All the Akatsuki could no longer bare it. This has gone on long enough.
"Someone has to do SOMETHING about this." Pein said.
"Like hell, the fans would care." Hidan replied.
"Well I for one, think they need to be taught a lesson." Sasori said, staring at the wall with his back to them.
"Can't blame them, really, some of you do look girly." Kisame said.
"I'd have to agree." Kakuzu said.
"Well this is just ridiculous! We're not like that!" Deidara said.
"Maybe we aren't, but your long hair doesn't help." Itachi remarked.
"Tobi will take the lead, but, uh, what are we doing?" So clueless, Tobi is.
Hidan points his finger at the reader.
"WE'RE NOT, REPEAT, NOT GAY! STOP MAKING FUCKING GROSS PICTURES!"
"We don't like it. We're all straight." Itachi said. Then he whispers "Well, Deidara is questionable."
Sasori steps out of Hiruko.
"You guys can be really sick sometimes. Yaoi doujinshi-things are disgusting. SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEADS!" Sasori demanded.
"Anyway, we need to think of something to convince them. Something so not gay that they'll think we're definitely straight." Pein commanded.
"PUPPET SHOW!"
"FIREWORKS DISPLAY!"
"SLAUGHTER-FESTIVAL!"
"ROB A BANK!"
"KILL THE YAOI FANCLUBS!"
"HUG TOBI!"
Nobody could resist staring at Tobi. That was really weird. Too weird. But it might work.
"That's it! We'll date the fans! Maybe this will work!"
"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!"
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!"
"*$&^%!#*%!%^$! DAMNIT, NO!"
Konan walked in. "What's going on?"
"We're trying to come up with ways to prove we're not gay, because the fans are constantly acting as if we are." Pein said.
"Ooh, did you try dating the fans?" Konan said.
"I CALL SASORI!" Arisa jumps in.
"Get outta here! You're only a kid!" Sasori scolded.
"No, I'm a teenager! YOU'RE a forty-year-old fart who happens to have the body of an adorable twenty-year-old! That's probably the only reason you have any fans, because otherwise you'd look OLD AND UGLY!" and with that, Arisa leaves the story. Literally, she like, jumped out.
The words rang in Sasori's head: OLD AND UGLY, Old and Ugly, old and ugly.
Everyone else cracked up.
"So let the dating service begin!" Pein shouted.
"I can already hear the fan girl screams." Itachi shivered.
"Konan, this includes you too." Pein said.
"WHAT?" She ran to hide.
"Kill me please." Kakuzu said.
"This is stupid." Kisame grumbled.
"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"
"I'll be hiding somewhere. Don't look for me." Sasori vanished in red smoke.
"This is gonna be so fuckin' retarded." Hidan shouts.
Then Pein smirks evilly.
"First we have to get new outfits."