-Recap-

The Akatsuki have decided to prove their not gay, so they're going to date fans (or maybe some other girls?*Wink wink*). Pein just decided they're also going to get new outfits. Oh, joy.

-----

"What do you mean by that?" Kakuzu said, grabbing his briefcase tightly.
"It means that we are going to go purchase new clothes that we'll look good in." Pein said.
"Some of us won't be able to go out in public, if you haven't noticed." Kisame said.
"Speaking of which, where's Zetsu?" Pein asked.
"Behind you." Itachi answered.

"HOLY CRAP, ZETSU! DON'T DO THAT! REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME?"
Tobi snickered.

"ANYWAY, what are we doing about the outfits?" Deidara said.
"I want a ripped shirt and jeans! Nothing fucking else!" Hidan proclaimed.
"We are going to go shopping! Deidara, Itachi, and Hidan are coming with me. The rest of you need to find people to date for everyone." Pein said.
"And just HOW are we going to do that?" White Zetsu said. "Can we eat the fans when we're done?" Black Zetsu asked.
"I don't want to go shopping!" Deidara complained.

-----

Meanwhile, in Sasori's EMO-corner (by EMO-corner I mean when anime characters curl up in a corner in fetal position), he kept saying "Old and ugly?" to himself.
Konan happened to walk by. "What's with you?"
"Do you think that if I hadn't preserved my body, I'd look ugly?"
"Uh, it really depends on if you'd take care of your body well enough."
"Is that a 'yes' or 'no'?"
"Sorry to say it, but I have to go with yes. I'm sorry, but when Deidara took things from your room, we found a picture of your parents. Your. Dad. Is. Ugly. "
These words practically knocked him over.

-----

Back with the other Akatsuki, Tobi was flailing his arms and saying "TOBI WANTS TO GO SHOPPING! TOBI WANTS TO GO! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! TOBI WANTS TO GO!"
"Alright, just shut up. We should get going. First, we'll need some money." Pein evilly grinned.
"NOOOOOOOOO! KEEP YOUR GRIMY PAWS OFF OF MY BEAUTIFUL MONEY!" Kakuzu said.
"Oh, don't worry; I have saved up enough money for everyone to get a complete new outfit." Pein said. Secretly Pein had taken money from the briefcase while everyone was sleeping. Kakuzu didn't notice the money was gone, because Pein put rocks in place of the money to make up for the weight.

Pein, Deidara, Itachi, Hidan, AND Tobi set out for the nearest village, which could take days on foot. And Deidara was showing off by riding a clay bird.
"Tobi is a tired boy, let Tobi ride too!" Tobi demanded, without much avail.
"Shut up. I'm not letting you on."

-----

At the base, everyone was sitting around, dreading what clothes they would be presented with.
"I hope they get me something pretty." Konan said.
"I hope I get something that looks relatively good." Kisame said.
"I should've gone with then and picked my own outfit!" Sasori groaned.
Zetsu shifted uncomfortably. "How are they going to find clothes for us?" White Zetsu said.
"You mean all of us?" Kakuzu asked.
"No, me and Black Zetsu."
"I always thought of you as one person."
"Well we didn't come out that way."
Everyone stared.
"How EXACTLY did you come 'out' then?" Sasori half gagged.

-----

Over with the traveling Akatsuki, Tobi was being all-out infuriating.
"Tobi wants rainbows and ponies and chocolate designs on MY outfit. What do you want on your clothes, senpai?"
"I want YOU to SHUT UP!" Deidara yelled.
"That's not a legitimate answer." Tobi said.
"Fine, I want an exploding shirt and black jeans." Deidara grumbled.
"A shirt can't explode, Deidara. That's just stupid." Itachi stated.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"

-----

"Oh, I get it now. That's pretty strange, Zetsu." Kakuzu said.
"And I thought I had a weird family." Kisame joked.
"Well, it's what truly happened. Who would've thought?" Zetsu said.
"At least your parents stayed with you through troubles. My parents skipped out on me and got themselves killed! And then my idiot grandma keeps my little six-year-old spirit up by saying they were assigned missions immediately after they got back. Every single time! What the hell?" Sasori vented.
"Aw, you poor thing! Tell us everything! It's good for your heart, you know."
"This is getting really sappy and boring, so I'm gonna go count my money." Kakuzu said.
"Uh-oh." Sasori had caught Pein stuffing the briefcase with rocks the night earlier.