A/N Ok, sorry for the long wait. I have excuses, but I definitely know that they don't matter. So instead, I give this chapter as a peace offering. With more to come!
Lily and James were still friends, but he had become more distant with her after the kitchen meeting. Frustrated, she turned to Gideon, and the two of them were seen together often. One morning, not long after the kitchen extravaganza, Lily received a red rose at breakfast. Looking over at Gideon, she saw him give her a wink. From then on, Lily and Gideon were considered an item. He asked her out not long afterwards, and they agreed to make the Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch game their first official date.
The day of the game was bright and sunny. A good omen, it seemed, for their first official date. Lily woke up that morning feeling refreshed and happy. Rolling out of bed, she noticed that the bathroom was occupied. She decided to get dressed first, and do her makeup later. She walked into her enormous closet, and grinned at the absurdity of it. Lily was not a material person; that is, she did not rely on objects to make her happy. She had loved Gideon's rose for its symbolism, not its extravagance. That, she mused, is where James Potter always went wrong. She didn't want extravagance. She didn't need trinkets and baubles, she just wanted commitment.
Lily smiled thinking of Gideon. He was good looking, handsome even. She herself was not badly off in the appearances department. With her curly, shoulder-length red hair, bright green eyes and creamy pale skin, she was often considered the beauty of Gryffindor. Personally, she felt that Dorcas had the market cornered on looks with her blonde hair and blue eyes, but who was she to judge?
Gideon was also like her in many ways. He was smart and studious; he liked getting good grades. He was athletic, but not overly so. She ran, he was a chaser on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team. To be fair, she thought, he has nothing on James in Quidditch. But Lily wasn't looking for perfect. She was looking for perfect for her. And Gideon certainly seemed to fit the bill.
Picking out khaki pants and a red, pink, and white flowered shirt, Lily headed out into her room. She noticed that the bathroom was now available, so she entered. The mirror was still steamy and the bathroom quite warm from the shower. Lily grabbed a towel to wipe off the mirror so she could finish getting ready.
Ten minutes and four hairstyles later, Lily headed down to the Great Hall with her hair in a messy bun. Two, curly, face-framing strands hung loose. Light make up enhanced her already perfect skin. All in all, Lily looked great. She attracted a few appreciative looks as she walked into the Great Hall. Gideon was already there and he waved her over.
"Lily!" Lily smiled.
"Gideon, hi! How are you today?"
"I'm great, and yourself?"
"Great."
"Would you like a seat?" Gideon asked. Lily hesitated. She wasn't sure she wanted to sit at the Ravenclaw table under the scrutiny of the entire hall. She looked at Gideon and noticed his earnest expression. She assented, and was secretly pleased at his look of excitement. As she sat down, Gideon spoke again.
"I know at the ball we arranged to meet in the Entrance Hall, but you looked so lovely I couldn't resist."
Lily flushed. She wasn't used to so many compliments. Contrary to popular belief, she hadn't had any boyfriends. Admirers, sure, but no boyfriends. She had never met anyone she felt comfortable taking that step with. Gideon had fallen into her lap, and as he buttered some toast for her, Lily thought she couldn't have been luckier.
"I can do that, you know," she said, in reference to the buttering. He smiled at her.
"I know, and in the future, I'll let you. I just figured since today's our first "real" date and all, I should be gentlemanly."
"You mean, you aren't always a gentleman? What did I really sign up for?" Lily asked mischievously.
"Well, you know, I'm always a perfect gentleman, I just tone it down sometimes around people who aren't quite as perfect." Lily looked at him with her mouth open.
"Did you just insult me?" she asked. Then her mouth fell open even farther. "And was that a comeback?" Gideon put his hands to his cheeks in mock shock.
"Oh no!" he said teasingly. "The lady can't handle the truth! She's going crazy! What will she do next?" He studied her then, with a wide-eyed, unblinking stare. She just laughed and playfully swatted his arm.
"Oh, you." She grinned. "I'll get you back for that, just you wait and see."
&
Across the hall, James Potter wore a dark frown. He was watching Lily sit with Gideon. At first, he hadn't thought she'd do it. Lily was usually a very reserved person. Blatantly sitting with her…he spit the word out unwillingly: boyfriend, was very unusual. Feeling strange, James Potter watched them sit together and flirt with an atypical amount of concentration. Just then, he saw Lily's jaw drop. He began to stand when he saw Gideon put on a mock shocked look. Sitting back down he watched Lily laugh. Merlin she was beautiful when she laughed. Just then, he saw her playfully swat Gideon's arm with a cry of "oh, you!"
Suddenly James was four years old watching his parents get ready for a party. He recalled for the millionth time that year, the scenes of them mock fighting. So, it was with a troubled stomach and a sick heart that James left the Great Hall. Maybe he wouldn't go to the Quidditch game today after all.
&
At the Quidditch game, Lily and Gideon sat in the Gryffindor section.
"It's only fair," he explained. "You had breakfast with Ravenclaws, I watch the game with Gryffindors." Lily smiled at him happily and they sat back to watch the game. It was a hard game, fast-paced and furious. The Hufflepuffs were playing with an unusual amount of reckless abandon, making the game more interesting. The Slytherins were dirty, as always, and were often booed.
The game went on for a few hours with the action centered around the Quaffle and the Bludgers. Lily typically enjoyed Quidditch, but with the game being so close, "accidents" began to occur. First, a Slytherin chaser blatantly fouled another chaser from Hufflepuff. In retaliation, the Hufflepuffs fouled the Slytherin keeper. Madam Hooch's whistle seemed to be constantly blowing, its shrill sound permeating the air.
But as a Hufflepuff chaser was carried off with a cracked skull, Lily felt decidedly queasy. Just then, she felt a solid warmth around her shoulders and froze. Looking at Gideon, he gave a one-shouldered shrug, the other arm around her shoulders. She grinned at him and relaxed into his arm. As the game went on, the temperature fell lower and lower. Most of the crowd was sitting now, and the lighting charms were starting to be activated around the pitch. With a flick of her wand, Lily conjured blankets for her and Gideon. The rest of the crowd cottoned on and soon, everyone had blankets, with varying degrees of success. While Lily's blankets were squishy, blue, and warm, a girl a few seats over had a brown blanket that was mooing like a cow. The game droned on.
An hour later Lily was dozing lightly on Gideon's shoulder. He smiled, running a hand through her thick, red hair. Her eyes opened and she looked at him sleepily.
"Nothing's going on. I'll let you know when there is. Kay?" She nodded and her eyes fell shut again. They sat like that for a while as the score remained 200 to 170, Hufflepuff in the lead. As the Hufflepuff chasers flew toward the Slytherin goal posts, Gideon felt eyes boring into him. Shifting a sleeping Lily slightly, he looked around. Just then there was a shout.
"The Snitch is out!"
The crowd jumped to its feet staring at the two Seekers. All except Gideon and the mystery starer. Gideon could still feel the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. He continued to crowd gaze. Just at the Hufflepuff seeker caught the snitch, Gideon made eye contact with none other than James Potter.
They stared at each other for a moment as the Hufflepuff celebration began, then Gideon turned around. The crowd began to file off the pitch and the lighting charm began to dim. As the pitch slowly emptied, Gideon went to wake Lily up. He looked at her fondly. He really did like her. She was so pretty and vivacious and smart…perfect really. He ran a hand through her hair again and she stirred.
"Lily? Wake up." She groaned softly but remained asleep. He tried again. "Lily?"
Just then, he heard a husky voice from behind him.
"I'll take her." He spun to find James Potter.
"I can take her," James said. "So she doesn't have to wake up." Gideon just looked at him. "We share a dorm."
Looking at James, Gideon sensed no ill intent. He looked at her reluctantly.
"All right," he said. "But be careful…do you know a way she can get in without being seen by too many people?"
James looked at Gideon disdainfully. He nodded once. Gideon sighed.
"All right. Hang on a second." Conjuring a piece of parchment and a quill, he wrote something and tucked it in Lily's pocket. James watched in silence. As soon as Gideon was done, James hefted Lily into his arms. Gideon looked at him sadly.
"Thanks James." And he left.
&
Back in the Head's common room, James set a sleeping Lily on the couch. His arms tingled where he had held her and his chest burned where her head had lain. He conjured a blanket and pulled it over her gently, tucking her in. She shifted slightly in her sleep, turning her face to the ceiling. A tendril of curly, red hair lay across her cheek. Unable to help himself, James reached out. He paused an inch away from her face, but he couldn't resist. A jolt shot up his arm as his hands came in contact with her soft cheek. He slid his fingertips towards her ear as he moved the piece of hair. Lily slept on, oblivious. Painfully, he removed his hand and went to sit down. Sitting, he watched her sleep.
She was so innocent, he reflected. Kind, beautiful, intelligent…not his. He sighed and put his head in his hands. He was exhausted; the long, sleepless nights were finally starting to catch up to him. Every night, memories of his parents tortured him. He dreamed of their deaths often. All the discussion in DADA and the gossip in the halls following attacks caused those dreams to be horrifically vivid. He didn't want to dream anymore.
In his emotionally fragile state, he gave up his charade. He loved her, and he just didn't have the energy to pretend otherwise. In the morning, he would be back to normal, he decided. As the thought crossed his mind, an ocean of feelings crashed over him. His stomach turned; he felt sick. Even his bones ached. Repressing his feelings until they were just a mere throb in his head, James fell asleep.
&
November passed in a blur of decreasing temperatures and increasing workloads. Death Eater attacks were also on the rise; even the Daily Prophet could not disguise the havoc Voldemort's followers were wreaking among the land. In Defense Against the Dark Arts, they were continuing with their class discussions. The last lesson had begun the topic of wartime ethics and morals.
"Today I heard an interesting comment," said Professor Chandler. "As I walked through the halls, I heard someone declare their hatred of Death Eaters. This in and of itself is not such a bad thing, but the discussion continued. This person went on to say to his companion, 'At least we're not Slytherins. We're on the good side. Now," Professor Chandler continued, staring hard at the class, "that was not meant to be a jibe at the Slytherins. I, for one, do not believe that your House defines your personality. However, that little discussion I overheard prompts the question: What is 'good' and 'bad'? Why are the Death Eaters bad?"
The class was silent. Lily exchanged a glance with Emmeline, who was next to her. What was Professor Chandler playing at?
"Well," a boy from the front of the room spoke up, "they kill people."
"Yeah," said another. "They killed my uncle!"
"They killed my cousin!"
"My mother!"
"I HATE them!"
At that comment, Professor Chandler held up her hand.
"I don't mean to say that you are wrong," she said to the girl, "but I would now like to ask the whole class to examine this with as unbiased a view as possible. Yes the Death Eaters kill people, but so don't we. Why are we any different from them?"
"It's war!" cried a student.
"That doesn't make it right," said Emmeline. "They're mothers and fathers. They have families, people who love them, just like we do."
"Then why are they evil?" asked Professor Chandler. Dorcas spoke up, surprisingly.
"They're not. No one is evil, except maybe Voldemort, because I don't believe he's human anymore. Those Death Eaters, they're simply doing what they believe is right. They don't feel that Muggle borns are worth anything. Me? I say a human's a human. But they obviously don't agree. So what? That doesn't make them evil. It make them different."
Professor Chandler kept the discussion going. "Then why do we fight?"
The class stared at one another.
"Think about it. For homework, you will all write an essay." Professor Chandler walked up to the board and picked up a piece of chalk. On the board she wrote:
Why do we fight wars?
Who fights wars? Will you participate in this war? How?
Could you kill someone in battle?
Where do we draw the line?
Are Death Eaters evil? Why?
"Consider these topics carefully. I will not set a limit on the length of this essay, but any essays that are not written thoughtfully will not receive a grade. For the rest of this class period, please read chapter three in your textbooks on dueling. We may begin dueling after break. I know it seems far off, but you'll want to begin studying now."
They were silent for the rest of class.
That evening, Lily sat in the Gryffindor common room attempting to write her essay. She groaned and threw her quill down in frustration.
"Easy Lily," teased Alice. "You're writing an essay on your own views. It can't be that hard." Lily dropped her head to the table where it landed with a thunk.
"Ow," she said tiredly. "My brain hurts."
"You're over thinking it," said Emmeline. "It's not that complicated."
Lily just shook her head.
"It is for me." There was a pause. Lily stood up and gathered her things. "I'll see you guys later."
"Where are you going?" asked Dorcas.
"Back to my common room," answered Lily.
"Please don't go," said Alice. "We're sorry if we offended you." Emmeline nodded her agreement. Lily just smiled.
"I know, but I really need to get this done, and my common room is quieter."
"Ok," said Alice, "if you're sure…"
"I'm sure. I'll see you guys at breakfast tomorrow."
Lily walked out through the portrait hole and began to make her way up to the Head's common room. As she walked through the quiet corridors, she let her mind wander. Thinking of nothing in particular, she gave the password and clambered into her common room. She put her books on her desk and sighed happily.
"Relief." Just then, she heard a door open and James came into the common room. Upon seeing her he stopped short. As Lily sat up straight and stiff, she saw him swallow hastily.
"Hey Lily." She looked at him.
"Hi," she replied softly. There was a lengthy pause.
"What…what are you writing?" he stuttered. She frowned slightly.
"My DADA essay," she said. "I came in here so I could focus better. I'm not doing to well on it."
"Oh. I finished mine."
"I'm sure you did," said Lily in a slightly acidic tone.
"I didn't mean it that way…" James trailed off. "I'll just let you work, see you later." He walked swiftly across the common room and out the portrait hole and Lily was alone. Unconciously, she sagged in her seat as she bent forward to write.
&
Three days later, Lily waited eagerly for Defence class. Professor Chandler had told the class that she had graded the essays and there would be a class discussion that day. As Lily walked into Defence with Emmeline, she noticed James watching her. She decided to ignore it and went to sit down by Alice. Emmeline sat behind her. The staring continued. After a moment, Lily slowly turned her head until her eyes met James'. She gave him a perplexed look. Abruptly, he turned away.
"Good afternoon class," said Professor Chandler. A few people said good afternoon back. Professor Chandler walked up to the front of the room and placed her bag behind her desk. She bent down to open it and remained half-hidden as she rummaged through the papers. She pulled out a few scrolls and placed them on her desks.
"Overall, the essays were incredible. They showed a real depth of thought and thorough character examination. You should all be proud to have handed me such excellent essays. Many of you mentioned becoming Aurors, but there were also a few healers and whatnot. Your views on some of the other questions were also quite fascinating. However, there is one essay I would like to read, for it truly stood out."
Professor Chandler unrolled a scroll and cleared her throat. She began to read.
"Evil, by definition, is causing pain or injury to others; harmful. Death Eaters are evil. Some will argue that they fight to achieve their aims, but in what ways? They torture innocent civilians. They kill defenseless Muggles. Compassion, the ability to judge the effect of our actions on others, is what makes humans different from animals. Death Eater's lack of compassion takes away everything that makes them human. And so I fight.
I fight against fear, hatred, prejudice, oppression, and violence. I fight to retain my humanity. I fight to preserve my values and traditions, my culture; to preserve justice, knowledge, and compassion, and return to peace. I fight for laughter, smiles, tears freely shed. I fight for sunshine and walks in the park, and all those memories that make us who we are today. I fight to protect my life and the lives of all as we know them. I fight for us.
And I will fight. I had dreams of becoming an Auror, dreams I will realize. I applaud all those who aim to become healers and thinkers, you are needed. Not everyone is an Auror, but everyone will play a part. Healers repair bodily wounds, thinkers provide them the means to do it better, faster. They also provide us with the knowledge necessary to win this war with fewer casualties. Others will provide financial or emotional support. All will fight and we will win. But by what means? At what cost?
I for one will not torture. This is a despicable violation of all values, religious for some, societal for others. Regardless of information that may be attained and crimes that may have been committed, torture is not the answer. In falling prey to this horrific absence of compassion and empathy, we become no better than those we fight, and I for one, will not do it.
Killing should also be avoided at all costs. Death Eaters may be evil, but they have families and friends. They are someone's mother or father, sister or brother, cousin, aunt, or what have you. However, if necessary, I could kill. Not for the sake of taking a life, it is never acceptable to play God with someone's life, but for the sake of saving one. To save a friend or a comrade, I could kill. Not that I would enjoy taking a life, it is simply that I would rather have more people who believe in playing outside on a sunny day, who are touched by children's innocent joy, who still know how to love.
I know that I may be killed in this war. But I won't be hasty. I will learn, for it is knowledge that makes us better people. I will be compassionate, for it is compassion that makes us human. And I will fight for what I believe. And when I do, the world will be with me, and I will not be alone. This war is not just for the soldiers, it is for mankind to say once and for all "I choose democracy and justice. I choose knowledge and freedom. But above all, I choose peace."
Professor Chandler finished reading and looked around at the class.
"A beautiful sentiment," she said quietly, "and one that I hope you will all appreciate and consider. Everyone's viewpoint is worth something. And by comparing it to your own, finding where they differ and where they coincide, you will learn, you will grow, and when you leave this castle, you will be prepared."
&
That night, Lily sat on her balcony wrapped in a blanket. She looked at the stars. As a little girl, she had always loved the stars. There was just something so hopeful about the way the flashed and glimmered, little winks from the sky. As she stargazed, she thought about her Defence class. Today, Professor Chandler had read an amazing essay. She wondered whose it was. It had really made her think. She felt the enthusiasm and the resolve of the writer, but she wondered if she herself was strong enough to fight. She smiled briefly. Her parents would kill her if they found out, that is, if the Death Eaters didn't kill her first. Or, she thought, kill them first. She shivered slightly. Decided that she was cold and had had enough stargazing for one night, she picked herself up off her balcony and went to bed.