Hey everybody! I haven't posted anything in a very long time, and since I already had this written out I figured I'd post it. It's about Inuyasha and Sesshomaru as children. (It's supposed to be funny, but I'm a little rusty on the whole humor thing). It's based on a children's book called "I'll Fix Anthony," by Judith Viorst. It's about a little boy who is picked on by his older brother, plotting all the things he will do to get revenge when he is six years old. Since Inu and Sess are demons, and have a longer lifespan, I changed it to one hundred and six. Hope you enjoy the story!
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha or "I'll Fix Anthony." This is just for fun, and no money is made off this.
I'll Fix Sesshomaru
My older brother Sesshomaru is one hundred and six.
He can read hiragana now, but he won't read to me.
He plays ball with Jaken (and I mean with Jaken) but when I want to play, he says, "Die, half-breed."
I let him wear my fire rat cloak, but he never lets me play with swords… not even my own!
Mother says deep down in his heart, Sesshomaru loves me.
Sesshomaru says deep down in his heart, he thinks I'm a worthless half-breed.
Mother says way deep down in his heart, where he doesn't even know it, Sesshomaru loves me.
Sesshomaru says way deep down in his heart he still thinks I'm a worthless half-breed.
When I'm one hundred and six, I'll fix Sesshomaru.
When I'm one hundred and six, Sesshomaru will get his arm cut off, and Father will take me to practice fighting.
Then Sesshomaru will get hit by the Windscar, and Mother will take me to a Ramen convention.
Then Sesshomaru will get wrapped up in Naraku's tentacles, and I'll have to save him.
When I'm one hundred and six, my hair will be longer and prettier than Sesshomaru's.
My claws will be longer, sharper, and more deadly.
We'll play Jan-ken-pon, and I'll win. Sesshomaru will be pissed as hell.
When I'm one hundred and six, I'll be the manliest man ever.
Sesshomaru will be wearing a fury boa.
"Still getting mistaken for a girl, Sesshomaru?" I'll ask him.
When I'm one hundred and six, I'll know how to use Tetsusaiga.
When Sesshomaru touches it, it will burn him.
When I'm one hundred and six, I'll be a great warrior, afraid of nothing and no one.
Sesshomaru will be afraid of messing up his hair.
When I'm one hundred and six, I'll be tall, but Sesshomaru will be short because he doesn't eat human food.
I'll put his fluffy on the top shelf, and even if he stands on Jaken he won't be able to reach it.
He'll tell me, "Get my fluffy down or I'll slaughter you," and I'll tell him, "say onegai," and if he doesn't, he can't have his fluffy ever again.
When I'm one hundred and six, I'll surpass Father in strength, but Sesshomaru will just whine about how he should be more powerful than me.
When I'm one hundred and six, I'll be voted Third Sexiest Guy in Anime, following Ed and Sasuke, but Sesshomaru will only be Number Four. Eat that, jerk!
When I'm one hundred and six, I'll kill Naraku, but Sesshomaru will only show up just in time to see me deliver the killing blow.
"Better luck next time," I'll tell him.
When I'm one hundred and six, I'll have a whole bunch of friends. I'll even have 2 hot girlfriends, but Sesshomaru will only have a little girl and the occasional obsessed stalker. When the little girl grows up she will probably leave him.
"At least you still have Jaken," I'll tell him.
When I'm one hundred and six I'll ride my girlfriend's bike with no hands.
"Still falling off that two-headed dragon?" I'll ask Sesshomaru.
When I'm one hundred and six I'll let Totosai pull out my tooth to make a sword.
"Try to be brave like Inuyasha," Totosai will tell Sesshomaru. But Sesshomaru won't.
Sesshomaru is chasing me out of the palace.
He says I'm a worthless half-breed.
He says I must die.
I have to run now, but I won't have to run when I'm one hundred and six.
When I'm one hundred and six, I'll fix Sesshomaru.
- The End -
Onegai - please
Jan-ken-pon - rock paper scissors
(Oh, and Inuyasha really was voted 3rd Sexiest Anime guy in a poll in a now defunct anime magazine ... which I really miss. Anyone else remember it? Let me know in your reviews!)