Author's Note: There are times when I feel that the friendship between Lee and Kara is not as smooth as it could be. Kara does not always seem to understand what Lee is doing and why, and he does not always explain it. This is a short story I wrote about that matter.
Warning: The warning is placed here for vinsmouse, who wanted a spew warning here, claiming it might be a bad idea to drink while reading the funnier parts. So please keep in mind that drinking any kind of beverage while reading this, might be hazzard'ous to the health of your screen.
Disclaimer: I do not own Battlestar Galactica, and I merely take them out to play with for my own amusement, I make no profit and I promise that no harm shall come to them that can not be repaired by a good mechanic, some duct tape and a welding rig.
Walking Away
Chapter 2: Getting Better
"Hey, how are you feeling?" Kara beamed as she entered the room and woke him up out of a light doze.
"How do you think?" he muttered as he rolled over to his back and his hands came to his belly in an attempt to ease the pain.
"I heard you were still slacking in here, never thought I'd get to see it," she laughed. "Hell Lee, you've got a clearance to leave, I had thought you'd be out of here by now."
"I got clearance to leave when I can get back on my feet to leave, and I can't do that yet," he told her sharply.
"Frak your stingy," she snorted. "Come on, I'm here to help you out of here." She reached forward and grabbed his arm, hauling upwards.
"Stop it!" he shouted loudly as his body protested the movement. "What the frak do you think your doing?"
"I'm trying to help you, that's what I think I'm doing," she told him, dropping his arm. "What is the matter with you Lee? You're acting like a total ass."
"And how are you acting?" he asked. "Leave me alone Kara."
"That's the thanks I get for trying to help you?" she demanded angrily. "Why do I even bother?"
"I don't know," he sighed. "Why do you bother? After all, I can't be your 'buddy' if I am to be your officer as well."
"Is that was this is about?" she demanded.
"Yes," he nodded. "That is exactly what this is about."
"That's stupid Lee," she snorted.
"You are the one who said it, because I tried to do you a favour, I tried to cut you some slack. I spent hours getting chewed out by Tigh because I wanted him to get off your case. As a favour. I've been taking crap from him for weeks now, trying to get him too leave you alone, and what do you do? You continue to try and make my life as miserable as you possibly can," he growled.
"Oh come on Lee, grow up," she threw her hands in the air. "Who the frak asked you to do that?"
"No one did, but I am your friend, or I thought I was, so I tried to cut you some slack," he told her angrily. "But you know what, it's not worth it. How long do you think I can continue to take that kind of crap from both of you?"
"Lee, this is stupid," she turned around to face him again. "What the frak do you want from me anyway?"
"I want you, to leave me alone," he told her. "Because I've had it. I am your officer, I will be your officer. But I'm not gonna be your 'buddy' only so you have someone to take out all your anger on, someone who you can abuse and insult to your little hearts desire."
"Is that what you think I have been doing?" she demanded.
"It is what you have been doing," he snapped. "Tigh gets on you and you take it out on me, the pilots gets to you, so you take it out on me, verbally and physically I might add, and I am sick of it. Are you trying to see how far you can push me?"
"Well, you obviously woke up on the wrong side," she decided. "I'll come back when you're ready to talk Lee."
She stepped out into the corridor and headed for her rack when she saw Dee out in the corridor.
"You know, he's right," the girl said.
"What the frak are you talking about," Kara demanded.
"Lee is right, you've been tearing at him pretty badly lately, and so have Tigh whenever he stands up for you. You really should think about how you treat your friends you know," she said softly.
"What the frak do you know about it?" she demanded.
"Anyone who sees him knows about it," she pointed out. "Look, I'm not exactly a friend of either one of you, but I know both of you. I see him walk around but he is not smiling anymore. He looks miserable but he's hiding it to do his job, and you're just making it harder for him." She did not say anything else but walked inside the life station instead. Like she had said, she was not really their friend but Captain Adama was a good leader and she hated to see him miserable like he had for the past time.
She didn't say much, just mostly hello, and then sat there for a while.
"Would you give me a hand?" Lee asked softly. "I think I'm about ready to get out of here now."
"Sure," she smiled as she walked over to him and helped him to his feet.
"Thank you Dee," he said quietly as he bent to get his boots on. He had to bite his lip against the pain but he managed to lace them and stand up.
"Actually, I am here because your father wants you to go to his quarters," she admitted. "He asked me to come here and make sure you did."
"Did he say what he wanted with me?" Lee sighed as he walked slowly.
"No, but I don't think you have to worry," she assured him. "I think he's just concerned about you."
"That's certainly a relief," he sighed as they walked down the corridor. They walked slowly but he managed pretty good on his own. She left shortly before he reached his father's quarters and so he was alone when he knocked on the door.
"Come in," Commander Adama called and he pushed open the door. "There you are Lee, I was wondering when you would show up."
"May I ask what this is about?" he asked as he took a deep breath. He felt better, but certainly not good and the pain in his belly was getting worse again. He wanted to lie down somewhere and rest.
"Son, I spoke more harshly than I had intended to," he told him gently. "Because I was concerned for you."
"But why?" Lee pushed. "Why?"
"Why I am concerned?" he frowned surprised.
"Yes, why?" Lee nodded. "I don't understand it. Why is everyone suddenly so concerned?"
"You were quite ill son," Adama stated, he had no idea what his son was talking about.
"What does it matter to anyone if I was?" he demanded.
"You're not making any sense here Lee," he shook his head. "I am your father, off course I am concerned for you."
"And yet, you can never wait to tell me what I do wrong," he pointed out. "I'm sick of it, off always being place in the middle of every dispute here. I'm between Kara and Tigh, I'm between Kara and you, between the pilots and Kara, I'm even between you and me in some way I don't even understand."
"Yes, you do always seem to get caught in the middle of it," Adama agreed. "But that's not why I wanted you to come here now. I wanted you here because you are ill and I want to take care of you."
"What?" Lee blinked confused.
"I want you here so that I can take care of you," he repeated. "I do not think I have done that enough, I want to do it now."
"What is going on here?" Lee demanded as he sank down in a chair and wrapped his arms around his belly. "I don't understand any of it, what Kara is doing, what you are doing?"
"I know Lee, it's very complicated," he sighed. "Come now, lets get you to bed so you can get some rest."
"I need to get to my rack," he said quietly.
"No, you do not have to get to your rack, there is a bed for you here," Adama told him. "I want you to stay here and rest up."
"Fine," he gave up, but mostly because he was too tired to argue. His father led him to an extra bed he did not know if it had been there before or not. He helped him to undress and stretch out, covering him with a blanket.
"Thanks dad," Lee said quietly as closed his eyes. He was still not sure what his father was doing, but the gentle touch felt good.
"Your welcome Lee," he smiled. "I promise I will try to make sure you're not always caught in the middle okay?" However he did not know if his son had heard it, Lee was already asleep. He had made a couple of good points about always getting caught in the middle, he had known about it, he had just not thought it hurt Lee as much as it apparently did. It was hard to be a father and a commander at the same time, he had thought it was hard to be a father to them when the boys were young and he was never home, but it was harder now when he never knew where to draw the line. When should he be a father and when did he have to be a commander? Could he show his son concern in front of the crew, could he admit that he was worried about his son, and was he allowed to be more worried about his son than he was about any other being aboard his ship. He did not know, and Lee did not always know either, he did not know when he could be a son. He had never spent a lot of time being his son what with all the times when Adama was away. Lee did not really know how to stop being the CAG and simply be somebody's son.
By making him come to his quarters and insisting that he stayed there so he could take care of him he was hoping to give the young man a moment to simply be just that, his son.
When Lee woke up again he was disoriented at first, he was not sure where he was or what he was doing there. Then as soon as he moved he remembered it all. Well, all except the conversation with his father, he remembered the fact that there had been a conversation, he just did not remember what had been said during it.
"How are you feeling now?" Adama asked softly from the doorway.
"Stupid," he muttered quietly. "I know I gotta think about it, I know I should not just take anything without making sure, but I was too tired to care."
Adama nodded slowly. "I know Lee, it's okay."
"Okay?" he frowned. "Earlier it was not okay, it was stupid and it was typical of me not to think."
"No Lee, it was a mistake made by someone worn out, and it was a mistake by me not to see it," Adama told him as he walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. "I'm not mad, I never was, I just over reacted when I heard you were in sick bay."
"Doesn't much matter," he sighed as he sat up. "Not anymore."
"It matters Lee," Adama told him. He had thought to tell him that he intended to have a talk with Kara but thought better off it. He was going to have a talk with her, it might hurt Lee's pride that he did so over his head, but it was something a commander had to do when an officer was out of line, and Kara was definitely out of line.
"Not really," he sighed. "I told Kara I was fed up with it and to leave me alone, so basically, I don't think I have any friends anymore."
"Yeah, I know it has been rough between the two of you," Adama nodded. "If it helps any Lee, you've done and amazingly good job. The way you've been smoothing things over between Tigh and Kara. I'm sorry it's been so hard on you, but it's been impressive."
"Didn't do no good," he pulled up his legs and wrapped his arms around them. "Didn't do any good at all. Only thing it did was to get both of them after me."
"Sometimes Lee, you have too look at other things," Adama told him. "If you look at them two, that's how it looks, but if you turn to see how everything else has been going because of it, then you see something else entirely."
"Yeah?" he looked up at him.
"Things have been running smooth Lee, smoother than usual, not smooth enough for it to be no need of wearing yourself out like this, but smooth just the same. The pilots have been able to relax knowing no one is going to take out a foul mood on them. You did a good job."
He gave a small smile at that. "Maybe someone appreciates it then."
"Oh, they do, and Lee, I am going to have a word with Kara," he decided to tell him, after all, at least then he could assure him that it was not lack of trust in Lee. It was just duty. "I know you would like to settle it on your own, but Kara is way out line, and as a commander I would not be doing my duty if I did not take care of it personally."
"She wouldn't listen to me, what makes you think she'll listen to you?" Lee asked wit a small smile playing on his lips.
"Well Lee, trust me on this thing, but a concerned father is not something that even Kara will want to challenge." That earned him another amused chuckle, then his son frowned.
"Are you that?" he asked.
"Yes, I am," he assured him. "How about some water now son."
"No," he shook his head. "It ain't too bad right now, I got a feeling if I try to eat or drink anything it'll just get worse again."
"Might be right, I'm gonna go for a while though, deal with it right away. Will you be okay while I'm gone?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine," he nodded. "Uh, thanks dad."
"Just get some rest son," Adama smiled at him as he left. It didn't take him long to make a few points clear to Kara, she was not happy about it but she did get the point. After that he returned back to his quarters and his son. Lee was feeling better then and he was able to talk with him for a while. Though he was not able to keep any food down for more than a few moments and it embarrassed him something awful when it happened in front of his father.
"I'm sorry," he apologized when he leaned back.
"Nothing to apologize for," Adama assured him. "I used to think about all the times when you two boys were little and I knew I were not there. I always regretted it, to only find out afterwards, but it just never changed, I guess it could have changed if I had worked harder on it, but I did not. I was never there to sit with you when you were ill as a child Lee, but I am here now, and I will do it."
"You want to sit here so I can throw up?" he asked astonished.
"It's about more things than that," Adama mused. "Don't worry about it right now okay."
"I'm not worried, it's just, this is a bit strange," he decided. "I'm not exactly used to it you know."
"I know," Adama nodded. It was not a very good feeling to know that your son was not used to you taking care of him, but if he did it right this time, maybe the next time he would not find it so strange.
"So, uh, how did it go?" Lee asked carefully.
"With Kara?"
"Yes," he nodded slowly.
"Hard to say with her," Adama admitted. "I pointed out to her what her job was, that it is to work with the CAG and not against him. That it goes for any and all superior officers aboard this ship, and that if she was not able to do so I would throw the book at her."
"She's gonna hate me," Lee shook his head, then gave a small chuckle. "Though I think she does already."
"I think it's more complicated than that," Adama decided. "Kara does have a certain problem with authorities, and for a time there, the two of you were not exactly on speaking terms with each others, no more so than we were. I think she can't get used to having superior officer that she really trusts."
"She's had that for years, she trusts you," Lee pointed out.
"I think so," he nodded. "But she trusts you just as much, maybe more, she's probably just trying to get used to it Lee. It takes someone like Kara a long time to get used to a something new, especially something like this."
"She's gonna hate me though, I told her to walk away, to leave me alone," Lee reminded him.
"And it was probably a good thing that you did it to," Adama decided. "She's been pushing it too far Lee, forgetting that it's not all about her, I think she needed a reminder. She was thinking when I left her, if we are lucky, she'll come to the right conclusion."
"I'm not hoping for that much," Lee decided with a small smile.
"What are you hoping for then?" Adama wanted to know.
"That she don't kill me on sight," he said with a straight face, then he broke into a smile.
"I am sure she will not do that," Adama chuckled. "Want to try to eat something now?"
"No," he shook his head. "It'd never stay down."
Adama nodded slowly but he was not happy about it. He had not eaten anything real since he was released and hardly had anything to drink either.
"I think I'm gonna take a walk or something," Lee decided. "See if I can't walk it off."
"Alright," Adama nodded. He noticed that he had trouble bending over to tie his boots, but he did not comment on it. It would only serve to embarrass him.
The ship had areas for exercise but he was content with walking the corridors. He still had to move somewhat slowly and could not go all that far. Instead he picked a simple route close by and followed it. He made it around twice before he headed back inside. He saw his father there working with a stack of papers that he was going through. Walking over he sat down on the couch, looking at his father.
"Feel any better?" Adama asked.
"About the same," Lee told him. "It's not too bad anymore."
"You look a little better," Adama noted as he poured some water into a glass and held it out to him. "Drink it slowly."
"I was kinda hoping to wait it out," Lee admitted as he accepted the glass and took a small sip before putting it down for a moment.
"I don't think that it would work very well," his father told him. "It could be a couple of days before you can eat normally again. You can't go that long without even trying."
"I guess not," he admitted as he took another sip. "Anything in that pile that I can give you a hand with?"
"I think you have enough with your own duties without having to try and take care of mine as well," Adama mused.
"Not right now," he gave a small smile. "It'll be a day or two, besides, you always have more than me,"
"Alright then, see what you can make out from this," Adama handed him a few sheets of paper and he began to study them. Some time ago he had noticed that his son had a great mind for tactic and for organizing. He had a rare ability to see the whole picture, but there was also downsides to it. Lee had a very hard time to see his own troubles. When something was eating at his son he appeared to be almost unaware of it, and to an extent he would become self destructive. Not violently so, but in the small details. He would start chipping away at the very things that made him into the man he were and would slowly turn into something that he himself despised. It was as if he did it to punish himself. He had done it after Zak died. Adama had seen him do it but had not known how to help him and so he had let him be. He had thought that if he left Lee alone he would work out his anger and his frustration and be able to help himself back to his feet. He had been wrong, Lee was a man, a man he was immensely proud off but he also needed a lot of help. He needed help to see himself, he needed someone to show him how to be the man he wanted to be.
In a way, it came back to himself for he had never been there to be that example to him. He had always told Lee, whenever he saw him that a man was a viper pilot. He had told him that a man wore the uniform and he had never given him any choice. He had also forgotten about a very important thing. He had been deeply in love with the mother of his boys, but they had not married so that they could start build up a family. Lee was on the way and that was when they married. With him being gone so much it was hard on their mother, and she was not able to bear the burden alone. When she did not have the strength, it was Lee who stepped in to take care of not only his baby brother but for his mother as well. He had always known it was that way but he had never admitted it to himself. Lee had been the one who worried about the bills, about how much food they had and how they would manage while their mother did not have the strength to do it.
It was little wonder that Lee sometimes seemed so bitter towards his father when he had been forced to endure so much.
"I think that should do it," Lee said as he handed the papers back to him and he realized that he had been so caught up in his own thoughts that he had forgotten about the work he was doing.
"It looks good," he decided as he looked it over.
"Thank you," he nodded as he took the water glass again, it was almost empty now, and he had been able to keep his hold on all of it.
"Lee, you do know that I am proud of you, don't you?" he asked.
"I, know," he nodded slowly.
"We've both made mistakes Lee, and we are both going to make many more, but that don't change the fact that I am proud," he went on.
"Dad, I know," Lee told him. "And I know how hard heart to heart talks is for you, you don't have to say it."
"Yeah," he nodded. "It always seemed too hard to say so many things that I should have said, and because it was too hard for me it seems it has become hard for you to, that's not what I wanted for you Lee."
"I know that," he said. "I'm not exactly ones best hope for a son."
"That's where you're wrong Lee," he told him. "You are all I could ever hope for."
"No I'm not," Lee stood up and started pacing. "All you have to do to know that is listen to the crew."
"It does seem that way at times I guess," Adama sighed. "I'm sorry I was never able to teach you so many of the things you needed to know."
"Dad, I really don't want to do this," Lee sighed. "I know we don't exactly have a working relationship between us, and we keep messing it up when we should be fixing things. I don't know how many years I thought I hated you for how it was when I was a kid, but it's different now, I know you are trying to do the right thing and I appreciate the effort. I just don't think I can manage it."
"Okay, we won't do it now," Adama agreed. "But Lee, you can't go forward if you don't face the past, and it goes for the both of us."
"I know," he sank down tiredly, he seemed far too tired for his years. "But dad, the past you are talking about, I barely made it through that, I just barely were able to go on through it, and I don't think I could dig it all up and go through it a second time."
"Lee," Adama sat down beside him, slowly putting an arm around him. "If you have to go through it again, I swear you won't do it alone."
"Dad, don't promise me that," he shook his head. "We don't know what could happen, and if I have to do it, I don't want to remember that promise."
"Okay," Adama nodded. "I understand Lee."
"Thanks dad," Lee gave him a small smile. "I kinda think we are doing somewhat better, and I'm glad. I'm glad I have you now."
"I am glad I have you to son," Adama smiled.
TBC
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