Hello people! i couldn't resist writing another piece to this. thanks to all of you that reviewed: i love you all :D
This chapter was co-written by the great JaNeenii !!!
She wants to say something
heyo ^^ I takened over yahyahyah lmao. Nixxii writes dirty shiz xp.
Tis true people I do
Reviews people. And JaNeeniii will give you Oreos.
UPDATE - 22/01/09 - it has come to our attention that even though we have had over 1000 hits we have only had 37 reviews. I hate to say this but we ARE REVIEWS WHORES !we need reviews people
I have chapter 3 written and ready to be posted but it wont go up until we hit the 50+ review marks!
Sorry if i sound like a nag..........
Also poll up on profile - who do you want Emmett to give the talk to next ???????
I love my family. I really do, I'm not being sarcastic there, but there are really pushing it this time. You see not only has Emmett taken to making screaming- baby-crying noises everytime me and Edward enter the room, but Edward also refuses to tell me why he's doing it.
I tried asking Alice but her answer was not much use,
"He's just being a bit protective, that's all" Protective?? What the hell does that mean? It didn't help that everytime I tried to ask Emmett about his new found hobby, Jasper would send calming waves or make me forget what I was about to say. Of course the only way he could distract me was to make me have a sudden rush of lust towards Edward.
Not that I didn't already, Thanks to my stupid human hormones. It was bad enough that I had to deal with them; I didn't need a bored empath making it worse.
But today, Today I had a feeling it was about to get worse. Edward, jasper and Carlisle had gone hunting, supposedly leaving me under the care of Rosalie Alice and Esme, for anther sleepover. Alice though, decided that she just had to go the mall for this new pair of red Mary-Jane Heels that had just come in stock. Rosalie, never turning down an excuse to go buy even more clothes, to make her look even more gorgeous (and the rest of the world even more inadequate), had gone with her.
Esme had disappeared about an hour ago, after making me some fajitas and leaving them aside for me. This left little old me sat in the living area, watching Emmett beat the hell out of zombies on his PlayStation.
It was pretty uneventful until, having thrashed at least a hundred zombies, Emmett through his controller into the seat next to him. He threw his large legs over and sprawled out across the seat, his feet in my lap. He looked at me with a curious expression, his head tilted to the side, as if trying to work something out.
He finally spoke, "So your gonna be a Cullen Huh?" it sounded innocent, if you didn't know Emmett and believed him when he told you that he was perfect. I couldn't work out where he was going with this, so I answered as simply as I could,
"Yup, that's the plan" I took a sip of my soda, trying to look nonchalant.
"Hmm, well what about before that? You know the wedding" Emmett didn't make sense to me most of the time; so to say that he had completely lost me was saying something. Alice had made sure that no one was slacking in the wedding department. Emmett had been subjected to as many hours of frilly, flowery wedding torture as I had.
"Well more the wedding night to be honest" My jaw dropped. Emmett wouldn't dare. He was NOT going to give me the sex talk! It was bad enough when Charlie tried it. He didn't seem phased and continued on his embarrassing rant, "I mean its your first time, what you got planned? I mean Edwards 107, its gonna have to be pretty sensational." Thanks Emmett, I just love it when people decide to voice my insecurities. I FRIKKIN KNOW !!!!!! But I didn't say that. Stupidly, I replied, "uh huh" unfortunately this seemed to encourage him.
"Bella, now I know that I'm not like, fluffy about relationships like Alice or Esme are. But this ain't Love. It's Sex. Plain and simple Fucking. Doing the dirty. Playing between the sheets. Don't matter what you call it, it's still the same. And it's FUN!" My face was bright red by then, and I had lost my voice. I stared blankly, but this did not deter him.
"I'm gonna be your god here, Bells and tell you what I know." NOOOOO EMMETT For the love of Carlisle don't! (AN// sorry but you know it Carlisle=God - Sexy or otherwise)
"When you and a man, in this case Vampire, love each other very much, you will want to do things to each other that will seem embarrassing at the time. But don't worry! It's completely natural--" I held my hand up to stop him,
"Emmett, are we really having this conversation. I love you like a brother, but this is too far." I tried to remain serious but his puppy dog eyes had me melting like and ice cream in July. He grabbed my wrist gently and pulled it down. He looked down at his shoes and smiled, "Bella. You love Edward right?"
"Emmett, you know I do" I felt slightly insulted that he had to ask.
"So you would want to make him happy right?"
"Of Course I do!"
"And you would want to please him more than anything?"
"Definitely, more than anyt--" I stopped realising where he was taking this. He was trying to guilt trip me into letting him give me the sex talk. This was low, even for Emmett.
But before I could protest, he had already begun speaking again, "great! Now I'm guessing you already know the basics, of like what their called, where it goes etc." I blushed a new shade of red at his words.
Where was my big protective fiancé when I really needed him? He's always there when there's a chance I could get hurt by my big friendly wolf, yeah. But when his big friendly vampire brother wants to make me die of embarrassment, he decides, 'you know I'm a bit peckish, lets go hunt some lions and leave Bella to the mercy of Emmett, the sexual deviant.' Great plan Edward. We would be having words. I realised quickly that Emmett was still speaking.
"Now I know that will our ultra-cold skin, things could get a little chilly, for a hot-blooded mammal like your self, so some KY warming jelly wouldn't go a miss. Be sure to pick some of that up, next time the Pixy drags you shopping." I was actually praying to any god out there that the floor would open up and swallow me. My expression made Emmett smile even more and persist,
"It's pretty obvious that we are so very strong as well," he took the time to flex his muscles for added affect, "but don't let this fool you! No in the throes of passion, it would be very easy to grab Edward and make him do whatever you want . I mean that boy would do whatever you want now, so I'd love to see what he would be like when your in that little black number Alice had picked out-" he stopped dead when he realised my horror struck face, clicking on that he had said too much.
My embarrassment had reached a new level. Not only had Alice been shopping for me again, but she had been lingerie shopping as well. However, just in case that didn't cause me to die, due to my body losing all its blood, which was now in my cheeks, Alice had decided that it didn't matter that Emmett should see all of these things. Which undoubtedly meant that so had Edward. Great! Frikkin fantastic, Edward had seen me in lingerie, before I had.
I was about to open my mouth to question him when an engine roared outside, followed by an almighty BANG as the front door slammed open. In stormed Edward, who without a word, picked me up an put me over his shoulder, before carrying me off upstairs. Before we did though I could not help but notice that Jasper and Carlisle stood behind us shaking in silent laughter.
As we went up the stairs I could distinctly hear Jasper's voice carry over the laughter, "You go get her tiger" which was met by a disgruntled growl from Edward. I sighed as I realised that no-one , in this relationship anyway, was getting anything tonight.
I had not looked Emmett in the eye for over a week now. I planned to keep that up until I was changed and I could beat his ass at arm wrestling.
The whole family, minus Alice, were sat around the living area watching a film that's Jasper and Emmett had insisted we watched. It was an Japanese martial arts film, with English subtitles, which I suspected were for my benefit, as most of them were fluent, in most languages.
Just as the closing credits were rolling, we heard the front door open and close softly, and in bounced Alice holding two large shopping bags. She danced into the family room, and sat down in front of me, with her back to the coffee table, where she had rested her bags.
"Belllaaaa?" Oh god, its gonna be bad. She's bought me something. "you know I love you right?" I gritted my teeth and instantly felt on edge. I nodded slowly.
"Good, because, I spoke to Emmett the other day and he told me about your conversation." I felt Edward stiffen beside as she spoke. Alice's grin grew wider as she noticed too. In fact everyone was turned to look at me now. Alice went on,
"So I went to the liberty of saving you a shopping trip, since I know you hate shopping." with this she thrust the smaller of the two bags towards me. She nodded at me encouragingly as I dipped my hand into the bag, which was met by something small and silky. I grimaced instantly, she wouldn't. I looked up and was instantly aware of the 6 vampires looking at me with amused looks. To my side Edward was shooting death glares to Emmett.
Jasper, aware of my discomfort, did nothing and instead chose to say, "Come on Bella, shows us what you've got." I flushed bright red and Edward turned his deadly looks onto jasper, who laughed openly.
Gritting my teeth, I pulled out a small, barely- there negligee, made up of black see through silk. I heard Esme gasp and Carlisle cough, before they both left the room. I guess there goes my dignity, following right behind my future in laws.
But Alice wasn't done. "That's not all Bella. Go on get the other present out" the room was beginning to feel very hot as I went back into the bag. My hands wrapped around something cool and cylindrical, while I racked my brain, trying to figure out what it was.
When I extracted my hand, I really wished I hadn't. the whole room began to shake with everyone's laughter, and I swear I even saw Edwards lips twitch a tiny bit. This was the most mortifying moment of my life.
For in my hand, I held a tub of KY warming jelly.
HEHE Im silly i know.
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:D ;p oh n more dirty shiz will b up soon, wiv my new Alice/jasper one shot
*JaNeenii Gives evil glare - she dont like the dirty shiz!*
Over and Out
Ms. Nixxii C x x
(And Ms. JaNeenii)