Several sensations entered the foggy realm of his consciousness. Silk sheets draped over him, his down mattress cradling him, something small and soft that he had curled around in the night. Sleepily, ready to step back from the waking world, he burrowed deeper into the warmth, snuggling against the softness he held like a child would a toy. Half formed memories surfaced in his mind only to vanish if he attempted to focus on one alone. Slowly the recalled sensations clarified, solidified.

He remembered trembling lips so vividly he could nearly feel them beneath his own, flesh so soft it could only be female burning his palm, sliding beneath his fingers, curious hands bestowing him with worshiping caresses. The faint echoes of soft moans, cries of pleasure danced in his ears that were so used to sounds of pain and death. Images flashed across his closed eyelids. Candlelight flickering over smooth skin and dark eyes filled with wonder and need. Black hair mixed with his across the pillows. Then a face that brought his senses screaming awake. His eyes opened and he stiffened. The girl. Sweet hell, what had he done?

For a moment he hovered on the verge of panic, afraid of moving and waking her. What would she say when she did wake? He did not know how he had allowed this to happen, or how he would explain matters to her. The thought struck him suddenly. What if he had hurt her? He could not recall most of the night before, hardly any of it. What if she had been fighting him, and not participating in his memories? Why did that disturb him so deeply? Concerned him on what was a far more than natural level. It had to be her. She made him feel things he'd ignored his entire life, things he had been happy to live without, and could no control. For her own safety he would have to take her back to where he'd found her, to avoid another such episode of lost control.

Very carefully he moved back form her, escaping his own bed as if it were a prison. She didn't move as he dressed, hoping to look composed when he had to face her, steeling his resolve that putting distance between himself and this girl was the right thing, the proper action. She knocked him off balance, and Sesshomaru was not sure if he did or did not like the sensation. He was leaning toward the latter.

She knew the second she woke that Sesshomaru wasn't in bed with her. IT surprised her that she hadn't felt him move. Every time he'd snuggled against her, nuzzling the back of her neck or tightening his grip on her she had realized it. He was…cuddly when he slept it had surprised her. She had barely opened her eyes when he spoke.

"You are awake. Norain has brought your clothing." The icy disregard in his tone stung her a little.

"Oh… thank you." She wasn't sure what she had expected from him, but it hurt her a little that he would step so easily into his distant cold shell again.

"We'll be leaving soon."

"Leaving?"

"I am going to return you to your proper place."

"Return me? Wha…"

"Do not argue. It is for your own good." He could feel her eye burning into his back, "You are not… safe here."

"I thought I was only safe if I stayed with you." She couldn't look at him suddenly. Kagome felt foolish for thinking anything had changed between them, but she hoped it had.

"Are you injured?" He asked suddenly.

"What? No." The way he asked it, how he was acting, the strange look in his eyes the night before. Something clicked into place in her mind. "Oh my g… then you don't… remember?"

"Some." He paused bracing for the long speech, "Clearly I am a danger to you. I could have torn you to pieces last night, easily, and I would not have known until today. That loss of control is dangerous to me as well."

"So you're just going to, to send me away? After everything that's happened?" Kagome pulled the curtains around his bed closed began hurriedly pulling on her clothing.

"It changes nothing."

"Everything has changed." She argued, "Sessh… how can you say… I killed for you." Curtains rustled as she found the floor.

"You were merely saving yourself."

"No. She was going to let me go. I was stopping her from killing you, and not, not because she was cheating. I didn't want you to die."

"You are romanticizing situations that you should not."

"And you're ignoring things you shouldn't." Kagome moved a step toward him, nearly pleading, "Why did you bring me back if it meant nothing?"

"You were under my protection. It is nothing more than that."

It was like being stabbed with Jaken's knife in slow motion. She fought the tears trying to form in her eyes. When had this happened? How had she let herself fall in love with Sesshomaru. "Look at me." Her voice was hardly more than a whisper. He remained still, his eyes focused on some distant point out the window, "Look at me!" Her voice nearly broke as she shouted at him. Slowly Sesshomaru turned toward her, but his eyes were glued to the wall over her head. "You don't understand do you?" Tears burned her cheeks, blurred the edges of her vision, anger and pain welled up inside of her, she bit back a sob, "Damn it Sesshomaru! Can't you see I love you?" Unable to stop herself she ran to him, threw her arms around him to cling to him as she sobbed into his chest, "I love you."

He did not push her away, but neither did he hug her back or attempt to console her. He did not even look at her as he said simply, "I cannot keep you."

She tried to walk ahead of him as they left the castle, afraid that by looking at him she would loose what little control she had gained over her emotions. She had resolved that no matter how badly she was hurt she would not let Sesshomaru she her cry again. Kagome was planning on not so much as looking at or speaking to him.

Her eyes found the familiar shapes coming closer nearly the second she stepped out of the gate. A red blur was running beneath a soaring white shape. She was surprisingly glad to see that they were here, that they had come for her. If she had to leave Sesshomaru it would be easier to part with him quickly, rather than dragging out the experience. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. She heard Sesshomaru growl under his breath, and did her best to ignore him. He started to move in front of her, as if to fight them. Kagome fixed him with a very pointed glare.

"You can't stop them. The only way I'll make it back is if I'm with them." Kagome said, quietly, fighting an urge to grab his arm, to beg him to let her stay, to demand he feel something.

"I do not trust him with your safety."

"You don't trust yourself with it either." She heard the bitterness in her own voice, and glared down at the ground, "This is hard for me. I'm…trying, but I can't dismiss it as easily as you. I don't want to let you go."

"Think of your own safety." If he made her realize this was the best, made her think of her own well being rather than what she thought she was feeling this would be much easier.

"You didn't hurt me Sessh. I know you don't believe it, but it's true."

"And the next time? What if you're hurt then?" He looked at, then away from her, "I will not be responsible."

"The next time?" A little balloon of hope began inflating inside of her. Maybe there was a chance for them. If he was worried about hurting her, thinking about 'the next time' there had to be.

"I cannot guarantee that I will no behave in a similar manner in the future."

"I love you Sessh. It doesn't matter to me."

"My name is not Sessh."

"I'm sorry. Sesshomaru."

"Do not let it happen again." The shapes were coming closer, "There is nothing further to be said."

"You could say that you want me to stay, or that this is hard for you too, that you'll miss me. What you really think of me."

"I find you…" He turned to her and there was something softer in his eyes that met hers, "confusing." Sesshomaru turned away, looking back to his brother, "I expected him much sooner than this when I took you."

"For the sword. Do you still plan to kill him?" Sesshomaru didn't respond to her, and Kagome shuddered inwardly. She was still only an object to him, something to exchange for a weapon he wanted. She should despise him, but through the hurt and anger all she could find was love. She had thought she'd loved Inuyasha, but that was nothing compared to what she felt for Sesshomaru. The thought of being without him made her want to stop being all together. How could she even be the same now that she had completely surrendered herself to him? Now that she had been his she was nothing without him. He had to know. How could he be unable to see it?

Question after question plagued her overactive mind, and it was Inuyasha's voice that brought her back from her ponderings.

"Come out to have you other arm cut off Sesshomaru?" The half demon sneered, drawing his sword and brandishing it at his brother.

Kagome's eyes latched on Tetsusaiga's blade, watching how the sunlight landed on the sword and hating it. That sword had started all of this, caused so much pain and trouble. Sesshomaru had lost an arm to it, Inuyasha had nearly lost his life on several occasions, and she had found and lost love, lost her heart and she many tears because of it. If not for this sword she would have never known Sesshomaru existed, let alone ended up in her current situation.

"Your challenges are beneath me." Sesshomaru looked at him dismissively.

"Stop your high horsing. Why'd you kidnap Kagome?"

"Kidnapping is also beneath me. You have come for the girl I assume?"

"Yeah, we came to get Kagome."

"Very well. I leave her in your care." Sesshomaru turned back to Kagome, but said nothing. He quickly completed the turn to his castle, started toward the gate.

Kagome wanted to say a lot of things, but her voice wasn't working properly. She started to watch him over her shoulder, but forced herself to look away and back to her friends. She didn't want to five away her secret. They didn't need to know about the love burning her heart, or the pain it caused her. She would keep that to herself, no matter what might happen.

"Inuyasha." The single word froze all of them, and Kagome suddenly found she couldn't move even though she wanted very badly to turn to Sesshomaru as he continued, "Any harm that befalls her is your responsibility. You will be made to face it."

"What are you talking about?" Inuyasha demanded, staring past Kagome to Sesshomaru's back. There was a long pause. No one moved until the slight creak of the gates opening broke the silence.

"Watch her." Sesshomaru found walking away from her far more difficult than he had expected. With each step the desire to go back for her grew stronger despite his attempts to banish it. When at last the gates had closed behind him he had to force himself inside, locking doors behind him until he was sure he couldn't reach her.

When he reached his window, however, they were still in standing below. His eyes found the girl and something inside of him fractured. He forced back waves of some horrid, painful emotion he had no name for, felt something hot on his cheek. Curious Sesshomaru touched the spot; surprised when his fingertip came away moist, and a strong smell of salt burned his nose.

Kagome turned to look at his window, saw Sesshomaru appear there and turned away, still battling tears that wanted desperately to fall. She realized Inuyasha was looking at the window as well, then suspiciously around, as if looking for a trap. Hardening her wounded heart Kagome walked away from the castle. She stopped parallel to Inuyasha and said quietly, "I would like to go home."

Kagome's voice pulled his attention away from his brother's window, and by the time he looked at her she was moving past him, past Miroku and Sango. She ran a hand down Kirara's side, ignored a screaming, jumping Shippo, and started walking toward the forest in the distance. Even to him it was obvious that something was different about Kagome, something he couldn't understand. Why wasn't she glad to see him…them, and why when he looked up again was Sesshomaru following her with his eyes? He jumped as the gates opened and an old woman ran past him with surprising speed, shouting Kagome's name. He knew from the smell of her she was a demon.

Kagome turned back to Norain's voice, stopped to let the old woman catch up to her, "What is it?"

"You can't just leave. How will it look?" Norain's wrinkled hand landed on Kagome's cheek, "We've all become so attached to you, even lord…"

"I have to go Norain. It's what he wanted." She hadn't realized that anyone except herself would be affected by her departure. Even now that she did, the fact changed nothing. "I'll miss all of you too."

"You're still leaving us now?"

"I'm following orders for once." She smiled, then swallowed, "Do me a favor Norain?"

"Of course."

"Look after him for me?"

"The master does not need my care…"

"I know, and he probably won't want it either, but do it so I don't have to worry. Please? You know the simple things, make sure he…"

"You want me to mother him?" Norain looked shocked.

"You call it mothering, I call it making sure he's not too hard on himself. Please Norain."

"I will do this for you."

"Thanks. You should go back inside, oh, and don't tell him I asked." She forced a fake smile on her face as her friends joined her. "I'm so glad you were here. I was going to have to go back with Sesshomaru."

"What are you hiding?" Inuyasha demanded, dropping to sit next to her.

"I am not hiding anything." She had thought they were all asleep when she had left to find a quiet place to think. Why had he followed her?

"You're lying."

"No, I just can't sleep." Kagome smiled over at him, but it was forced, fake. She looked away, hoping he wouldn't have had time to notice. What would it take to make him leave? "How's Kikyo doing?" She saw Inuyasha stiffen, and was sure she knew what was going through his mind. He was worried that it was a trap, that she would be angry or hurt. "Really how is she? I know Sessh…omaru hurt her."

"She was fine when she left me."

"She left you?"

"Yeah, what of it?"

"Nothing." Maybe he was feeling the same pain she was. Sesshomaru had hurt her, Kikyo had hurt him. She wanted to ask, wanted someone to share her pain with, but she couldn't. Inuyasha would never understand, never be able to accept it. She had to get away from him, from all of them. Kagome needed very badly to go home. She needed to be alone.

He still wasn't looking at her when Kagome stood. A part of her wanted to run as quickly as she could as far as possible until it didn't matter anymore, but the wounded part, the part that wanted sympathy, wanted a remedy to cure the pain realized that the half demon sitting beside her was as wounded as severely as she was, and was trying to hide it as well. She closed her eyes, her face to the ground. Kagome didn't say a word as she placed her hand on his head, almost as if to ruffle hi hair.

"If it helps… I understand how much it hurts." She whispered.

"Kagome… I never…"

"It wasn't you, so don't apologize. We both know I haven't been 'in love' with you for years now," She stepped away, "I just wanted you to know you aren't entirely alone." Kagome swallowed the lump of emotion forming in her throat, "I'm going to go for a walk." She murmured.

"I can't just let you wonder off on your own."

"I'll be fine. I won't go far." Kagome kept walking away from him.

"Kagome!"

"I just want to be alone for awhile."

*

The pounding at his door was becoming more bothersome than Norain's constant intrusions had been. She had not seen fit to bother him like this since he was a child. She had been his mother's maid and had taken the position of his nanny. Now a great many years later her returning attention was testing patience. He had been forced to barricade his door once she had learned how to pick the locks. It was like being under siege. He would have chosen any other place to be captured. Any place was better than this room. He had never thought he would be so uncomfortable in his own room.

It was the girl. He had thought that once she was gone his mind would be safe from the unsettling effects she had on him. In truth it had been the opposite entirely. In her absence the annoying impulses that had forced him to keep her close had become a screaming voice in his head, demanding that he find her. Sesshomaru had never hated his own thoughts. Now he loathed them, even his own traitorous senses.

He could see the girl's eyes whenever he closed his own, her face was haunting him. He'd had the entire room scrubbed, his bedding replaced, and still her smell hung on the air, faint, but always there in the background. Several nights he tried to sleep, managed to escape the assault on his senses for a short time only to be chased awake by the echoing of her voice through time and find himself crushing a pillow to his chest. He felt weak and foolish for allowing the memory of a girl to affect him at all, let alone like this.

He tried to forget her name, her face, how she had felt and tasted the sweetness of her scent, the things that lingered to remind him. There would be no peace for him here. He would have to leave, spend some time away from this place. The problem would be getting away from Norain. She was never far from his door and he would never be able to get out of the gate without a scene and a great deal of fussing. The old woman would no longer listen to his orders.

*

She had hoped to go easily past this section of the forest, but it seemed that fate was conspiring against her. As had become her new torture, Kagome could not sleep. She blamed it on being back in the place she had nearly died in. Thankfully the body of the cat was gone. It had been so long since she came here that she hadn't really expected it to be there, but had dreaded the idea of being faced with the evidence of what she had done. She felt guilty, bad that she had killed the cat, but Kagome knew that if she were faced with the same situation she would have killed for Sesshomaru again, probably even died for him. Could she have loved him even then?

"You don't seem like yourself Kagome, are you okay?" Sango asked quietly, standing next to where Kagome had seated herself.

"I'm fine." She flashed a smile, hoping it wouldn't come down to having to play with Shippo before they decided to leave her alone. Usually she wouldn't have minded, but now all she could spend her time on was trying not to think of Sesshomaru. It wasn't working very well. She was constantly seeing a flash of white from the corner of her eye, but finding nothing by the time she looked. Every time she saw a trace of him her spirit would soar only to plummet to the ground again. It was exhausting and brought her constantly closer to tears.

Kagome wanted very badly to cry more, but couldn't risk allowing the urge while she was under the careful watch of her friends. She had decided that they couldn't know. For now she had to keep her broken heart hidden.

"Leave her alone Sango. Anyone who puts up with Sesshomaru for more than a few minutes needs time to readjust to reality." Inuyasha was seated on the other side of the campfire, glaring into the flames.

"You know, Sesshomaru isn't as bad as he seems at first."

"How can you say that?" Two voices shouted at once and Sango and Inuyasha both looked like she had announced that she was going to throw herself off of a cliff onto a bed of spikes.

"In his own way he was…nice, and he saved my life three times." Kagome shrugged, and looked at Inuyasha, "I think you should give him his arm back."

"Are you insane? You saw what he was like when he had two hands."

"You mean he was worse than he is now?" Sango stared at him in shock.

"Well…not really." Inuyasha grumbled, dropping into a sitting position again, "But I am not giving him back his arm. I'm not ripping a pearl out of my eye for him."

Kagome pushed herself to her feet, wanting to get away from them. "I can't make you do it, but you know as well as I do how little you would like having only one arm." She turned away from them, decideding to put some distance between her and her "friends". She didn't understand how she could be so happy to see them, but not want to be near them.

*

He turned away from the window. Norain was away from his room. Sesshomaru knew that the best time to leave was now. No one would be surprised by his sudden departure. He rarely told anyone he would be leaving. Without a thought about staying he made his way to the door, but stopped before reaching it, his eyes drawn to something on the ground. A metal frame with patterned cloth half hidden beneath his bed.

The fan. Sesshomaru lifted it, his eyes glued to the weapon that had helped to cause his current trouble, had given him a reason to be near her. If not for this fan he would not have lost control of himself and made the mistake with the girl. He opened the fan, stared at it for a long moment.

"Kagome."

*

She had been sure that she had pulled Sesshomaru further from the place they had been attacked, but it didn't take long to reach the clearing where he had fought Koga for her, where she had collapsed in weakness and asked Sesshomaru to stay with her. A part of her wanted to return to that time.

Silently she dropped at the base of the trunk she had sat at for so long then. She wanted tears to come, wanted to cry over Sesshomaru and hopefully move on. She knew it could never be that simple, but something had to help and relieve this building pain inside of her. With a soft sigh Kagome stood and began walking.

If the pond had been pretty during the day it was beautiful at night. Silver light spilled into the clearing, glowing on the surface of the water. She stood, staring at the pool, remembering a silver head rising slowly from the surface. She smiled to herself, watching the head and shoulders now in the center of the water. Shaking slightly, hesitantly she stepped into the water moved out toward Sesshomaru. A small piece of her knew that he wasn't there, but the rest leaped with hope. It just made sense. Hadn't she been seeing him all day?

She moved deeper into the water, each step slowly taking her closer to him. She was nearly there when he turned to her with an inquisitive look, then away. Kagome took another step, reaching out the touch him. She froze as her fingers soared through his shoulder and Sesshomaru melted into nothing. Her fingertips curled into her palm and she brought her hand to her chest, holding her fist over her heart. She leaned back, her feet rising from the bottom of the pond. She stared up at the moon above her, and still no tears fell from her eyes.

"Sesshomaru."