A feral instinct took over. The hunger consumed me from within, begging to be satisfied. The green world was intensified all around me, shifting perfectly before my eyes with every movement I made.

The gentle doe danced across the field to settle amongst her peers. The blood smelled all right and the thumping of her innocent heart drew me in. I maintained control unlike many hunts before this one.

I held back a snarl so I wouldn't startle my meal. For some reason her head rose and those black eyes caught mine. An eerie red-gold reflection glowed in the endless black. Before she could blink I had her in my grip. The other deer scattered in terror, abandoning the doe to whine and squirm under my fingers.

Finally a chance to sate my hunger. My teeth ripped open the deer's tender throat and drank deeply from the soft flesh. The taste and sensation had a quenching effect. The blood was bland but good.

The deer fell to the grass at my feet, her dead black eyes reflecting the world. No creature made a sound for fear that I would hear it. Their instinct told them there was an unnatural predator lurking amongst the homes. Only my slow intake of breath resounded across the clearing. It was a habit to breath; the naturalness of it was comforting. The calming effects of the fluid flow of air in and out of my lungs cleansed my mind. All traces of instinct and the feral mind fled from me when the doe's heart had stopped. Only the ache of the hunger remained.

I turned to Carlisle. His breathing was in time with mine. We seemed to fall in sync with many things. It may have been because I could read his mind or maybe we were just so tuned to each other that resemblances resulted. We only had each other's company since he turned me. At first neither of us knew what I could do. Carlisle put it together after awhile though. I started answering unasked questions without knowing that they weren't actually spoken. It isn't that I wanted to listen but his thoughts were always there, ever present from the first moment.

"Yes, Carlisle, I'm in control of myself," I muttered. I hated his overbearing parental questions, and yet I knew they were absolutely necessary. If I couldn't deal with myself around animals I would never assimilate with humans, never reenter the world of the living.

He glanced down at my shirt and smiled. I didn't need to read his mind to read the look on his face. A hollow smile spread across his lips, a combination of humor and sorrow. He didn't regret changing me for I was the companion he needed but he still hated stealing my life. No matter how much I pried he wouldn't think about the turning or how he knew of me before all of this. All I remembered of the event was the intense pain that marked the beginning of my new existence. Before that my blurry human memories, distorted further with my sickness, were all I had to provide me clues. The last weeks of my human life were of little use because my body was so entrenched in the fever that consciousness was often impossible.

I glanced down. Blood was smeared on my white shirt. You're a messy eater, Carlisle thought. A rich laugh rocked the forest.

"Funny Carlisle, hilarious," I chuckled. I pulled the bloody garment off and wiped the blood from my face and chest. Rainbows sparkled off my exposed skin as the setting sun peaked through the foliage.

"We have to get back to the house soon," Carlisle reminded me. I had almost forgotten that he was planning to return to work tonight.

"I know," I whispered, confident he could hear me. I didn't want to be alone but it would have to happen sometime. Still this existence was startling even after the initial rush.

"They need my help Edward; I can't leave them to die when I might save them. You will do fine on your own for the night," Carlisle replied.

"I know." His mind was too sincere and caring for me to act so selfishly. It would do no good to argue when Carlisle wanted this so much. It was his chance to pay the world back for taking me for it. He thought about it as his salvation for the damnable deed he had committed. I had to brighten his mood. "I'll race you home."

"And how is that a fair fight," Carlisle teased before taking off toward home. I gave him a few seconds to gain some ground lest my newborn strength make the contest too easy. When I could no longer hear his every thought I began my sprint through the trees.

Everything danced around me as my feet rushed soundlessly over the ground. Not a blade of grass was stirred by my steps and yet the leaves shuddered at the wind produced by my passage. My breath remained steady, something that still awed me. I should be panting and sweating, shuddering and ready to collapse and yet… this feels so right.

Absorbed in the ecstasy of the effortless run I expanded my senses. The abandon forest would be the best experiment to test my heightened abilities. I listened to the ants marching to their queen with ten times their weight pressing upon their backs. I tasted the moisture of the air due to the recent rains that still clung to the trees. I saw flickers of tails and curious noses wondering at the predator blazing by their dwellings. I smelt…

I smelt a sweet aroma. Pure music to my mind, this smell called to me with the sweetest voice. It promised me the savory flavor my new life had been lacking. It sent visions of a beautiful young woman lying on the grass; an echoing laugh breeched her lips.

Carlisle appeared before me the instant I realized what called to me. He tried to distract me from my trance. "Edward, you are strong…stronger than the thirst…overcome the feral beast. Please Edward, you must come with me…race me home…I'll not go to the hospital tonight…just don't…do not follow her scent." His pleadings caught my attention.

Horror grasped my mind while instinct grasped my body. I tensed into a crouch but made no move to pursue the path to the human. I meant to say something but my jaw was clenched in an unyielding snarl.

"No Edward. Come back with me this instant…we'll go to the house. You and I will never have to remember this day's events."

"I fear that I may want to remember this day more than most I have already experienced. Is this what you have kept from me Carlisle? This magnificent drink! It will quench my thirst I know this somehow. My feral instinct reminds me of the beast I restrain." I turned my head to the path I longed to take. Every ounce of me leaned toward the meal.

"You are not a monster!" Carlisle's exclamation came with such force form both his voice and his mind that I nearly stood from my crouch.

"But… Maybe I am."

Silence followed as Carlisle's thoughts halted and conformed around my statement. Monster, not Edward…Me! I'm the monster. Not Edward! Not my son!

By the time he looked up I had taken off in the path of the human girl. His mind faltered with indecision and self hatred, but he soon sped off after me. He was determined to save the girl from me, but it wasn't me he saw but himself killing her. Always Carlisle forced the burden on himself rather than on anyone else.

The light of the clearing was growing before me and the thoughts of the girl overbearing the familiar thoughts of Carlisle behind me. Her scent exploded around me when I entered the clearing. The full force was like nothing I had ever imagined; whereas before I only smelled the drifting odor, her passage intoxicated the air with her essence.

Elizabeth! Such a lovely name. It was her eighteenth birthday. We shared a birth year, how interesting. If I were human I might have taken a more gentlemanly approach for a first meeting but now I intended this meeting to be our last.

She didn't notice my entrance and I relished in her ignorance of the danger. I walked the distance across the clearing with silent steps, a ghost in the twilight that held the clearing. Her back was turned to me. A sheet of auburn locks flowed to her waist in gentle curls. I didn't want to ask what she was doing alone in the woods on her birthday. I didn't want to know her at all. If I knew her then her death might mean something to me.

Carlisle entered the clearing. His thoughts brazenly attacked my mind. Edward! Stop now. You will regret this. Please fight what your instinct tells you. Following this a rush of images confronted me. Carlisle's memories; they echoed his self restraint and power of conscience. His first years as a newborn so long ago were filled with the longing to feed but he did not. Please.

"I'm not as strong as you, Carlisle. You know as well as I do that eventually this would happen. You kept this from me." My control snapped at the last sentence. I said it loud enough that the words stirred my meal across the meadow.

"I – " I – "Edward, I'm sorry for stealing you away from humanity," the sorrow in his eyes and thoughts were touching.

I was suddenly sorry for hurting him more than necessary in this ordeal. "You are not to blame for this Carlisle. It is only my burden. I am the monster not you." I turned and proceeded forth across the clearing.

The force of his blow drove me to the ground but he was only able to hold me there momentarily. "GO!! Go now!!" He shouted at the girl's stunned face to no avail. Shock held her frozen to her spot waiting for me to take her.

I twisted beneath Carlisle and clawed at his face. He moved away in time for my nails to pass by his flesh. The movement however exposed him to my fury. I never wanted to hurt him, I just let instinct take over. I knew I had to do everything I could to keep my meal. Flashing fists and nails at his chest, I stood and drove Carlisle back across the meadow. The audible crack of bones beneath my knuckles defined the force of my blows. Blood seeped through the cuts I ripped at with my finger nails. He hit the tree with such force that the old pine cracked and threatened to fall.

I turned back to the clearing and sprinted to the girl. By the time Carlisle raced after me I had Elizabeth in my arms. She was warm against my bare chest. Her heat flooded my lungs with the scent of her hair. I traced her jaw line with one bloody finger as Carlisle resumed his pleading. Part of me wanted to let her go; I was not a complete monster, at least I didn't want to be. The beast within me beat back that sympathetic part until I struggled no more.

I set my lips on the soft flesh of her artery first gently and then more violently. The jump in her pulse made me chuckle and the blue-purple bruise flushed my senses with a heightened awareness of only her. Carlisle, the forest, everything disappeared in this intimate moment. A shiver ran down her back when I whispered "Be perfectly still." Her mind eased under my influence. To her I was beautiful and terrifying. My breath captivated her and my voice infiltrated her like a toxin.

Elizabeth had me transfixed and I her. I closed my eyes and counted the beats as she slowly relaxed in my arms. They came less frequent but with more force. Her head lulled away form me as if calling my attention to the delicate skin. I bared my teeth and rested them against her skin. Only a shiver raced down her body and yet her pulse remained in its calm interval.

My teeth pierced her flesh but I delicately drew my first taste. The savory liquid left a delightful sensation as it slid down my throat. At first it was tainted by the taste of my own venom but removed my teeth from her flesh to better sever the artery, eager for the sweet nectar to sate my thirst and warm my body.

As my lips pulled away I realized her pain. The small cut I had made screamed in her mind and yet she moved not an inch. I hesitated to cause her pain again. Her mind meddled with my sympathies but not long enough to stop feeding.

My hesitation wasn't long by any means. But it was long enough for Carlisle to attack. He threw himself at me with both his body and his mind. Somehow he separated Elizabeth from my hold and drove me through the forest with his shoulder in my chest. My mind was assaulted with images. My mother sitting by my bed, her fever worse then mine, all through the night; she never left my side, every day my health declined she wept for the inevitable loss of her son. The memories revealed her ultimate devotion to saving her son when, with pained thoughts, Carlisle remembered the night of my mother's death. Her last plea and his fulfillment of her final request echoed in my mind. So much did those words strike a cord that even though Carlisle continued with his memories of the turning and the endless pain, my mind repeated those words over and over.

Save him! Save my son!

I closed my eyes, unable to think about anything; the world around me dissolved into those five words. Save him! Save my son! SAVE HIM!

We ended up at our house. If tears were possible I would have been weeping. "Carlisle" I whispered. He would never forgive me. I had failed him. I had killed every hope of him ever loving me again. His anguished face stared at me through my memory. "I'm so sorry, so sorry."

His comforting hand clasped my shoulder. "Son…Son." I looked up into his caramel eyes. "I forgive you. Think not of it Son."

His kindness was boundless. To accept me back from such an act he thought as horrid…it was unimaginable. I glanced away, ashamed.

He lifted my chin and repeated "I forgive you, now you must forgive yourself." I looked back into his eyes but saw only the iridescent red of my own. The honey tint was erased completely and the monster seemed to make the red glow with a mix of content and redoubled need.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes, Edward."

"What of Elizabeth?"

His mind jumped to my mother. Save him! Save my son! "Who?"

"The girl… Her name was Elizabeth."

"Ah… she will be fine." His mind betrayed his calmness. Her blood smelled clean. Not enough was taken to cause permanent damage. It smelled clean. It was the opportune moment to strike with the least harm to either of them. It smelled clean.

I pretended I didn't hear his mind wandering always back to her safety. He stared at me until he felt sure I would be fine. Then he pulled off his sweater and collared shirt to examine the wounds to his chest. Purple colored his chest in small fist sized blotches. I counted the ribs on each side noticing three of them to be out of place. The slashes from my nails were already healing into fine pale scars. They disappeared in the right light but I caught their glimmer whenever Carlisle turned. Horror filled me as I saw the pain I caused my Father. I let out an anguished gasp.

"Edward, I'm fine. They don't even hurt" anymore. A soft crack resounded as all three ribs healed into their original places. "The bruises won't last long either."

But the scars will last forever, and the memories for even longer. I nodded and clasped my head between my hands. My feral instincts and newborn rage should have been fading and yet I felt the monster rebel against my abstinence. I wanted human blood and only Carlisle stood in the way. I would hold on to this life as long as I could for the love of Carlisle.

Save him! Save my son!