Alex was sitting on her bed staring at her feet a hour before she was supposed to go to work. She didn't feel like going to work. She felt like skipping it and fast forwarding to the after-work breakfast. It's probably because I'm hungry. I should eat before work maybe… Alex rolled her eyes at herself. She knew why she was looking forward to it. She got to see Marissa. If you'd asked her a week ago if she was over Marissa, she would have nodded and given a definite yes, but at that moment a definite yes turned into an unsure shrug.
Alex stood up and walked to her closet. She pushed a few things out of her way before she found what she was looking for. The back shirt that read "CBGB". She could still see Marissa wearing it. It was definitely not something Marissa would have own, but she still looked good in it.
Alex smiled at the memory of teasing Marissa about the scarf she wore with it. Something about the shirt being too dark from Marissa. Alex was disappointed that her memory failed her.
A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. Alex tossed the shirt onto the bed. Walking to the door hoping that it was Marissa, but knowing it was reaching.
When the door swung open, Rachel smiled at her, "Hey baby."
Alex automatically smiled, "Hey."
"Look what I got you," Rachel pulled something out of her back pocket.
Alex saw the tickets in Rachel's hand, "What are those for?"
"The Shins," Rachel handed Alex the tickets, "Tonight at nine at the Red Room. You and me."
"We have to work," Alex ran a hand through her hair.
Rachel took Alex's hands, "We have the night off."
"But…you hate the Shins" Alex looked from the tickets to Rachel, trying to find a valid excuse to not go see one of her favorite bands.
Rachel shrugged, "But you love them." Rachel put some of her sleek, dark brown hair behind her ear.
Alex sighed and looked at the tickets in her hand. She looked up at Rachel and sighed, "Uh…thanks."
Rachel smiled and slid her arms around Alex's neck. She looked into her eyes. "Mmm…you're welcome." She sweetly kissed Alex and stepped away, "I have to go change clothes and I'll pick you up?"
Alex nodded, "Okay."
Rachel kissed Alex's cheek and walked out.
Alex slowly closed the door, then leaned back on it and sighed. She looked at the tickets in her hands and then leaned her head back against the door, sliding to the floor.
Marissa was watching the clock, waiting to for the exact time the group usually appeared in the doorway and right on time, Tina, Brad, George, and Tim walked in.
"Hey Marissa," Tina called in her thick British accent.
"Hi," Marissa genuinely smiled, "The usual?"
"Yeah," Tim sat down at their usual table, "But without Rachel and Alex's."
"They're not coming?" Marissa's smile faded.
Tim shook his head, "Rachel said she took Alex to see her favorite band."
"Really? What band?" Marissa feigned naivety.
"The Shins," Tina added.
Marissa bit her lip and disappeared into the kitchen to help Toby with the rest of the order, muttering, "The Shins are not Alex's favorite band."
"Then who is?" Toby asked.
Marissa stopped cold, realizing that her muttering was louder than she was going for. "Death Cab."
Toby nodded, "I figured. She put five of their CDs in the jukebox."
"Sounds like Alex," Marissa shrugged.
Early that morning, Marissa went back to her small apartment and sat on the edge of her bed looking at the door. She didn't really know what she was staring at or why she was staring at it. She knew she should go to sleep because she was picking up the dinner shift at the diner. She decided since she was making nearly double at the diner than she was at the coffee shop, she would quit the coffee shop so that's what she did after she got off at the diner.
Marissa fell back onto the bed and turned on her side to slide the blankets out from under herself. Once she was settled, she rolled onto her side and remembered waking up with Alex's arm draped over her. Alex's hair would fall over her face, but Marissa loved watching Alex's bright blue eyes peek out from behind it when she woke up. She was so innocent and unguarded when she first woke up. The few minutes they spent together in the morning were some of Marissa's favorite moments ever.
Marissa sighed as the thought escaped her and she fell asleep wishing she had a picture of those intimate moments.
There was a knock on the door and Marissa rolled out of bed, ran a hand through her hair, and opened it. Alex was standing there with a white paper bag in her hand. "Hey," Alex nervously smiled, "Did I wake you?"
Marissa smiled back, "Yeah, but I needed to get anyway."
"I brought you lunch," Alex handed Marissa the bag, "Tim dropped my off at the club so I could get some things done. I got done early and he's not picking me up for a few hours so I thought I'd walk over here with lunch."
Marissa carefully took the bag, "Thank you. So much." Marissa set it on the counter, "C'min and help me eat it."
"I really couldn't.." Alex started, but Marissa interrupted her.
"Sit down," the brunette pointed to the counter.
Alex raised an eyebrow, but complied. Marissa hopped up on the counter next to her and pulled out the food.
"Orange chicken," Marissa smiled, "My favorite."
"I know." Was the only response from the bartender.
They sat together and ate in silence.
Once the carton of orange chicken was empty, Marissa got down and threw it away. As she turned around to say something to Alex, Alex slid off the counter putting her well within Marissa's personal space.
Marissa's breath caught in her throat and she could feel the goosebumps materialize on her spine. Her eyes traveled to Alex's lips and she saw the blonde nervously lick them.
That was all Marissa could take. She slowly moved her arms so that they encircled Alex's neck and rested on her shoulders. She gave Alex a few seconds to back away, but she saw the blonde looking back at her with a mixture of shock, yearning, and apprehensiveness. In the end, the yearning must have won out because Alex slid her hands to Marissa's hips.
Marissa slowly and tentatively moved closer to Alex until their lips met. The first touch was delicate, but their lips soon meshed together.
Alex felt herself start to let Marissa in. Letting Marissa take over her senses. She felt Marissa's lips and hands. She heard Marissa's stifled moans. She could smell Marissa's perfume and taste her sweet skin.
In the back of her head there was something screaming to stop. Not to let Marissa have that power over her again. Not to let Marissa back in. Not to lose herself in the girl that broke her heart.
The voice won out and Alex pulled away shaking her head. "I…I can't…"
"Why not?" Marissa asked.
Alex let out a long breath, "I…Rachel…"
Marissa sighed and nodded, "Um, okay."
"Okay?" Alex asked.
"I messed up," Marissa leaned back on the counter. Tears started to well up in her eyes, "But I know I was wrong. I wanna be with you, but…you're happy with Rachel so I'll…"
Alex watched the scene play out in front of her. She didn't feel like she was part of it. Marissa was pouring her heart out to someone off screen. Alex never thought this would happen. She wanted to be with Marissa, oh god, did she want to be with Marissa.
Her heart melted when she saw the tears in Marissa's eyes. It broke her heart every time she saw Marissa cry.
Finally, Alex stepped into the scene. She wrapped Marissa in her arms and held her there. Marissa cautiously put her head on Alex's shoulder and let a few silent tears fall down her face. Alex held onto Marissa's back, pressing their bodies together. Marissa let her arms hold onto Alex's waist as she buried her face into Alex's neck.
Alex sighed. She knew she couldn't resist Marissa much longer. She either had to get away or give in. She looked down at the crying girl in her arms and knew she couldn't leave.
Slowly Alex reached down behind Marissa's knees and picked her up like a baby. Marissa smiled softly at the gesture and Alex set her down on Marissa's bed. As she pulled away, she felt Marissa hold onto her shirt.
Alex smiled and crawled into bed next to Marissa. Immediately Marissa was curled up next to her and her hot breath caressed Alex's neck.
Marissa's legs intertwined with Alex's and she closed her eyes breathing as much of Alex in as possible before Alex decided to leave.
"I need to go," Alex told Marissa while stroking her hair.
"Where?" Marissa asked.
"I have to go to work," Alex explained, knowing that if she didn't leave now she wouldn't be able to. Alex untangled herself from Marissa and stood.
Marissa laid on the bed and watched Alex carefully, "Take my car."
"I don't need to," Alex picked up her phone on the kitchen counter.
"Take it," Marissa insisted, "I don't need it until after you come in for breakfast in the morning. You can give it back then."
Alex slowly nodded, "Okay." She picked up Marissa's keys, "Thanks."
Marissa nodded and yawned.
Alex smiled sweetly, "Get some sleep okay?"
Marissa nodded again, "Thanks for lunch."
"No problem," Alex put her hand on the doorknob.
"Bye Alex," Marissa called.
"Bye," Alex waved and walked out.
Alex got into Marissa's car and laid her head back on the headrest. She let out a long sigh and closed her eyes. She didn't want to do this again. She didn't want to feel anything toward Marissa. But she did. She wanted to help Marissa and take care of her…and be with her.
Alex started the car. She knew that no matter what at least one thing had to be done. She needed to talk to Rachel.
"What?! Why?" Rachel immediately became defensive.
Alex moved the keys from one hand to the other, "I just… can't right now. I need to figure some things out."
"It's Marissa isn't it?" Rachel's anger flared, "Those are her keys! You slept with her!"
"No I didn't," Alex put her hands on Rachel's arms, "I didn't sleep with her."
"But those are her keys," Rachel pointed to the keys in Alex's hand.
There was no denying it. Especially with the silver "M" hanging off of them. "Yeah…but we just had lunch. I was scared she wasn't eating…I'm sorry….I just…I need to go."
"Well…bye Alex," Rachel crossed her arms and kicked at the ground.
Alex looked at Rachel and her heart broke. She couldn't stand what she was doing to her, but it would be worse if she kept stringing her along. Alex wrapped Rachel in her arms and held her tight. She kissed Rachel's temple and then let go. "Goodbye."
Rachel had been a good girlfriend, which was why Alex felt so bad for letting her go. But she wasn't Marissa. Marissa may not have been the best girlfriend, but she had her heart.