She hated this room.
She hated the all white walls, she hated the plain white furniture. She hated the small window that showed nothing but black skies with that unmoving white crescent moon in it.
Never, never would she have thought that she would be able to feel hatred. But she had learned to, and now it was the only thing left, the only thing she could cling to. Not hatred for Ulquiorra, because she knew that he was just following his orders. Not hatred for Menoli or Loli. She could understand how they felt, although she would never have felt the same way. Even for Aizen she couldn't feel anything, not even fear. Not anymore.
It felt as if she would have died from the inside. Still breathing, yes. Still walking, even talking, sometimes, when someone addressed her or when they allowed her and Ishida to meet. Although not much.
She loved to close her eyes.
When she did, she could still hear Tatsuki's voice calling for her, Chizuru's arms sliding around her waist and hugging her, Ichigo's face and all the funny variations of it she could think of. She could pretend she was sitting in their classroom. She could blend into her imagination, and then she was back to this place she had been happy at, this place where there wasn't any worry, any sadness, any hurt. She liked the place.
She didn't have to face up to the white reality of her surroundings there. Didn't have to remember how she had seen Ichigo die. Didn't remember how, while she was still kneeling next to the already cold corpse, Aizen and his subordinates had returned and how Ichimaru had walked over to her.
He had bent down to catch a falling tear and wipe the wetness from her face and, when she finally looked up, smiled his usual cruel smile.
"Ya know, yer friend's are all dead now."
She had frozen, her eyes wide and shocked.
"Bu' don' worry about the corpses, they are already taken care of. Aren't ya lucky tha' we clean tha mess up an' ya don't have ta?"
Later, she had learned that not all of them had died, but nearly. And the lone survivor... She knew that he wished he would have been killed as well. But just like herself there was no use in wishing death upon himself. They just wouldn't let him die.
They didn't give them any freedom, not even that to end their suffering.
She knew that Ishida had tried. When they had met for the first time after it, he had pleaded to her to never, never try it herself. It made things worse, he had said, much worse.
How, she wondered, was the situation to get worse?
Well, for him. She didn't know why, but strangely, she was still relatively untouched, except the occasional beating when one of the female arrancar was pissed at her again. She had no idea why.
She could impossibly be that important, not anymore, not after Soul Society had been so obviously overcome .
It seemed as if she was protected.... Yet she knew not by whom, not why, not how.
She opened her eyes to the world around her when the door opened.
"Ya, Orihime-chan."
She didn't react to that fox like smile.
Why should she? How should she?
"I jus' came ta bring yer dinner. Ain't nothing special today, jus' some curry."
She looked at the box he carried. Curry. When Ichimaru bothered to come and bring dinner it always was something from the real world. She didn't really know where it came from, it wasn't the usual food down here, and she couldn't imagine that delivery services found the way to Las Noches. She didn't really care, it didn't matter, but... But lately she had started to wonder.
Her much appreciated apathy had started to dwindle.
"Ya really should eat. Aizen-sama would be disappointed if yer don'."
"I am not hungry."
"Ye haven't eaten in days." He let himself drop on the bed next to her.
She shifted slightly. "I wasn't hungry."
"Ya..." He opened the box and produced a spoon out of his sleeve. "Ye really don' wanna eat?"
"No." Orihime shook her head. There was no use in eating...
His grin looked somewhat... Pouting? She couldn't really describe it, but it was an expression he always had when she refused his food. And she knew what would be next.
"Well, then I'll have to feed yer, don' ya think?"