Disclaimer: The characters within this story all belong to Hoshino-san.
Warnings: This IS a MALE/MALE pairing, so if such things disturb you, or bother you in any way, you should stop reading.
Summary: In which the holidays are explored with the tidbits and the drama of the Kanda/Allen we all love and adore. Yaoi. This will only be updated on holidays that I recognize. Which means that if I know it, I'll probably write it if I have time, or care. Readers should mention closer holidays in reviews for faster updates.
Next Update: Likely to be Easter, unless other, closer holidays are introduced to me.

In A Year
White Day
by: Kagome-reincarnation

Anguish consumed him. He'd been rejected. He didn't know what to do. Kanda hadn't considered that Allen would reject him, and the few subconscious thoughts he'd had on the matter had been swept away by Lenalee's tirade.

Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock...

And yet, he sat against the one door he'd wanted so much to be open; the very door that Allen had slammed shut so quickly. His thoughts converged, following twisting paths and sharp turns, at times completely turning one-eighties, but in the end, he was led to a single, innocent question. Why?

Several hours passed, and he sat there, staring at the guard rail, mind blank, body numb. Finally, he wondered if Allen were sleeping yet. And it was thinking of Allen that finally got him to move once more. Moyashi wouldn't want me to darken his door, he thought, sad eyes closed in an almost-acceptance.

As it was, he might have been rejected, but he still had his pride. He wouldn't speak of the incident. He would forget all of it- the incident itself, the affection for the white-haired boy, and the torn expression on the other cursed boy's face as he'd realized what Kanda was there for.

At least, that's what he'd resolved to do.

In the beginning, it had been easy. The two hadn't been able to look each other in the eyes, so Komui, sensing something was off, separated them, constantly sending them on different missions, and trying to time things so that they rarely saw each other. Of course, after a time, Lavi had complained at being partnered with the same person for so long, and Komui had rearranged things so that when Kanda was on a mission, Allen wasn't and vice versa. This had worked for almost two weeks, but in the end, the one who'd gotten his hopes so high cornered him once more.

"What's going on?" she demanded, obviously not happy with the situation.

"Nothing." he'd responded shortly, wanting to take his leave of her. He'd only just returned from a rather grueling mission, and he very much wanted to take a shower to cleanse himself, or even a bath, if he had the time. As it was, he'd yet to report to Komui as the regulations dictated.

"You're lying." Lenalee glared at him, irked.

"It's none of your business." he said to her, his beautiful eyes and gruff voice stone cold. He gave her a glare of his own, sure to stop her. He couldn't help but feel a little animosity towards her. After all, while she might not have meant to, she'd led him to believe that his own love would fall through easily and well.

The Chinese exorcist backed down, sensing that he was both hurt and angry. Still, she couldn't stop the few words that escaped from her lips, sure to entice the other man.

"Allen cries every night."

Kanda stopped cold, unsure of what to do. What did she even want him to do? Allen wasn't his problem any more. He'd been rejected, simple and plain. Nonetheless, there was the traitorous voice within him that called to him, begging him to listen to her words. It wanted to know why the pure, chaste boy was upset enough to cry, and, moreover, why he was doing so every night.

Seeing that his anger had dissipated and his attention was focused on her, for all he'd turned away, she continued on, feeling that the danger had moved on.

"It's really sad, you know?" While she normally might have enjoyed teasing Kanda, her feelings for Allen were sincere. She thought of him very much as a good friend, possibly even a little brother. The fact that he was hurting bothered her. Stabbed at her, even.

But she knew it would hurt Kanda even more. After all, if a clock loses its timing once, it'll lose it twice. Three times. Four times, even, and many more times after.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Time that Kanda had thought he'd frozen began to move again and he hurt. He wanted to help the subject of his attraction, even if said person hated him.

The thought of Allen hating him jerked him from his reverie. He didn't want the boy to hate him. Allen was precious, even if he denied Kanda's existence. Still, hating me would be better than ignoring me, Kanda mused. He couldn't handle being completely ignored. Still, Allen had been crying.

"Wait a minute, how do you even know that he's been crying?" he demanded of her, eyebrows drawn together in a frown as he looked down at her. He was curious, though. Had she developed a habit of spying on the white-haired boy from some crack in a wall or another? He mentally shuddered, hoping she hadn't. Bad things would ensue.

She hesitated a moment, biting her lower lip before finally giving him an answer. "His room is on the floor just above mine. I know he tries to be quiet, but we've got a vent between the two floors, and it echoes loudly."

The Japanese exorcist sighed, shoulders slowly relaxing from their stiff position. "And he cries every night." he muttered, irked. "Does he say why? Or even over what?"

She seemed as if she were going to respond, before closing her mouth. It felt like an eternity until she managed to get the words out. "No. He never says anything. He just cries quietly by himself." she finally said.

Kanda narrowed his eyes at her. "Now, I thought you didn't want me lying to you. It works in reverse as well."

Lenalee was already shaking her head. "There's a reason he cries Kanda, but I can't tell it to you, because it doesn't make sense."

"If it doesn't make sense, you should be able to tell me." the Japanese boy reasoned. "And you must've thought there was something I could do about his tears if you've come to tell me this."

"I.. I'm not so sure." Lenalee admitted. "I don't know how to help him, but I know you can do it. Helping him, I mean. I don't think he'd respond to me or Lavi if we tried to help."

The nineteen-year-old made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. So what do you want me to do?! he wanted to shout at her, shaking her shoulders at the same time. He restrained himself.

"I'm sorry." she said, voice small. She hadn't thought things through at all, only worried about the boy that slept over her room. "But he's hurt, and you're avoiding him like the plague. It's affecting everyone else, too, you know."

The long-haired man blinked, surprised. "What?" the word came forth without his permission. Still, it was true that he wanted to know, so he didn't bother taking it back.

"It's true!" Lenalee assured him. "Jerry's always worried because Allen's appetite is falling off, and Lavi's always tired now, since he's either working with you or Allen constantly, and when he does get time off, Bookman has him reading things to memorize. Even nii-san is being overworked trying to manage your schedules so they don't collide."

Even... Komui, eh? Kanda exhaled, thinking.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick-tock. Tick. Tock.

"What should I do?" he inquired. He was dubious about asking her about it- the rejection that he'd been given using her advice was still a fresh wound bleeding- but he had no choice. He certainly wouldn't turn to Lavi for help on this.

He didn't know that the red-head was asking Allen the very same question. As Lenalee led him away, to a less public location to share her thoughts, Lavi was watching Allen eat his large dinner.

The white-haired boy was known to have an enormous appetite, but lately, his appetite had fallen to huge, and then to extra large, before falling to simply large. While he might not have worried about it normally, the time period of the decrease in his friend's appetite was simply alarming. A stomach didn't simply contract in two easy weeks, and they both knew it.

"What should I do?" the red-head repeated his question.

"What do you mean?" Allen asked, confused. He took another bite.

"Something's wrong with you, and I'm your friend. What should I do?" Lavi explained. "Is there someone harassing you? Maybe you're just not getting enough sleep? What's wrong?"

Allen chuckled, trying to assure his friend that all was well.

Irritated with his attempts to worm his way out of getting help, Lavi scolded him. "There are circles around your eyes. You almost look like the damned Panda, and you haven't been eating right, and you're not as active. You walk around without any destination- I've seen you walk in circles around the guard rail of floors without even trying to get anywhere! You don't laugh as much, either!"

Allen blinked, surprised. Had he wrought such a change in himself?

"You're getting thinner, and you're starting to turn even more pale, if that's even possible!" Lavi continued his lecture. "I can tell you haven't even been paying attention to yourself since you haven't been training in so long, and you haven't even touched steaks!"

The older boy took a breathe to continue, but Allen held up a hand, smiling at the red-head. "There's really nothing wrong, you know." he said simply.

"Bullshit!" Lavi roared, angry. People from nearby tables jumped, turning in surprise or shock at the sudden loud voice. Lavi's voice could really carry.

Allen winced at the loudness, stopping his older friend. "Alright, alright!" he cried out, worried that Lavi would attract even more attention with his next onslaught of words. "I'll tell you, okay? Just... Wait for me to finish all of this." He gestured at his food.

Lavi nodded, face red. He hadn't meant to become so loud, but it had happened all on its own. He mentally sighed. This was why Bookman wouldn't give him the position yet. Still, Lavi was rather content with where he was as is. He had no need for face paint, anyways.

Still, Allen ended up giving Lavi the entire explanation. He'd told his friend everything, excluding some facts here and there. Lavi didn't need to know why he'd rejected Kanda, but the red-head had still been puzzled over why Allen had rejected Kanda.

In the end, Allen fibbed, saying that he loved Kanda, but it simply wasn't to be. He'd begged Lavi not to say anything, and Lavi agreed, swearing to swallow a thousand needles if he broke his word.

Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

Time passed, and when White Day came, Kanda and Allen remained in their rooms the entire day. Neither of them wanted to face the other. Allen remained hidden because the festivities hurt him. The decorations reminded him of what he would be giving to the jailer of his own heart had he not so cruelly turned him away.

Kanda just refused to come out. White Day reminded him of Valentine's Day, and it didn't help that he had nothing to look forward to, either.

White Day passed with the other members of the Black Order enjoying themselves, though many of them wondered at the absence of the two exorcists. Looks of knowing were exchanged, as well as gifts, and there were whispers and rumors of what might have happened.

Lavi had joined in on the festivities, as well as Lenalee and her brother. Komui had quickly been coerced into doing paperwork by Reever, leaving Lenalee to take care of the arrangements and to oversee the party itself, but Lavi left the festive crowds at midday, hiding behind piles of books in the library.

"What can I do for them?" he pondered. While he'd kept his word to Allen and not said a word to anyone, Lenalee had shared Kanda's story with him, giving him a bit more information.

After a time of pouring over books and simply leaning back to think, an idea struck him. As the grin of the Cheshire Cat which Lenalee had previously held became fixed on his face, he grabbed some sheets of paper and a pen before beginning to write out his plan. With the cooperation of the Chinese siblings and some others within the Black Order, he was hoping the plan would fall through.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.