Episode 33: The Fracture in Defence
I risked another sneaky peek at Kurapica yet another one more time. His face was still frozen in an expressionless mask. Then, I stared down at Senritsu's hand, holding mine.
" Then, let's go home, just the three of us, together… "
That was what Senritsu had said to me…
Or maybe the two of us…
Both Kurapica-san and me…
Before I knew it, my eyes strayed over to Kurapica again. This time, I met his eyes. Mine widened instinctively and I broke eye contact and looked down at my feet.
Senritsu unlocked the door of our hotel room and we went inside in silence.
Once the door closed behind us, Senritsu instantly fussed over me, ignoring Kurapica completely.
" Oh my, Hikari! " she exclaimed, examining my hands and arms closely. " Let's get your wounds cleaned up. "
In a few minutes, I was covered in handiplasts from head to toe, or should I say from my cheeks to my feet because of the blisters there. My torn and dirty pyjamas were replaced by a white nightgown which was roughly my size with the courtesy of the hotel attendant who loaned me a spare one.
However, I wore a T-shirt over it since it was kind of a see-through which I was quite uncomfortable in. Soon, I was seated on the rug, all huddled up in a blanket with my hands around a mug of steaming hot chocolate.
" Finish that up, Hikari before you turn in, okay? " Senritsu told me, appearing satisfied by her work.
I nodded wordlessly and sipped at it, to show her that I really was drinking it.
The woman yawned, sleepily.
" I think you should in turn, Senritsu, " I informed her, smiling.
She nodded and smiled back at me, before ruffling my hair.
" Goodnight, Hikari. "
" Goodnight, Senritsu. I hope you will have some good dreams tonight, " I answered back.
This was the moment that I was dreading as soon as the door to Senritsu's room closed. Now, I was left alone with Kurapica, who was now sitting on the edge of the armrest, his back towards me, all rigid and cold.
" K-K… " but the words died on my lips in a quiet whisper.
I wanted to call out to him but I was such a coward, that I knew perfectly well. It was something that I was very familiar with. My cowardice which would eventually lead to my own despair. I was too scared to do anything to help others, much less even for the sake of myself. I just followed and agreed to everything blindly, without even thinking for myself.
How can I help others…
If
I can't even help myself…?
I'm just too weak to even stand
up after I fell…
I just sat there…
Waiting…
Waiting for…
What…?!
What was I waiting for…?
Someone to pick me up…?
Someone to help me…?
As if that will ever happen…
I need to help myself…
I have only myself of whom that I can depend on…
But…
Now…
That's not the point anymore…
He is here now…
Kurapica-san…
Despite everything that has happen…
I still trust him…
I still want him to be a part of my life…
But…
Does he want me to be a part of his…?
I glanced up, suddenly, my train of thoughts now broken. I knew that I was not imagining things but I did hear something. Something like a…
There it was again…
Immediately, I turned my head towards Kurapica. The aura of frozen hostility was gone from him. His back was not rigid anymore. He was trembling. His hands were gripping the armrest until his knuckles turned white from the effort. He looked so small and vulnerable from that distance as I watched him from afar.
Without even thinking, I stood up.
He heard me, I knew because his back went all rigid again. I could not be bothered whether he wanted me coming near him but after hearing his cry, I just could not ignore him anymore.
I stood in front of him and stared down at his bowed head of the beautiful thick locks of golden hair that was the same colour as my own.
" What?
" he demanded, rudely.
" Kurapica-san… " I began but I was
intercepted.
" You can just mind your own business, Hikari. I don't need your help. "
I folded my arms across my chest in defiance and made no move.
" Kurapica-san, look at me… "
My eyes bored into the back of his head as I said that.
He stiffened but did not lift his head up.
" Kurapica-san, please. Look at me, " I begged.
Still, he remained stubborn and refused to do it.
Finally, I had to go down on my knees in order to be at eye-level with him.
" Kurapica-san… "
Suddenly, everything happened so fast. He met my eyes with his own but it was all watery with unshed tears. Then, he threw his arms around me and roughly pulled me against his body, hugging me tightly as if he did not want to let me go. As if his life depended on it…
He started to sob, burying his head into the crook of my neck as he held me, who was currently in a state of shock.
" Hikari… " he murmured in a pained whisper. " I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for all of this to happen but it just did… "
Then, with wavering hands, I hesitated before slowly wrapping my arms around him as well in an awkward hug, closing my eyes and breathing in his smell. The smell of aftershave and his shampoo that was strawberry-flavoured.
" It's alright, Kurapica-san. I'm here for you so please don't cry anymore. I forgive you, " I answered in a soft voice, patting his back as he wept.
This was the very first time that I had seen him cry. I had never seen him in this state before. He was normally so calm and collected but never before, had he broken down like this. At least, maybe not in front of me anyway. My heart went out to him. He looked so vulnerable and small in my arms.
So lost…
So confused…
So hurt…
At this, I hugged him even tighter, clutching at the back of his shirt as I wept, tears of happiness, together with him.
I'm so glad that you finally came home with me…
Kurapica-san…