Gone off-track
"Seems like some woman in downtown was attacked by some kind of wolf last night."
It was a casual statement, said into the room like just being read in the newspaper and deemed worthy of voicing it loud. But D knew it wasn't. He froze, his hands halfway to the teapot.
"She was?" he inquired shakily. Leon nodded, took his knife out of Dana's hand, replaced it with her bread and returned to reading the newspaper.
"She's still in the hospital. Doctors think she'll survive, but animal control is going crazy. They say it has to be someone's dog and are afraid they might've the rabies in the city."
"Then I should perhaps not let Dana play outside," D offered. The blonde shrugged.
"Dunno. You tell me if she can be afflicted by human illness."
"In fact, rabies isn't only a human sickness, but an animal one, too. She could be afflicted by it." D sat down, feeling like his knees were going to buckle any moment. Leon threw him a sharp glance, folded the paper noisily and put it on the table, standing up.
"Gotta go, have to be there on time. Laura's mother's going to come again," he said and bent to hug Dana. "See ya later, sweetie."
"Goodbye, Detective," the kami said with numb lips, while Dana's eyes couldn't decide which father to look at. The pets in the kitchen were silent, trying to observe as much as possible. Leon strode out, hastily waving at Dana and not even glancing at D once.
He returned some hours later only to find D sitting at the kitchen table like a statue. He looked as if he hadn't budged since the blonde left in the morning, and his gaze was fixed on some distant spot at the wall.
"You gonna wake up sometime soon or what? Dana's wreaking havoc with your precious shop," Leon said gruffly and snapped the kami back.
"What?!" he exclaimed in surprise, seeming only now to notice the sounds from the front. "Oh my, I have to -!"
"Relax, that's only T-chan and Pon-chan cleaning again. Dana's here."
Finally the mismatched eyes looked at the human who stood in the door, an indiscernible expression on his face. The girl was seated on his hip, chewing on her lower lip and looking guilty. D sagged down onto the chair with a deep sigh and buried his face in his hands.
"Would you bathe her, please?" he murmured through his fingers and could see Leon shrug.
"Sure. C'mon, honey, let's get you ready for bed."
D stayed on the chair, listening to the sounds of the animals clearing the front room. He felt like frozen to the wood underneath him. Or perhaps he just felt miserable and thus couldn't summon the strength to take care of his child like he usually would. Truth was, Leon's words from yesterday evening were still echoing in his ears, and when he closed his eyes, he saw the blonde standing in the door, his back to him and Dana. He just couldn't shake them off, not the voice and neither the picture.
"So, am I still going to have her this weekend?"
Again D jumped and stared at the human leaning in the doorframe. A quick glance at the clock told him that his usually perfect feeling for time had left him. He had sat on this chair for nearly two hours, lost in the memories and doubts. Quickly he scratched together the last pieces of dignity and answered the question.
"Of course. Why should you not have her this weekend? Or has something happened – something at work?" His voice trailed off.
Leon strode to the other chair and sat down as well, playing with his hands. "No, everything's fine at work. Jill promised she wouldn't call me if she needs someone. I can take her."
"Then – why do you ask? We had agreed on you taking her this weekend." D's voice was still faint. Leon shrugged, still not looking at him.
"Dunno. You could've changed your mind."
His throat was corded up. The kami swallowed hard. "No, I did not change my mind. You will pick her up tomorrow after work?"
"Yeah."
Silence filled the kitchen, hovering heavily over them. Someone smashed a cup in the front room and the other pets howled in spite. D felt like he would explode any second, but couldn't summon the courage to talk to Leon. Finally, the blonde stood again.
"Well, I'll be on my way. Have to do some shopping if I don't want us to starve this weekend," he said.
D nodded hastily. "Do that, Detective."
He nodded as well, glancing at the wall. "Bye, D."
"Sleep well, Detective."
Perhaps Leon would have turned. Perhaps he would have listened to D if he tried to talk to him about the woman. But he didn't know either how to start that conversation. So he hurried out as fast as he could, scolding himself the whole evening for not just asking why he had let her live while he was doing the shopping.
They had to find a way to make this work, even if only for Dana's sake. There just had to be a compromise they could agree on about how to raise their daughter. What was the whole point about D and Dana being here if they didn't even manage that? And they'd been here for quite a while now. Yes, they were getting along. Yes, they had even developed new ways how to handle each other, how to react and how to behave. But still, they were only living besides each other, not with each other.
Leon stopped and stared at a packet of rice unseeingly. With each other? Did he want to live with D rather than live beside him?
There was no doubt what would be better for Dana. And he couldn't get rid of the feeling that D would prefer it that way, too. Still…
When he'd found D again in Japan, he had been on the verge of admitting that what he felt for the Chinese was more than pure friendship. He'd never really been able to admit that he might be in love with a guy. Only that D was no real guy. He was an in-between, not even human. That was not the problem, it somewhat solved one. Dana was the problem. Or rather, not the girl herself, but the fact that she was there and that D had never told Leon about her.
He was managing so far. He could keep the pain under control, the hurt at being betrayed by one he'd trusted in spite of everything. But that only went so far. Raising Dana with D was still something else than getting together with D. It required a lot of trust, and a lot of forgiveness. Was he really able to forgive D yet?
Leon never thought much about these things. That was girl-stuff. He could decide and stick to his decision. Only that D had a tendency to cause situations in which Leon wasn't able to decide anymore what to do or how to feel. On the one hand, yes, he liked the guy. He damn hell liked him a lot, so much it hurt just to think of the years he'd been all alone. And on the other hand, he was so unsure of everything D did and said. He never knew what the kami would be up to the next second, and if he would like it. Sometimes Leon almost hated D for shaking up his whole world so thoroughly. He just wanted to know for once where he stood. Where his place in D's little game was.
But was it still D's little game? Three years ago, Leon would not have doubted it for a second. But now – D seemed unsure himself so often lately. Things had not gone according to plan, surely not. Dana had not been planned, D had said that himself. Neither had he planned to let Leon know about her.
But he was talking about D here. D, who always had each and everything under control. It could not be that he wasn't able to adjust to this situation with his usual superior smile.
Leon had not seen that particular smile in quite a while. To be exact, not since Japan, and the evening he'd found out about Dana. Things had gone out of hand from there on, and perhaps D had felt just as helpless as Leon did. Perhaps he too was wondering the whole time how this was supposed to work out.
But still…
Leon sighed, took a packet of rice and put it in his bag. He was not going to get an answer standing around in the supermarket. And he was not going to ask D either. Not yet.
When Leon picked Dana up the next day, the weather was gloomy and clouded, matching the mood in the pet shop. D would not look at him while he placed Dana in the children's seat. The girl was unusually crotchety and clung to her kami father until he carefully pried her small hands loose. A quick nod was the only goodbye Leon got before D disappeared into the shop again, not once looking back.
The blonde sighed and looked at Pon-chan and T-chan standing on top of the stairs, looking unhappy, too. "I'll bring her back Sunday afternoon," he told them.
"Yes," the raccoon answered depressed. Tetsu did not even care to muster a growl, just stared into the sky gloomily.
Leon got into the car and drove to his apartment. Dana was unhappy. She wouldn't listen to a story, she wouldn't help Leon cook, and she wouldn't eat either. Finally he gave up, left her sitting in her corner and watched TV, carefully making sure she could not see the screen. When bedtime came around, he had to carry Dana through his apartment for nearly two hours to get her to sleep.
At last the girl's eyes dropped shut. Leon went into the bathroom and stared into the mirror. A young man stared back, blonde hair mussed and torn, blue eyes tired and sad. Only the dark shadows under them were missing. He sighed deeply. This whole charade was of no use. He'd really thought they could work it out. Thought they could make it, these last few weeks. What had caused the sudden break in their still so new, fragile relationship? And could they fix it again?
Perhaps it had been lurking there the whole time. It probably had. He and D, it had never really worked, now, had it? They were just too different. Or was it just him who was making this so fucking complicated?
A loud cry from the other room shattered his trance. Leon whirled around and hurried to Dana, soothing the girl as good as possible. But it wouldn't work. She kept crying for D, and even fought Leon weakly with her small hands. The blonde caved in, afraid she wouldn't sleep the whole night if he didn't do something. But still, his hand hesitated over the receiver. Calling D in the middle of the night was not something he'd ever done before.
Dana put a firm stop to his skittishness. "Bàbà!" she wailed, and Leon picked up the phone, dialling in the number of the pet shop.
D answered at once, as if he'd sat beside the telephone waiting for the call. "Count D's pet shop, how can I help you?"
Leon gulped. "Hi D, it's me. Dana had a nightmare. She won't stop crying, and she's calling for you. Will you come over?"
The pet shop was so very quiet when Dana was not there. And though the pets were still here, it seemed terribly empty to D. He went through the rooms, Tetsu at his heels, sighing softly from time to time. He'd grown accustomed to his child being here. He'd also grown accustomed to Leon being here. But now, both of them were away, were staying at Leon's apartment, and he was left here, like the last reminder of a what-if.
What if he'd told Leon as soon as he realised he was pregnant? What if he'd told him after the birth? What if…
Such thoughts went nowhere, expect that they were driving him even deeper into depression. He should really stop it. But then again, when and why had things started to go wrong? He'd really thought they were handling the situation okay.
Why did Leon have to meddle with his affairs? Why could he not leave it alone? D could not change what he was, and he didn't want to change it. Or did he have to change it? Just because of his child? He'd thought, once, that nature had meant him to be something new. But that was not true. If someone was meant to be something new, it was Dana. His child, not he himself. He was still what he had always been, and what he would always be.
D sat down at his dressing table and stared at the cradle besides his bed. Perhaps Leon would be able to take better care of their child than he. He was, after all, a human, and much better suited to deal with Dana's human sides than D.
The telephone ringing stopped this train of thought before he could really think about it. Which was lucky, because it made no real sense, all things considered. Leon would not be able to deal with Dana's kami heritage, after all.
D snatched the receiver up, heart beating fast, praying that nothing had happened to Dana and Leon. He could not cope with that right now.
"Count D's pet shop, how can I help you?"
It was Leon, and D's heart stopped for a second as he heard the blonde's voice. "Hi D, it's me. Dana had a nightmare. She won't stop crying, and she's calling for you. Will you come over?"
The kami's lips were dry. "What? What did she dream?"
"I don't know, funny, she didn't tell me." Leon sounded worried and irritated. "Will you get your ass here now or do I have to carry her over?"
Why did he hate the idea of stepping into Leon's flat right now?
D hesitated, not knowing what to say, how to explain. Not even knowing what he should explain. His mind was spinning. The silence stretched.
"D, come over. Please."
Leon's voice had changed, was both tired and exasperated now. Through the phone D could hear his daughter sobbing silently. She was probably sitting on Leon's hip right now, clutching his t-shirt with sticky hands. The kami sighed and gave in. "I will be there in a few minutes. Just give me time to dress properly, please," he said and hung up. Tetsu looked up.
"What's the matter, Count?" he asked. "Did Leon fuck up something again?"
"Tetsu! Mind your language!" D reprimanded and fished one of his cheongsam out of the wardrobe. Though he had to hurry, he took a moment to consider his choice. Finding that it would enhance his eyes, he put the silk on and looked for his shoes, talking all the while. "The detective didn't do anything. Dana had another nightmare and woke. Leon is luckily reasonable enough not to carry her through the streets at this time of the night, so I have to go to his apartment instead."
The totetsu's eyes were unreadable as he scrutinized his master. "Yeah. Okay. Have fun, then. She'll be all cool when you arrive, I bet, but if you think you have to go…"
D turned his head to the tiger-goat while he slipped on a dark brocade shoe. "Tetsu, what's the matter with you? I thought you like Dana. Aren't you worried about her?" "I am," T-chan protested. "It's just – oh, forget it."
He curled up again on the bed. The kami stared at him in confusion for a moment, but then decided he could ask him tomorrow. Right now his daughter was more important. So he hurried to the front room, took his coat and carefully closed the door after telling a sleepy Pon-chan to watch the shop and call Honlon if necessary. Then he took off to Leon's apartment.
Arriving there, he could hear his daughter through the door already. His heart cramped painfully at hearing those desperate sobs, and he couldn't get the key into the lock quick enough. Leon whirled round at the sound of the opening door, but D didn't really notice him. He almost ran the few steps to the human on whose arm the girl was sitting. He'd been walking around in the flat, hoping that the child would be soothed by the constant movement.
The moment Dana saw her kami father, she extended her arms, eyes small with fatigue and fear. The kami cooed soothingly and Leon handed the girl over relieved. She clung to D with all her strength, and he almost winced a little. It seemed to him that she was getting stronger each day. He'd taught her to control it, or at least tried to, and usually she was careful, especially because she knew the pets would get angry if she treated them too wildly. But now she forgot, and clutched her father, burying her fingers in his shoulder. D was glad he'd clipped her fingernails recently.
While Leon vanished into the kitchen, no doubt to drink something, D continued to walk around the flat, soothing Dana with little Chinese words and children's songs. He didn't realise that the blonde had entered again until he heard him chuckle and spun round, blushing that he had caught him singing. But Leon's eyes were warm.
"Sounds nice," he said softly. "Perhaps I should try singing, too. Only that I can't really sing, I'd probably make her cry even more."
D relaxed and smiled shyly. "I think Dana wouldn't mind," he replied. The girl sniffed and tugged on his hair.
"Bàbà stay," she claimed. D fumbled for a handkerchief and made her blow her nose into it.
"I will never leave you, Dana," he whispered and hugged her tightly. "You need not be afraid."
She extended her hands towards Leon again, who looked surprised, but took her all the same. "What's the matter, sweetie, why don't you stay with D? I thought you wanted to have him here," he said. Dana didn't answer, she leaned her head on his shoulder tiredly.
D glanced at his daughter suspiciously. Suddenly he understood what T-chan had meant earlier. It almost seemed as if Dana was doing this on purpose. It just wasn't normal that she would have nightmares whenever he and Leon weren't both there.
He didn't voice his suspicion, though. Leon seemed pretty tired, and Dana was still teary-eyed. He didn't want to discuss this now. "Why don't you don't go sleep now, lovely?" he asked his daughter and took her small hand. "I will stay here."
She yawned and both men exchanged a look. D smiled carefully. Leon didn't return the smile, but at least he didn't turn away at once. Instead he smiled down on his daughter. "Yeah, it's time for bed, honey. Make yourself at home, D. I'll be back soon."
With that, he vanished into the bedroom and closed the door behind him. The kami looked around the small apartment and settled for preparing a cup of tea in the kitchen. Of course Leon had only tea bags, but it was better than nothing. Then he settled onto the sofa and switched on the TV. He didn't feel like going back to sleep right now, and there wasn't something else in Leon's flat he could busy himself with.
Dana was asleep again. Leon looked down on his child and tucked the covers more tightly around her, sighing softly. Now he had no excuse, he had to face D now, whatever would come out of it. He didn't feel up to a fight, and he hoped D didn't, either.
He bent down and kissed Dana's cheek. Then he left the bedroom, silently closing the door behind him, and surveyed the sitting room. D had switched on Leon's TV and was now watching something with fascination. Leon glanced at the screen and sighed again. "D, switch that off. It sucks."
He was rewarded with the quickest glance from mismatched eyes and then the kami concentrated on the TV again. "I don't think so. Language," he said and actually settled down more comfortably. The blonde rolled his eyes, fetched himself a beer from the kitchen and sat down beside D.
"That's girl-stuff, D, switch it off. Let's watch something else. There's Dirty Harry on Fox tonight. Perhaps we'll still get most of it."
The kami clutched the remote stubbornly. "Do you know that movie?" he inquired, not deigning to consider Leon's suggestion. The blonde sighed for the third time and wondered if that would become some kind of new habit.
"Yeah, and I also know how it ends. Switch to Fox."
"But I want to see this!" D protested. Leon glared.
"D. That's Notting Hill. It's just about two guys getting together. It's boring." He took a swig of his beer as if to steady himself. D kept right on ignoring him. His mismatched eyes were fixed on the TV-screen where Julia Roberts was just trying to smuggle Hugh Grant into her suite. They grew big and furious when suddenly Julia's – or better, Anna's – boyfriend turned up.
"What's he doing there?" he exclaimed and glared at the guy. "Humans! They're nothing but trouble, always turning up when they shouldn't!"
Usually Leon would've responded to that, but right now he was too busy staring at the deity sitting besides him and raging on about a fucking girls' movie. God, getting Dana had for sure changed D. It wasn't like him to take such an interest in human love affairs. It wasn't like him to take any interest in humans at all. Especially considering what they had been fighting about the whole last week.
The blonde cleared his throat to make a comment about that, but found to his surprise that D had shifted on the sofa towards him and was now resting his head on the backrest close to his shoulder, his feet drawn up comfortably besides him. Well. If Leon would be doing that on D's sofa, he'd be kicked out of the shop. But apparently ruining Leon's furniture that way was okay.
Silently berating the kami for that busied the blonde another ten minutes. Things were getting difficult between Anna and William again. She'd just turned up on his doorstep and told him about the photos. D snuggled closer and clutched Leon's arm. His mouth went dry and he took a quick swig of beer, nearly choking on it in his haste, but D was too busy to notice. "They're going to be all right, aren't they?" he asked Leon anxiously. "They are going to work things out?"
The blonde cleared his throat. "D, it's just a friggin' movie. And yes, there's gonna be a happy end. It's Hollywood, and it's Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant and they're gonna be fine. Cool down."
D looked up at him from his position nearly in Leon's lap. His brow furrowed. "How do you know that?"
He was really going to loose it sometime soon this evening. Night. Whatever.
"Because I fucking watched that one in the movies with Sandy and a few friends of ours when it came out!" he snapped at D. Who, not surprisingly, didn't care. Or probably, didn't even notice, eyes glued to the screen as they were and listening to Leon with only half an ear anyway. The blonde continued nevertheless, wanting to finish his speech if he'd been asked to talk about that film.
"In fact, it was pretty funny in the end, because Sandy started to make comments about everything, and we laughed the whole time. Other folks were pretty pissed, though." He chuckled at the memory before he remembered that he probably shouldn't be talking about Sandra in front of D, especially not like this. It sounded as if they'd been a couple at the time, which they hadn't been. In fact, they'd wanted to watch another movie, but that had been sold out and they decided to watch Notting Hill instead. If it hadn't been for Sandy's comments, Leon would've regretted spending his money on that one.
Glancing at D, about to explain how he had ended up in a girly movie with Sandy, he realised that the kami hadn't even listened to him. He was pressing Leon's arm tightly, eyes wide and sympathetic. When William helped Anna learn her text, he let out a small sigh of relief. "Oh, why do they have to make it so complicated?" he complained and loosened his grip again, turning up his face to look at Leon.
Who, as it happened, was regarding him in turn with the strangest look in his blue eyes. D blushed rapidly and skidded away from the human, smoothing out his cheongsam carefully.
Leon spoke, his voice as strange as his eyes. "Because that's the way it works, D. You might not know, but love's pretty difficult most of the time. True, not everybody fusses around like they do, but there's more to it than just pheromones and sex. At least if you really want to spend your life with someone."
The kami's hands stopped on the silk. He didn't dare look up. "You seem to have a lot of experience in those matters," he remarked softly, not daring his voice to speak louder. From his limited point of view he could see Leon shrug.
"I'm nearly thirty, D. I've had my share of relationships, as you very well know. Just because I like having sex doesn't mean I'm completely oblivious to everything else."
Silence stretched to the breaking point. They didn't dare look at each other, but both knew the other was thinking about a chaste kiss in the door, meant as a tease, and yet, no tease at all.
It was the TV that rescued them, or rather, Julia Roberts. Leon smiled, D looked up and the blonde extended the hand with the beer in it. "C'mon, take one and let's switch to Dirty Harry, okay? Light fun."
It was a peace offering. Leon was probably as tired as he was and not in shape for another round of educational disagreements. The kami looked at the can critically, but took it and took a tiny, tiny sip. "I'd prefer watching this one," he said and sent a pleading look at the human.
He sighed and got up. "Okay, okay. But we'll watch another one once this is over, deal?"
D nodded enthusiastically while Leon vanished into the kitchen to get another beer. When he sat down on the sofa again, D carefully scooted as close to him as he dared and placed his head on the back of the sofa right besides Leon's shoulder. They watched the movie in silence. Some kind of truce had been called for now.
The only question was how long it would last.
A/N: Ouch. D's so OOC I can't even begin to describe it DX Please, everyone, forgive me. I'm trying, but I'm not always succeeding in keeping them IC...
And thanks for the reviews! ^^ Hope you all had a good beginning of the new year and so long, Enaty