Disclaimer: Ha-ha I own twilight! Actually I don't, but its fun to pretend :)
Chapter 8
The Taste of Ink
I was deeply frustrated. Why did the unwelcomed vampires have to come ruin my very important epiphany? If I was strong enough and could manage this without killing myself then I would surely march down the stairs and give them a piece of my mind but of course I'm human and they are vampires so I practically automatically lose by default. I frowned as I just remembered the thing that has been bugging me for the past month that I have known Jasper and his family, the fact that they always make me feel insignificant and like I down belong, even more so than everybody else does. I know that they don't do this on purpose but still bothers me. I wished that I could be Jasper's….and Edward's equal, but I'm not. While I was thinking over this with a permanent frown on my face Esme, moved my unresponsive self to the dining room where Edward, Jasper and Alice were.
I figured things were set that way so that, Esme since she just left the room, Carlisle, Emmett and Rosalie could talk some sense into the nomads. I looked back around the dining room, which they didn't use. It was a shame since it was really nice. But as I my eyes were wandering they landed on Alice. She was in a vision, no one was watching her except me, Jasper was watching me and so was Edward but his eyes reflected jealousy, I guess I he was hiding his emotions pretty well if Jasper couldn't tell his hidden feelings. Alice came out of her face with a mixture of emotions plastered on it. I noticed confusion, sadness, betrayal, anger then finally acceptance. Her eyes locked with my own and this time she was showing no emotion on her flawless face, then she quietly left the room as if she knew that it was not her place to be there.
I looked at the spot where she last was, I was confused what did she see? Well it was obvious that it was something that she knew would happen, but didn't want it to happen, but accepted it nonetheless. Then I had a burst of intuition. The anger, the betrayal and the sadness; She knew about Edwards feelings for me and decided to just deal with it. Alice really was a great person, and I am beyond thankful for her.
I turned my attention back to what was happening in the room. It had a very thick feel to the room; it was extremely touchy-feely and awkward. I decided to make being in this room a little bit less uncomfortable and sighed. Then I put on a brave face, even when I was anything but brave at the moment. "Jasper, Edward we have to talk." Jasper squeezed my hand in encouragement which made Edward shoot him daggers of jealousy with his eyes; I gave a deep breath and started to begin.
"Well I know that both of you love me and," I stopped mid sentence by Jasper's confused glance, and I sighed I would have to explain this from the beginning. "Well Jasper this is what happened earlier, I will have to explain considering how confused you look," I gave a bitter laugh and continued once again. "As I was going upstairs earlier to see why Edward hated me so much," I stopped again and saw the grimace and the pain and the shame that flashed across Edwards face. I frowned I hated it when I saw those looks on Jasper and now Edward. But I had to stay strong and I kept on with the explanation. "So as I went into his room I told him how much him hating me, actually hurt me and then I broke down and started crying." Pain flashed again in Edward's and Jaspers, and I almost smiled at how they did that at the same time, but as I just said I almost smiled, I really wasn't in the mood to smile, there was nothing to smile about at the moment, but if I was thinking this under different circumstances then I was sure that I probably would smile.
I spoke again. "Edward tried to comfort me, and so he hugged me, but then he leaned in and kissed me, and I kissed him back," I looked down in shame, but Jasper wasn't mad at me, no he was very peeved at Edward, and was glaring daggers at him. I couldn't let this break into a fight, they were both in defensive positions, getting ready to attack, but I wasn't done yet so I spoke up. "Wait! I'm not done yet!" at the sound of my voice, they remembered they were in the presence of a human and I could easily get hurt I was near them while they were fighting, so they both instantly calmed down, but they still stared each other down.
"Okay thank you for calming down, now as I was saying. So when I broke away fro Edward I told him that I didn't love him, and that was a big lie." I looked back down and I heard Jaspers sudden intake of breath and then when I looked up at him, he flashed me a breathtaking grin and my breath caught. But Jasper looked absolutely crushed, and was about to leave the room I could see but I stopped him and gave him a look that told him I was not done. He sat back down and I continued.
"The thing is I can't possibly choose between you two, you're both absolutely wonderful people, inside and out, and there is no way I could just pick one of you. I love you Edward, and I love you too Jasper." As I finished they both smiled at me and I smiled back at them, but they glared at each other. This time I really did laugh. I felt so much better now that I got that off my chest. When I stopped laughing the feel of the room was awkward again. I didn't know what to say or what I was going to do now that I finally admitted my feelings, of loving to guys. So what was I supposed to do in this situation? Well I decided since the rest of the family was dealing with the nomads that I would have some fun with this.
So I plastered a smile on my face then turned back to face Edward and Jasper, "So who loves me more?" I said in an innocent voice. Both of them jumped up, took each of my hands carefully in theirs and then said at the same time "I do!" that was way too funny, words couldn't even describe it and I buckled over in laughter and dropped to the floor. They both looked somewhat annoyed and that just made me laugh even harder. When I eventually calmed myself down, I went and wrapped both of my arms around Jasper's and Edward's necks, I had to stand on my tippy-toes to be able to do this. "Well this should be fun!" I said, and then sat back down, but I was more tired this time. I guess I used up all of my energy for the day. I was emotionally wasted. I frowned I once again wished that I wouldn't get tired so easily, but that would never happen.
Jasper felt my exhaustion, and looked concerned for my rapid mood change. I gave a bitter laugh, that wasn't at all as whole hearted as it was just a moment ago, since I noticed Jasper's not so conspicuous assessment of my well being. "I think I'm going to go lay down. Whose room should I go to?" I asked without turning back around. "You can use mine," Edward said, I was expecting an argument from Jasper but surprisingly let not one peep escape his mouth. I reached up and gave Jasper a tender kiss on his cold, perfect lips than let Edward guide me to his room. When we reached his door he reached down and gave me a feather-light kiss and walked away smirking, for I was scarlet red I walked in his room closed the door behind me and I leaned against it, wow the day really took a turn of events. I was still in my little daze that when I slipped and fell in Edward's bathroom and scraped my ankle I didn't even notice the blood that trickled out of the small wound. The first thought that I had at that moment was oh no. Everything happened so fast that I had to really focus if I wanted to catch everything.
So I tried. Jasper and Edward came bursting in my room crouching in front of me trying to protect me from the intruding vampires, Victoria, James and Laurent. James lunged forward and said "She's mine" his eyes were a frightening blood red and filled with the lust for my blood. The same rage and expression was reflected in both Victoria's and Laurent's eyes but somehow, Laurent seemed to be a tad bit controlled than the rest of their little group but was still caught up in his search from my blood. Victoria looked the most wild and out of control I think it was because her hair and her eyes were blazing like a giant fire that got out of control. It was absolutely terrifying and I was just frozen in a state of shock that I didn't even notice that Carlisle was stitching up my wound with neat and unfrosted precision. Apparently my wound was a whole lot bigger than I thought it was, and I could tell both Edward and Jasper were struggling against the temptation of my blood so they went out of the room along with Emmett to battle their coven. However, before they pushed James, Victoria and Laurent out of Edward's room, I noticed a burning sensation unlike no other in my leg….
I couldn't concentrate on anything, I only noticed the burning. It was hell, pure hell and absolutely no one should have to go through it. But I had to stay strong if I was going to die then I would do it quietly, I wouldn't want my screams of agony to be heard by my loved ones, for I didn't want to cause them any more pain than what was necessary and unavoidable. I noticed a white blur and Jasper was in my vision in an instant, not doubt he felt all the pain I was going through, but I still couldn't scream, I especially didn't want to cause Jasper of all people, any pain what's so ever. But I had to tell him why I was being deathly silent and why I was in so much time. But I couldn't get my voice back, I was bobbing in and out of consciousness and when the pain started to get even worse than it was a few minutes ago, I saw a flash of recognition, on Jasper's face directly followed by a look of pure horror and dread. Then he shouted something that was totally unexpected on my part, but I couldn't really make it out from all the pain I was feeling. "CARLISLE THAT SON OF A BITCH BIT BELLA!!" and after that, I couldn't maintain sensuousness anymore and I blacked out, and was plunged into a deep, dark abyss of nothingness that I have felt before.
I still couldn't see anything, it was all dark and the pain…..it was just so much. I felt as if I was being ripped apart then stitched back together again, then this was repeated over and over again, each time the pain got worse and worse and after a bunch of ripping and stitching in one part of my body it went to another part. First it was in my legs like where it started at first. Then it went all over my front side and my arms then I t went to my back and repeated this horrible cycle over and over again. I wished that I could just fall asleep and pretend this never happened, if I could then I would even take death, I was losing my will with every single blast of pain that shot through me. But of course my wish didn't come true and I had to suffer all the pain that kept continuously course through me. Then as if the pain couldn't get any worse, it did. I felt a mild throbbing in my heart and then it went I away I almost sighed a sigh of relief, almost. Because right after my short moment of no pain it came back at full force. I know I screamed this time, it was so much worse than all the other parts of my body, it was as if my heart was being burned over a scolding flame and ripped apart at the same time then it would also be very slowly and painfully stitched together., my heart beat erratically and the pain only intensified by ten-fold. Then the beating got slower and slower and the pain started to dim. It flared up one last time then my beating heart stopped all together.
There was relief. I could finally feel something besides pain. I opened my eyes and saw faces. Esme, Jasper, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie and Alice, but there was no Edward. I furrowed my brow why wasn't he here? Then I found my voice and asked something that I needed to know. "What the hell happened to me?" I asked and to my surprise my voice sounded like bells and it was as irresistible as Jasper's or Edwards. Carlisle spoke this time. "Bella, you are a vampire now, you have been transforming for three days now and that's what all that pain was, though you only screamed towards the end I am very surprised and impressed." I could hear him perfectly and it was loud and clear, also the way I saw things was just beautiful I could see and hear every single detail of everything. I nodded then sat up and turned to Jasper he looked very grateful and filled with pride and love shown in his eyes but there was also a great sadness deep within his amber eyes.
I decided now was a good time to ask where Edward was. "Jasper, where is Edward?" as I said that everyone's faces turned sullen and they looked hopeless, I frowned I just wanted to know where he was. Quietly everyone left the room to give me and Jasper some alone time. Then he slowly spoke, "Bella Edward, h-he has passed, in the battle he was holding on to James and had to through both of them into the fire to kill him, unfortunately he had to also sacrifice himself in order to save you, the other two vampires got away before we could kill them what he said be fore he… passed on was that he loved you with all of his heart and that you deserve the best, I'm so very sorry, all of us are in mourning for this terrible event, but Bella I swear you will always have me and I will be with you till the end of time."
He grabbed my hand but when he said that Edward died I nearly crumpled I ignored all the other things he said and his thoughtful touch because I was so broken, I just admit my hidden feelings for him and he dies. I was filled with pain that was far more worse than the transformation, and to my deep surprise water was feeling my tear ducts, and I began to feel the familiar faint feeling before I was plunged into the all too familiar darkness, this was too much pain one needed to handle, emotionally and physically, so my body reacted and I was overwhelmed by the darkness that overcame me. The last thing I remember was Jasper looking very frightened and yelling my name. But I could not hear him I could not hear anything, all was blank a song that wasn't finished a story that lost its inspiration, a never-ending poem, or a blank canvas that someone never even dared to paint. Yes I was plunging into the darkness and the taste of ink was definitely bitter.
A/N I know I killed Edward! But I just had to. If I didn't then the rest of the story that I have planned won't work out. The title is based on the song 'the taste of ink' by the used. If you listen to it, it might make more sense of why I chose that song and why it goes with the story, I posted the link to my playlist on my profile if you want to check out the song. I'm sorry this a/n is so long! Well review, review!