I wrote this for Twilight Novel Novice's September Challenge, which was to write about Bella's first time back at school after becoming a vampire. So, here it is. :)
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Human
"Can you still be human when you have no mortal end?"
-Roran, Brisingr by Christopher Paolini
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The first day back at school, Bella forgets to breathe.
She's sitting in class, nervous but in control. Scared, but keeping it together.
She won't screw this up. She made the promise to herself early this morning, and the day before, and weeks before that. She will do this right.
And suddenly she realizes she isn't aware of her surroundings. She can no longer smell the warm blood of the students, or even the overwhelming fruity hair products on the girl across the aisle. There is no bland aroma of notebook paper, no bitter tang of pen ink, no musty scent of white chalk against a worn eraser. She can't even smell the velvet and honey of Edward.
It has been 20 minutes and she hasn't taken a breath.
She inhales sharply and quickly.
But it scares her, so much. She did something no human should be able to. She glances around the classroom, but no one appears to have noticed.
She breathes heavily now, in and out, tasting the air and recalling every scent in the classroom. It calms her, just a little, and she closes her eyes.
Edward looks at her, question and concern in his eyes.
She shakes her head. "Nothing," she murmurs, and she leans her nose into his sweater and breathes in his scent like it's a drug.
x x x
Next hour, she sits like a statue. Her arms are laid across the desk, chin propped against the top of her left hand. Her ankles are crossed neatly at the base of her metal chair.
Her back is straight, head aimed forward. She listens to the lecture without really hearing.
She focuses on breathing. Carefully and slowly, she inhales and exhales. This class smells different than the previous, like pencil lead and salt.
But she does not move.
And she stays like this, until she hears the boy across the aisle whisper to his friend, "How does she stay so still like that?"
Bella hears the boy's head turn, hears him scratch his head. "Weird," he says. "That whole family is kinda strange."
And she beings fidgeting, uncrosses her ankles, folds and refolds her arms. She blinks too many times, and repeatedly pushes sections of hair behind her ears. She taps her pencil against the side of her head. She drums her fingers across the hard surface of her desk. Feet tapping like crazy, she can't stop moving now.
"Bella," Edward murmurs to her, placing a hand on her back. "Bella, it's okay."
x x x
She walks too fast in the hall.
Students move around her, opening lockers and rustling for homework assignments. Collecting books, shoes squeaking against the tile floor.
Some move in groups, slowly and as a unit. Like the six girls with ponytails passing around a bottle of vanilla-scented lotion. Or the four boys each wearing some sort of sports-related clothing- hat, jersey, sweatshirt.
Other kids are rushing, these ones usually alone. They have a class on the other side of the school, or they need to catch up with a teacher. Whatever it is, they move quickly and Bella sees them.
But she's going faster than them and she doesn't realize it.
"Slow down," she hears in her ear, and she stops. Edward nods to her, and she nods weakly back.
She's already at the end of the hall.
She hadn't noticed. She'd been speeding through the hall so fast it hadn't been detected by the humans, but she didn't even know.
She blinks, once, twice, and closes her eyes tightly. She wants to collapse.
x x x
At lunch she doesn't pretend to eat.
She doesn't even think to pick up something out of the lunch line; she simply follows the scent of Edward to find her family at a table in the corner.
She scoots across the bench quickly, maybe a little too fast for human speed. But she is next to Edward, leaning against his shoulder. "Hi," she says, and kisses him on the cheek.
He smiles back.
She forgets about what happened earlier, about anything she was worried about. She's fine now, she's with Edward, talking and smiling. She's near Alice, hearing stories, watching her brother drape a lazy arm over Rosalie's shoulder.
But she hears the snippet of conversation from another table.
"Why doesn't that brunette eat? The rest of them at least have food."
And everything comes flooding back, everything she's been doing wrong and she can't stand it.
She shoves an entire piece of pizza from Jasper's plate into her mouth and immediately wants to throw up.
x x x
Edward finds her after school and leads her to the car.
"How was your first day?" he murmurs as he kisses the top of her head.
She squeezes her eyes shut. She doesn't want to talk about it.
But she is remembering everything, things she can't forget. She made a promise, and she couldn't follow it. She did this wrong. The blood doesn't bother her. It's acting like what she's not.She's not good at this.
She's not human.
But she didn't know it would be this hard to pretend she was.
"I can't do this," she breathes into Edward's shoulder.
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Review, por favor!