All That He Bleeds

Lord bring on the night
Wrap it all around me
Let it hold me tight
Soak up all that I bleed

And I'll fly away
Yeah I'll fly away
Yeah I'll fly away
Watch me

-"All that I Bleed" By Savatage

Reid looked down at the piece of paper under his hand. He didn't know what to write, and when he started to write he wasn't even sure the words were his own. He had never thought that he would be writing a letter like this one. But the words just kind of fell out of his head, making him think even more that this was the right thing to do.

He had let his mother be killed. Sure he hadn't "pulled the trigger", to say, but he hadn't done the right thing. If he had talked to the doctors they would have put her on suicide watch, and then William would have never had the chance to dose her with sleeping pills, sleeping pills that couldn't be detected in the blood stream. He couldn't help but think he didn't say anything because he knew that she was right, and that she had to be killed, like he had to be killed now.

Dear World, (He wrote)

It pains me to have to say this but I killed my mother. If I had just been there for her then he would have never given into her pleads. I should have been able to save her, but I didn't. Hotch, I know he were just trying to help me, but there is no help for me. There never was. Please forgive me. Morgan, Emily, and Dave you guess are the ones that need to stay. With out you so many would win. Promise that you will stay to fight against the bad guys that run the world, even after this, you have to be strong, like you always have. Jordan I never really got to get to know you, but anyone that can do the job you do is stronger than most people. Please keep them all in line. Garcia, I know this will hurt you the most. You've always had the biggest heart. But you need to be strong. I'm not worth you pity. Just keep moving Forward- I know you can. JJ, I'm most sorry to you. Don't tell Henry about this, no child needs to know. I never wanted to know about my mom, but then there's no preventing that. There's something I should have told you along time ago and thats that I've always liked you. I'm not sure if its love, I've never felt love, but I know that I would be devastated if anything did happen to you. But more important I want you to be happy, and I can tell that that is with Will. He's a great guy, and the father of your wonderful son. Keep them close. And Please don't lose sight of the world.

I'm sorry and Goodbye.

Love, Spencer Reid

Reid looked down at the letter for a long minute. A few tears dropped onto the page. Then he picked it up and suck it on the front of his door. He knew it was mean, but he wanted them to read it before they came into the room. He wanted them to know all that before they say what he had done to himself.

Then he moved to the bed and pulled out his gun. It felt heavier to him than it had ever in his life. 'The weight of suicide.' He thought coldly. 'I'm losing my mind. I'm a killer. I can't live in the darkness or the light.' Justifying the act wouldn't make it any easier, but he had to be frank with himself one last time. Let his cards fall.

Slowly he lifted the gun to his temple, his hand shaking slightly. Even with that he wanted nothing else in the world but death, even if hew as scared to death at what he would find.

Still unsure if he was religious or not he found himself in prayer. "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory. for ever and ever. Amen."

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Garcia had worked as fast as she could. At the same time as she was trying to track down where Reid had gone she was trying to find out what had happened to his mother. At the same time Hotch and Emily found themselves with the same task. What Hotch hadn't been expecting was that it would take one phone call to Reid's father.

"This is agent Hotchner, I work with your son." Hotch said as fast as he could, slurring some of the words.

"What? Whats happened?" William answered hearing the urgency in the other man's voice.

"We need to know what happened to Reid's mother."

"Is Spencer alright?"

"Sir, his mother." Hotch said, knowing it was cold, but he had no time to explain what was going on.

"She was killed."

"By who?" He was dreadfully afraid of the answer he might get.

"Me. I helped her kill herself."

"What...." Hotch started but realized there was no time. "Did Reid have anything to do with it?"

"No... well... she asked him to do it first..."

It all made since. He was feeling guilt for her death. Maybe he wanted to do it and thats why he felt bad, or because he couldn't stop it. But one way or another that was the key. Along with the distancing himself, and irritability that pointed to either him running, or killing himself.

With out another word he hung up the phone and was out of there in a flash, not even having time to tell Emily what he had found, which might have been a good idea. The rest of the team were out around the town trying to find him. But Hotch knew right where to look first. The one place he would go in either of those situations, either to get his stuff, or to be sure he would be found.

It took the profiler under three minutes to get to the hotel. And under one to get to the right floor. As he ran down the hall he feared the worst. Reid had had a good hours head start on them, he could already be dead. When he reached the young man's door the white letter shone at him like a lost star. Hotch skimmed through it as fast as he could, with getting what it was saying so he would know if it was a suicide note or not. This was when he wished he could read like Reid.

Seeing that it was Hotch's heart stopped. he turned the knob, which he knew what have been unlocked, Reid wanted this to be as easy as it could. The first this he say was the young agent on the bed, blood everywhere. Tears flowed door Hotch's face as he ran over to him still caring hope that he was alive.

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Author's note: There is still hope for Reid. Please vote in the poll on my page... or if it doesn't work, becuase I haven't been able to vote in any polls lately, then E-mail me at: with your vote.