In Too Deep
4. Confrontation
She hovered in the doorway uncertainly, one hand on the frame as she stared silently at the figure lying on the bed, his back to her. If he was asleep she didn't want to wake him, but she felt like she had to say something. Make a small amends before the day was completely over.
"Sasuke…"
His shoulders stiffened an infinitesimal amount, only enough for her and her alone to notice. But he didn't turn over or speak. Sakura smiled sadly and spoke her next words to the floorboards.
"I know that you're angry with me because… well because you think I'm stupid-"
"I don't think that you're stupid."
Sakura didn't look up, but continued in the same forlorn voice. "You made it pretty clear that you do. But that's not what I came here to say," she said quickly, before he could interrupt and begin another argument. "I just wanted to say goodnight. So, um, yeah… 'Night Sasuke."
She turned to slip down the short hall to the living room, which is where she decided she would be sleeping since Sasuke had pretty much claimed the only guest room. She heard the mattress springs squeak before she could take two steps, and then Sasuke spoke up.
"Wait, Sakura."
She peeked over her shoulder. "What?"
He was sitting on the edge of the bed, body cast almost completely in shadow. The only light in the house was coming from a lamp in the living room, and the guestroom, being at the very back of the house, received a minimal amount of its light.
"I don't. I don't think you're stupid."
She knew it was his way of saying sorry, but was disappointed that he couldn't just say the actual words.
"Yeah, okay." He didn't stop her from walking away this time. She passed by Lee's bedroom door with inaudible footfalls and switched off the lamp when she reached the living room. She managed to only stub her toe once in her blind search for the couch.
The next day passed in a blur for Sakura. From her first steps outside in the morning ("Oh my god, what's going on? Lee! Why's there a lake where the forest is supposed to be?!") to lunch by the vegetable garden Lee grew behind the house's back wall ("Is that…a flying squirrel in the garden?!" "…Have you never seen one before?") to the three strangers that rode up to the house on horseback in the middle of the day ("Hey, Lee, what do those weird people want?" "They are traders. If you want, I could buy some windows from them.") Sakura was barely able to keep track of all the events that seemed to fly past.
It was only a few hours before sunset when Sakura was finally able to just sit down on the grass in front of the house and let her mind drift sluggishly over memories of the day.
At first, the appearance of the forest-swallowing lake had frightened her, but Lee had finally been able to explain to her that the surroundings around the front of his house were different every day (the plains stretching out behind his house were always there, apparently). He had said something about the forest appearing once every fifteen days; Sakura wasn't sure if she actually believed him, or if she was just letting her mind accept it because there was no better explanation she could come up with.
She gazed tiredly at the calm water shimmering in the afternoon sun, some of the small ripples on the surface caught the light and reflecting it into her eyes so that she saw spots when she blinked. Her eyelids were so heavy; she had barely slept the night before, since there were too many things racing through her mind and making her restless. With a jaw-cracking yawn she let her eyes close, and her head flopped down on the soft grass with a dull thud.
She rested a hand on her forehead and took a deep breath, exhaling it with a gratifying sigh. The sun felt so nice.
The traders, as Lee called them, had appeared in the heat of the day on horses with saddlebags packed with who knew what. Sakura had watched curiously as Lee had gone up to them and asked them if they had windows available. They had said that they would come by the next day with four, and then left.
"They're just going to bring you windows?" she had asked skeptically. "Where do they find them? And how are you going to actually put them into the walls?"
Lee had shrugged. "It should not be too hard to do," he had replied simply, and Sakura nodded slowly, not quite convinced but not about to say anything more.
"You really don't need to go through all this trouble for us, you know."
"Oh no, it is no trouble at all. I believe that windows would make a wonderful addition to my house," he exclaimed happily, and then remembered that he hadn't asked Sasuke what he wanted for lunch and ran inside.
Sakura felt her lips stretch into an amused smile at the memory; Lee was so strange.
"What are you smiling at?"
Sakura felt her face being enveloped in shadow so she opened her eyes to stare up at the figure standing above her. Sasuke stared back down at her with a blank expression and crossed arms, an ethereal border of light lining his form.
"Nothing. You're in my sun, move," Sakura whined, batting at Sasuke's legs lethargically. A small smirk played across his mouth. "Stop smirking at me, jerk face," Sakura said, her voice holding no malice at all. Her arms dropped heavily above her head, and Sasuke nudged one with his foot.
"What are you doing?"
Sakura furrowed her eyebrows. "Lying down. On the grass. It's kinda obvious," she said wearily.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Let me rephrase that. How are you doing?"
"Tired." She raised an eyebrow when Sasuke kept looking at her like he expected her to continue. "Why?"
He shrugged. "I was just wondering," he said and sat down to her left, his shadow shifting over her as he did so. He propped one leg up and rested his arms on his knee.
"Oh. Okay."
"Are you done avoiding me, then?"
Sakura's heart jumped into her throat at the casual question, but she tried to keep her expression neutral. "What do you mean, avoiding you?"
"You haven't said anything to me all day. You only do that when you're mad," he said matter-of-factly.
"I haven't been avoiding you, Sasuke. I've been busy spending time with Lee. Outside. You know, where the fresh air is." She turned her head to frown at him. "Don't go thinking that the world revolves around you."
"I never said that." He didn't seem greatly bothered, and Sakura noted that his eyes had a sort of glazed-over appearance, like he was focusing on something far away that only he could see instead of the conversation.
"But you're implying it."
"All I did was say that you're still upset about yesterday."
She scowled and rolled over to her other side so that her back was to him. She picked idly at some stalks of grass when she muttered, "I'm not mad anymore, so stop bringing it up."
"You're easier to read than an open book, Sakura."
"Whatever," she breathed, and soft tendrils of grass tickled her face.
She heard him sigh. "You're so difficult."
"Look who's talking."
"How am I difficult?"
"Don't get me started," she said with an exasperated edge to her voice. "Look," she began suddenly, rolling over to face him once more. "How about this: you drop this whole stupid argument about me avoiding you – which is totally not true – and I'll stop being difficult," she offered, exaggerating the last word.
Sasuke leaned back on his elbows, looking bemused. "What are we, seven?"
"We are settling this diplomatically. How is that immature?" Sasuke opened his mouth to speak but Sakura cut him off. "No, no talking," she ordered and threw a handful of grass in his face. She bit back a grin at the disgruntled scowl on his face and punched his arm lightly. "That's what you get."
"For what?" he asked, completely bewildered, as he brushed the green stalks off of his front.
"For being a grumpy old man." She sighed. "Really, Sasuke, what would you do without me? I mean, sometimes I wonder if you would just die of grumpiness if I wasn't around to lighten you up. I can see you trying not to smile," she added, but fought to sound more irritated than pleased. It took a lot of effort to keep her brows furrowed.
Sasuke shook his head, though there was a glint of grudged amusement in his eyes as he did so. "What would I do without you?" he repeated, smirking at her. "I would definitely have fewer headaches."
Sakura wrinkled her nose at him but didn't rebuke; instead she rested her head on her left hand and let out another sigh. A few strands of pink hair fell across her face, and she blew at them idly, but they fell limply back down to obscure her vision slightly. She heard Sasuke mutter something, and suddenly his hand was on her face, brushing her hair behind her ear in one gentle motion.
She was sure that her heart had skipped a few beats. When she could feel again, there was a tight, almost painful feeling in her ribcage. Her jade eyes flickered to Sasuke's dark ones and she blinked blankly.
"What?" he asked, the maddening smirk still on his face.
"What do you mean what? What was that?" Sakura asked him. She was uncomfortably aware of the way his eyes seemed to be boring into her face, almost as if they were looking for something beyond the flesh and bone. He was analyzing her, and he was enjoying himself.
He chuckled and let his head fall back onto the grassy ground, giving her no answer besides silence as he stared up at the sky. She felt the crease in between brows deepen as she looked at him and resisted the urge to scratch the place on her face where it tingled because of his light touch.
"Fine," she grumbled, bothered by his lack of response. She worked on un-tensing her facial muscles as she averted her gaze from his face to stare determinedly at a fluffy white cloud overhead. It moved slowly in the almost-still sky. The edges of the horizon were just beginning to turn a tinge of violet.
Sasuke's voice intruded on her observations. "You're easy to upset."
Sakura pursed her lips. "And what is that supposed to mean. Are you pointing out something you've just learned, or what, exactly?"
"No, it's definitely something I've noticed before," he said evenly, "I just felt like pointing it out now when you're doing so much to prove my point."
Sakura folded her arms over her chest and bit her tongue. She heard the grass rustle as Sasuke tilted his head to look at her. "I wasn't saying it in a negative way," he amended in the same matter-of-fact way, giving no more emotion to his statement than he deemed necessary.
"Well, you weren't saying it in a positive way either."
"Wouldn't that mean it was neutral; neither good nor bad?" he asked, haughty grin audible in his tone.
Sakura shifted to her side and looked just below his chin when she said, "You tell me."
He was quiet for a long moment, and finally answered, "I wasn't saying it in a negative way."
"Way to be repetitive."
"Are you saying that in a negative way?"
Sakura couldn't help it; she grinned, albeit reluctantly, when she glimpsed up to see Sasuke giving her a pleased look, an eyebrow raised. "Very witty," she responded sarcastically.
"Well?"
"And what would you say if I said yes?"
"I'd say that you just don't want to admit that your answer is no," he said without missing a beat. He moved his hands to rest under his head.
Sakura changed the subject. "Why did you follow me here? Through the door, I mean."
Sasuke's eyebrow rose in a completely different expression, one of surprise. It was obvious that he had not been expecting such a question. "Why?" he asked.
"Because, I want to know. Why did you do it, Sasuke? You had so much back there; you had so much going for you. Money, a promising future…money."
"And you're saying you had none of these things?"
Sakura laughed humorlessly. "You know I had nothing, Sasuke. I had no money, I had no future. My family wasn't even a family, in my eyes. I wasn't risking losing anything."
"What about me?"
"I-" Sakura immediately felt ashamed, unable to meet Sasuke's eyes. She twisted a stalk of grass around her finger subconsciously. "I didn't mean that," she said in a small voice. "I just meant… Sorry…"
"No, I know what you meant. And to get to what I know you wanted to ask: no, I do not regret following you here. Having one's life already planned out, step by step and day by day, isn't quite as appealing as you might think."
"But what if you want to go back? No one ever has before."
"Why would I even think about wanting to go back?" he asked incredulously.
"Because you're sixteen and young and maybe one day you will realize the foolishness of your actions. You'll realize that you were being irrational and that you are now stuck in some crazy, messed up world where nothing is like what you are used to expecting."
"Are you speaking for yourself?"
Sakura looked up, startled, to find Sasuke analyzing her again. She thought about his question, and found herself unable to answer with a concrete yes or no. He seemed to understand from her expression, and gave her the shadow of a comforting smile.
"You really do worry too much. You're here by your own decision, so stop trying to find things to dwell on. Just…enjoy yourself."
Before that moment she had not been completely aware of this other side to her opinions about her daring move to step through the door. Of course, she had been aware of her initial doubts about the strange new world she had found herself in, but once she had grown comfortable with Lee and the surroundings she was in she had assumed that her worries had passed. Evidently, they had not.
"Hmm," she hummed. "You're being awfully optimistic. It's kinda weird." She didn't mention how he had been the negative one in the beginning, when they had been going though the forest.
Sasuke shrugged awkwardly, his shoulders unable to make the correct movement since they were pressed against the ground. Sakura found it amusing and grinned.
"There's grass in your hair," she said. A stray piece of green had gotten trapped in his dark locks when she threw the handful at him. "No, more to the left. Left. Down. More. Right there. Come on Sasuke, it's not that hard."
She batted his hand out of the way and plucked the offending piece of greenery out of his hair. "Really," she sighed, flicking it away.
The look he gave her next confused her. His lips were tensed at the corners like he was indignant at something, yet she could tell that he wasn't mad; there was no anger tangible in the air. His eyes were like liquid onyx – so dark that it was impossible to tell what was hidden in their depths, but magnetic in a way that she knew could be dangerous if she wasn't careful. She had to be careful.
She wasn't sure if it was too late when she caught herself and severed the invisible thread connecting their gazes, forcing her eyes to the ground. Strange, scary thoughts were brewing in her mind; she pushed them back before she was able to hear them clearly. Their faint murmurs still hung over her consciousness like a threatening rain cloud.
She pushed herself to her knees and then her feet, keeping extreme attention on her movements so that these were the only thoughts in her head. She suddenly noticed that her hands were fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, and she forced her fingers to straighten out and smooth out the wrinkles in the fabric.
"Is something wrong?" came Sasuke's smooth voice. Her eyes flickered to his out of habit and years upon years of friendship, and she tipped her head in an innocent smile that she had been perfecting as of recently – it was not something natural and not something she was used to, yet.
"I just realized, Lee might want some help cooking dinner."
With that she turned on her heel, something heavy at the pit of her stomach as she began to walk away.
Does he…?
She made herself stop and look back over her shoulder to where Sasuke was still lying on the grass, head resting in his hands, eyes already trained back on the sky.
No, what am I thinking? There's nothing for him to know. Stop being stupid, Sakura.
She sighed, long and heavily, and finished her trek back up to the small house on the top of the gentle slope, a long shadow stretching out behind her.
A/N: Seriously, i don't really like this chap. It just doesn't feel quite right to me...but i gave up trying to fix it 'cause i didn't know what to do. I know what i wanna put in the next chap, and i already like it better than this one. Now i just have to get myself to start it...