Conveniently enough, or perhaps due to prior booking with Fate, a truck arrives to run Bella down. A shadow flashes across and hurls her to safety.
Well, I knew that that hot guy would come dashing to my rescue. It's just like my mom said before she ran off with that baseball retard. Just that I am… perhaps more… stringent in my selection of the ultimate manly man.
How excited I was! My heart was thumping, crashing, exploding! Yes, this was The Moment for me – my chance to snag the hot guy, the protagonist, the Hero. I desperately tried to recall the 101 Love Tips my mom had imparted to me before she left. I did my best. Adoringly, with eyes fluttering precisely at the most appealing speed, I gaze up into my soon-to-be lover's face.
It was the janitor. The cursed janitor. His face was wrinkly with a healthy sprinkling of pockmarks and pus. One can't help but compare him to the most noble of frog princes that exist only in fairy tales. His hair was an attractive wispy and gray. A golden halo emerged from the back of his head as he turned his mellow countenance towards the pale-faced me. He smiled with the grace and benevolence of an angel. Until a tooth dropped out and I scrunched up my face.
Ugh. He's disgusting. Angels and saints don't look like that. He totally doesn't match up to my hot hero. Couldn't he have spared me a thought and put on a mask? Time to change my Destiny. I scream.