A/N So, my friend pointed out that I made it seem like they slept together. Which they did, sort of, but not like some people thought. I was trying to imply a serious make out session, but not sex. Hence the "almost but not quite one" line. I mentioned why I thought their little get together escalated (previously choreographed, etc, etc), but I didn't mean that they slept together. Lily just doesn't do that yet in my mind. Anyway, thank you all SO much for your reviews. They are really what keep me writing. Whenever I'm stressed and think I can't write anymore I just remember the reviews and it forces me to get to work! So thanks all and as always, reviews are always appreciated!

Chapter 8

The next morning, Lily awoke to a ray of sunlight shining through the open curtains. She opened her eyes slowly, allowing them to adjust to the bright light. Instead of the balcony that she had grown used to seeing upon awakening, she found that she was instead staring at the leg of a piece of furniture. Her eyes followed the carved whorls that she recognized as decorating the leg of the sofa in the common room. She raised her head slightly, wincing as the muscles in her neck stretched painfully, and was greeted with the sight of James Potter's sleeping face. His angular jaw line had pronounced stubble on it; clearly, he had not shaved in a while. His hair was messier than usual, sticking up all over the place. One wavy, black lock of hair rested across his forehead. All other strands seemed to stand straight up from his scalp. His eyes were shut and she could see his eyelids flickering. Underneath his eyes were enormous bags, demonstrating the effect his nightmares had on him. However, he didn't seem to be having one now; his thin lips were stretched into a small smile. His nose was still slightly too long against his sleeping features and he snored slightly in his sleep. Lily felt a rush of warmth all over as she realized that she had pressed full up against him while she had been sleeping. As tingles played up and down her spine and settled in her stomach, she noted that she had never found James Potter more attractive than he was right now.

Raising her left arm, which had been previously slung over his bare, muscled chest, Lily ran her hand lightly over his nose, his lips, his cheeks, loving the feel of his stubble beneath her fingertips. He rolled slightly, nestling into her hand, but also pulling her closer with his right arm. Lily closed her eyes, relishing in the feel of his body against hers, before she realized that she was now effectively pinned. Her right arm was trapped in the arch of his back and his arm still pinned her to him.

She lay for a moment reflecting on her situation. She didn't want to wake him from his first peaceful sleep in a while. However, she did feel an overwhelming urge to shower. Slowly, slowly she slid to the side until she was lying flat on her back on the floor. His arm was now across her abdomen, her arm still under his back. Carefully she picked up his arm and laid it next to his body. She rolled back onto the arm that was still under his back and slowly began to sit up, each vertical inch moving her arm another little bit out from under his dead weight. As her hand approached imminent freedom, he gave one heavy sigh. Lily held her breath as he rolled over onto his other side, remaining asleep.

With a small smile, she conjured a blanket and draped it over him. Rays of sunlight spilled from the window, illuminating his pale skin and handsome features. Running her hand one last time through his thick hair, Lily closed her eyes as the soft strands slipped through her fingers. Laughing to herself at the strangeness of it- she, Lily Evans, was relishing in the feel of James Potter's hair- Lily stood up and went to take a shower.

An hour later, Lily emerged refreshed from the bathroom. Sticking her head into the common room, she saw James still asleep on the floor. Smiling slightly she cast a quick cushioning charm on the floor beneath him. She almost laughed as she watched him nestle into the new, squishy floor. Then she headed back to her room to read a book. All in all, she thought, a perfect way to begin a Saturday in January.

She flopped down on her large bed and opened Arabian Nights. Though she tried valiantly to read, the words simply bounced off her numb mind. The last three weeks had been absolute hell; and try though she might to repress the stress and guilt, the emotions overwhelmed her. Discarding her book, Lily began mindlessly playing with her bracelet, letting her mind wander. Gradually, she looked down at the fine chain. The sight struck her like a physical blow. It was the bracelet her parents had given her the day they died. Tears formed in her eyes, though she blinked them back. She hated crying, hated the weakness she felt at not being able to control her emotions. But once in a while they slipped through anyway as did the tears that ran down her cheeks.

The hole their loss had left in her was not so much a hole as a gaping cavern. It was so easy to get lost in, thought Lily as she struggled, the depths of pain, fear, and most of all longing that made her head throb and her stomach ache with nausea. Crying silently, she rolled onto her side and found herself clutching a cool sphere. It was the necklace she had received from the owl. She smiled slightly through the pain as she remembered the havoc the owl had wreaked upon the household, and particularly on her sister.

Petunia was getting married soon, she realized dimly. To Vernon. The whale of a man her parents had approved for her tiny sister. She grimaced in disgust and laughed slightly as her head filled with amusing but utterly inappropriate thoughts. She only laughed harder as she thought of what James would say if he knew. At the thought of him, her heart expanded slightly and her lips turned up.

James Potter was an interesting character. Just when she was sure she knew him, he would do something to surprise her. And not always in a good way, she mused as she thought of Rose Anderson. She was a nice girl. Lily wondered dimly how she had felt about her breakup with James. Although, that would imply that they had broken up, and to the best of Lily's knowledge, they had still been together yesterday. But James wouldn't, she thought. Would he? He wouldn't have kissed her like that if he were still tied down. She hoped.

Pushing that thought from her mind also, she laughed as she realized just how good she was at repressing. Her smile faded slightly as she also thought that might not be a good thing. Something about bottling up feelings and whatnot. Hadn't she just said those words to James a few short weeks ago? God but that seemed ages. And he seemed to have responded. Particularly well, she mused, as she reflected on last night. She felt distinctly uncomfortable with how that had ended up and hoped that things would become easier to discuss if they became a couple. James and Lily. Lily and James. It has a nice ring to it…and she laughed at her mind's shallow wanderings.

She was startled from her musings when her door flew open with a bang. James stood in the doorway, hair all askew, looking terrified.

"Lily! Are you? I'm sorry, I just…I can't..what…" He trailed off from his incoherent rambling as she stood up from her position lying on her bed and walked towards the door. She stopped in front of him, concerned.

"James, what's going on? Are you all right?"

He ran a hand embarrassedly through his hair. This was a trait, Lily thought, that she had loathed before. But she had never considered that he only did it around her out of nervousness. But he was unmistakably nervous now. She almost smirked.

His hand dropped from his hair to plunge deep into his pocket. "I just woke up this morning and I didn't see you and I thought…" He flushed and trailed off, looking highly uncomfortable.

Lily was really confused now. "What?"

"I just thought…that you had left."

She just looked at him. She had never really given him credit for how attractive he was. Even having just woken up, he still looked good. His shirt was rumpled and askew, sleeves rolled, as if he has just thrown it on. Which, Lily reflected as she remembered his chest, he had. His tie was missing, probably still on the common room floor. His hair was far messier than usual and Lily had a sudden urge to run her hands through it again. And considering the events of last night, she figured she probably could.

He still stood there waiting for some sort of validation. Her heart tugged painfully as she realized that he obviously thought that she had just been messing with him. She stepped closer, getting rid of the distance between them. He stood still, frozen, as her hand cupped his cheek and moved slowly towards his hair. Her other hand caressed his shoulder. His own arm moved, seemingly of its own accord to her waist, holding it lightly.

"I'm sorry for scaring you," Lily murmured.

James looked like he was fighting to understand her. "What?"

Lily could have laughed at the effect she was having on him. "This morning?"

"Right, right." He shook his head. "It's ok, I just…" He looked at her, hazel eyes boring into emerald green. Lily's heart skipped a few beats has she felt one of his hands move from her waist to her hair. As he stroked her hair, Lily almost melted. Tiny shocks flew down her spine, congregating in her stomach. Without thinking, she slowly moved his head down to hers. His hand in her hair froze as their lips met. Still the same fireworks, Lily noted in a distant part of her brain. Her entire body seemed to tingle as he kissed her slowly and deeply. Finally, they both pulled back, gasping for air.

"What…what does this mean?" James asked, apprehension in his eyes at the question.

Lily smiled coyly and he swallowed. "It means…" A thought occurred to her.

"James? Did you break up with Rose?"

His hands flew from her waist to return to his hair. She tugged them down lightly and held them as he responded.

"Er, she broke up with me, actually."

Lily smiled. "Really?"

James looked highly uncomfortable. "Yeah," he said awkwardly.

"Well. If that's so, James Potter? Will you go to Hogsmeade with me?"

He laughed at her, and she felt it rumble in his chest as he hugged her.

"You're not just saying that?"

Lily looked confused. "Why would I ask if I didn't mean it?"

She could feel his posture tense as the question hung between them. James flushed. "I don't know, I just wanted to make sure."

Studying his face, his blush, the way he had run in this morning, the way he wouldn't look at her now, Lily didn't know what to say.

"James, I..."

She shook her head, unable to find the words. Touching his face, she marveled at the power she had over him as his eyes slid shut, seemingly of their own accord. She moved her hand back to his chest where she could feel his heart pounding in his chest. His eyes flew open and considered her seriously. He seemed to see everything, every thought she had ever had, every dream she had ever dreamed. His hand still stroked her hair, he couldn't seem to help it. His other hand was frozen on her waist.

All the things she had ever heard about James Potter came back to her. How amazing he was. How brave and charming and loyal. She felt the pull between them, like the strongest magnet. How he had felt this for seven years and had still taken her petty name-calling and unbelievably ignorant anger. She felt sick as she thought about how she had treated him. Yet his eyes were still on her, waiting. Patiently waiting like he had for seven years. She wanted to kiss him, yet felt unbelievably awkward. She didn't deserve him. Did he even want her?

She looked seriously into his eyes. He looked drained and tired. Cautious. As if he were afraid to celebrate. Doubt. He had every right to doubt her. Fear. Of rejection? That she understood, but how to fix it? She looked deeper. And there. In the darkest part of his eyes. The hot, metallic silver she had seen last night. Discreet and well-hidden, but still there. Want.

Slowly, she began to stretch up, unsure what it was that he wanted. She paused, inches from his lips.

"Lily," he groaned. And for the first time in her life, she felt truly desired. Her stomach churned, her waist was on fire where his hand rested. She rose up onto her tiptoes, her lips millimeters from his, until she could barely stand it. With a harsh sound he closed the small distance. As his lips met hers, Lily could feel her blood rushing through her veins. Her heart pounded painfully in her chest. His hand tangled in her hair urging her closer. Moving his head back he gasped for breath. Swinging around, he pinned her against the wall. Her hand clutched at his back, her other hand ran through his thick, unruly hair. She pressed closer and he groaned, hand moving from her waist to wrap fully around her back. They broke again for air.

"We should stop," she whispered.

He looked at her, eyes silver, cloudy with desire. She loosened her grip and he sighed. Stepping back he observed her red hair, now tangled and wild. Her lips were puffy and red. But she was smiling. His hand reached out again and combed through her hair. She laughed, the sound of it like bells.

"I suppose I should go fix my hair." She looked down at her rumpled clothes. "And my clothes."

He shot her a cheeky look. "Why? I like them like that."

She glared at him and slipped into the bathroom, closing the door tightly behind her. The occupied sign flashed red. James walked into her room and flopped down on her neatly made bed. He closed his eyes. Seven years. Seven years he had waited for Lily Evans to like him. For years she had looked at him like he was dirt beneath her feet. But now…the bathroom door swung open and James' head snapped up. Lily stood in the doorway smiling at him. His stomach lurched so painfully he could have sworn he was dying.

She walked up to him and held her hand out. He grabbed it, feeling the jolt of electricity that had always accompanied her touch. Unable to believe that this was real, he pulled her into a hug. The feeling of her body against his did more to reassure James than anything else. He felt her laughing and he looked down curiously.

"Could you kindly refrain from messing up my clothes after I just straightened them?" she inquired sweetly.

With an evil grin, he messed up her hair, then ran out of the dorm. He could hear Lily following after a minute. He slowed down so she could catch up. She ran up beside him looking out of breath and annoyed. Her red hair still hung into her face in disarray.

"James Potter." She did not sound amused. He looked at her, trying for a contrite expression. But the sight of perfect Lily Evans with her hair hanging in her face was too much. He burst out laughing. A moment and a glare later, Lily followed suit.

The entered the Great Hall hand in hand. As the doors swung shut behind them, there was a noticeable hush in the hall. Lily looked at James apprehensively, but he hadn't seemed to notice. She sat down next to him, with Dorcas on her other side. Looking over, Dorcas gave a low whistle. Lily blushed and Dorcas laughed.

"Good for you Lily. Congratulations."

The other followed suit, saying similar things. Sirius was, as always, the most creative and dramatic.

"Thank God," he gasped, mock wiping sweat from his brow. "I thought I would die before I saw the day."

Lily raised an eyebrow. Sirius just shrugged, unabashed, then went back to shoveling eggs into his mouth.

*&*

Sitting in the Head's common room, James looked up discreetly from his essay. He watched Lily stop her furious scribbling and bite on the end of her quill. Her brow was wrinkled as she stared off into space, looking for the answer. Her red hair shone in the firelight. His staring became far less discreet as he became entranced with the way the light danced off her hair.

Just then, she looked over at him and caught his blank stare. Flushing, James quickly snapped his head down. He stared at his books until he realized there was nothing to be embarrassed about. He glanced back up to find Lily looking at him curiously.

"I just…forgot," he mumbled. Her beautiful smile spread across her face.

"Well," she said coyly. "Let's remedy that, shall we?"

James just gaped at her, slightly unsure as to what she was implying. She rolled her eyes playfully at him as she stood up and walked over. He watched, totally caught up in the graceful way she walked. She sat down on the couch next to him, looking slightly nervous. But James was too stupefied to do anything. After a week of going out, he still couldn't believe that he could just lean over and kiss her if her wanted, as he had wanted to for so long. Fortunately, Lily solved that problem for him.

His breath hitched as she slowly climbed into his lap. As her weight settled comfortably across his legs, he felt like he might explode. Her hand gliding up his chest caused his heart to start beating painfully and erratically. Her other hand wound its way around his neck, playing with the small curl at the nape of his neck. He closed his eyes as his lips found hers. One arm slid around her back, the other fisting on the sofa cushion.

The small bit of fabric clutched in his hand was his tentative hold on reality. He had wanted her for so long that it was overwhelming to have her. And the last thing he wanted to do was scare her away. As such, he tended to hold back during sessions like these. After that first time, he swore to himself that he would not let it get out of hand. She was shy and new at relationships and he couldn't bear it if he drove her away. So, he had to distract himself to avoid losing control. Lily didn't seem to notice, so caught up in the way everything felt that he relaxed a bit. But a few minutes later he had to call a halt.

Their ragged breathing echoed around the room as James rested his forehead against hers. Lily looked embarrassed.

"I'm sorry if…"

"No," he cut her off. She looked surprised. He brought his hand up to her face. She relaxed into it, making him smile.

"I just don't want…I think we should take things slow." Even as he said the words, his body painfully disagreed. It didn't want to take things slow at all. But Lily was smiling at him, turning his stomach into a cramped mass of emotion. And the smile on her face as she agreed was enough to content him for now.