"Age, and the deaths, and the ghosts.
Her having gone away
in spirit from me. Hosts
of regrets come & find me empty."
-He Resigns, John Berryman
Chapter 2
It is fucking hotter then hell.
The day is sweltering, and Pepper wonders if her brain has completed full meltdown. Her eyelids continuously droop downwards, and her blouse sticks unbecomingly to her skin. She shifts uncomfortably, and grimaces as she peels her undershirt off her sticky skin and flaps the lacy border, trying to gain a little breeze. Tendrils of hair escape its harnessed bun and plasters itself into dark whirls on her neck. The morning heat had descended like a scorching wave, settling into every pore and eviscerating all and any moisture.
She struggles to compose her face into some semblance of unflappable professionalism, to maintain a cool visage, but she is so unbelievably incredibly tempted to throw her clipboard to the ground and scream "What the FUCK?!!!" to the idiot executive who thought it was an excellent idea to schedule the ceremonial opening of the new wing to Los Robles Medical Centre in the middle of a heat wave.
She closes her eyes, envisioning all 60 people attending suddenly collapsing of heat stroke, plummeting face forward into concrete oblivion; carnage by sunlight. Newspaper articles previewing tragic photographs of bodies boiled to death, mouths open like fish in need of water. One body will be stiff and poised, heels sticking up like the wicked witch of the East, clipboard in hand and red hair indiscernible from the freaking sunburn that has already started to envelop her skin.
'I have clearly died and ended up in Hell', a thought drifts into the ever expanding void of her mind.
She swallows in vain; there is nothing to swallow. Her throat stings with the effort, the parched skin exhaling an arid drench of heat. She steals a swift glance to her right; Sophie Lennon, the Stark Industries publicist, has already stripped down to her tank top and is rasping for breath. They share an understanding, disbelieving look. She swings her head to her left, her eyebrows curling upwards in confusion. Christ almighty, the man isn't sweating at all. This particular reporter is decked out in full suit, a hat to top it all off, clearly unaffected by the temperature. Clearly insane. He glances at her in superior disdain, his thick black mustache twitching in all its nonchalant glory. She lifts her chin, and pretends to be nonchalant about the situation.
"Can we get this show on the road?" Sophie grumbles in a scratchy whisper.
Pepper smiles sympathetically before glancing at her jacket and cringing, thoughts furiously racing in her mind. 'Shit shit shit, deodorant malfunction. Shit. Oh god, always get aluminum deodorant, always get aluminum deodorant. When will you learn?' She contemplates taking off the jacket, but frankly she's slightly uncomfortable with the prying eyes of the gentleman to her left.
Pepper searches the sky in an agonizing search for clouds, which proves futile, the blue expansive bowl swelling in circular dimensions entirely void. Not a single one.
She subtly attempts to fan herself with her clipboard, quickly halting its movements as she catches a glimpse of a mustache curving into a smirk. She narrows her eyes him and straightens her back, stabbing her pencil into her coiled hair bun.
She couldn't help but cast a helpless glance to her boss, the current centre of attention who surprisingly, for once, didn't have his dark eyes cast upon her wilting form. He had long ago ditched the suit jacket, rolling the sleeves of his blue dress shirt to his elbows and vainly tugging open the knot of his tie. Even Tony, in all his suave composure, clearly couldn't resist a look of disbelief as he briefly stared at the neon numbers of the hanging clock from the news van, incredulously raising an eyebrow and cracking a jaw, his hand thumbing ruthlessly against his goatee. One more hour to go. He was behind the makeshift podium, conducting a long, well prepared speech that took his P.A. far too long to write in honor of the new Wing, and as far as she could ascertain the only one actually listening was the mustached fellow beside her, who was busy furiously scribbling notes. The usual witty cadence of his voice was reduced to weary droning, flipping aimlessly through cue card after cue card, monotonously flinging the previous one to the ground.
"and Stark Industries has made great strides in communication with the board of health and, uh, is proud to support the expansion of this Centre as an initiative to…"
'I am a lifeless, she thinks to herself, 'A red wilting weed trying to survive this impermeable freaking wall of heat. I cannot be breathing, am I breathing? Dammit Virginia you gotta remember to breathe.'
She hugs her clipboard to her chest, the hot metal clasp digging into her skin. Her body has got to be raining sweat. Fuck it. She strips off her jacket, revealing a white cotton camisole. Nothing too inappropriate, given the weather, but she hardens her jaw as the man beside her tears his eyes from his notepad and gives her an appreciative glance.
'Did I turn the stove off this morning?" Pepper's eyes widen in momentary panic as the thought crosses her mind.
"because it is essential to maintain a strong cooperation between the progress made in the medical community and…"
'No, no. I turned the stove off. ' She stands there with an interested look plastered to her face, half-listening.
She ties the sleeves around her waist, and rubs her brow tiredly. Tony stops, mid-sentence, as he catches sight of his assistant. His prolonged silence attracts a small ripple of murmurs. She doesn't notice his gaze, too distracted as the brilliance of the sun scorches her eyelashes into a white haze. The sweat drips from her brow and blinds her vision. She squints exasperatedly in his general direction, catching on to the silence and straining an ear to hear the end of his sentence.
'Good God man, spit it out.' she grumbles to herself, annoyed by the uncustomary length of the pause.
His mouth quirks into a small smile, before his head abruptly rises as if jerked awake. He tosses the rest of the cue cards on the podium and takes a step back, raising an eyebrow. Tony slips his hands into his pockets, surveying the crowd briefly.
"Look. It's hotter then hell out here. I don't want to be held responsible for anyone getting heatstroke, so how bout I wrap this up? We're proud, there's a lot of money going around, there's more room in this hospital, they're thankful, and we're all happy campers. All's good? Good. I think that pretty much sums this day up."
He grabs the giant scissors off the table and quickly cuts through the ceremonial ribbon, barely acknowledging the medical director's eager handshake. The press instantly jolts awake, surprised, the flurry of questions erupting in his wake as he hops off the stage. He yanks off his tie as he disappears from the eye-line of the news cameras.
Pepper's mouth drops open. This wasn't the agreement. She rudely shoves past the mustached man and pushes her way through the thinning crowd as she attempts to spot her retreating boss. She glimpses his blue dress shirt walking towards the limo, his tie stuffed into his back pocket. She breaks free from the crowd and rushes after him. She quickens her pace to try to meet his long, purposeful strides as they make their way across the parking lot. He runs a hand through his rumpled hair, his dress shirt pulling taut against his shoulders.
'Man he's got a nice back', she thinks to herself briefly before mentally slapping herself. 'His back? You're dreaming about his back? What the hell is wrong with you Virginia?'
She struggles to catch up with him, grimacing as she realizes that her original plan to stay focused is rapidly disappearing.
"Tony you promised you'd give a half-hour speech and do a little Q and A! It was included in the contract!"
He briefly glances behind him at her scurrying form, sparing a smile.
"Listen Potts, if there's a corner I'll cut it. And why are you whining, geez, we're all sweating bullets here. You should be kissing my feet."
He throws her a cocky grin before tossing his jacket into the open door, swinging into the limo and cutting short a yelp as his skin touches the hot leather. Pepper pauses, too surprised to say anything before shrugging in agreement. She leans in, and smiles endearingly at him as he arches his body in pain away from the scalding seats.
"Smooth Ace." She can barely hear him murmuring to himself.
She abruptly changes her mind about slipping in beside him. She peers at him with an amused grin, and shakes her head.
"I think I'll just wait until Happy catches on that the speech is over and we can get out of here."
Pepper props herself against the vehicle, crossing her ankles. She slings her jacket against the limo roof, leaning against it to protect her skin from the scorching black metal. She rests the clipboard on the roof, and sighs wearily as she crosses her arms, stealing a glance at her watch. Tony likewise catches on, using his jacket to cover the roasting seats. He lies down on his back, crossing his ankles, head barely hanging out of the open door and grinning boyishly up at Pepper. She smiles down at him as she leans her standing form closer to him, her throat stiffening as his eyes twinkle endearingly at her.
"Comfy?"
"Very. Just enjoying the view." His voice comprises a mixture of teasing and fondness.
Blushing, she realizes the strap of her camisole is teetering on the brink of her shoulder, and ignoring his pout she quickly adjusts it.
She releases a small sigh, thankful that despite the blistering heat it was a relatively pleasant afternoon. She grabs the top of the open door, moving it back and forth to produce a small semblance of a breeze, careful to avoid hitting his head. Tony closes his eyes, the tension in his face relaxing, soothed by the shade she provided.
"Hey, did you get my text?" He mumbles offhandedly.
"Oh, no, I'll check." Pepper's brow crinkled in confusion, apparently today's heat had affected her brain more then she thought if she could have gone more then an hour before looking at her phone. She reaches across him to dig through her purse strewn on the seat, avoiding his piqued interest in her stretched form, and finally makes a grab for her blackberry. She laughingly swats his head as she catches his wandering eyes, bending her lithe form out of the door. Pepper straightens up, ignoring his teasing eyes. She clicks on the New Message, surprised to see that it's a picture message.
It's a snapshot of a printed newspaper ad of Bayview Condos, set in an excruciatingly pompous neighborhood ranging in prices that she wouldn't be able to afford with all the raises in the world. Under the picture is a highlighted caption of the security features, and this is right about the time all the blood drains from her face. She stares at it with scrunched up eyebrows for a full minute, uncomprehending, her pulse thrumming sporadically in her neck.
Tony strains his head backwards from his perch, anticipating her response. Her heart begins to hammer, and she feels her control, her life, slipping from under her feet.
"No."
This was clearly not the reaction he was expecting. He raises his upper body until he's sitting, feet resting on the concrete and a question forming on his lips. She doesn't wait.
"No. Not a chance. I am not moving, period."
He turns his attention away from her, shifting his gaze to the departing news vans. His eyes glaze over, and as she briefly wonders if she had hurt him, he finally speaks up.
"What makes you think you have a choice?" This is a statement, not a question.
And this is where she freezes, where her pulse rises to her skin and she gets that annoying red flush on her neck.
"Wha... excuse me? What right do you... what?"
He smiles a false grin at her stumbling, slowly elevating his body until he's standing, leaning casually against the limo and crossing his arms.
"You, Ms. Potts, have access to almost every security activation in Stark Industries, making you of considerable importance to our company. And, as a result, it is in both our interests if you reside in a building more... secured for one of your standing. Consider it a new requirement for employment here."
She's gaping, she knows it. But as in any moment of incredible shock she instantly forgives the idiotic look sweeping across her face, and prepares her tongue.
"Mr. Stark, I happen to be quite content where I am, I can't believe you would even ask this of me!"
He glances at her completely perplexed.
"Look, if you're worried about paying it off, it's irrelevant. It's been done. You just have to live there, so what's the big deal? It's a good place to live. The point being that it's a thousand times safer then wherever the hell you're living now could ever be."
"Irrelevant?! Tony, this may mean very little to you, but I take pride in spending my hard-earned wages and using it to live off of it. And what's wrong with my apartment? You've never even seen it! It's extremely safe!"
He chuckles in disbelief at her reaction.
"Whoa whoa whoa, Pepper, look, you're going to give yourself a stroke. Calm down. Can't you see I'm doing you a favor?"
She grinds her teeth, willing herself to settle down.
"Mr. Stark." She begins in a somewhat pleasanter tone.
"Ms. Potts." He grins cockishly, delighting in the red flush spreading all over her body. He folds his arms in anticipation.
'He's amused,' she thinks furiously to herself, 'he thinks this is funny. Oh that spoiled little sonnuva…'
"If this is a new requirement for employment at Stark Industries, are you planning on purchasing condos with these 'security features' for everyone on your staff?"
Swiftly getting bored, he cocks his wrist back to check the time.
"Only those who have access to the Ironman technology. So…no… just you."
Her mouth has dropped open yet again.
"I'd be the only one?! No one else? What about Rhodey? He has just as much security clearance as I do and his place isn't that much better then mine!"
His head swivels sharply towards her.
"How do you know what his place is like?" At the sight of her cold glare he reverts back to her question.
"Colonel Rhodes is not getting his wages from me, that's why. He can live wherever he so pleases, and besides, he has a couple of billion dollars of military equipment behind him. All you have is me, Pepper, I'm looking out for you here."
Her tone softens, still hard in its message.
"I am not a child, Tony, I don't need to be taken care of. I'm safe where I am now; I doubt any of your so-called enemies are going to be coming after me anytime soon ever since your press conference. And if anything I'm safer now then back when you were fabricating weapons of mass destruction and in competition with all of North Korea!"
He bites the inside of his cheek, his patience worn thin.
"As I said, Pepper, you don't have an option. Scratch that, you have two choices. Move out, or lose your job."
He doesn't mean it, she's fully aware of this. It's a technique of his that he has used on her on numerous occasions, and in the past it has usually worked. They both know he couldn't last two minutes without her, and she hates it when he uses his title to gain advantage. This time is different. Her jaw pops. He doesn't know what he has done to her. Is he trying to break her? Her emotions rise to the surface, her anger for him, her love, her fears, and she nearly chokes on the spindly edges of these weaknesses. She is not falling to his whim, she will not crumble, and she will not play his game any longer.
This time she actually flings the clipboard to the ground, tugging the loose strands of her hair in frustration. He cocks an eyebrow, his brow crinkling in perplexed disbelief.
"God Tony! How could you do this without even asking me?! This is my life we're talking about!"
They both don't notice Happy jogging up beside the concrete blocks, a sandwich hanging from his mouth as he struggles to place the lid on his spilling coffee cup. He stops mid-stride, staring at this public display. He glances around awkwardly, eyes wide, before tossing the coffee into the garbage can and discreetly slipping into the drivers seat.
Tony stands to the side, jaw clenched, presenting her with the open door. His eyes flash furiously, and his knuckles turn white as they gripped the door. His voice was low and demanding when he replied.
"I thought I was doing you a favor. Let's talk about this back at the office Potts, you look like you're about to faint, get in the car."
Pepper swung around and began marching in the opposite direction.
"I'll get a ride from Sophie!"
Tony shares a disbelieving look with his chauffeur, before reaching her in three long strides.
"Jesus Pepper, get in the car! We don't have time for this drama Queen act".
He forcefully grabs her by the shoulders, trying to maneuver her body towards his. She does not expect to feel his strong hands clamp around her, and with her trained instincts she swings around abruptly, her elbow flying up and hitting him in the eye.
Time slows to a bleeding still as she covers a gasp with her hands, cupping her mouth, her eyes widening in shock. 'Oh God, oh God, I just hit my boss, I just hit my boss.'
He slowly raises his head, an incredibly pissed-off expression sweeping across his face, muffling a curse as he raises a hand to touch the tender skin.
"Tony, I…"
"Fine, get a ride from Sophie. See if I care. I'll see you at the office."
Her hands shakily descend to her sides as she stares at him in wide-eyed concern, before clamping her jaw and straightening her back. He disappears into the limo, and she catches Happy's shocked expression through the tinted glass as he's ordered to drive. With a screech it revs up, the smell of tires upon concrete consuming her sense of smell. Cars weave past her, plastic bags swirling around her feet as she gazes at the retreating vehicle.
'Shit, Sophie'.
Pepper races furiously across the parking lot, only to release an annoyed groan as she realizes the publicist has already left. She cries out as she remembers that she also left her purse in the limo.
She crouches down; wrapping her arms around her knees and feels the rise and fall of her chest as she attempts to calm down.
He will destroy her, in every possible way, and he has no idea.
The sun circles the globular expanse of the sky, and time ticks in rhythm against the crevices and curves of her skin as the atmosphere whirls and transforms in its flighty wake.
She ends up having to wait on the side of the freeway for the bus. Her body sways under the hot breath of the temperature, and she folds her arms and she gazes blankly at the grey concrete. A Volkswagen slows down, the mustached reporter grinning at her as he sped off. She curls her lip in irritation, sniffing and reverting her attention to the graffiti on the concrete. Cars barrel past her, and she stares at a clump of daisies entwining themselves around the metal pole of the bus stop sign, the surrounding weeds drowning the white petals. A honk from ahead captures her attention, and she gazes down the road, where she inevitably ends up watching the heat forming simmering waves of liquid pools in the distance.
She wonders how long it'll take for him to realize that she's not coming back.
TBC
Only two more chapters left. Again, apologies for any grammatical errors.