyone. I turn around to see him smiling.
"What are you doing here?" I say.
"Came to wave you off!" he says.
"See you in a few months, Gibbs" I say giving him a hug.
"You stay safe in NY, it's a dangerous city" he tells me, I roll my eyes.
"I'll be fine, don't worry…I've learnt a few tricks from all of you!" I laugh going to get into the passenger side of the car. My father goes over to Ziva, he gives her a strong hug and a loving kiss on the lips/
"You going to be ok?" he asks her, putting his hand on her slightly risen stomach.
"Yeah, Abby will be here soon, any minute…she wanted to be here to say goodbye to Bethany" I hear her say. The roaring of a car engine comes out from nowhere and Abby breaks sharply. She jumps out screeching.
"Oh Beeetttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyy!" she squeals as I get out the car again, she pulls me into the biggest hug, suffocating me slightly.
"Abby, respiratory system shutting down!" I say gasping for breath.
"Oh" she says letting go of me. We look at each other for a few moment before breaking into child-like song clapping our hands in various chorographical ways:
Weeee'rrrre…Abby, Bethy two best friends…
Abby: I'm tall
Me: I'm tiny
We're gonna rock this place! Woo!
We finish in laughter.
"What the hell was that?" Gibbs asks in astonishment. I fall into hysterics.
"Nothing" I say, giggling.
"That…was nothing?" My father says gawking at us. Ziva laughs. She comes over to me and pulls me into a hug.
"You take care now, ok?" she says
"You too" I say. Patting her back.
"If you need anything, anything at all, just call me, ok?" she saves gripping me by the shoulders.
"Yeah, of course" I say. "I'll see you all at Thanksgiving" I say. It sounds like such a long way off.
"Bye" the all chorus waving as I get back into the passenger seat and my father turns the ignition on.
This is it.
***
It's a long drive to New York and there is a thick silence in the air between my father and I. I feel like it the right time to have a really honest conversation with him but he seems too focused on the road.
"Are you ok?" I ask
"Yeah, I'm good…considering" he says. I wonder what an earth he means.
"What do you mean" I clarify
"Considering my baby daughter is leaving home to go to Collage" he says.
"I'm not that far away…look at it this way, I could have gone to California" I say, I was considering it but maybe for my study away. My father shakes his head.
"No, New York is far enough" he says.
"You're going to have to let me go sooner or later…besides you've got plenty to distract you" I say.
"I know, but it won't be the same without you" he says. I sigh missing home already.
"Ziva loves you, the twins will love you, you'll hardly notice I'm gone. Once I start doing professional work you'll hardly ever see me" I say.
"You're my first child…I am going to notice. I've watched you grow up your whole life and you've turned into this beautiful vibrant young lady and I'm so proud to call you my daughter" he says.
"Aww, flattery won't get you anywhere" I joke.
"Bethany, I'm serious…You know I love Ziva with all my heart, I would do anything for her but it's the same for you too" he says
"Yes, I do know…but do you realise I'll kill you if you screw it up, Ziva is the best…don't ruin what you've got" I tell him, trying to sound like Gibbs.
"There's no way I'd intentionally mess this up…this is the happiest I've been in a very, very long time" he says.
"So you never really loved Jeanne??" I ask. He pauses.
"I thought I did, but it was an under cover mission" he tells me.
"Yes, I know…I watched the footage when we all thought you were dead, Ziva watched it over and over again…it broke her heart when she thought you were dead" I say very seriously, I remember the day all too clearly-when Gibbs phoned me with that call. The call that no family member of someone in the armed forced or public service wants to get. But it's all over now, it's time to focus on the future.
***
We arrive a couple of hours later and the Manhattan School of Music entrance is packed with new students. I wonder which ones I'll become friends with. Suddenly I feel very sick with nerves.
"You ok?" he asks me. I nod looking around at my unfamiliar surrounding.
"Let's go and find out where you're room is so you can meet your room mate" he says taking me by the arm and leading me through the crowds of people and instruments.
The woman on the desk looks severely hassled and hastily hands me my key and waffles some direction of how to get to the halls of residence. When we reach my room, the door has already been propped open by another person. I peer in nervously.
"I'll go and start bringing up your stuff" my father says planting a kiss on the top of my head.
"Ok" I say walking into my new 'home'. It is quite small and has two beds either side of the wall. The room is sort of split into two with a desk and dresser opposite each bed…it will take a lot of homey touches because it doesn't look lived it at all and it's very strange.
"Hey! I guess you're probably my room mate" waves a girl who pokes her head around the en-suite bathroom door.
"I guess" I say shyly.
"My name's Jessica" she says. I envy her confidence.
"Bethany" I say nervously.
"You look absolutely terrified!" she says sympathetically. I try not to cry too soon.
"Well I am, actually" I admit. She smiles, calming down too.
"Sorry if I seem a bit mental, I do that when I'm in new places…I hope we can be good friends" she says holding out her hand for me to shake.
"Friends!" I say taking her hand gratefully.
"Lets get started on making this place look homely!" she says. Rummaging through some boxes.
"I was just thinking the same!" I say smiling. Something in my gut tells me I think we're going to get along.
"I've got a kettle and some cocoa in a bag down stairs, when it comes up I'll put it on" I say, sitting down on the vacant bed, actually, it's quite comfy
I hope that all my things will make it look more homely.
"Bethany?" my father calls loaded with boxes and bags. I rush out to relieve him.
"You brought all this?" I say taking it all from him and dumping it beside the door.
"Yeah, how's it going?" he asks.
"Yeah, ok…this is my room mate, Jessica…" I say introducing the pair. My father puts a hand out to her.
"Hey, how you doing?" he asks casually.
"Hi" Jessica replies shaking his hand.
"I trust you two can look after each other? That's everything, Bethany…" he says pointing to several boxes and suitcases plus my violin on the floor.
"Thanks" I say.
"I'd better head back…I don't want Abby tiring Ziva out too much!" he says. I can imagine the look on Ziva's face if she'd been present to hear that comment.
"Ok," I say pulling him into a hug…suddenly all my fears have evaporated.
"See you soon" I say. My father still clings to me in a tight hug.
"Dad…you can let go now…" I say struggling to get away from him to take in air. He follows my order and lets go.
"Ah, that's better…I can breathe!" I joke. He puts on his face of mock hurt and I gently slap him on the shoulder.
"Call me once you're settled, ok?" he says giving me one last quick hug. He pauses at the door frame.
"I love you," he says sincerely.
"I love you too" I reply "But save that for Ziva!" I say.
"Stay out of trouble!" he laughs…I turn to Jessica and we laugh, when I turn back he is gone…just like that.
"So, shall we interrogate each other now while we unpack or later?" I say heaving some boxes onto my bed.
"I think now, before we get interrupted!" Jessica replies doing the same. "Oh, and call me Jess" she says
"Ok, Jess…you can call me Beth…I've never really been called that before but I think its time for change" I say surprising myself…my whole life I've been terrified of change.
"Ok…Who wants to go first?" she asks.
"Why don't we take it in turns" I suggest.
"Great, where are you from?" she asks shoving a pile of books onto her shelf.
"Born and raised in Washington DC" I say proudly.
"San Diego" she says.
"What instrument do you play?" I ask
"Piano is my primary, flute is my secondary…it's hear somewhere…" she laughs, "You?"
"Voice primarily, and Violin secondary" I say.
"Cool! Like Opera?" she asks. Suddenly sighs with relief when she pulls her flute from a box.
"Sometimes, I do classical and Broadway…and modern if I'm in the mood" I say.
"Impressive…" we continue to chat and exchange facts about ourselves. It becomes clear to me we get along very well.
"What about you're parents? What do they do? Are they musical?" Jess asks all at once. I was hoping that I might not have to answer this question, but, I suppose I might as well get it over and done with.
"My Dad is a Special Agent…" I begin.
"No way! Like…James Bond?" she asks.
"No, he would love that though…he's a Special Agent for an FBI Agency called NCIS" I begin, awaiting her question for an explanation.
"Like CSI?" She says, I think about it for a while. Just to make it easier I reply…
"Yeah, I suppose it is…but the N stands for Naval…it basically investigates crimes and stuff within the Navy and…stuff" I say, not realising quite how complicated it actually is.
"Wow, that's awesome" she says I smile.
"What about you're dad?" I ask. She shrugs.
"Nothing as hip as a Special Agent, he's an AC installer. Pretty boring" she says. I laugh, I've never considered NCIS as 'hip' I try to imagine Gibbs being 'hip'…nah, it just doesn't work.
"Your Mom?" I ask.
"She's a Doctor" she says more proudly. "Secretly she wanted me to be doctor too.." she says.
"I know that feelings…my dad wanted me to be an ass kicking agent like him or some sort of crime scene investigator" I say.
"What about your mom?" she asks me quizzically, I think she is wondering why I haven't brought her up yet.
"She's dead…she was killed in the 9/11 attacks on the Pentagon…she was a security administrator" I say.
"Oh" she says, well, I can't blame her…there isn't much you can say in response to something like that.
"She wasn't suppose to be there…she'd had an argument with my dad that morning and went in just to get away from him" I finish. Now she knows, I hope she never brings it up again.
"I'm sorry" she says, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I've been through is a lot…people feeling sorry for me.
"I'm glad you felt as if you could tell me that…I know it can't be easy" she finishes.
"It's ok, really…it was a long time ago. My dad's moved on, he's engaged to this wonderful girl who I like so much…she's like a best friend to me" I say sounding more possible.
"Is she a Special Agent too?" she asks. I shake my head.
"Yes, she used to be in Mossad" I tell her, her jaw drops.
"Your dad is marrying an Israeli Assassin?" she reiterates.
"She's kill you if she heard you call her that…" I say suddenly realising what I just said. We burst out laughing.
"No, really…she's the nicest person you could ever meet. She's had a hard life…and she's expecting two little siblings for me" I say.
"Wow…you're life sounds amazing" she says.
"Yeah well…no matter how much I love them I didn't want to be like them…music is my life now" I say.
"Me too, to the next four years!" she says in a toast. We chink our mugs of hot chocolate together.
***