Let's Exit Hell Together
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything on it only the horrible situations I put the characters in. Heh poor poor bastards. XD
"Another day in this hell hole huh?" the Uchiha stared at the ceiling as he lay in his bed, hands linked behind his head, he knew it was only two days left until he could finally go home. For the past three days the two really hadn't gotten any guest, well besides Kakashi dropping in just yesterday to see if Sasuke had forgotten to tell Itachi about Jiraiya and Kakashi's little 'dress up' party with Keri. "I wonder if he'll come around again, maybe not considering I already told Itachi, he's probably staying away from anyone who even says Uchiha. Heh." Sasuke had a habit of talking to himself when he got really bored. "Well I wonder what I can do today. Sakura isn't feeling to well so she's out of the question, maybe that loser will come by today other than that I really have nothing to do, this sucks damn it" well he wasn't sleepy and he wasn't hungry, so what could he do? "Damn this is boring" he said angrily. "Well no use in staying in bed complaining I'll walk around the hospital for a bit I'm bound to run into someone eventually, damn I've never been this bored before!" Sasuke began to get frustrated; he got off his ass and wandered into the hall, he noted that the hallway was very long, so after he was out of the hallway he reached the nurses station, he hid behind the corner right before a nurse was going into the back room with a tray. "Good thing its lunch time" he thought. So after it was all clear Sasuke went down to the cafeteria. "Blech. This stuff stinks and they call this food?" he said "I hate to admit it but I miss Keri's food wonder why she stopped bringing us breakfast?" he thought puzzled, after a moment he found himself standing in line the closer he got to the food the more it made him want to barf. "Hey Sasuke what are you doing here?" a familiar voice said from behind the boy.
"Eh? Ino? Well I could ask you the same thing" Sasuke answered.
"Well I'm here with Choji and Shikamaru, Choji had to get his stomach pumped again and today he is able to eat so he wanted to come here since it's the closest place to eat" Ino cheerfully explained.
"You guys are really going to eat this crap?"
"No only Choji" Shikamaru said walking up from behind Ino.
"Anyway aren't you supposed to be in bed?" Ino asked raising an eyebrow.
"No. Maybe, but I got bored so I decided to walk around"
"Where's Sakura? Still in bed?" the girl looked a bit puzzled.
"Yep. She said she wasn't feeling all to well so she wanted to stay in bed," he pointed out. "So I'm kinda on my own today, I don't know why they wont release me I feel fine."
"Ha! You wont be released until they tell you you can go, you can be in perfect health and they still wont let you go until the said release date is here!" she laughed
"Oh, well looks like Choji has his food so we're going Sasuke! Bye!"
"See you around Sasuke." Shikamaru said lazily.
"See ya" was Sasuke's reply. Sasuke looked up at the clock, "Wow I can't believe I killed a whole twenty-two minutes," the Uchiha said sighing. "Maybe I'll go check on Sakura now" going back the way he came Sasuke paused once he came back to the nurses station, he made sure the coast was clear before sliding across the floor in his socks to the other side. "Safe!" he whispered. After another minute of tip toeing Sasuke finally made it to Sakura's room he knocked first then opened the door. "Sakura? Are you awake?" now he completely opened the door. "Where are you going Sakura?!?!?!" Sasuke yelled seeing his friend dressed in her normal clothes instead of the hospital gown like himself.
"Shhh!" Sakura said as she buttoned up the last button on her shirt. "I'm going home and if you wanna come then you better go and get dressed!" Sasuke was gone before Sakura could even finish her sentence. He came back dressed and ready to go in less than three minutes. The two jumped out of Sakura's window and they beat a hasty retreat.
"Well look who couldn't take anymore of her second home" Sasuke said out of breath, they stopped running after they put enough distance between them and the hospital.
"Oh shut it I just couldn't take that disgusting food! I thought I was gonna die! I stopped eating cause of that crap they are feeding the patients; I have to remember to complain to Lady Tsunade about that." Sakura said out of breath as well. "I'm starving!" she complained as they made it to her house. "Well I'll see you later Sasuke, tell Keri I said hi" she went inside, not waiting for Sasuke's response.
"Alright bye, geez that was polite," he said turning on his heels and walking away. After seven or eight minutes, Sasuke was standing outside the Uchiha Clans residence. He made it home without getting caught by a nurse. "Finally I don't think I could have taken another day of that hell hole." He said walking up to his house. "Well at least I can sleep in peace now, not worrying when the next nurse is coming in with those knives they call needles." Chills went down Sasuke's back as he walked toward his room, "Just thinking about it gives me the creeps" he whispered, he spotted Itachi and Keri sleep on the couch in the living room so he tip toed the rest of the way to his room. "I wonder how long it will take Itachi to notice that I'm here." He said lying on his bed. "Hmm I wonder if brother will ever break up with Keri they've been together for sometime now and if not does he intend on marrying here?" Sasuke thought randomly aloud.
"Talking to your self again eh Sasuke?" Itachi said as he popped his head in from the hallway, waiting to be allowed in. Sasuke nodded for him to come in.
"So when did you know I was here?"
"The moment you set foot on Uchiha grounds" Itachi smirked; Sasuke frowned.
"Oh. So what did you and Keri do today?" he asked looking curious.
"Nothing that interests you" Itachi said looking away from his younger brother.
"So you two"- Sasuke was interrupted.
"No. We just talked for awhile," Itachi said bluntly.
"About?"
"Beating the crap out of Kakashi and that pervert Jiraiya"
"Are you serious?"
"No. Why are you asking me so many questions?"
"I'm bored damn it is it a crime to be bored?!"
"For you yes." Itachi said chuckling. "Well anyway I better get back to Keri before she notices that I'm gone. Bye." Itachi said leaving; he returned to the living room and got in his previous spot on the couch next to Keri.
"Where did you go?" Keri asked sleepily, never opening her eyes.
"No where go back to sleep" Itachi said rubbing his lovers back. Keri went back to sleep a few seconds later. Sasuke followed Itachi, he did not go all the way into the living room but he did peek in there to see what happen he seen Itachi and Keri snuggled up to each other. Sasuke sighed and went back to his room.
"Man I wish me and Sakura's relationship was like brother and Keri's," Sasuke said as he made it back to his bed "Well I'm just going to have to make it like theirs." he said sounding determined.
After a couple of hours of sleep, Sasuke woke up and went straight to the kitchen he opened the refrigerator and blinked stupidly. "Damn it's all gone," Sasuke said looking in the completely empty refrigerator. "Why can't Keri go to the grocery store like all the normal women do?" he said sounding mad. "I'll mooch off that loser Naruto he'll buy me some ramen." Sasuke said with a smirk.
"Itachi I'm leaving!" Sasuke yelled from the front door. Why do we have to tell each other when we are leaving its annoying, another rule Itachi made up. Sasuke thought to himself. It took his brother a few moments to answer.
"Alright!" Itachi said Sasuke barely heard him but he did, and heard exactly why it took him so long to answer. Sasuke frowned in disgust "I hope you two are done by time I get back!"
"Shut up and leave already!" Keri said a little out of breath.
"You two disgust me, don't you guys ever take a break?!" Sasuke yelled, a moment passed before someone answered Sasuke.
"No! Don't be jealous because you can't get any Sasuke!" Keri yelled.
"Yeah, yeah I'm leaving" Sasuke beat a hasty retreat when he heard the door slide open. Sasuke began walking toward Naruto's house. "Man you would think they would be sore in some kind of way," Sasuke said sounding a little freaked out. "Ew, mental image ok I'm officially scarred for life." Sasuke said as all of the color left his face. After a few minutes, Sasuke made it to Naruto's house.
"Hey Sasuke what are you doing here?" the big blue eyed boy asked.
"Want to get some ramen with me? That hospital food is disgusting and I haven't eaten all day" Sasuke said holding his stomach.
"Oh sure let me grab me jacket" Naruto said turning around to going back into his house. "Ahh!" Naruto screamed as he was tackled to the ground by an overgrown wild dog. "Stop it Mushin! I have to leave!" he said trying to push the wolf like creature off him, but Mushin licked his face furiously.
"Come here Mushin" Sasuke snapped. Mushin immediately went to Sasuke's side and howled, Sasuke bent down to pet him. "Do you miss Keri?" he asked, Mushin gave Sasuke a simple bark in response. "Ok I'm going to bring you with us so you can see her ok"
"Ok let's go Sasuke" Naruto said with a very familiar orange jacket on.
"Right" Sasuke said the three were on there way to Ickarachi Ramen Shop; they made it 5 minutes later. Mushin waited outside, it was no pets allowed but Mushin happily ate his ramen that Naruto bought for him. Naruto had twelve bowls of pork-flavored ramen and Sasuke had five bowls of chicken flavored ramen.
"Wow I'm stuffed" Naruto said exhaling; he took out his frog wallet ready to pay the bill. "How much old man?" Naruto asked. After Naruto paid the bill his wallet was completely empty and Naruto began to cry as he put his now empty wallet into his pocket.
"Thanks Naruto" Sasuke said patting his stomach in relief.
"Don't mention it" Naruto said still crying. They went their separate ways, Sasuke and Mushin headed back to the Uchiha residence while Naruto headed home.
"I hope my brother and Keri are done cause I really don't wanna hear it tonight." Sasuke began to frown. They arrived home not to long after parting ways with Naruto. Sasuke peeked in the living room to see if it was safe to go in. "So far so good Mushin." Sasuke said looking down at the wild dog. Sasuke went over to Itachi's room and knocked on the door.
"Come in" Itachi said.
"Is it safe? Are you two decent?" Sasuke asked opening the just enough for hi nose to fit through.
"Of course we are or we wouldn't let you in" Keri hissed. Sasuke slowly opened the door and spotted Keri first noticing Keri was decent, well as decent as Keri was going get, So Sasuke slid the door all the way open and without missing a beat Mushin was in the room and licking Keri's face like a mad dog.
"Ahh!" Keri said laughing. "I missed ya buddy!" she said as she pet her best friend. Mushin began to whine. "Hm? What's that? Naruto didn't play with you at all? Ok I'll talk to him m'kay?" Keri said looking serious. Mushin was wagging his tail so fast and hard it could have knocked someone out if it made physical contact.
"What's with that face?" Keri asked looking at Sasuke.
"Huh? Oh its nothing, I'm going to bed" Sasuke said leaving.
"GOODNIGHT SASUKE-KUN!" Keri shouted very loudly, Mushin howled, Itachi covered his ears, and Sasuke's eye twitched.
"You know he doesn't like loud people right?" Itachi said uncovering his ears. Keri smiled.
"I know that but he jus' plain ol doesn't like me" she said looking at Mushin who was now asleep next to her on the bed, Itachi frowned and looked at door.
"He will eventually," Itachi said getting back in the bed with Keri. "Are you going to let him sleep here?" he asked pointing at Mushin.
"Yes! Where else would he sleep?! Surely not on the floor!" Keri shouted angrily.
"No, no I was just asking because he is so big he almost takes up the whole bed, why don't you put him on the couch?" Itachi asked as he carefully watched what he said.
"Hmm you're right he is pretty big and he does take up most of the bed, fine I'll put him on the couch." Keri said giving Itachi a suspicious look. She picked the heavy dog up, carried him to the living room, and placed him on the couch. Keri returned to Itachi's room and got back into the bed, Itachi; lying right next to her rolled over on top of Keri. "See how much space we have." he said smirking.
"Ow ow ow ow ow ow!!" Keri said as she put her hands on Itachi's chest and tried to push him off.
"I'm not that heavy, and besides if I was your body could still hold me up" Itachi chuckled.
"Yeah true but I wasn't talking about that, my boobs are sore thanks to you!" Keri said in discomfort.
"It was worth it though right?" he asked refusing to get off Keri.
"No" Keri continued to push on Itachi's chest not really getting anywhere, obviously she didn't mind him on top of her because if she really wanted him off it only took one finger, she had the strength of Tsunade and Sakura put together.
"You lie." Itachi said frowning.
"It's true sort of" she said
"You weren't saying that a couple of hours ago"
"You know what…." In an instant the two were reversed Itachi on the bottom and Keri on the top. "Now who's still sore?" Itachi shifted under Keri uncomfortably
"Well I suggested that we stop hours ago but you didn't want to"
"Huh? Hey don't blame it all on me YOU wanted to keep going after the fourth time"
"That's only because YOU kept seducing me"
"Uh uh you said you wanted to go on for round five"
"Well that's only because you told me not to stop"
"That's 'cause I was about to"-
"Fine it was both our fault," Itachi said gently pushing Keri off him. Yes, they were arguing about having sex for to long.
"Alright lets calm down we'll wake Sasuke if we're too loud" Itachi said lying down.
"What you're going to sleep?"
"Yes and I think you should to it's almost 1am."
"But I'm not sleepy, I wanna stay up."
"That's an erection" Itachi laughed
"Excuse me?" Keri huffed
"Nothing never mind" Itachi cut his laugh short.
"Ok so I'm staying awake."
"Fine" Keri jumped out of bed and onto to the floor with an elegant and quiet thud.
"Yay, So what are we gonna do?"
"WE?"
"Yes you're gonna stay awake with me right?" Keri started to pout.
"Don't look at me like that I have a meeting early tomorrow morning, why not play with Mushin?" Itachi said trying not to look Keri in her big puppy dog eyes.
"Cause he's asleep!" Keri said forcing Itachi to look at her.
"Fine, fine just calm down."
"YAY!" Keri exclaimed, Itachi then joined Keri on the floor he sat down and waited for further 'instructions'.
"Ok lets see what can we do?" she thought aloud "Oh, oh I know what we can do we can"-
"Go to sleep?" Itachi said raising an eyebrow.
"No I was gonna say get something to eat!"
"Keri you just ate an hour ago, remember?"
"Oh yeah but I'm still hungry come to think of it I haven't been feeling to well lately and I've been really really hungry too." Keri said rubbing her stomach.
"What is it? Are you sick?" Itachi asked a little worried.
"I don't know I threw up a couple of hours ago and I've been really hungry but don't wanna eat sometimes, well that's not entirely true I've been having these crazy craving and…..wait" Keri turned her attention to Itachi. "Have we used a condom in the past week?"
"No not that I can remember." Itachi said, he looked like he was about to have a panic attack after seeing Keri's eyes go wide.
"Maybe I'm pregnant?!" Keri said Itachi fainted not two seconds later; yep he had a panic attack.
Itachi's thoughts were racing through his unconscious head, all he could think of was 'a baby? A baby? A baby? Me? A father? A baby? What the hell? She cannot be serious can she? But, she knows her body better than anyone so if she feels something different about her body then something must be wrong right? Damn I told her we should have used that condom! No she is kidding right? A baby? Me a father?
While all of this was going on in Itachi's head Keri decided to have some fun with Itachi, she was just kidding, the reason she threw up, because she had food poisoning from some broken down hut, on the outskirts of the Hidden Mist village when she went to visit Zabuza and Haku's grave. In addition, Itachi should know she always has weird cravings he probably just caught up in the heat of the moment. So Keri went to borrow a couple of things from a certain someone who does have a baby.
Itachi finally gained consciousness, "How long was I out for?" he asked rubbing his head, looking around the room for Keri he noticed the door was open. "Keri?"
"Mmm I would hafta say approximately one hour twenty two minutes and forty one seconds." Keri said smiling entering the room with her hands behind her back.
"Where did you go?" Itachi asked still a little dizzy.
"Look it! Look at what I bought the baby!" Keri held up a yellow baby blanket in front of her face. "I don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet so I got a mutual color! Yellow!" Keri lowered the blanket only to see a familiar scene, Itachi unconscious, again. "Ha this is fun! Well I should go borrow more things from Kurenai." Keri said laughing and heading back to Kurenai's house.
"Here you go Kurenai, do you have any baby shoes or clothes I can borrow?" Keri said playing with the baby. "Wait no can I just borrow the baby?" Keri asked as she picked Sarutobi Jr. up out of his crib. Kurenai was awake this late because of the baby so she figured she could get some sleep if Keri takes him.
"Sure just bring him back in the morning." Kurenai said giving Keri a warm smile. Kurenai packed a diaper bag and gave it to Keri.
"Thanks Kurenai!" Keri said grabbing the bag and leaving.
"Well I noticed she's pretty good with kids so she shouldn't have a problem, she does act like a kid most of the time as well. Asuma might not be too happy though. " Kurenai laughed thought aloud.
"This is gonna be fun!" Keri said approaching Itachi's room. To her surprise, he was still unconscious. "Hey Itachi wake up!" Itachi flinched a couple of times and then sat up. "Look Itachi look!" Itachi looked up at Keri and seen the baby, she shoved the baby in Itachi's arms and stood up. "And no fainting you'll drop the baby." Keri said looking serious. She took a bottle from the diaper bag and headed to the kitchen.
"Wait where are you going!?" Itachi yelled causing Sarutobi to cry.
"I'm just going to warm up his bottle calm down I'll be right back" she was out of sight; Itachi was holding the baby as if he had some kind of disease.
"Calm the baby down will you?!" Keri hollered from the kitchen.
"What the hell am I supposed to do?!" Itachi yelled back, no answer, he continued to hold the baby as if he was going to die if he held him to close. The baby began to cry louder Mushin came running in and sniffed the baby then licked his face; the baby immediately stopped crying and started to laugh. "You always come through for me Mushin," Itachi said sighing in relief. Keri then returned, Itachi quickly gave her Sarutobi, it was three thirty in the morning when the baby finally drifted off to sleep, and Itachi and Keri followed five minuets later so they were asleep at three thirty five in the morning the baby slept between the two. Three hours later Itachi's alarm clock went off he quickly turned it off not to wake the two, he had forgotten he had to meet with Tsunade that morning he only had fifteen minutes to get ready and be in her office by seven am and it was six forty five. "Shit. If I'm late for this meeting she'll have my head." He whispered to himself, he quickly got dressed and tip toed out of the room, running down the hallway Itachi could see the front door. He looked down at his watch, only five minutes left I'm pretty sure I can make it if I don't run into trouble. Itachi looked up and then ran right into Sasuke; both Uchiha's were on the floor rubbing their heads.
"What the hell Itachi?! Watch where you're going" Sasuke said in pain finally standing up.
"Sorry Sasuke" Itachi got up as well still rubbing his head.
"Why are you in such a big rush anyway? And why do you look so tired?"
"I'm meeting with Tsunade-Sama this morning and I have to hurry if I don't want to be late, and the baby kept me up all night," Itachi said running out the door.
"What?! What baby?!" Sasuke shouted.
"I don't have time right now Sasuke I'll tell you later!" Itachi yelled from outside. Sasuke really wanted to know what was going on. 'Whose baby? Itachi and Keri? Itachi a father? Nah. Can't be. Can it?
Haha I know everyone is like what the hell Itachi does not laugh! But oh yes he does do you want to know why? Beacuse I made him stop and smell the roses....well in his case I made him stop and learn how to use the word he fears most 'sarcasm' other than Keri and sarcasm Itachi is pretty much fearless =] im getting better with the updates huh? well anyway thats enough rambling for one chapter PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!