Updated! It's a bit of a shakeup, but baaaaaw this story is my brain, unprocessed, so it's not like I don't expect it. I'm just having fun.

Sorry to Crimson Memories for not being able to get Hotaru in this chapter :(

It seemed like nothing could go wrong – a week past and Natsume was presented with a (I told you so) clean bill of health, and Mikan went on the pill. She had refused to do 'anything' with him that week, but it was because she was on her period, as opposed to mad with him.

Natsume expressed a great deal of surprise at being refused in this way – he had never thought about that before. He was even more surprised to know Mikan had been selectively 'making' their opportunities for sex around her menstrual cycle, and attempted to make a fight out of it. The attempts failed, in the end, when she tied his hands together around the back of a chair and provided him with relief though other channels.

He became even surer, during this time, that he was quite realistically and genuinely in love with her. He couldn't say it, though; he had no idea how she felt, and he was most definitely not going to confess if he didn't know how she would take it. Rejection had never stood well by him, ever.

But that didn't mean things didn't seem perfect – sure, they still had spats from time to time, and she complained about his overbearing hand on their sex life. For example, in his book, no sex because of TMI meant double the alternative routes (Mikan was getting quite good at giving head now – lots of practice), and even when she tried to say no he wheedled it out of her one way or another.

Even if they still had the sex drive of March Hares, which they did, the intimacy was only strengthened by this; knowing a body so well you became comfortable with it.

"Morning," she said sweetly to him on any number of given mornings.

"Hey," he would be likely to say back, and, extending an arm, would lock her neck and drag her against him – be it in a classroom, corridor or pathway. She, being perfectly aware of the situation, would make sure she was in the right places and facing the right way for the kiss. Minty, most of the time and tinged with the smell of sleep; this meeting of their lips was ingrained in their morning routine: a reminder of each other in their lives.

However, the weeks were passing fast, and graduation grew closer and closer. It occurred to Natsume that although he helped Mikan study for university entrance, he actually had no idea where she was going.

"Where are you going?" he asked one day; he was fulfilling his usual role in the library and she had decided to hang around and be a nuisance.

"What?" she replied from across the room, where she had been attempting to nap in an armchair.

"Which university," he said.

"Well, if I do actually get in," she started, and then the colour suddenly drained from her face and she went silent.

"Eh, what's that?" he said curiously. "You're not answering me." Mikan suddenly stood up and crossed the room to his desk, hopping up on it and putting her feet in his lap.

"What does it matter?" she remarked cheerfully, and in one movement he grabbed her ankles and yanked her off the desk, and she yelped as she fell to the floor.

"What, what is it?" he hissed; if there was something she didn't want to tell him, that would mean that it was bad for them.

"Well…" she murmured awkwardly, as if she'd remembered something awful, was trying to break the news of a death to someone . "I'd always kinda planned… and I mean I didn't think anything would change and…"

"What?" he demanded; things couldn't change now, not when they were going well. Not when he loved her.

"I was… gonna go to university… in Hokkaido," she murmured; eyes on the floor.

Natsume felt something crack inside.

"You can't," he said stonily, knowing that she would object to this.

"I'm sorry," she simpered. "I mean, it's not the end of the world; there will still be the time between graduation and…"

"You can't," he restated.

"I can!" she snapped suddenly. "I mean," she said a little softer, "that you can't tell me what to do."

"You're moving away?" he said bluntly. "In what, two, three months?"

"I'm still going to come back down to visit; I promised Hotaru!" she said hopefully. She had promised all her friends she wouldn't be away forever, but when her mom had moved away it had been on the assumption that it would just be so she could finish school in Tokyo, and then move up with the rest of them. "This is my future, Natsume," she pleaded.

"I can't do a long-distance relationship," he stated, and her look turned sour.

"Well it makes it harder for everyone then, doesn't it?!" she growled. "If you won't even consider…"

"It's not won't consider," he informed her. "It's can't." His hands found whatever they could of her – her waist, in this case – and held it tightly. "I just couldn't do it." He looked up at her, and she was reminded that this was the guy who cheated on her because she was holding back on him too long; he was very sexualised (and he'd passed it onto her, as well) and in her heart she understood what he meant.

He simply wouldn't be able to stay faithful if they had to part like that. Even if he hated himself for it.

"Well… I don't know then, do I?" she whispered. "I'm going to go. I have to go."

"When?" he demanded.

"Well, after… after graduation had died down. You know, all the parties and stuff." Natsume felt fear, real fear, as she spoke. This couldn't be happening. Not now.

"And what about me?" he said spitefully, and she gave him an icy look.

"I don't know, I'm not responsible for you; you are," she retorted.

"But if you're moving to the other side of Japan!" he burst angrily, and realizing how needy he sounded quietened down. "If you're leaving," he murmured, "what am I supposed to do." He winced at how pathetic he sounded, even to himself.

"I don't know," she said softly, and he felt her putting her hands on his arms. In all truth she hadn't thought about it like this yet, she just hadn't put two and two together, as stupid as it sounded. But she couldn't give up on her future for the sake of one guy, and they hadn't even been going out for that long. "I really don't know."

They'd been through too much to let it go like this, but what were they supposed to do? She hadn't even applied to any universities in the city. She nearly cried out when he grabbed her and yanked her close – his forehead against her breastbone and his breath warm through her shirt.

"Think of something," he pleaded.

"There's nothing to think of," she replied. "I thought I was going to be sing… I mean, I never thought something like you would happen now, or so quickly." She put her hands on top of his head and ran her fingers through his hair. "There's two choices, aren't there?" she said clearly. "Try to make it work, or call it off and maybe we'll meet again."

"What about the one where you stay?" he mumbled into her stomach, but he felt the sad way she petted him.

"That's not one," she saidsadly. "What am I supposed to do here? I can't get into any of the universities now. Work? Get a full time job? I don't want to be stuck at that level of employment for the rest of my life. My mom... wanted to go to Uni, but she had me. I always thought I'd go to university for the both of us, you know? Live out her dreams too. I have to go, Natsume, but I know… what you're like," she added unhappily. "Wouldn't it be… you know, better, if we just try to wind it down now?"

No, no, no, he didn't want to wind it down.

"How do you mean?" he said, much to his heart's protest.

"When I visit, sure, we can still… and stuff," she explained hesitantly. "But it'll be too hard trying to keep it together and not, well, do other stuff, if we're that far apart.

"Why did this have to happen now!" he shouted suddenly. "Why didn't you say anything before?!" Before I fell in love with you, he meant.

"I didn't think!" she argued. "I didn't want to think, I guess. You took my mind off everything."

"Lot of good it's done us!" he bit. "So this is it? We've got a timer all over again. How long before you leave to go fuck around in Hokkaido."

"How long before you go back to fucking everything that moves here!" she hissed. "It's not been that long; I've been with people longer than this and we can break up better than this."

"We're breaking up?" he asked, suddenly intensely worried, but sounding angry.

"No," she shot; dear god, that was the last thing she wanted. "But… you know I'm going to have to go. I need to go to university, I want a proper life, not some minimum income breadline existance." Mikan had grown up on that kind of income, it was not nice, and it was not what she wanted. She knew how hard it was, and how badly it had affected her mom.

"Why couldn't you transfer?" he suggested. "Stay in Tokyo."

"I can't afford it," she pleaded: Tokyo was expensive. "I want to see my mom again, I want to be close to my family."

What about me? Thought Natsume, and then wondered just why he seemed to think she should consider him family. They were boyfriend and girlfriend, weren't they? Nothing more.

"This… is shit," he muttered. "This is so much shit."

"I know," she emphasised. "If there were a way around it I'd try, but this is just it, Natsume."

"Why now?" he snapped again, reverting to the argument from before. "Why did you have to mention all this now?! Why couldn't you have said at the time!?"

"There wasn't a 'time'," she replied. "It was decided before I even knew you."

"Shit," he cursed. "This sucks." He squeezed her tighter, and she had the notion that he was clinging to her to try and fight off any triggers that felt like going off.

They'd been doing so well. All their counsellors had been pleased with the massive improvement in them both since, well, each other. Even Persona was laying off a little, because neither of them had breached their orders once since they really got close, and as far as the Academy was concerned with people like them anything that worked couldn't be a bad thing.

Mikan tried not to think about what might happen if they separated again.

Then, she told herself to pull it together; he was a guy, nothing special, the world was full of them. He was mean anyway, and pushy, and a lot of things that weren't that great at all.

"I'm not saying we need to, like, break up," she said quietly, and couldn't mean anything more – they were not going to break up after everything. God, what had she been thinking?! Why had she gone on the pill? Why had she stopped thinking about it? When had she forgotten? "We just need to… make it… less hard," she choked, "when it does happen."

"This isn't fair," he said moodily.

"Life isn't fair," she said. "If you really wanted to, I don't mind trying to keep it going after I move, but you…"

"You know I can't do that," he murmured, and that feeling like he was about to collapse came back again. He told himself to get a grip, this was not the end of the world, she was just a girl – like any other – and he would be perfectly able to go on without her. He was not that sad. "I think you have a class now," he said coldly, and she – knowing there was no such class – took the hint and backed away.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I just… forgot."

"Airhead," he said sharply, but it was not a wound intended to hurt.

"I'll… uh, see you really soon, okay?" They both knew that a bit of time apart was the only thing that would stop them going completely nuts at each other. If they were going to be breaking up – which in the end they were – then re-learning how to be on their own would be important.

This didn't mean they'd have to call everything off right away, she told herself; they'd just, well, tone it down. Lessen the dependence. His parents hated her anyway, they'd be glad for it. Ruka would probably do better too, as he'd have his best friend back properly.

She might miss Aoi a little, but she'd miss all her friends. It would… wouldn't be the end. She was well aware that when she did come back to visit, things would end up like that night after the gig all over again, and even the thought of that was some salvation.

They would have to go back to normal contraception, knowing him, and she got angry with herself for stupidly thinking time would go on forever like this, and that her future just wouldn't arrive.

Natsume, meanwhile, locked the Library, throwing everyone out, and then sat in the empty hall just concentrating on breathing in and out. This was awful, really awful, and he could not help being absolutely furious with her.

How could she do this? Make all this and then forget so easily about something that would destroy every last piece? There was no way he'd be able to stay faithful, obviously, and she knew that as well as he did. Why did they have to get so far, do so much? Why did he have to fall in love with her before she remembered they wouldn't be able to stay together for more than another two months?

This was why he hated her sometimes, and it was that anger that gave him the idea. If he could just concentrate on all those things that drove him nuts, made sure only to focus on the things he hated; he'd be able to do it.

He could just… go back to how he was before. When he didn't care, when it was all a game. He'd stopped playing it, but he could go back in whenever he wanted, right?

He could do it, and he would not be the loser of this game. This who-breaks-down-the-most-when-you-leave game; he would win, he always won.

Mikan noticed the change the next time they met up. He seemed more detached, and he stopped looking at her so much. He still touched her just as much, but it was more convenient, more I-couldn't-really-care-less, and more like he was at the beginning of their relationship.

"Are you okay?" she asked in concern.

"Yeah," he clipped. "I'm fine." He looked away. "If you mean about… that, well, I realized it's not, like, that big a deal, really." He looked back at her, but didn't meet her eyes. "We were concentrating on just us, weren't we? The world is bigger than that." He shrugged. "I've got to go to university too, for the first time I'll get out of that fucking Academy." Natsume had been accepted into one of the top universities, completely unatached to the Alice Academy; he was smart enough to be value for the amount of risks he posed, and it was just as obvious to him that he had to stay as it was to her that she had to go.

"Yeah," she murmured; hurt, but not wanting to show it. "You're right." She felt the change, as subtle as it was, and it was not pleasant. It was awful, actually, but she knew that if she could do the same, then they'd be set. She could leave him like this; she knew what he was doing, and she knew that he was making it easier to part. They'd said nothing would change, but it was obvious that softening the blow would take effect immediately. It would take time as it was, but if they could bluff it into looking like it didn't matter, then perhaps she wouldn't have her heart broken.

However, he turned suddenly and kissed her in the middle of a sentence about something so petty and insignificant neither could remember it, and to their relief, and chagrin, the passion was still as strong as ever. He kissed her harder, and his hands closed like vices over any skin he could find. She knotted one hand in his hair, and the other – skirting past the earring he was still wearing – grabbed his collar and pulled him closer. They could make the motions of not caring but their bodies would be harder to fool.

Kissing on the bench they'd stopped at to chat for a while before they made their own ways' home, he dragged her onto his lap and held her like he might if they were having sex. It was a powerful reminder, and their tongues interlaced even more deeply.

"You're on it now, aren't you?" he muttered hotly.

"Mmmn," she moaned her yes into his mouth.

"And it's finished now, hasn't it?" he added a little awkwardly, and she just nodded as their lips reconnected. "Do you want to come back to mine?" he clipped. They were failing at turning the heat down, but it was early days yet. Maybe just one more fuck like that and they could do it more convincingly? The one measure was going to his place instead of hers; he didn't need to feel anymore like that was more of a home than his, so maybe by staying away he could forget a little.

"Oh god yes," she choked, and they staggered onto his route home; spending most of the journey locked fiercely in each other's embrace.

Aoi had some kind of after school club, it seemed, and the house was otherwise empty as they burst through the door. Mikan maintained some dignity in suggesting they find an actual room instead of just doing it on the floor – nice as that was in their experience.

It wasn't just her crying his name as they bundled through the door to his room and rolled onto the bed – unable to come to a consensus on who was doing what, and ending up in a messy tangle that kept swapping over whenever one of them weakened or surged – it was him as well; the name Mikan burning his lips over and over – even as he knew how much it would hurt to love it, and her, he wouldn't stop. He knew for sure he couldn't tell her now, but at least he could feel it.

That said, it was quite cold out, so once they were sans clothes he did drag his blankets around them, but they ended up just as coiled and tangled as their bodies were.

They were so intensely messed up and mixed up, the first of what would probably be a lot of awful but amazing goodbye fucks, that they did not notice a number of things.

Cars in the driveway, front doors closing, footsteps on staircases and squeaky floorboards, ears at the door of his room, door-handles turning made them take just a little bit of notice, but it wasn't until the shocked and disgusted voice came calling, "Natsume?!" and it was not Mikan's, did they realize how bloody fucked they were.

Uh-ohhhhhh!

Leave a review please, there was less explicit sex in this chapter and things are not-so-perfectmebe?