Sell me a dream

The weekend passed, as did the week. If someone would've asked D, he couldn't have said what happened during that week. All of his attention was set on keeping the unstable balance he and Leon had installed again. It was dancing on the edge of a knife. Neither knew how to behave for fear of causing a catastrophe.

The week, though, helped D to finally understand why Dana was having nightmares so often lately. The girl felt the tension between her fathers. She remembered what had happened in Japan and consequently was afraid that the fight might escalate. It pained D to see his child tortured by this fear. He tried to explain to Dana that no matter how much he and Leon fought, they both loved her and would not leave her. But the girl was yet too young to realise why she was afraid, and also to understand D's helpless explanations. She just felt something was wrong and reacted instinctively.

But he could not end the truce. Not yet. He had to rethink so many things, he needed more time. For the first time in his life, D really tried to sum up all the things that had once defined him and those that now defined him.

At first, there was of course the fact that he was not human. But what did this mean for him? His species could talk to animals, was sworn to protect them and nature. It was not something they were taught by their parents, but an urge they felt from the moment they took their first breath, perhaps even before. They were more related to earth than to humans, thus the difficulties of getting children with the human species even though nature had mischievously made them similar enough provide the possibility.

However, killing humans had never been part of the deal until their race got nearly erased. Only from then on had they been raised to do so, grandfather, father, every kami before D.

But what about his own child? Could he teach the girl to kill the species she shared half of her being with?

If he was sure of one thing, then it was that he loved his child more than anything in the world. He wanted to protect her, wished her to grow up happily. He was able to love although Leon often thought him to be as cold as ice. But that was not true. D didn't love many beings, apart from his pets, but he did love Leon, Chris and Dana. He also loved grandfather and father. Once, his species had loved every being that earth gave birth to. Five were not many, but it was a start. He could not teach Dana to love humans. But he couldn't teach her to kill them either. How could he tell her that humans were evil when her own father was human, when she was supposed to love him? When D wanted his child to love her father?

But he himself… what did he want?

Sitting again besides Dana's cradle in the night, D stared into the darkness unseeingly. The past was the past. The future was the future. And the past was history, long gone. What was now had resulted out of the past, but that did not mean it had to determine the here and now. So why was he still holding on to his oath of revenge? He'd not witnessed the slaughter of his kin, had only been told the stories. But still, he avenged the animals and his ancestors on humans every day, thus hurting the one human he truly loved. Betraying his child, who shared half of her being with the species he was expected to hate.

Was it not time to let the past rest in peace? Was it not time to finally look into the future? A future he actually had, in spite of the past? Should he give up his chance for happiness for the sake of long-dead?

D clenched his hand around the rim of the cradle. Dana softly sighed in her sleep and turned around. He extended a hand and brushed away a strand of dark brown hair, face growing soft with love. As much as he wished to protect his own child, he wished to protect those who'd been trusted into his care. They were as helpless as Dana in this new, human-dominated world. They had no protector, no advocate amongst the humans if not him.

And they would not loose him as their protector. Not even if that meant that he would have to forswear Leon's love forever. It was more than his duty, more than what he'd been raised for. He felt their pain, their hatred, their fear as if it was his own. He, too, was one of earth's children. The humans had long since forgotten their origins. But he would not. He would not betray his very being. He could not, no more than Leon could give up being an idealist, or being Chris's brother. The essence of D's being was the law of nature. It was cruel, yes, but it was just. He would not expect Dana or Leon to follow it, too. They were free to choose their own path in life. All he hoped for was acceptance.

But would Leon accept D?

The child moved again, closing her little fist around D's fingers. He stared at them, noticed once again the painful absence of his claw-like fingernails. He'd sacrificed them for the sake of his child, had sacrificed some of his weapons because he feared to hurt her with them. If he wanted Leon to accept him, he would have to accept the human in return. Was he able to accept Leon the way he was? Had he ever really accepted the human?

Deep in his heart, D knew the answer. He had not. He'd fought with Leon to mask the fear this particular human evoked in his heart. He'd teased and mocked him to mask the frightening love he felt for the detective. He'd told himself that there was nothing wrong with passing the time with Leon to make himself believe he didn't yearn for the presence of his lion whenever he wasn't in the shop, and scolded Leon to make him believe D didn't need him being there.

But he wouldn't get any further with those lies. Leon demanded the truth, and D was tired of lying and hiding. If there was any chance that he could find the tiniest bit of happiness for any amount of time, he wanted to find it. He wanted to take his chance at changing the future.

Still – would he have the courage to do so? Could he, who sold love and dreams, acquire them himself?

Leon leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling in the precinct. Jill looked up from her report and scrutinized him. "You okay?" she asked. Her friend sighed.

"Yeah, I guess," he replied. "Just thinking."

"Then you can't be okay," she concluded and smirked when he glared at her.

"Oh, be quiet," he growled. She watched him another moment, but then turned back to her computer screen. He'd talk if he wanted to talk.

Leon continued gazing at the ceiling. Not surprisingly, it was the last weekend that was on his mind. Or better, Saturday night and Sunday morning. He recalled Dana sitting at his kitchen table, happily munching cereals, while D crept around, looking every bit as tired as he probably was. The kami truly wasn't a morning person. But still, he'd not reprimanded them when Leon and Dana had woken synchronously at dawn and started to play with each other. At first the blonde had wanted to leave the bed, but Dana refused to be carried outside where they wouldn't disturb D.

So they'd stayed in there, Leon tickling the girl and she squealing with delight. Not surprisingly, D had woken pretty soon, too, but all he did was prop his head up on his hand and watch them, a soft smile on his face.

And that was exactly what was bothering Leon. That smile D had worn. He'd looked so sad in spite of the smile, and so alone. Perhaps… perhaps he'd been wrong, too. The kami was not an easy person, but no one in his right mind could call Leon easy either. Sure, his character was simple, which was probably why he so often had problems grasping what was going on in D's complicated mind. But still, there were few who could really endure Leon for an extended period of time.

D was one of them.

D was also the mother of his child.

And D was in love with Leon. There could be no possible doubt about that anymore. And Leon, damn it to hell, was in love with the guy also. Even if he was a sick bastard sometimes, even if he had betrayed Leon, even if he was not human. He couldn't help it. It wasn't as if one got to decide such things. In this case, the blonde was pretty sure, there wouldn't be a small girl called Dana in the pet shop.

Sure, no one could guarantee it would work out. But if one didn't even try, one would never know.

There was only one thing that was truly heavy on his mind. And he would have to work that out with D. It depended on the kami if there would be a try.

D knew from the moment on the blonde stepped inside the shop that today the truce ended. He knew the determined set of Leon's chin, and the look in those blue eyes. Actually, their daughter looked just like that, too, when she had set her mind on something and wanted to accomplish it. Although learning to walk, as earth-shaking an event that was, was surely not going to bring as much chaos as what Leon was up to.

But the blonde kindly gave D time to prepare for what was about to happen. He had had the night-shift and so he could stay after he had laid Dana down for her midday nap. Then he sat on the sofa, drank too sweet tea without complaining and avoided D's eyes. The silence once again lasted heavily on the front room.

D was glad when Leon spoke up. Though he had known this subject was far from being closed, he would gladly have pushed it away. But now he was forced to discuss it, whether he liked it or not. Now was as good a time as anytime. And he had done some thinking on his own during the past week.

"Listen, D, I know that you can't change what you are. And it's not that – it's just the fact what you do." His voice was so silent the kami had to strain to hear him.

"But you shoot and kill people, too," D said quietly. The blonde threaded his hand through his hair, causing D's heart to stop for a second. The gesture, so familiar, so beloved…

"I know. I know, D. But I don't like it at all. I – you know how I get afterwards, every time. And it's just – I want Dana to have at least one parent who doesn't kill others."

His blue eyes locked on D's. The kami sat down and laid a hand on Leon's shoulder. "You're an idealist, Detective," he said fondly. "Do not worry about Dana. She is, after all, the daughter of an earth spirit. She understands Nature far better than you think, and she is well aware of its rules."

"How do you know?" the blonde asked and simply looked at D with wide, blue eyes. Dana's eyes. "She's barely two years old. How do you know she understands?"

D considered the question. It was true, he couldn't be sure. But he remembered his own childhood very well. "Children have an instinctive understanding of such simple rules. Only when they grow do their parents teach them compassion and mercy. But left to themselves, they would act according to their animal survival instincts," he told Leon. His hand wandered into his blonde open hair. Leon didn't seem to notice. The kami stopped and took a good look at his face.

"Leon, please tell me, is it really I and my purpose that is bothering you?" he asked carefully. "I – admit I may have been raised to take revenge on and erase humanity, but – since Dana arrived – I have been – thinking. I do still feel that I have to punish humans, and I will. However, I will not raise Dana to continue this path, I promise you this."

Leon glanced at him and he noticed surprise and relief in those blue eyes, but there also remained sadness. D continued timidly, not sure if he was guessing right and afraid he might be overstepping. "Or do you still think it's you who is wrong? Do you think you should not raise a child when you have to kill others in the line of duty?"

There was no answer. Leon's head dropped onto his chest and D knew he was right. Gently he stroked Leon's back, daring what he only had dreamt of until now. "Leon, you need not worry about that. It is your job, your duty, not something you do for fun or out of greed. You are a good father. Please do not think otherwise."

"I can't tell my kid it's wrong to kill others if I do it." Leon's voice was thick. He rested his face in his hands and groaned. "How could I? It's hypocritical."

"No, it is not," D answered firmly. "You only kill to protect. It is perfectly natural. Every animal kills to protect its young. You kill to protect the innocent, even though they're not your offspring. It is honourable."

"Killing never is honourable," Leon mumbled into his hands. "It just never is. Someone's always mourning for the dead, whether they were bad guys or not. Can't you understand that I just want Dana to have someone whom she can look up to? Someone who can teach her what's right and what's wrong?"

D chuckled without amusement. "If so, you are surely better suited for that purpose, Detective. You are an idealist, and a far better father than I am. I entertain no illusions about me and humans. I cannot give Dana dreams. But you can. You dare to dream of a better world, you dare to believe in it. You are able to see your daughter as a new beginning, as a new hope. I am –" he stopped, withdrew his hand and stood up.

"I would not let you take care of Dana if I wasn't convinced you are able to do it good," he said firmly. "Please keep that in mind."

The blonde raised his head and watched the kami preparing another pot of tea. "Don't you think she's hope, too?" he asked, and D, with his back to him, shrugged.

"I do not know, Detective. All I know is that she is my child and I have to care for her, because I am her father," he answered, trying to sound casual. As if he wasn't baring some part of his soul to the human right now, when he was deadly afraid he might never want to see him again.

Leon stood, D heard his clothes rustle. Then arms were wrapped around his waist. Suddenly there was no more air in his lungs.

"What do I have to do to convince you she might be a new beginning?" Leon whispered into his ear. "What must I do to let you dream, seller of love and dreams? Don't you think that – perhaps – we could be a new beginning?"

D swallowed hard, twice. The he managed a few words. "Perhaps we could be a new beginning," he whispered back. "But you will have to accept what I do. What I am. There are so many people out there who deserve to be punished… who the human law could never punish… I cannot give it up. I need to protect those who have been given into my care. It is all I am."

"Would you just promise me to try and not kill them?" Leon asked. "I mean, what you did to that woman – it's far more punishment than simply killing her would've been. And I don't want anyone to reach the same conclusions I reached. I don't want you to end up in prison. What would become of Dana and me then? Of the shop? Of your pets?"

D turned in Leon's arms and cradled his slightly stubbly cheek in his hands. "Don't you think it's more cruel to let them live? With their injuries, their memories?" His mismatched eyes searched the blonde's face.

"Yeah, I guess it is. But still –" Leon shrugged. "They will still be alive. They can do it better next time."

A smile slowly spread on D's face. "If you ask it, I will," he said softly. "I will dare to dream, for once."

Their eyes held each other, and suddenly D saw something in this blue he had never before seen, or he thought he'd never before seen directed at him. His mouth went dry, and he tilted his head up more. Leon lowered his head, and then it felt like D's heart would stop beating now any second. His lips brushed over Leon's, ever so slightly. All he could do was keep standing upright.

Then he realised it wouldn't matter if his knees buckled, because Leon was holding him in his arms, and he was pressing him close, and his body was flush with the detective's. Shyly he reached up more, and then they were kissing. Really, truly kissing.

The sensation nearly undid D. He couldn't breathe anymore, his heart was pounding so fast he was sure Leon must feel it through the layers of clothing, but it didn't really matter, because the blonde's heart was beating fast, too, D felt it on his chest, and they were still kissing, kissing each other, softly, gently…

"DADDY!"

Dana's cry made them jump apart. For a moment they looked at each other, horrified, then broke into a full run to reach their daughter as fast as possible. By the time they got to her room, she was sitting on the floor, sobbing loudly. Leon scooped her up and carefully examined her for injuries. "What's the matter, sweetie?" he demanded, worried. "What did you do?"

"She tried to climb out of the cradle and fell down!" Pon-chan hopped around them, looking guilty and afraid. "I swear, Count, I didn't see it coming, it all happened so quickly, and she was on the floor before I could even take a breath!"

T-chan stormed inside, too, and nudged the crying child soothingly. "Dana-chan, don't cry!" he pleaded. "You can ride on my back, okay? Will you stop crying then?"

D took the time to look her over very closely while Leon cradled her. Finally he straightened again and sighed. "She's not hurt. It's just the shock of falling down," he said relieved. "I think it is time to get her a normal bed."

Leon smiled. "D'you hear that, sweetie? You're gonna get a real bed, a bed for big girls. Isn't that good news, huh?"

Dana hiccoughed. "Dana big girl," she sniffed. D nodded firmly.

"Yes, you are a big girl, Dana. That is why you are going to get a real bed. Now let me change your clothes and then you can go play with Pon-chan and T-chan."

He took her from Leon's arms and carried her over to the changing table, starting to undress her. Leon rummaged around in the closet and produced one of the dresses he had bought for her, blue with small red flowers on it. Dana lightened up seeing it. She liked the dress.

"Daddy!" she said and clapped her hands. The blonde grinned down on her. "You're gonna be the prettiest girl in whole Chinatown," he promised her. "Why don't we go to the park? It's still early."

D smiled at him, a bright, happy smile. "That's a very good idea, Leon," he said softly. And for some reason, Leon felt as if he'd just grown an inch or so. Perhaps they could work it out all the same. They just had to try.

A/N: So, here we go *takes a deep breath* Took them long enough to get together (and costed me even more nerves -.- No, really, it did. Do you know that when I wrote the fight about the "let's kill all humans"-problem I really thought I'd never get them to speak one word with each other again? I really, really had a lot of problems with that part.)

Well, anyway, I hope you're all happy now ^^ (For those of you who started screaming "Sappy! Fluff! Help me, I'm drowning in it!", I fully sympathize. No, truly, I do. Tell me what I could've done better, please.)

So long, Enaty

P.S. Summer?! Where in hell do you live, BC?! We've got -23° Celsius and lots of snow outside! o.O