The week leading up to the ball, classes were inordinately difficult as the teachers struggled to keep their student's attention on schoolwork. They seemed to feel that the best way to go about this was to assign loads of homework. Lily now constantly looked overextended as she flitted between the library and her common room, hardly pausing for meals.
Even James was often in the common room studying and doing homework. Lily and James now spent hours together in their common room, but they still never spoke. Once or twice, Lily would go to ask James a question, and he always ignored her. Too stressed out to really care, Lily brushed it off and continued working.
Defense Against the Dark Arts was the only class not assigning homework. However, they still had long class discussions. Last class, they had brought in Muggle newspapers and wizarding newspapers and compared the two. The results had been shocking, especially for Lily. More and more Muggle deaths were being reported in the Muggle newspapers as being caused by freak accidents. As a first step in the analysis of the article, Professor Chandler would make them guess what the accident really was. Their findings were sickening. They found evidence of troll attacks and giant rampages. There was evidence in one enormous car collision that one or more cars had been attacked, causing the accident. Not to mention the random deaths that kept occurring. Entire families were found dead in their homes. Some showed severe spell damage. But the most sickening thing of all was the fact that not one mention of any of the attacks appeared in the Daily Prophet.
Lily left each one of these classes feeling more helpless and angry than before. Muggles were being murdered and the wizarding world wanted nothing to do with it. The whole situation cut Lily deeply as she realized the extent to which the wizarding world would go to ignore Muggles. So, she plunged herself deeply into her schoolwork, vowing to learn everything she could. She had faced prejudice before and overcome it and she would do it again. She would show the Wizarding world what a Muggleborn could do; she would bring the plight of the Muggles to the attention of the wizarding world whether they liked it or not.
The evening of the ball, Lily and her friends were getting ready in the Gryffindor dorms. Alice had the shower last, and the other girls were already putting on their dresses.
"Lily, can you help me with this dress?" asked Emmeline. "I can't tie and hold it in place at the same time." Lily laughed at Emmeline attempting to hold her dress up with one hand and tie the cords behind her back with the other. She was contorted into a very funny position.
"Sure, hang on a sec." Lily adjusted her own dress one last time and walked over. She tied up the corset part of Emmeline's pink dress. "There. Beautiful."
"Thanks Lily. Dorcas, want help with that?" Emmeline ran over to assist Dorcas with the zipping of her dress. Just then, Alice came flying out of the bathroom.
"Could someone zip my dress please? I've been trying and trying but I just. Can't. Get it!" She stumbled onto a bed, still trying to yank her zipper up. Emmeline collapsed on her bed, shaking with laughter. Lily sank to the floor, one arm wrapped around her stomach. Dorcas was laughing too, but she went over to offer assistance.
"Here you go Alice."
"Thanks," Alice gasped as her dress finally stopped sliding around.
"Do you want me to do your hair too?" asked Dorcas.
"Sure, just don't make it look too horrible." Dorcas guided Alice over to the mirror and looked at her reflection.
"Ok, I think I have an idea." She flicked her wand and Alice's dirty blonde hair arranged itself in a stylish messy bun with a few strands framing her face.
"It's perfect," Alice breathed. "Now, let me do yours." Alice twisted her wand, and Dorcas' honey-blonde hair twisted into a half-up do with the top part twisted into a tiny, spiky bun. It made Dorcas look beautiful and exotic.
"This is great, thanks Alice!"
"You're welcome. Now, who's next? Lily? Step right into Alice's beauty salon." Alice waved her wand extravagantly, gesturing to the chair in front of her. Lily stepped up and sat down.
"What are you going to do? I don't want it too wild." Alice gave Lily a patronizing look.
"Lily, Lily, Lily. When have I ever given you a bad hairdo? Except for that one time," she added hastily as Lily opened her mouth. Lily sighed.
"Fine," she said with a wave of her hand. "Do as you will." Alice gave a little squeal.
"Yay! Thanks Lily!" Studying Lily's face in the mirror, Alice began muttering to herself. After a moment, she gave her wand a quick twirl. The top part of Lily's red hair flew up into an intricate pattern. It started with five little ponytails by her forehead. From there, each ponytail split, and half of one joined with half of the one next to it, creating a diamond-like pattern atop her head. Alice looked in satisfaction and proclaimed Lily done.
"All right Emmeline, come on up." Emmeline sat down. For Emmeline, Alice waved her wand and carefully curled all of her straight brown hair. She pulled back the front but left two face-framing pieces, one on either side.
"Beautiful," Alice said. "So let's grab our funky masks and go, since Dorcas has to meet her date and everything." Dorcas flushed slightly and the girls headed out of their dorm.
&
Up in the boys dorm, the scene was much more subdued. Sirius was primping half-heartedly in front of the mirror. Remus was already dressed in his dress robes, and was sitting on his bed, head in his hands. Peter was fussing about in the bathroom. A few minutes later, he came out and proceeded to sit on his bed. Sirius sighed and turned around.
"Where is he?" The other two just shook their heads mutely. "He said he'd be here. He promised! Especially after he's been avoiding us for two months!" Sirius sank down on his bed. "He promised." The three of them sat there for a while. Suddenly, it was Remus' turn to sigh.
"It's been four months. They were killed in July. And James still hasn't made any attempt to live. Merlin, he even gave up on Lily! I thought he was in love with her."
Sirius looked at Remus, some of the mischievous light coming back into his eyes.
"Maybe he still is." Remus looked at him sharply.
"Padfoot, what are you thinking?"
"Well Moony, my good fellow, I'm thinking we set them up. Lily doesn't have a date, does she?"
Remus shook his head. "No."
"And we both know James doesn't have a date either. And we also know that Heads traditionally open these balls by dancing. So, we let them dance, then-"
"Then see how it goes." Remus cut in. "If it goes well we can do whatever you were planning. Which has nothing to do with drugs, spells, alcohol, or potions, correct?"
Sirius looked stymied for a second, and then decided he should probably nod.
"Correct. None…of that stuff that you said. Right."
"Seriously, Padfoot. And no-" But it was too late.
"I am Sirius," said Sirius, waggling his eyebrows and laughing. Remus just looked at him and his laughter slowly died out.
"Right, not funny. What were you saying Moony?" Remus just shook his head. "Let's just go find James."
The three of them walked down to the Entrance Hall, where everyone else stood holding masks. The doors to the Great Hall were closed and the crowd was alive with excitement.
"Where's James?" Shouted Peter over the noise. Sirius shook his shaggy head.
"No idea," he shouted back. They looked around and spotted Lily with her friends. "I'll go ask Lily," said Remus. "Maybe she's seen him." He walked over and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Hi Lily, you look beautiful tonight." She looked at him and smiled.
"You look very handsome also. What's on your mind?"
"Have you seen James?"
"James?" Lily looked puzzled. "No, why? He's here, right? We have to open the ball."
"Actually, we can't find him. We haven't really spoken to him in a while."
"Well I can't really help you. He speaks to me less than he speaks to the three of you," said Lily.
"Interestingly enough, that's not true. When's the last time you spoke to him?"
Lily stared at the ceiling, thinking. "That would be…a few hours ago. I said hello as I went to get my dress out of my room. He didn't say anything though, as usual."
"I haven't spoken to him since last Thursday when I asked him to pass me the salt at dinner."
Lily looked apologetic. "I'm sorry Remus. Why won't he speak to you?"
"Well, he has some issues he's been working through I suppose. But I've just about had enough. Do you think you can find him?"
Lily started, and then looked determined. "Yeah, I can find him. Would you ask Dumbledore not to start the ball until we get back?"
"Sure," Remus said. "Thanks Lily."
She gave him a slight smile and headed off towards the Heads Dormitory.
&
Inside the Heads Dormitory, James lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He was brooding; had been for some time. Eyes fixated on the small crack running across the white ceiling, he let his mind wander. He didn't really feel like going to this ball. His parents had loved formal events, but he had always hated them. He remembered with a flash of pain how his mother would always start getting ready ridiculously early. His father would tease her saying things like, "I didn't know being three hours early was the custom. Is this new?" His mother would always laugh and say, "Oh, Harold," and swat him on the arm. James' eyes burned. Just then, there was a knock on his door.
"Go away."
"James?" His stomach gave a massive leap. "It's Lily. Can I come in?" He took a deep breath. He didn't want to see anyone, but it was Lily. He sighed.
"Fine," he said curtly. The door opened and Lily stepped inside. Merlin, he thought. She's beautiful. Then he remembered their fight. I don't like her anymore, he reminded himself. I'm over her.
"Are you ok?" Her emerald eyes shone with concern. He laughed bitterly inside. Well this was a first. She was concerned for him. He didn't want anyone's pity.
"I'm fine. Could you please go away? Now?"
Lily looked hurt. "Your friends are worried about you." James felt a flash of annoyance. Of course he'd been avoiding them. He didn't want pity, and that was all they had to offer him. He was so involved in his angry thoughts that he almost missed her last statement. It was so quiet he could barely hear it.
"I was worried about you."
It was this, more than anything that caused James to stand up. "Well sorry to worry you," he spat. "Because god forbid Lily Evans actually care about anyone other than herself."
James shook himself internally. That hadn't even made sense. But at least his tone got her to back off. Just then, she opened her mouth. Maybe she hadn't backed off after all.
"Look James, I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but you better straighten it out fast. Your friends are miserable; you've been avoiding them for weeks. The teachers all wonder what the heck is wrong with you since you barely pay attention in class. And I," her voice broke and her eyes filled with tears. She had been walking closer and closer during her tirade, and James could now feel her finger poking into his chest. His stomach felt sick at her nearness. He wasn't used to it. He wasn't used to being near her anymore. And now that he was, God. He looked at her flushed face and tearful eyes in an attempt to distract himself from her closeness.
"I," she continued, a tear tracking down her cheek, "Am sick of doing all your work. I never sleep anymore because I'm so busy doing everything that you're not. I need help, ok? I need help." Another tear made it's way down her cheek, and suddenly James found that he was touching her.
"Ok," he said. She sighed and looked past him. They stood like that for a moment, his thumb on her cheek, and her looking out his window.
"We need to go," she said. "We're supposed to be opening this thing."
James was momentarily confused. Oh yeah, he remembered. The ball. He found that he was incapable of removing his hand from her face, so desperate was he for contact, that he was glad when she broke the touch. But as they headed down the stairs, his hand tingled.
Entering the Great Hall, Lily looked at him. He looked straight ahead as Dumbledore announced their arrival. The music began to play and he walked next to her towards the dance floor. Once in the center, he placed his hands on her waist. He closed his eyes as he felt her arms snake around his neck. His breathing became uneven. As the music started to play, he revolved slowly on the spot. After about a minute, he got enough control to look at her. She wasn't looking at him. Instead, she was gazing around the hall. The music continued.
James adjusted his grip to make himself a little more comfortable, inadvertently pulling her closer in the process. His stomach was already such a mass of emotion, he could barely add any more. The smell of crushed flowers and cinnamon drifted up to him from her hair. He took a breath, and slowly breathed out. He could barely keep moving. Fortunately, the song ended. He felt Lily look at him, but couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes. Just then, he felt her move under his hands. He looked down as she moved his head towards her and kissed his cheek. He hugged her for a moment, pulling her close. She whispered in his ear, "Thanks for the dance." Then she pulled away. James stood there, his whole body tingling, but his cheek especially burned where she had kissed it. Rubbing it absent-mindedly, he moved to a table and sat down.
Not too far away, Remus and Sirius were grinning excitedly.
"This is great!" hissed Sirius as he watched Lily cast one last look at James before walking towards her friends. "Did you see that?"
"Did I see what?" asked Remus. "Did I see Lily and James dancing, did I see them practically crackling with electricity, did I see her kiss him, or do I now see him sitting by himself rubbing the spot where she kissed him?" Sirius just looked at him.
"Moony, you are way too damn perceptive. So what do we do now?"
"No, idea." Said Remus.
"Ok, but whatever we do, I get to name it. In fact, I title it…Operation Lily and James!" Sirius finished grandly. Remus arched an eyebrow.
"You're so clever Padfoot."
"Thanks." Said Sirius. "I like to think so."
But the surprises were not over yet. Remus and Sirius watched in consternation and Gideon Prewitt went over to Lily and asked her to dance. Remus looked concerned as he watched a blush rise in her cheeks. His heart sank as he watched her get up and walk to the dance floor with Gideon. For each successive dance after that, he felt worse and worse. He watched Gideon and Lily continue to dance, and he watched James sink lower in his chair. Finally, about an hour before the dance ended, James left. Remus groaned and put his head on his arms.
"This is horrible. Sirius, go cut in. Please." Sirius looked at Remus in shock.
"But what if it's too late?" Remus just shook his head, so Sirius went over.
"May I cut in?" Lily looked shocked for a moment, then disappointed.
"I'll see you around nine then? On the fifth? Where do you want to meet?"
"Um, how about the entrance hall?" Gideon replied. "We can decide where to sit from there." Lily flushed slightly.
"Great. I'll see you then."
"Bye Lily." Gideon walked off.
"What do you want, Sirius?"
Sirius just looked at her sadly. "Do you see James?"
Lily looked around, searching. "No."
"Exactly," said Sirius, and he walked off. A while later as Lily sat by herself thinking about James and her date with Gideon, the clock tolled eleven, officially ending the Halloween Ball.
&
Sunday passed all too quickly for Lily. She spent most of her time out by the lake with her friends, enjoying the last semblances of summer. It seemed Lily was not the only one who had garnered a date at the ball; Dorcas had been asked to the Quidditch game by Fabian, and they were going to double date with Gideon and Lily.
"I'm so excited!" cried Dorcas in a rare display of girliness. Lily just grinned.
"Me too. Gideon is so nice and sweet. I danced with him at the ball a few times."
"A few times?" broke in Hestia. "You two were all over each other." Lily flushed. Hestia asked another question. "What about James?" She said it so quietly that Lily barely heard her.
"What about him?" The reply came out more harshly than Lily had intended. Hestia just looked at her.
"He really likes you. Additionally, you like him."
"First, I don't like him. Second, he doesn't like me either."
"Lily, are you insane?" asked Emmeline. "The boy has been obsessed with you since we were eleven!"
"Well he's not this year, is he?" That also came out sounding bitter. Lily flushed again. "Besides. I'm going on my date with Gideon and it will be fine. Everything will be fine." But even as she said it, she knew she didn't believe it. She stood up and began the long, slow walk back to her dorm. Stopping in the library, she sat down in her favorite window seat to think.
James Potter. He was so different this year. He was, for lack of a better word, confusing. He seemed to be getting more and more distant with his friends and the rest of the world, but he got closer to her…sort of. It was interesting. James had always been a public person; he loved the roar of the crowds during Quidditch, and the special attention paid to his life afterwards. But now, he was very withdrawn, very…private.
Lily sighed and headed back up to her dorm. She entered the portrait hole and headed over to her desk when she heard a noise. She turned around and walked towards the movement on the couch. As she got closer, she saw James lying there, fast asleep. One hand hung off the couch and his glasses were on the table. Lily just looked at him. He looked so vulnerable when he was sleeping. It was easy to like him when he was like this…No. No it's not. I'll just get him a blanket and go. She conjured a blanket with a wave of her wand and went to put it over him. She pulled it up to his shoulders and went to move his arm underneath. She grabbed his hand gently to move it up and under the blanket. Just then, James grabbed her hand. He rolled towards her slightly and muttered her name, "Lily." She looked at him.
"James?" He continued sleeping. He's asleep? She thought. Why would he call out my name when he's sleeping? Emmeline's voice came into her mind. "The boy has been obsessed with you since we were eleven!" Lily shook her head and glanced down at their entwined hands. With a shock she realized that she'd been rubbing his knuckles with her thumb. She stopped abruptly and gently disentangled her hand. As he let go, a frown grew on his face. He began to thrash in his sleep.
"No, please…NO!" He kept muttering and thrashing. Lily seemed a little frightened. She needed to get away from him; she always did funny things when she was around him, but he clearly needed help. She sat down next to him and began stroking his hair.
"James."
"No, please don't hurt them. I'll do anything." He seemed to be begging someone, but for what? Just then he sat up with a strangled gasp. His eyes were over bright. Lily realized with a shock that he looked like he was going to cry.
Shuddering, he brought a hand to his face and covered his eyes. Watching him, Lily realized that he looked exhausted, as if he hadn't slept for days. He was still shaking, and suddenly she found herself hugging him. As his face buried itself in her hair, she felt tiny shocks coming from her scalp. It made her nervous. He made her nervous. But what scared her most of all was that she had again lost control of her actions around him. She hadn't meant to hug him, it had just happened.
They sat there in that position for what seemed like an eternity. Gradually, James' breathing slowed and he calmed down. Sitting up, James looked away from her, his face turning a dull red.
"Sorry," he muttered.
"James," Lily said in a soft voice. He didn't look at her. She reached up slowly and touched his cheek. He froze. She turned his head towards her until he was looking into her eyes.
"It's ok." There was a pause. "Do you want to talk about it?" She stared at him. His eyes were amazing, she noticed. From far away, they looked plain hazel, but close up, one could see gold flecks spiraling…and the bags under his eyes. They were huge. He must have had nightmares every night since the start of term to look like that. Lily wondered how she had missed it. James still hadn't answered. They sat there in stalemate, each refusing, or unable, to look away. Lily asked again.
"James, what happened?" His eyes changed, their expression unfathomable. They were dull, yet filled with indescribable sadness and pain. He sighed and opened his mouth. There was a long pause. Finally he muttered,
"My parents."
"Your parents?"
"They're…" He struggled for a moment. "They're dead." He looked like a little boy with his eyes so lost and his posture so defeated. Lily couldn't bear it. She reached out and took his hand. "I'm so sorry."
He took a deep breath, concentrating on twining his fingers with hers.
"Voldemort killed them." Lily was shocked.
"Voldemort? But why?" James' eyes were hard. Lily squeezed his hand gently.
"They were Aurors. He wanted them dead. And now…"
"Now what?" But James just shook his head. Moving closer he pulled her into another hug. Just then he mumbled something that made her freeze.
"I feel like I can breathe."
"What?" she asked, petrified. He held her for a moment longer, then looked up, blushing.
"I said, I feel like I can breathe when you're around." He looked defiant and embarrassed and he stood.
"I'll see you around Lily."
That was the day everything changed.
&
After their talk that afternoon, Lily and James were friends. For the next few days, they were attached at the hip. For the most part, it was impossible to find Lily without James and vice versa. They had just about all the same classes, and could often be found studying together in the library. James was still distant with everyone else though, and the rumor mill was still going strong regarding his sudden desire for solitude that year.
One of the few times when they weren't together was when James had Quidditch practice. It was on one of these days that Gideon came up to Lily, who was alone in the library, to discuss their date.
"Hey Lily." Lily looked up from the huge tome she was devouring.
"Oh! Hi Gideon. You startled me." She smiled at him. "What's on your mind?"
"Well, I was just wondering if our date was still on and all. I've seen you and James looking quite cozy recently and I was just wondering…"
Lily gave a half smile and forced out a laugh. Inside, she felt a swoop of disappointment.
"Oh no, James and I are just friends." Just friends, yeah…
"OK, good to know." He gave her a lopsided smile and Lily felt her cheeks flush. He was very attractive with his reddish hair, bright blue eyes, and charming smile. He even had one dimple, on his left cheek. "So we're still on?"
"We're still on," she confirmed. "How have you been?" she asked, trying to keep the conversation going.
"Me? I've been great. It's a bit stressful what with Quidditch and my studies. You know how it is. Or maybe you don't actually, but Ravenclaws are prone to some very intense studying." He grinned. "No slackers in that house! Well, except me." Lily laughed.
"You? Never." She sounded mock scandalized.
"Really," he said, nodding vigorously. "I just say I'm going to study, and lo and behold, I end up studying the workings of the house elves in the kitchen!"
Giggling, Lily said, "One day you'll have to show me." Gideon gave a dashing smile.
"Actually, lovely lady, I can accompany you right now, if you're done?"
"Well, I suppose I could put this essay off for one night…" She grinned at him impishly.
"Done," he said, helping her gather her papers. "Let's go." He offered her his arm.
"Thank you, kind sir," she said with a small laugh.
"You are most welcome, my fair lady."
Together they headed off towards the kitchens. Lily was shocked to discover that they were right behind the painting of the fruit bowl she often admired. And she was astounded by the house elves.
"They're so polite!" She exclaimed. "What do they get paid to act like this?"
She was less than happy, however, when she found that they were essentially slaves.
"It's not right," she raged. "They should get holidays and, and sick leave and pensions and everything. It's not fair!"
Gideon simply watched her, amused by her actions, and enraptured by her beauty.
"It may not be fair, but it's been like this for centuries."
"So?" Lily asked. "That doesn't mean it can't change!"
"Well, why don't you ask them how they feel about, what was it? Oh yes, 'sick leave and pensions.'" Gideon then proceeded to watch in amusement as Lily narrowly avoided offending all of the house elves. So it was to a laughing Gideon and a blushing Lily that James entered the kitchens.
Walking in, he just looked at the two of them, sitting together at a small table. Lily noticed him first.
"Hey James! How was practice?"
"Fine," said James curtly. Lily was slightly hurt, but she was more confused by the look in his eyes. She couldn't read him right now, and it frustrated her. He seemed almost, annoyed. But no, there was too much emotion there for him to be merely annoyed. Just then, Lily realized that she was staring at him.
"Right, well I'm glad your practice was ok. James, I think you know Gideon?" James jaw tensed slightly. Lily was pretty sure she was the only one to notice. James nodded twice, curtly.
"Gideon, this is James."
"Hey James. How's your Quidditch team? You're captain, right?" James gave another curt nod.
"Congratulations! That's quite an honor. Head Boy too, not too shabby." James just looked at him. Gideon looked at Lily. Lily shrugged.
"Anyway, Gideon and I are going to head out. I'll see you later James." He just watched her, that unfathomable look still in his eyes.
Lily dragged Gideon out into the hall where they both erupted into nervous laughter.
"That…was the single…most awkward moment…of my entire life!" Lily said, laughing.
"Me too! Wow, remind me not to mess with James. He sure is…different."
"Well, if you think about it, you should deal well with odd people." Gideon looked at Lily, confused.
"You're a Ravenclaw."
"Hey!" Gideon exclaimed. "That's totally…I mean…"
"So you're saying you have no comeback?" said Lily, mischievously. "All good looks and no brains, huh?"
"What? How can you…What are you…" Lily just laughed.
"From now on, I dub thee 'Pretty Boy.' All looks, no smarts."
"But I'm in Ravenclaw!" said Gideon, feebly.
"Come on, pretty boy. Let's go get some food." So Lily dragged a still sputtering Gideon down to the Great Hall, laughing the whole way.