Pretend that the previous chapter didn't exist. Believe me; it didn't really happen that way. Well, that's what I'd like to think, and you can trust me. Here comes my Hero, let's try the whole thing over again:
A shadow flashes across and hurls her to safety.
Well, I knew that that hot guy would come dashing to my rescue. It's just like my mom said before she ran off with that baseball retard. Just that I am… perhaps more… stringent in my selection of the ultimate manly man.
How excited I was! My heart was thumping, crashing, exploding! Yes, this was The Moment for me – my chance to snag the hot guy, the protagonist, the Hero. I desperately tried to recall the 101 Love Tips my mom had imparted to me before she left. I did my best. Adoringly, with eyes fluttering precisely at the most appealing speed, I gaze up into my soon-to-be lover's face.
Yes! It was he – the target of my Desire! With his slightly frowning countenance he gazed upon my Being and I was supposedly caught up in whirlwind of torrid passion. Ugh! His face was akin to a sculpted Michelangelo splashed with glitter. Yes, the kind of sparkly glitter dust preschoolers apply to various surfaces with smudgy fingers.
And his face was a dreadful pallor. Some might say, "like white marble". I prefer to think, "Like a Resident Evil Zombie". Oh well, but since no one sees any of these flaws, I shall tell myself that I've been hallucinating. After all, when you're ugly and no one says you are, you must be an awfully Good Catch. At least that was what my mom once told me. Reel 'em in! She said. Pull and pull till you've got 'em.
Plus, he's rich. The whole school knows, for hell's sake. His car's cool, I swear he was wearing Prada yesterday. Well, you can't go wrong plucking off rich guys, right? Money, money, money, must be funny; it's a rich-ass world. Oh, I mean, "rich man".
The hot guy dashes me out of harm's way as fast as greased lightning. I beam with pure joy and gratitude. He is softly placing me on the gravel when I see a pile of mess and blood. The last remains of the janitor. I shall like to forget this scene. Forget about it, yes, none of this happened. Nope, the hot guy didn't do the old man in. Mom said that life's a long chain of self-denial. I kind of agree.
I turn to look back at the truck. It has swerved away by now, but just in time for me to notice a dent on its front in the exact shape as the hunk's broad shoulders. Talk about coincidence, or perhaps the guy did it deliberately to show off? You never know. You just never know.