Rated: T. May go up later depending on the direction the story takes.
Pairing: K/S (Although nothing explicit.)
A.N.: Takes place before and during 'The Search For Spock', May be somewhat inaccurate due to my foggy memories of the movie, but this was just banging around in my head. This is my first attempt at Star Trek fiction so any feedback is appreciated. Enjoy.
Inner Workings
Kirk tied his hiking boots with somewhat unsteady hands, as he got ready for his outing with Spock. For once Kirk was so far removed from his comfort zone that he felt unsure of his actions. For a man so confident in himself and a Captain used to making split-second decisions of life or death magnitude, this lack of surety was eating away at him.
He was wary of his every action and in the intervening hours since breakfast Jim had been guarding his tongue adroitly. For a strategist of his renown this was merely another challenge to overcome, but deep inside he felt set adrift and overcome with indecision. His strategy for their time on Risa was simplistic: Avoid the growing intimacy Spock was attempting to encourage between them, and deny and reciprocal feelings when the subject was breeched.
Kirk knew that eventually the Vulcan would force the issue, but for the moment Jim was more concerned with helping his best friend regain his lost memories, and his own piece of mind was secondary to that goal. So it was that with a put-upon sigh Kirk made his way downstairs to a waiting Spock, when indeed all he wished to do was lock himself inside his bedroom and try to come to terms with his own feelings, so recently discovered. Kirk knew deep in his heart that were he to accept Spock's advances only to loose him once his memories returned, he would not survive the encounter wholly intact.
"Let's go then." Kirk began speaking cheerfully while leading Spock from their cabin. "We're burning daylight."
Spock raised an eyebrow at Jim's foreign phrasing. Had this been the Spock of old Jim would have grinned at the amusement his Vulcan was incapable of verbalizing. There was no smile on his face now however, for instead of twinkling eyes that only his captain ever saw, Jim only observed genuine confusion in the Vulcan's gaze at the unfamiliar turn of phrase.
"It just means that it is getting late and I wanted to leave so we have as much time for exploring as possible before it gets dark."
"Why did you not just say so?" The Vulcan asked casually.
"I did." Kirk snapped in an uncharacteristically harsh voice. He immediately felt contrite when Spock's expression closed off completely. "That was uncalled for. I'm sorry."
"Apologies are extraneous."
When it looked as if Spock meant to continue on Kirk grabbed his shoulder forcibly to halt the movement, unreasonably panicked that if he left their relationship wouldn't survive. Kirk did not fool himself into believing he could hold Spock had he not wished to be held, so even though the Vulcan remained turned away Kirk was encouraged.
"Not to me. Look, I didn't mean to be so short with you. I'm a bit… confused at the moment, but I should not have taken my frustrations on you." When Spock remained seemingly unmoved Kirk forced himself to continue. "Uncertainty is not a state I am particularly familiar nor comfortable with. I have a tendency to strike out when I am feeling overly… vulnerable."
It was only at the last agonized whisper that Spock turned to face Jim properly.
"Shall we visit the falls first?" Spock asked seemingly ignoring the full content of Jim's heartfelt apology. Jim relaxed however and took no offense, because Spock's face was no longer a blank mask. Indeed his eyes were crinkling on the sides, the Vulcan equivalent to a large grin.