XII

Larxene

It's funny, in the actual funny way, how things have turned out. I never thought, when I met Axel, that I'd actually calm down; it's like spending time with people as crazy as me has helped me realize how crazy I'm not. Look at that, I'm being disgusting. Sappy. Not like myself at all.

But, I don't know. Maybe change really is part of life, or something. Everyone else is moving in a different direction. I never thought I'd be part of that.

I've put off meeting Marluxia for days, but it's time I ended this once and for all. It's not that I hate him; I get it now. If it was just me, maybe even just me and Axel, I'd stay with Marluxia. Go along with all of his crazy plans. Because by myself, I'm nothing. I'm half a person, and Axel doesn't complete me. So I'd stay like that, a person cut in half, following Marluxia because there would be nothing more thrilling.

But add Roxas into the equation, add Naminé - the real one, not the one everyone sees - and I know it can't be like that. I wouldn't have ever seen the real Naminé, if it wasn't for Roxas, so I guess I have to thank him for that.

In my head, of course, because this makes me sick. No one can know how soft I can be, or I'd never hear the end of it. And I hate being vulnerable, anyway, because this isn't just a stupid love story. On the outside it looks that way. But on the inside - inside of me - it's terrifying as all fuck.

But I think I can probably work with that, for now, because I have experience. With Naminé.

"Good to see you again, Larxene," Marluxia says pleasantly, sitting down across from me. We're at Agrabah Market again, because I don't really trust myself around him in private. "Have you put any thought to my previous offer?"

I don't get a chance to answer, because our waiter is here. I'm glad we've come here so often, because I don't even need to look over the menu.

Once she's gone he faces me and asks again.

I glare at him. "What's in it for me?" I hope he has a good answer.

"Revenge, of course."

"You're not swaying me," I spit. I don't know why he thinks this interests me at all; I don't even know what I have to get revenge for. "Revenge for what?"

"For you, of course," he replies. "And for me. But mostly for your Roxas. He seems to be affected most."

This makes me freeze. "…Roxas? What does he have to do with anything?"

He smiles, and it's his Venus flytrap smile. "There were countless people who signed up for the prenatal genetics project," he begins, "but there were only three whose parents were ambitious – or stupid – enough to sign up for the secret project connected to the PGP. Yours, of course, though you never knew. Mine; they made it no secret that they were displeased at the results. And Roxas Winter's."

The information makes me clench my fists under the table. I'm not sure who I'm angry at; I don't really trust Marluxia as it is, and he's not really doing anything to convince me. But for now, I'll just listen. For now, I'll hear the full story and then figure out what to do after. Axel always says 'information first, plan later.' It goes against my nature but that's what I'm going to do.

"So what does that have to do with this?"

He clears his throat. "There is a researcher, Ansem Dizworth, who opened the PGP to the public – and it was an instant hit. Just think; you can custom design your child! Many signed up. But Ansem's apprentice, Xehanort, further explored avenues Ansem forbade. That's where we came in."

"But-"

He holds up his hand. "They tried to greatly increase Winter's intelligence. They tried to greatly increase your empathy. And they tried to greatly increase my empathy, as well. As you can see, it worked splendidly; but it took essential things away from all of us."

"So…that means-"

"It means," he cuts in, giving me a hard look, "that the reason you and I are so good at reading people is because of our enhancements. Unfortunately for you, the capacity for sympathy is next to nil. Am I right?"

I nod slowly. "What about you?"

"Shouldn't you be asking about your dear Roxas?"

"Cut the shit," I return, but I don't address his question.

He laughs mockingly. "Roxas is quite the genius. And I haven't been able to identify what exactly his problem is; my informant had a rather unfortunate accident before I could finish my own research." His lip curls. "But I do know that altering the mind in that fashion greatly reduced other capacities. He was extremely lucky to find you."

I return his hard look. "And what about you?"

"I know that Naminé believes I am a sociopath," he says delicately, "and that might as well be true. But there is one distinct difference; when I look around and see what it could be like – if my emotional scope was broader – I want it. I desire to be like the couple at the table behind you. They are married, but they hate each other; I wish I had the capacity to hate, because that would mean I had the capacity to love. And that is why I desire revenge. I see what I could have had; with Naminé, and with you; and as the only thing I've ever felt is desire, the only logical answer is to do away with the source so no one else has to suffer." He frowns. "Don't think of me as a philanthropist, Larxene. I am a very selfish man who desires power and control. But even a heartless bastard is capable of a good deed if it means some sort of satisfaction."

"I…" This isn't what I was expecting. It's completely fucking with my head. I don't know whether to hear him out – find out what he's planning – or just punch him for the last time. I don't do either, because our food just arrived, but I know as soon as we're done eating he's going to talk again.

I guess I'll just hear the rest. Now I'm curious. I hate it.

Sure enough, he's pushing his plate away. I'm not finished but I know he'll start talking anyway.

"We're going to put Xehanort away for a long time," he tells me. "Xemnas, however, only played a small part in the project, so we're going to grant him a little bit of mercy. That is, he won't have to rot in jail because he'll be dead."

I look around pointedly; there are people in the restaurant. He just laughs. "No one's listening. It's not something they'd be interested in, anyway. Just two crazies plotting a murder in a language they barely understand."

I sigh and push my dish away. "Fine. Whatever. It's your ass if someone finds out. Finish your little pitch and I'll tell you what I think."

"When Xemnas is murdered, all signs will point to Xehanort. It's common knowledge, among those who matter, that there is no lost love between them; motive would be easy to determine. In the event that Xehanort is somehow found innocent, all signs would point to me, of course. Me, and the ones I associate with – which would be you. It's no secret that I've done quite a bit of research about them and their pet project."

"Then this is a retarded idea."

"No," he says sharply. "We're not going to do it."

"…You're not making any sense. Who's going to do it, then?"

He gives me his Venus flytrap smile and for no reason at all I'm terrified. "Sora is."

Roxas

I'm waking up next to Axel again and this time we're touching. I wasn't expecting that, but I probably should have been. He touches people a lot, and now that I'm seeing everything, now that I'm seeing underneath what he tries to pretend, I don't know why he held off so long. I don't know why he tried to make me comfortable. I wouldn't have done that for him.

I don't know. Maybe I would. It's too late to find out now.

I still always wake up before him, but lately I just wait for him to wake up. I like being next to him, touching him, because he's the only person who can look me in the eye and not be threatening about it. But it's more than that. He's the only one who ever bothered to look at me. I know Larxene looks at me, but she doesn't look at me. She doesn't look at Roxas. She looks at her Roxas which is different than my Roxas.

Even Axel's Roxas is different than my Roxas but I think they're starting to match up. I'm not sure if it's because my Roxas is changing or Axel is starting to see everything, but maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe it's just something I shouldn't think about.

I kiss him, on his chest where his heart is. I don't know why I like that so much. But maybe it's like saying hello, like saying good morning. It puts me to sleep at night and maybe it's like saying thank you, because it makes sleeping a little easier.

It wakes him up. I think if I was somebody else, I would be upset about waking him, but I'm not. I'm glad he's awake because when he's talking or even just looking at me, there's less noise. It's easier to push away the numbers.

"Morning," he says without opening his eyes.

"Morning," I whisper back.

I know he's not fully awake because he says, "Love you."

Right now I feel like getting up. I feel like leaving. I feel like running out, getting away from him, but I don't think he's trying to hurt me. It can't, can't be like he says, because when I accidentally said that, he didn't say it back. That was okay with me, because I didn't have to hear it. But now he is saying it and I don't know what to do.

He opens his eyes. "You don't have to say anything. I shouldn't have…I'm sorry."

He pulls me down, so my head is on his chest, and I think I can live with this for now.

"I'm not in the mood to get up," he admits. "I want to stay here in bed all day and pretend I don't hear when they knock on the door."

"Stupid."

He laughs. "Yeah, I guess so."

I like that his chest is warm and I can hear the beating of his heart, the perfect heartbeat I like so much. I wonder who else has listened to it.

"I bet your parents were happy," I say, and then I realize that wouldn't make sense to him.

"What?" He sounds not only confused, but something I know can't be scared because he doesn't get scared about just words. They were just words.

"When they had you. Your heart, it's perfect."

I feel his hand on top of my head, rubbing the spot over my ear. I know he doesn't mean to do it and I think it's something he's doing to help him concentrate. At least, I do things like that to concentrate when I need to find words. Mostly with my shirt though. Or my hands. Sometimes I just bite my finger, but I don't do that so much any more.

"They always wanted a daughter." He laughs. "But yeah, they were happy. They thought my mom couldn't get pregnant."

"Oh." There's something wrong with his tone but I don't know how to ask what it is. So I just say, "They kind of did have a daughter. Xion says you're Aunt Axel."

I hear him laugh and I feel the vibrations through his chest, and it makes me smile. It's getting more common for me to smile without having to force it.

"I know. It's really funny. Why do you care so much about my heart, anyway? There's nothing special about it. You keep calling it perfect, but it's…just a normal one."

"Because…" Now I'm rubbing, rubbing his chest instead of his hair though. I have to think carefully because I want this to get through. "Because mine isn't. It skips, and the numbers get confused. When I listen to yours I can block mine out and the numbers get quiet. I can talk like this. It's easier to talk like this."

I'm afraid he won't answer, but he finally does. "I have no idea what you're talking about, but…I'm glad that you like it."

I know to expect the kiss he gives me. It's small and soft and only on the top of my head, but it's the kind of kiss that says he's not going anywhere. And the kind of kiss that says 'I accept you, even though you're a freak.' It's the kind of kiss I've wanted ever since I was little, and I'm glad Axel is the one who gave it to me.

Axel

Larxene's pacing in front of us, angry and confused. Those two are a bad combination for her, because she has that look on her face. The one that says 'I am not really a murderer but I am seriously considering it.'

Roxas still has his head on my chest, and even though we really didn't bother to get out of bed today, I'm thinking now maybe we should have. I have this feeling that maybe Larxene has a good reason to look like that and we might have to do some damage control.

"I spoke with Marluxia yesterday," she finally says, not bothering to look at us.

I feel myself frown. "And what happened?"

Finally she looks at us, but she's not looking at us. She's looking at Roxas, and she seems…not upset, but almost sad. Still angry and confused, but not at him. "He told me why he wants to kill Xemnas, and – I can't believe I'm saying this – I actually agree with him. But the way he wants to do it…it won't work. Not in a million years. And I still fucking hate that creep, probably more now than before. I want…I want…I don't know. But it's making me angry."

Roxas is the one to ask the question I have, and that surprises me a little. "What's his plan?"

Obviously Larx is a little surprised too, but she doesn't comment on that. "He wants to use Sora to take him out. He says it's because Sora doesn't have a motive, or information, and it's no secret that Sora isn't a fan of Marluxia in the first place. Everyone will look at Xehanort, who will go to jail, because we'll be able to prove it was him. He wants revenge because…" She hesitates, which she doesn't normally do. "Because Xehanort and Xemnas are the ones who opened the secret prenatal genetics project, the one Roxas went through – the one I went through, even though I didn't know. He went through it too, and it destroyed any chance any of us had at being normal."

Roxas is incredibly tense but when he speaks his tone is bland. "Sora will never agree. Kairi means too much to him to leave her behind, especially if there's a chance he won't come back."

"He has a plan for that too," she says darkly. I'm a little afraid of her right now. "He wants to hold Naminé captive until Sora agrees to do it."

Now I know why Larxene has a problem with this. She will always deny it, even when she comes to terms with it, but she feels something like love for Naminé. It's not love, but closer to it than she felt for Roxas. I didn't notice before – I was too caught up in not being loved by Roxas – but even back in Traverse Town, it was just shy of love with her.

"That doesn't make sense," Roxas points out. "Kairi means more to him."

"Sora has a hero-complex," she spits. "He'll do it because she means enough to him and to Kairi. And he'll get away with it, too. But it's not fair to use Sora. It might satisfy Marluxia, because he gets to spend time with Naminé and he gets to see Xehanort go to prison for the rest of his life. But it's not enough for me."

"Then why don't you do it?"

"I…" She hesitates again. This reminds me of before, when everything was like the Twilight Zone. She looks at her feet and scowls. "I can't just leave. Not now. It would just be more satisfying if someone who they actually broke could do it. Because then it wouldn't just be revenge, it would be justice."

"Are you asking me to do it?"

She looks up again sharply. "Fuck no. I don't fucking care how much I want this to happen…I would never ask you to do it."

"Then there's only one solution," I say softly, rubbing Roxas' head. It's calming. It helps me think. "You just don't do it at all. This isn't just killing for self-defense, Larx. You're talking about cold-blooded murder. And that's going to come back and snap you in the ass."

"That's not good enough!"

"Well what do you expect me to say, Larxene? I'm not going to do it. You said yourself you only want it to be someone who went through the project. You don't want to do it. You don't want Roxas to do it. Why aren't you talking about this with Marluxia? He's the only other person who could. And honestly, it's a stupid idea!"

"Maybe to you. You're not the one who just wished you could be normal! You're not the one whose parents hated her – or him – because they didn't get what they planned! You're not the one who never got a chance!" I don't want to see what I'm seeing. I don't want to see her crying. It's not like before; she's not just crying with tears. It's her entire face and I don't know what to do. Roxas' face is pressed into my chest so he doesn't have to look, either, and I know I should say something but I don't know what.

"You know what? Never mind. Never mind. It's obvious you have no idea what this is like. It was a stupid idea to come in here and ask you guys for help. Roxas can't even say anything, because of this stupid project, and all you can say is that we should let him go free."

"Larx…" Roxas breathes heavily, in through his nose. "We didn't know about this before, and it was fine. Why do you have to do something about it now?"

"Because I can." She turns and heads for the door. She's just about to leave when she stops and adds, "Because Marluxia is right; it's justice."

"I don't believe that," says Roxas quietly, but she's already gone.

"She's going to get herself killed."

I can only sigh. "We should stop her."

He presses his face to my chest and shakes his head slightly. "No. Naminé needs her more than we do."

It shouldn't surprise me, but it does. Because I always forget that Roxas never says even a fourth of what he sees. It should be obvious to me that Roxas knows. He laughs quietly. "I don't even know why I said that."

But I do. It's because the things we understand most are the things we never think about. That's human nature. And despite whatever Larx thinks, I know everyone here is only human.

I can only pull him up farther and kiss him, because by now I know that the best way to talk to him is to show him what I'm thinking. And what I'm thinking is that I love him, and even though everything is messed up right now, it doesn't matter to me.

"Sappy bastard," he murmurs, and I know he's got the message.