Hey everyone! Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate them.

AN: To girlalicious, I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but I will tell you that Sasuke and Sakura will talk face-to-face at some point.

Chapter 4: Relapse

Sakura walked through the woods humming softly to herself. She had no destination in mind, she just felt that she needed to leave and get some perspective. It had been almost two weeks, and Sasuke hadn't written back. The logical part of her mind knew that this was probably a good thing, because having him in her life would just complicate matters, but the part that still felt Sasuke hung the moon was crushed. She was angry at this part of herself, because it meant that no matter how hard she tried she would never be able to completely forget about him. It meant that despite how much she had matured there would always be a little part of her twelve year old persona hanging around, making things difficult.

It was a beautiful day. The wind was gently blowing, spreading the fragrance of spring. The buds were opening to reveal their beauty, and everywhere across the horizon signs of new life were prevalent. The scenery should have soothed her, helped her get her life on track. The only thing it was making her feel was finding Sasuke and pouring her heart out to him. The only thing stopping her was Shikamara. As much as she still loved Sasuke, she also was in love with Shikamara. He was with her through all the tough times, and he deserved all the happiness in the world, and despite her lingering feelings for Sasuke she wanted to be apart of his happiness. She knew she was being selfish and illogical, but she couldn't help it. It had been such a long time since she had felt so much at once that it was a little overwhelming.

After about an hour of wandering and mental debate she decided to head back to the village. It would be night soon and she didn't want to worry anyone. When she was about five minutes away from the village she stopped. She could hear someone not to far away, and it sounded like they were training. Normally she would just keep walking and pay no mind, but for some reason her curiosity got the better of her. She began walking towards the sound. For some unknown reason every step closer to the sound made her more apprehensive. She didn't want to disrupt anyone's training, but she still wanted to see who it was, because most ninjas do their training in the village boundaries. She jumped up into the trees and decided to keep going, but at a stealthy pace. It took a few minutes, but she finally discovered the source and her heart stopped when she realized who it was.

It was Sasuke. Deep down she felt that she probably already knew it was going to be him. Part of her wanted to leave right away before he noticed her, but a bigger part and ultimately the part she listened to wanted to stay and watch for awhile. He was as beautiful as she remembered, maybe even more so because his face held a wisdom that had not been there in his younger years. His moves were smooth, almost like he was moving under water. Sweat poured off his body, and determination was etched on his brow. It there were ever a moment she would want to freeze in time and save forever it would be this one. She watched for a few moments more, before her thoughts and feelings began to be too much for her to handle. She left in a flash, and ran the rest of the way home. Her heart was racing and her stomach was in knots.

By the time she reached her apartment she had calmed down, and the logical part of her brain had taken over again. She kept telling herself that it was useless to feel anything for him because she was getting married in two weeks, and he obviously wanted nothing to do with her since he hadn't written back. She grabbed her mail from the box, than she let herself into her apartment. She headed toward the kitchen to grab something to eat, while she sorted her mail. When she reached a certain piece she stopped. It was a blank envelope with no addressee on it. Butterflies began swirling in her stomach, because she knew who it was from without even opening it. She dropped the rest of her mail on the floor and sat down in front of her cabinets. Slowly she opened the envelope, took out the papers and began to read.

Dear Sakura,

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write back to you. In all honesty I've started about a hundred letters, only to get frustrated midway and scrap them. I hope you don't think that I don't want to talk to you, because I really do. I just have trouble expressing myself sometimes (but you already knew that huh?). Tsunade gave me the okay to begin training yesterday. I wanted to start right away, but my mind wouldn't let me go until I wrote you something. I think I'm having so much trouble finding the words to say, because I want it to come out perfect. Your last letter really moved me, and as cheesy as it may sound I want you to feel the same when you read these words.

For days I sat and pondered on what I could say to you that would possibly mean anything. I thought about revealing what I went through these past few years, since you were sharing your time with me, but than I realized that those are times I'd rather forget. I'm not proud of the person I became, but at that point it really seemed like the only option to get the job done. I could tell you about the person I am now, but I'm still getting to know him myself. I thought of telling you about the person I'd like to become, but than I realized that as much as you may hope things will turn out a certain way, they usually don't. Than I remembered how cold I was before I left.

I was here, but really only physically. I went through the day to day motions like I was expected to, but I never let anyone in. I had thoughts and opinions, but I kept them locked inside. What I'm getting at is since there aren't too many happy times in my past; I want to let you know what I was thinking during the times that were good. I'll start with the first day of ninja academy.

I was five years old, and I was feeling apprehensive. I had a lot to live up too, because my brother Itachi was a gifted genius, and everyone was expecting me to follow in his footsteps. All I really wanted to do was run around like crazy, getting dirty and having fun. The first day was a disaster, everyone thought I was weird, and all the girls in class kept gawking at me. It made me feel so self-conscious. When we were allowed outside to play I really wanted to join the other boys in their games, but I was too shy to ask, so I hid behind a tree and observed. I noticed you right away. It would be impossible not to notice pink hair. The kids were teasing you, and you were crying. I wanted to go out and help you, but I was afraid. By the time I had built up enough courage to go to you, Ino had beaten me to it.

Sometimes I think about how different our relationship would be if I had just gone over and talked to you. I guess things worked out for the better though, because you found a friend for life. Truthfully when I look back most of the time I am disgusted with myself. I was weak. I could barely stand on my own feet, how could I expect to help anyone else?

Another memory I often find myself going back to is when Naruto, Kiba, Shikamara, and Choji were getting lectured by Iruka-sensei. I wanted to be apart of their fun so much. I wished that I could slack off and just be a kid, but that would have been unacceptable for a member of the Uchia clan. I called Naruto a loser numerous times, but I never really thought he was. I think deep down I was jealous. I was jealous, because he seemed so free. Even when everyone was making fun of him, he oozed confidence and knew that no matter what people said he would attain all his dreams. It's funny that what I was most jealous of, ending up becoming what I respect most about him.

The day that it was announced that we would be a part of team 7 I acted annoyed. The fact of the matter was that I was a little excited. I had the two most interesting people in my group. Naruto may have been a goof, but he always had something up his sleeve, and you were the smartest female. Since I'm being so honest I may as well admit that you were easy on the eyes too. All the male shinobi would agree to that. I was cold and aloof, because I never wanted you guys to no how much I really depended on you. It would have been a sign of weakness, and after my clan had been slaughtered weakness was unacceptable. Now that I'm older I realize I had it wrong. Having people you care about, and who care for you in return doesn't make you weak. It makes you strong. I guess in that sense Naruto was a more intelligent ninja than me.

It's funny that I had so much difficulty deciding what I would say to you, because now that I've started the thoughts just keep pouring out. I'm going to come to a close here though, because I want to leave some thoughts for my next letter. Yes, I'm going to keep writing to you. Even after you get married, and if Shikamara doesn't like it he's just gonna have to deal with it. I'm sorry I didn't realize how precious you are until it was too late. You really are so very special and I'll take you in my life in whatever capacity you'll let me have. I hope to hear from you soon, and I promise it won't talk me two weeks to get back to you.

Sincerely,

Sasuke

Sakura finished the letter, closed her eyes, and let out a soft sigh. The butterflies that had made themselves at home in her stomach earlier were back, and were not going away anytime soon. It was almost too much to handle. First she sees Sasuke, discovers that he's even more handsome than ever, and than this! She laughed bitterly to herself at the cruel nature of the universe. Just when it seems like she can finally have Sasuke in the way she always dreamed of, she's unavailable. She must have really been a tool in another life.

She knew that she could end it all, by not writing back. They could make a clean break, and pretend that none of this had ever happened, but even as she was thinking that she knew she couldn't do it. Sasuke was like a drug, and no matter how hard she tried, she could never quit. She knew that she was just complicating matters more, but she couldn't help it. In her mind she reasoned that she wasn't leading him on and nothing would come of it because they were just two friends reacquainting themselves with one another. Too bad that even as she was thinking that, she knew it was a lie.