Failure to Haunt
Ch.3 - "The sneaky secrets of Heaven"
(What actually happened was...)
Deidara opened the door and there was nothing but a large pile of sand and a box on top. It looked like a mix of an animal's cage and a cat's litter box.
Hmm wow...I was expecting something totally awesome to be chilling in there, what a bummer. I thought
"So. This is it? "Monster" is a cat?" I asked.
"Yea...sort of. Not a cat though he is a ghost like us but can turn into a monster. He is like Sasori-Danna. He thinks by being called "monster" he sounds even scarier then he already is but..." Deidara paused and looked around for a minute then whispered "he really isn't scary at all. Just don't -"
"BLARRRRRG!!"
In mid sentence Deidara was cut off by a weird looking mutated monster thing popping out of the wall. It yelled 'blarg' and stood over us like a giant cat ready to pounce. We all just kind of stood there a moment in a freeze frame and stared. After a couple more seconds it shrunk back down to our height in a ghostly human form, like the others.
"Did I scare you!?" He badgered and pointed to me.
"Uhh no..." I spoke.
"Damn it!" He snapped, "Well I'm Garra, and I will scare you one day." Garra then glared and went back into his box of sand.
"What the hell just happened?" I questioned.
"That was Gaara!" Tobi smiled.
"HEAVEN"
(3rd person point of view.)
(Ok peoples!! This is how "heaven" works...in my story at least.)
#1 GOD - A.K.A "The Big Man"
#2 COUNCIL OF ANGELS - They organize the distribution of jobs.
#3 WORK FLO COORDINATORS - They make sure the "Regular Joes" do their job!
#4 ANGELS - Slave away at their desks, writing up the life paths of people and how they will die.
#5 JANITOR PANCHEKO - Cleans up after all yer filthy blue collar angels. "Ya Ol' Whippersnappers!"
'Hello, I am GOD and I approve this message!' :D
© Heaven Inc.
Angel number 5467 (A.K.A - Shela) knocked on the big man's door. "Uhhh sir do you still want..." she looked up from her stack of papers.
"Never mind I'll come back later," she said seeing GOD asleep in his chair with a cup of untouched coffee next to him.
Angel number 5467 went on with her business. "Ugh. So much work. I wonder who will be the lucky soul to get this job. What is it with humans these days? They want to be friends with everything. Sheesh!" Sheila thought. At that very moment angle 35782375839752 (A.K.A - Bob) came running through.
"Hey! Bob hold up! I have a spiffy new job for you" Sheila said with a smile making it sound appealing.
"Oh no, I am not taking on another job I already have two annoying humans to look after and I almost killed one myself today! What ever it is give it to somebody else." He said trying to make a run for it.
"Hey well you want me to send you back to hell?!" Sheila threatened.
-Bob's flashback to Hell-
"Oh why did I bet that if that Yankees lost I'd spend a day in Hell...Damn Yankees!"he thought. Just then the Devil popped in a cheap Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts with a coconut cup filled with an unknown substance.
"HEYY! Bob! WUZZZZ UP!?" He yelled making his way over.
"So know where any of those naughty chicks are?"
-Flashback ends-
"Uhh...guess what my schedule just cleared I'll take it." Bob smirked.
"Perfect!" Sheila said with a satisfied smile. "Well here is all the information you need to know. Have fun." She padded him on the shoulder and glided off.
Bob scanned the papers and he slugged back to his tiny box of a work space.
Oh jeez another one of these humans. Why can't they all just stay stupid and not talk to us. There is a reason why we don't show ourselves. And who are these ghosts?! Never heard of them anywhere. I really don't want to do this. Maybe I can dump this on another soul...hahahaha
Just then he peeked over his wall to the desk next to him and smiled evilly to himself.
"Hey Naomi! Did you know your looking pretty hot lately." He smirked.
A semi frizzy blond hair, hazel eyes girl looked up from her computer. She rolled her eyes and took her glasses off while turning to face him in her chair.
"Bob, I've been sitting here for I don't know how long trying to sort out this mess of a file that our lovely council of angles gave to me. I have bags the size of a pillow, my hair is a mess, and I think I need to shower. Oh and I have a coffee stain on my jacket. So how in the world am I "looking pretty hot lately"?" Naomi mocked. "So did you come here to bust a move or do you need something?"
"Hmm well how do you know what people think. Maybe a smelly-overworked-ghost-babe is a good look for you." Bob said. Naomi threw her stapler at him, but luckily he ducked in time for it to miss his head.
"Ok, ok sorry." He sighed "I really came here to ask if you wanted this job? It won't be a waste of time, I promise you that."
"Did you just here a word I said! You stup-"
"Yes, yes I know I heard you. But it has "him" involved." He said raising his eyebrows.
"Who?" She said nervously.
"Uhh the guy plastered all over you cubby." He huffed.
"Wha- what are you talking about there is no extremely hot man in my cubby." She said trying to cover the way too many pictures of a man with long blond hair.
"Don't give me that. Deidara is involved in here. So you don't have to cover the 35 pictures you have of him in here. I think everyone knows you're obsessed. "Bob said.
She gasped then ripped the folder out of Bob's hands. "Yea sure I'll take it!" she said smiling and jumping in her seat.
"Good, well then I guess I talk to you when you take a shower." He said ducking down back to his chair.
"I smell that bad?!" Naomi said alarmingly, and checked herself. EW...well I guess I'm going to have to put this file off for a while. She chuckled to herself.
Hmm, well I will have to go into someone else's body for this. Ugh now I can't wear that new dress I got...dam and I was sure he'd love it. She giggled.
After cleaning herself up she traveled down to the border to pass into the human world.
"Ay Jim. How are you?" Naomi said coming up to get her ticket.
A short old Scottish man popped up. "Oy Naomi! How have ya been laddy? Can't say I've been better. Tha souls these days! Even in ther afterlife they anit any nicer." He said handing her her ticket and scanning her card.
"Oh well I've been better in these last couple of hours. Just tell off those idiots. Or you can always accidentally rip their card in half and oops they can't go do their job. Then they will get fired, hahaha." Naomi joked,
"O' Nomi I wish I could do that, but it anit that simple." He sighed. "Well here ya go. Have a nice trip." He waved as she boarded the cable car along with all the others.
"Everyone please make sure you are seated and are buckled up, we will be off in 1 minute."
A female robotic voice called from the speaker. The doors locked shut and I buckled down. In a few seconds the car shot threw the air like a bullet.
POP!
We finally broke threw that thin layer that divides Life from Death.
"Thank you for choosing Soul Lines. We hope to be transporting you again. Watch your step and have a great day!"
Said the cheery robotic voice again. Ok now that I'm here time to find a good host. Naomi thought. Hmm...No. EW...well she looks decen-OH CRAP THAT'S A GUY!"
"CUT YOUR HAIR YOU MORON!" Naomi yelled, even though she knew he wouldn't hear her.
"Jeez when did long hair look good on men? Idiots! Well now that that's done onward
with my search." What the fuck is on that lady's chin?! It's like a little alien...gross!
OH wait you, you look decent and you're not a guy! Nice hair, good clothes, not too big or thin...Perfect! Now I just gotta high jack her body. This should be fun.
Naomi leaped inside the girl and started pushing the other soul out. "GET OUT IT'S MY BODY NOW!"
"OH NO YOU DIDN'T JUST PUSH ME!" the soul yelled back and knocked Naomi out to the ground.
"Well she does not know who she is messing with!" Naomi said flinging herself at the girl's soul.
"AY BITCH I TRIED BEING NICE ABOUT IT BUT YOU ASKED FOR IT!" Naomi said punching the girl's soul in the face.
(Now imagine that what ever is happening on the inside is happening to the girl. So when Naomi punched her soul the girl just fell to the ground. Soon she will start twitching like she is having a seizure once the fight continues. So all this is happening right in the middle of the sidewalk which will look pretty weird to humans.)
There was a full blown fight going on between the two souls. It included the girl biting Naomi's leg and then Naomi proceeding to yell-
"What are you a vampire?! You don't bite me!" then kicking her in the face.
"OW MY NOSE!" the girl's soul said grabbing her nose. (total Brady Bunch moment) Then Naomi took this moment too push her out and take the body.
"WHAT NOW HOBO!" Naomi yelled as the girl's spirit floated away to heaven.
Now that she has the body she now became the girl. Naomi lifted herself up and looked around in her new human eyes. There was a bunch of people standing over her.
"Miss are you alright? Do you need an ambulance?!" An old man said.
"What are you talking about I'm fine." Naomi said jumping up and walking away from some very confused looking people.
Nimrods! Hmm well I wonder who I am, and where do I live? Crap I guess I should have waited to find this stuff out...
-Mizu-
HELLO PEOPLES!! :)
Very sorry for the delay but I was a lazy bum and kept forgettig to write plus my computer was down for a while :'( but it lives again :D
SO read! and I hope you like. If anybody has any suggestions or comments then reviews and stuff are appreciated!