Author's note: Or should that be author's warning? I don't have a romantic bone in my body, so this chapter presented some unique challenges. But what the hey, it's Singles' Awareness Day --or Valentine's Day for those of you with someone special-- so pour on the sap and dig in! I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it, and feel free to leave any comments in a review.
Chapter Three
The music of water playing over smoothened pebbles called out to her, its soft melody of trickles and splashes drawing her inexorably nearer to the water's edge. Katara found her steps veering closer and closer to the river that she knew lay just a few hundred yards away, and at last she gave into the temptation.
After all, Toph could be near the river, she reasoned with herself. It seemed unlikely, but as her conscience continued to remind here, there was a slim chance that Toph had lingered near the river after Katara's request the day before. Along the river, the trees grew some distance from the riverbanks, whose winding lengths were dotted with small inlets and beaches of rough gravel that might tempt an earthbender weary of walking on grass. Katara would check there because she prided herself on her thoroughness in her actions, she decided, and not because she was presenting feeble excuses to herself.
Katara followed the line of the bank as she looked for any sign of Toph, pausing at an overhang where the long grass drooped down to brush across the rushing waters below. She and Aang had lain there after their waterbending session the day before to let the sun's warmth dry their backs, sprawling on their bellies in the grass as they giggled at the sensation of soft blades tickling against their skin. When she looked up, she had found Aang gazing intently at her, his eyes darting to her lips now and then. She had known exactly what he was considering, and instead she turned away and dropped her hand into the water under the pretext of checking Sokka's fish traps. The swift current had smashed all but one of the flimsy wicker cages, which contained a very angry frog. Fortunately the hopping amphibian had distracted the Avatar from his thoughts as he chased it gleefully across the water.
Katara sighed as she gazed down at the river, unable to resist tracing her fingers in the cool flow. It had been an idyllic moment for young lovers, and yet she had found herself with the wrong person. She frowned at her reflection, sticking out her lip for effect, and the dusky-skinned girl in the water pouted back. She looked into those pale blue eyes and reminded herself why she was there. She could agonise over her dilemma later. Right now there were more pressing matters to attend to.
The young waterbender jumped to her feet and brushed the grass from her clothes. She glanced guiltily at the trees as she did so, almost expecting Aang to appear from the trees and ask why she still hadn't found Toph.
Looks like I was wrong. There's nothing here but trees and a few boulders, she thought with a sigh. The lichen-spattered boulders with their coats of moss showed no signs of recent earthbending activity. But among them, Katara spied dark hair and felt her stomach turn over.
Now she could recognise the curve of a shoulder, a jutting elbow, a bent knee. The dust and dirt caking the earthbender's clothes painted the normally vibrant green and gold with shades of worn grey, blending her into the surrounding rocks. Katara could finally make out the small figure slumped on the ground, her elbows propped on her knees and her head cupped in her hands. Katara's mind whirled back to another time, another place. She had only seen such despair once before, after their escape from Won Shi Tong's library, whereupon Toph had been forced to admit that she had not been able to protect Appa.
Katara hurried up the slope towards the earthbender, but she stopped just before she could Toph. The younger girl's shoulders rose and fell in a steady cadence and her sightless eyes were propped half-open, but Katara wondered if the girl was even conscious, much less aware of her presence. Katara dropped to her knees and peered up at Toph's face, hidden behind her hands and tangled black bangs. Cautiously she laid a hand on Toph's shoulder.
"Toph." She squeezed as gently as she could, barely making contact, as she tried to wake the girl and found herself afraid to do so. She didn't know what might greet her. "Are you awake?"
A bolt of tension ran through the muscles beneath her hand, bunching them into tight knots. She felt the transition as the girl moved between dozing and waking. Katara traced her fingertips along Toph's shoulder again.
"Toph, it's me. It's Katara. Please wake up. I'm worried about you."
A moment later, Toph lifted her head with great effort. Her normally pale face was chalk-white, throwing the dark purple marks under her eyes into stark contrast. Her small, fine mouth was drawn into a tight line of unspoken anger. The sight of the girl made Katara ache to reach out to her but the stiffness in Toph's manner made her wary.
"Katara." A perfectly neutral greeting delivered without inflection or emotion.
"Toph." Her tone overflowed with relief that Toph spoke and concern for Toph's ragged appearance. "What's wrong?"
When the earthbender said nothing, Katara leaned closer and lowered her voice for Toph's ears alone. "Please, Toph, tell me what's wrong. You're starting to frighten me."
"That's rich." The usual edge of sarcasm in Toph's voice sounded forced and brittle. Although she was blind, she fixed her eyes past Katara's head in a deliberate gesture of dismissal. Normally such a slight would have brought Katara's temper roaring to the fore but today the anger was eclipsed by her mounting fear. She had expected that finding Toph would calm her agitation, not increase it tenfold.
Ignoring the way that Toph bristled at the contact, Katara brushed aside the girl's bangs and laid her palm against her forehead. She smoothed her hand down the curve of a pale cheek, no longer checking for fever as much as indulging her need to touch Toph. The younger girl's expression was full of annoyance, yet her body betrayed her as she leaned unconsciously into the waterbender's palm. Katara traced her fingers along one fine cheekbone and saw long eyelashes flutter, the other girl's eyes slipping closed in spite of herself. Katara looked at the earthbender and at last she could see through the façade.
On closer inspection, Toph's eyebrows were not knit with anger but a distress born of fear. Those delicate lips were tight with worry that she would never reveal to anyone else. She leaned into Katara's touch with an edge of desperation as her hands flexed on her knees, denied the opportunity to reach out to Katara in return. The Water Tribe girl longed to pull Toph into her arms and soothe away the wordless fear that she saw, but she knew that Toph wouldn't allow it; at least, not yet. Katara forced herself to remain patient as she knelt before her friend in unspoken supplication.
"I'm right here, Toph." She gazed into that downturned face, half-concealed behind the ragged curtains of her hair. "And I'm sorry, truly sorry."
That got Toph's attention. She turned her head to gaze sightlessly in Katara's direction.
"Sorry? What for?" Instead of the note of challenge that Katara expected to hear, the younger girl sounded genuinely confused. Her brows furrowed and Katara found herself already reaching out to stroke those puzzled lines away. Again, she reminded herself not to rush Toph. Katara rarely found herself wishing to touch another person so much, but Toph could never see the honest contrition on her face, and so she sought to express it in other ways.
"I'm sorry that I worried you. I didn't mean to be away for so long," Katara said, wondering what she could say to Toph to ease her distress. She knew that Toph sometimes grew jealous of Aang, but how much of the truth could she reveal without hurting Toph's feelings?
"You were with Aang." Apparently none. Toph's tone was stripped of any emotion, as if she had taken a knife to her own feelings and pared away the excess. Yet Katara knew that underneath that calm, detached exterior lay a wellspring of pain, and she kicked herself for creating it.
"Yes." Katara didn't mention the dinner or the inn. She had no reason to feel guilty, but she wanted to spare Toph any further pain.
"Without letting me know."
"What?!" Now that was unfair. Katara had deliberately left a message with Sokka, and…
"All night," Toph added coldly, interrupting Katara's mental protest.
Is that what this is all about? Katara wondered. They had spent the night apart before, several times in fact, so the strength of Toph's reaction startled her. Toph never clung to her or protected too much when they said goodbye; if Aang or Sokka were nearby, a subtle touch of their hands could be all the farewell they needed, always accompanied by a silent promise. It happened infrequently, but on those rare occasions that Katara left with Aang, she always said goodbye to Toph first.
Katara now wondered if Toph's anxiety really stemmed from a single night of separation, but she refused to consider her own reactions —lying awake most of the night in the inn, fretting constantly on the walk back to camp— within those same limitations.
"Is that what's bothering you? Listen to me. Nothing happened, nothing at all." As much as it pained her to think that Toph might suspect her of double-dealings, she also knew that too strong a denial would sound just as incriminating as making none at all. She forced herself to take a deep breath, drawing on her greatest reserves of patience as she reminded herself that Toph was in pain too. She blew out a sigh.
"Toph, let me start again."
The earthbender raised an eyebrow but nodded. This time, Katara didn't fight her need for physical contact. She only noticed her failure when she found her fingertips tracing along Toph's brow, smoothing away the deeply etched lines with tender strokes. The earthbender didn't blink as Katara passed within a hair's breadth of her misty eyes, facing her with a wordless trust that warmed Katara's heart.
"Aang and I spent most of yesterday training. Afterwards, he suggested we take a trip to the market and I agreed. We needed more food and, well, I just needed a little break and a change of scenery. I couldn't find you anywhere." Her first thought upon hearing Aang's invitation had been to invite Toph and Sokka to join them, but she had not found them in the camp. The thought that they had taken off in search of adventure and left Katara behind once again had filled her with envy. Aang's well-intended invitation had simply rubbed salt into her wound, and so she had sought an adventure of her own with Aang. Anything was better, she had thought, than wondering what Sokka might be saying to Toph, whether her brother could make the younger girl blush, or laugh, or give him a smile laced with promises.
"There was a festival in the village. By the time we finished shopping at the market, Aang was too tired to walk back," Katara continued. Toph muttered something under her breath that sounded like typical airbender. Katara let the comment pass without remark. "We found an inn, we went to sleep in our rooms, and we were on the road before dawn. That's all that happened."
After a long moment, Toph asked tersely, "Did he try to kiss you?"
Katara chuckled softly; so that was what Toph was fretting over. She had never considered Toph the possessive type before.
"He tried. We… There was dancing at the festival, and he tried. That's as far as he got." She looked down at her hands in her lap and then reached for Toph's hands. The earthbender's clenched fists slowly relaxed as Katara teased her fingers apart. Toph entwined their fingers and squeezed, and Katara found that she could breathe again. There was forgiveness in that gesture, and that was everything that she wanted right now.
"I really didn't think you'd get this anxious. Aang told me that he left a message with Sokka. I guess he didn't tell you where we were going?" Katara asked. Toph shook her head wordlessly and Katara winced, fully understanding the girl's pain now. As Katara looked at Toph's pale, drawn complexion and the dark marks under her eyes, she understood what the proud girl refused to tell her.
"Toph, did you get any sleep last night? Did you rest at all?" Please, don't tell me that you were waiting this entire time. Please, Katara begged silently.
"Not really." Because I was waiting for you, and listening for you, and going out of my mind. Toph's resolve had begun to waver from the moment that Katara touched her, and the slow stroke of a thumb across her knuckles threatened to brush aside the last of her resistance. "I was training," she added.
"All night?" asked Katara, vowing to have a word with Sokka when she next saw her brother; in fact, she envisioned herself having many words with Sokka and few of them were polite.
"I had a lot of training to do."
Toph heard the sharp intake of Katara's breath and mentally kicked herself. She was alone with Katara for the first time in weeks, so she should try speaking honestly.
"I was waiting," she tried again. "I-I wanted to make sure that you got back safely. And in case you might… I thought maybe, you might want to talk. When you returned."
Toph rarely stammered and her rambling, slightly incoherent confession rekindled the warmth in Katara's heart. She couldn't hold back a soft giggle at the sensation. Toph stiffened and tried to pull away, but Katara leaned over and rested her head on Toph's shoulder.
"If I didn't know better, Toph Bei Fong, I might even think you were worried about me." She added, a teasing whisper into Toph's ear, "But it's okay if you don't want to admit it."
Toph opened her mouth twice, three times, but no sound came out. She turned her face away but not before Katara saw the pink blush stealing across her cheeks. Katara stifled another laugh; she knew that Toph refused to acknowledge the 'c' word, but she couldn't think of a better word than 'cute' to describe what she saw right now. Instead she smiled to herself and slid her hands to Toph's shoulders, guiding her closer.
Toph's pride made her stiff and unyielding, however. Her body screamed a protest as she resisted those hands that beckoned her home, but her mind railed more loudly. She was no child. She was Toph Bei Fong, not some baby to be held and comforted, or cooed over and petted.
"You don't have to do that." Her voice sounded unusually formal, even to her own ears. Katara grew still and, as the silence stretched between them, she wished she could see Katara's expression. She wished that she could read whatever emotions were running through the girl sitting mere inches away, and she mentally cursed her blindness again.
"I know," Katara replied softly, calmly. One of her hands slipped to the nape of Toph's neck and began drawing languid circles there as her other arm went around Toph's waist, loosely embracing her. "Now come here."
Toph released a deep sigh and hesitantly shifted a little closer. Her hands found Katara's waist and felt their way along her sides, over her back, mapping out the body that she could not see. A moment later, Toph found herself holding Katara as the waterbender's hands ran light patterns over her back. Katara was like the water seeping into the tiny cracks in a stone, moving effortlessly past all of the earthbender's guards, until Toph found that Katara had insinuated herself into her arms and lay against her. Toph sighed again, and this time Katara heard her own name breathed against her ear.
This was where she belonged. This moment, this place, was where she found comfort and meaning. A world turned upside-down by anxiety turned right-side-up again.
Toph had been afraid that she would lose her mind with jealousy and fear during the long hours of the night, but all of that faded away into inconsequence when she was reunited with the person she loved.
Loved?
It was such a strong word, but she could think of no other to describe these feelings. What else could describe this intense need to be in her presence at all times? There was no other way she could describe the growing hunger to touch and be touched in return. She didn't know how to explain the joyful ache that filled her whenever she heard that voice and knew that Katara saw her alone among the crowds.
Katara looked down in surprise as Toph pressed herself to her body and buried her face in Katara's shoulder. Her fists clenched tightly in Katara's shirt, crushing the fabric as the earthbender clung to her. She stroked one hand over Toph's hair and cheek, the other pulling Toph closer. Whatever thoughts had settled in Toph's mind and made her cling so tightly, Katara wanted to drive them away and the anxiety that they caused Toph. She folded herself around the smaller girl, pressing her cheek against black hair as she willed Toph to relax.
She needed to be closer. She needed to feel Katara everywhere against her and know that nothing would separate them. She pressed herself tightly into Katara's embrace until she was encompassed in her warmth. With every breath she could smell Katara's scent, could hear her heart pounding steadily beneath her ear, and as Katara continued to hold her, she realised that she would always be welcome here.
She loved Katara. At this moment, she could begin to believe that Katara loved her back.
Instead of showing her love, however, she had greeted Katara with anger and bitterness on her return. She had forced an apology where none was due, and the more tenderly that Katara treated her, the more urgently she needed to make things right.
After a moment, Katara realised that Toph was mumbling something into her shoulder. She lifted Toph's mouth from her shirt and tipped her chin up.
"I'm sorry," Toph murmured. Her pale green eyes looked towards the ground as Katara tried not to let her astonishment show. The older girl almost wondered if she had imagined the words when Toph spoke again.
"I'm sorry, Katara. I shouldn't have…" Said the things I said? Implied that you're leading both Aang and me on? Acted like a jealous idiot?
"It's okay—"
"It's not okay! I shouldn't have the things I did. I shouldn't have been so mad at you. I—" Toph was shushed by a finger pressed against her lips.
"If the next words are sorry, I don't want to hear them," Katara told her firmly. "Now stop apologising."
Toph opened her mouth to interrupt, until Katara silenced her with a kiss. One kiss became two, three, many, until she could no longer count them all. When Katara drew back, Toph looked slightly stunned.
"Thank you for caring for me so much," Katara whispered.
Toph turned a deep shade of crimson and started to stammer, but she made no attempt to deny Katara's words. Katara smiled and rubbed their noses together, hearing Toph falter, then pressed a kiss to Toph's chin, her cheek, her temple, enjoying Toph's increasingly jumbled sentences until at last she gave up trying to talk. Then Katara found warm lips on hers, the kiss deepening as lips spoke without words.
Katara almost cried out with loss when Toph jerked back. She remained motionless in Katara's arms, an intent look of concentration on her face. Before Katara could ask what was wrong, she heard the whoosh of air and the crisp snap as a glider's sails were closed. Toph tried to yank herself away but the waterbender tightened her grip, refusing to let go. She rubbed her fingertips gently against Toph's back, trying to soothe away the sudden tension there.
"What is it, Aang?" Katara asked, sparing him a brief glance before turning back to Toph.
"I, uh…" Aang fiddled with the staff in his hands as he tried to absorb the scene in front of him. The sight of Katara hugging Toph meant nothing, or it should have meant nothing, but he couldn't escape the feeling that he was intruding on something intimate. Toph bristled with tension, the muscles in her bare arms standing in stark relief as her hands tightened around fistfuls of Katara's shirt. Katara pressed her cheek to Toph's forehead once more and murmured something too quietly for Aang to hear.
"Is Toph okay?" Aang unconsciously lowered his voice to a whisper, as if any loud noise might cause Toph to leap up and bolt like a startled deer. He found himself leaning forward to hear Katara's answer while he dared not step any closer.
"She's completely exhausted. She wore herself out instead of getting any sleep last night." Katara heard the warm note of affection in her own voice, but she no longer cared if she sounded a little love-struck. As much as she wanted to kiss Toph's forehead, however, she would not do so in front of Aang.
"Are you sure? Should I bring a doctor from the village?" Aang asked fretfully. Toph was so quiet and still that he was growing worried.
"Aang." This time Katara did look at him, and her patient expression made him feel like a fool. Of course they didn't need a healer. He blushed and shuffled his feet sheepishly.
"Sorry. That was stupid of me."
"Don't worry. Toph just needs some rest and a good meal." Katara leaned in to address Toph quietly and smiled at the response she received. "If you want to help out, Aang, you could help Sokka cook breakfast."
"What are you going to do?" Aang asked, watching as Toph returned her head to Katara's shoulder. She must be utterly exhausted, he realised, if she was too tired to even sit upright and resorted to leaning on Katara instead.
"I'm going to stay here with Toph," Katara replied. "We'll come back to camp when she's feeling a bit better."
"I understand." Aang didn't really understand what was going on between them. At least Katara appeared to be on friendly terms with Toph once more. His casual suggestion of encouraging Sokka and Toph to find one another had elicited such a furious outburst the day before that he had feared that Katara would lash out at Toph, but that appeared not to have happened. Rather than attempt to puzzle it out, however, he snapped open his glider and leapt into the air.
"Is he gone?" Toph asked grouchily.
"Yes. It's safe to come out from my shoulder now," Katara teased.
"I happen to quite like your shoulder," Toph muttered under her breath.
"I noticed. You seem quite attached to it."
"Oh har de har har," Toph retorted with a smile. When Katara began to disentangle herself from their embrace, she groaned in protest. "Katara, I was joking."
"Really? I'd never have guessed," replied Katara. "Come on, up." She helped the reluctant earthbender to her feet and led her away from the scattered rocks to the grassy knoll by the river. She knew exactly where the thickest grass grew and Toph needed no encouragement to lie down; she threw herself flat on her face, breaking her fall at the last second. A calm smile spread across her face as she snuggled into the ground, letting herself relax at last. Katara lay down beside her before powerful hands grabbed her and pulled her against Toph's side. She nestled her head on a narrow shoulder, feeling herself smile to match Toph's. Her uncomfortable night in the inn was all but forgotten as she pressed her ear against Toph's heart and basked in her solid warmth.
Toph felt Katara nestled into her shoulder and smirked to herself. Now who's attached to whom, Sweetness? She said nothing, however, because those words might lead onto other words that she wasn't quite ready to say yet. Words like please stay and don't let go, words that would reveal the true depths of her need.
If she spoke, she might admit that she wanted nothing more to lie here until the sun went down, and then she wanted to lie beside Katara through the night. Not even the thought of breakfast could distract her. She lay in the grass with the possessive weight of Katara's arms wrapped around her waist and the thought of belonging no longer bothered her as it once might have. She found herself enjoying the thought. One day, she might even be able to express it. Right now, however, she wanted nothing more than to be allowed to enjoy this moment and every moment that came afterwards for a little longer.
"Katara, are you still awake?" Toph asked quietly. Katara murmured an affirmation and Toph hurried to continue speaking, before her nerve failed her completely. "I just wanted to tell you… in spite of what I said earlier… I do trust you, you know."
"But you don't trust Aang," Katara responded gently. Toph had the decency to look embarrassed and Katara added, "I can understand why. He does have a tendency to try and flirt with your girlfriend."
"My… girlfriend?" Toph had never given much thought to that word before but she enjoyed the straightforward way that Katara had laid claim to her. Their relationship, never talked about, suddenly took on a more tangible quality.
Katara heard the wistful note in Toph's voice and smiled. Toph sounded so surprised and delighted, as if her most secret wish had just come true. Katara could only hope that it had.
"Katara…" Toph's tone was serious and Katara waited patiently until she found the words to continue. "I hope you had a good time at the festival. And… and if Aang wants to take you to any more, I hope you'll go."
"Don't be absurd." Katara's tone was equally serious as she gazed down at Toph. "If I go to any more festivals, the only person I want to go with is you."
"Katara, don't." Toph closed her eyes against the sorrow. "I don't want you to miss any, and you wouldn't enjoy yourself with me." Hearing Katara draw a deep breath to begin arguing, she hastily continued, "I can't watch the fireworks. I can't see any plays or performances. I can't play any games. Heck, I can't even dance."
To her surprise, Katara merely chuckled.
"That's all right, Toph. Plays can be dull and even I can't always tell what's going on. Fireworks are pretty and games are amusing, but they aren't important to me. And if you want, I can always teach you to dance."
"You're offering to teach an earthbender to dance. A blind earthbender at that," Toph replied sceptically.
"If you step on my toes, I expect you to make it up to me." Katara nuzzled Toph's neck and Toph knew exactly how she would make amends with Katara if she did such a thing.
"In the meantime," the waterbender continued, her lips a hair's breadth from Toph's ear, "this is exactly where I want to stay. Now or tomorrow, there's nowhere else I'd rather be." Her voice dropped to a whisper as she added, "So please, let me stay here. Be here with me when I wake up."
"Don't worry." Toph lifted Katara's hand to her lips and pressed a gentle kiss to her fingers before restoring it to its rightful place around her waist. "I'm not going anywhere." She smiled nervously, barely able to believe the words coming out of her mouth, and knowing that this was just the first of many such declarations. "I won't let you go."
"Promise?" Katara forced herself to sound light-hearted, but she found herself holding her breath for the answer.
Toph answered by lifting Katara's chin and drawing her into a lingering kiss. She smiled sleepily up at Katara and murmured something. As Katara settled back into her arms, she heard Toph's breathing change, growing slower and deeper. As the earthbender fell into a deep slumber, her last words played again in Katara's mind.
"I promise, Katara."
--Fin--