Chapter 3: Reflection

Sasuke entered his apartment with his arms full. He had just come back from the market with items to restock his kitchen. His apartment was very large. It had three bedrooms, and each bedroom had its own bathroom. It had a living area, a dining area, a kitchen and a half bathroom. It really was too large for someone living on their own, but at the time it was one of the only places available at such short notice. Anyway it was only temporary while his family home was being redone. He was actually quite hesitant to move in when the modifications were done. He wasn't sure what his reaction would be.

As he made his way to the kitchen he was reminded of a time that Sakura had invited him over to her house for dinner. To this day he still couldn't understand why he was agreed, but he didn't regret it. He discovered that her family was warm and generous. It was apparent where Sakura developed her personality. Her parents made him feel welcome and didn't ask him uncomfortable questions. All in all it really was a nice evening. In fact, it was probably the nicest evening of his whole life since the slaughtering of his own family. Thinking of the death of his parents made him wonder what had happened to Sakura's own. Were they murdered? Was there some sort of accident? He really wanted to know, but he was afraid to ask someone.

After he had put up the groceries, he went to the living area to sit down. He was restless; he wanted to be out doing things, helping the village, and making up for his absence. On the plus side he would be able to begin training again in two weeks. The elders would also decide at that point whether he would be allowed to test as a jounin, or if he would have to start over as a genin. He really hoped he could jump straight into the jounin exams, but if they made him start all over again, he would take it with a grain of salt. After all, deep down he felt he deserved it. In fact his sudden return had been met with surprising leniency. Perhaps they were grateful that he had given up on his quest to destroy the village. Whatever the reason, he couldn't complain. He was home and he was satisfied.

When he finally shook his thoughts away he glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already well into the afternoon. He decided to go for a walk to clear his mind before he returned to make dinner. He stepped outside and as he turned to lock his front door he noticed another envelope taped to it addressed to him. His stomach began to do somersaults, and his palms got sweaty. It was strange how it felt almost like an adrenaline rush. The only time he experienced that was in the excitement of battle. He took the envelope and made his way back into the apartment. Instead of entering the living area he made his way to the dining room table. He pulled out a chair, sat down, opened the envelope and began to read the letter.

Dear Sasuke,

I won't lie; I was very surprised that you wrote back to me. It was a pleasant surprise though. I appreciate the thought and effort; it only proves how much you've changed for the better. Don't get me wrong, you weren't a horrible person before, but your people skills left something to be desired. It's nice to know your not carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders anymore. Nobody deserves to live like that.

I have so much that I want to tell you. Years and years that are just bursting to come forth, but I don't know where to start. I don't really want to tell you about the tough times, because you might feel bad, but at the same time you really wouldn't understand the person I am now without the tough times. To be fair I will tell you everything (within reason) a little bit at a time. I'll wait for your response after each letter before I write you another one. Perhaps overtime we can become friends and talk in person like regular people, until then you are going to have to bear with me.

I'll start at the beginning after you began your journey. I was pretty much inconsoleable for a few weeks. I just went through the motions of living. Sometimes I wouldn't get out of bed all day. I finally snapped out of it when I realized how much I was worrying my family and friends. I still felt distant, but I made an effort to continue living. I had a new hope in the form of Naruto, he swore he would get you back at any cost, and I believed him because when he sets his mind to it he usually succeeds. It was disheartening when he came back empty handed every time, but I knew he would never give up.

During this time Tsunade became Hokage, and she took me under her wing. I took the opportunity to learn as much as I could about fighting and healing. It was the chance of a lifetime. I always found it ironic that you, Naruto and I were trained by the three legendary saanin, but maybe it was destiny. Anyway I don't think you actually learned much from Orochimaru, he doesn't seem like the "teaching" sort. Not that your strength and abilities aren't impressive, but you probably would have become just as great on your own. You never needed Orochimaru's help; you just needed to believe in yourself like everyone else did.

After a year Ino and I became even closer. She was like the sister I never had. Our petty fights seemed pretty insignificant after you left. Than she began dating Choji, and our old rivalry just dissolved. She always did understand me like nobody else could. I guess being a female she could relate to my dilemma.

I began reflecting on my past behaviors, and it was a rude awakening. I guess I just didn't see what a fool I was making of myself. I'm surprised I wasn't the butt of all jokes. I was blinded by my affections for you, and at the time I couldn't see what a pest I was being. You called me "annoying" countless times, and I still didn't get the hint. After realizing this I couldn't be angry with you anymore about your treatment of me as children. You still were pretty harsh though, for future reference you may want to handle an unwanted crushee with a little more finesse. I also realized that our situation was the same situation with Naruto and me, only reversed. I began treating him differently that day. I didn't encourage his advances, but I let him know that I loved him in my own way.

Things changed between us after that. He became one of my most trusted confidantes, right behind Ino. Little by little he helped me to see my own worth. He made me realize that I was a person with feelings and emotions and I deserved to be treated with respect. I began to be more vocal about my opinions; I was slowly coming out of my shell. I was able to put thoughts of you to the back of my mind and focus on what was important; everyone that was precious to me and my training.

All good things don't last though, experience has taught me that much. Things were about to go downhill for me again. It wasn't just one incident, it was a series of occurrences that I almost didn't make it out of. I'll leave the explanation for my next letter. Remember I'll only keep writing as long as you keep writing. If you stop responding, I'll assume it's because you don't want to hear from me anymore.

Sincerely,

Sakura

Sasuke put down the letter and sat for a time. He was resisting the urge to hunt her down, and pour out his heart to her. It wouldn't be fair for Sakura though. She has her life in order and doesn't need him coming in a disrupting everything, no matter how much he wants to see her. Of course he would be writing back. He wanted to know everything about her. She seems so wise now. It really is amazing how time can change people. In his case he knew he was a better man, and from what Sakura had written him she appears to be a better person as well.

They both became better people without each other. Maybe that's what was supposed to happen. Maybe he was supposed to break her heart so she would be able to stand-up on her own. Maybe he was supposed to hurt her so that all those years on his difficult journey he would remember her face and hope to never see it with such pain again. That still didn't excuse his treatment of her before he left. She may have forgiven him, but he would never forgive himself. There were times when he would treat her the way friends are supposed to treat one another, but there were more times when he treated her like dirt. To this day he still couldn't understand why he did it, but he supposed he was afraid.

He sat at the table for a few more minutes, before he decided to take the walk he had planned on earlier. He wanted to write back to her right away, but he thought maybe after he cleared his head he would have better luck with what he wanted to say. On that final thought he grabbed his apartment key and set off.