All I can think of is why. It kills me to know that I'll never know. You can't tell me, not now, and everyone else doesn't know either. It's been two years, and sometimes people say 'It's life' but it isn't. It's death. They shut up after that. I don't want to be bitter and unhappy but this is what you did to me. When you were here I was so alive and free. Now you're gone and those memories are exactly that: memories.
I can't believe I'm writing to you. You're never coming back and a few words won't change that. I don't want to accept this but how can I not? You died, you killed yourself. I don't even know why. You didn't leave a note, you didn't write a will and you didn't tell me. I didn't stop you. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that.
I still love you, and although I know you hated me saying it, I always will. Forever and always. I wish I could laugh, reminisce happily with Caitlyn or Jason. I can't. Mitchie is long gone. I knew she couldn't bare my constant depression. In the end it was me that told her to go, not the other way round. I didn't want to see her so unhappy because of me and because of you.
"Shane, I can help you through this."
She used to say that to me every day, trying to sound positive. I'd reply with something too, mostly reassurance that I could get better. She smiled and nodded, but I knew she didn't believe me.
Why did you do this to me Tess? We could have worked it out. It hurts, Tess.
It hurts because without you I don't think I'll ever be whole again. But then I think that with me you were never whole anyway.
Again, I'm very sorry about not being able to post often but I'm ill today and wanted to write for all you people who follow this. Thanks again for that, it means a lot. So what did you think of this letter? And thank you to everyone that has agreed to guest write! Sorry for the shortness but I feel super ill and I wanted to at least do something to take my mind of it.