Okay, as I promised, the story continues here, so please don't bash me up.
Disclaimer: I won't be writing fan fictions if I own Tsubasa.
Fai is gone.
No, that's not true.
Well, he is, so stop being in denial.
I'll get him back.
What if he doesn't come back?
I'll make him.
Do you really love him? Or was what he said all true? Do you really care about him, or is it just pity driving you to save him?
…
That, was the only question Kurogane couldn't answer. His mind has always had the answer to everything, even if it was a question without an answer. But that question… he wasn't really sure if he loved Fai. He remembered being overcome by a sudden urge to protect him from any form of harm, but love? Did he really…
No, Kurogane shook his head. This isn't the time to dwell in his own thoughts and feelings. Fai could be in danger now. With him in a very, very unstable state of mind, who knows what he'll do? He might end up killing someone else, or might be captured by the Mafia right now, or worse, killed or tortured. Fai was the important one here, not his stupid feelings and concerns about himself.
After burying Kyle's body in the backyard a few days ago and convincing the neighbors that they were fine (pesky neighbors, really, they should mind their own business), he and Subaru had been searching the whole neighborhood and beyond for him, but so far, Fai was nowhere to be seen. Fai was probably out of the neighborhood, or possibly even out of the state.
"Kurogane?"
Said man turned towards the other slumped on the couch, currently shielding his eyes from view. For the past few days, Subaru hadn't been able to eat or sleep properly, let alone speak. This was the first time he had been addressed to for quite some time.
"What?" he asked.
"… Why?"
Kurogane raised his eyebrows. Subaru sat up from the couch, eyeing the gym teacher carefully. His eyes were void of any other emotions other than emptiness and guilt. He said nothing, a silent message for Subaru to continue.
"Why… did you help Fei Wong kidnap children? You weren't in the Mafia in the first place, so why…" Subaru didn't understand. Kurogane came on his own will one day when he was just a teenager, helping them kidnap children for the snuff films for quite an amount of money, but with the convenience of not losing any of his people and planning, Fei Wong allowed him to. The man narrowed his eyes.
"Was it greed?" he hissed. "Or was it to prove that you're worthy enough for everything?" When the gym teacher remained silent, he spoke again, albeit in a slightly rougher tone. "Well?" he demanded.
Kurogane closed his eyes and sighed. This was not a topic he wish to relive or tell, and it was painful enough just thinking about it.
"Tomoyo," he said after a few minutes, snapping Subaru out of his daze.
"… What?"
It was a moment before Kurogane started speaking again. "She was my sister. An annoying bastard and a pain in the ass, but she was the only one I..." He stopped himself after realizing he was about to say love or care about. "… would protect with my life," he said instead. "When I was 14, she got brain cancer. We didn't find it in the early stage and the only way to save her life is through surgery, but we didn't have enough money and the medical costs in Japan were far too expensive." He paused to see Subaru's expression.
"I don't know how it happened, but my parents decided to take her to Italy for the surgery to reduce costs, but the money they earned and borrowed still wasn't enough for her surgery in time to safe her life."
"Then, Fei Wong came to me. Told me he would give me a vast amount of money if I kidnapped children for him. So, I did it." The red-eyed man shrugged, trying to cover up the strange mix of roiling emotions in his heart. "In the end, I got the money, and by the time that was all that matters. I didn't know I would be… hurting someone so badly." he said.
"… So what happened to her?" asked Subaru.
"Died. The surgery was a failure. Those kids I kidnapped died and suffered for nothing." He paused. "Fai suffered for nothing."
The room went completely silent. Both men stared down, Subaru being slightly guilty at making the gym teacher remembering something painful. Kurogane wallowed in guilt as he thought about those clear, blue eyes that he sworn to protect with his life, as he had previously sworn to protect Tomoyo. After she died, he didn't have a sense of purpose in life… until now. He failed his task again. He failed to protect Fai.
Failure… but it doesn't mean he couldn't stand up and make things right.
There was someone he had to protect, someone worth risking his life fighting for, someone precious to him.
And he was not going lose that precious person. Not again. Not this time.
"We have to find him," he said suddenly, meeting Subaru's gaze with renewed strength and determination. "We have to find him before its too late."
The hopelessness in Subaru's voice was slightly disturbing. "Where?" he asked desperately. "We've been searching for him for days now, even in the most isolated alleys. Where could he possibly be?"
Kurogane barely listened to him as he drowned in his own business-like thoughts again in a long time. If he were a now slightly psychotic blonde with a most precious person at stake, what would he do?
"… Does he know where Ashura is now? If I were him and knew where that guy is, I'll probably be trying to save the only person I think is precious to me in the whole world now."
That seemed to light something up in Subaru. The man quickly stood up and rummaged through his thoughts for a while, his eyes looking but not seeing. He must have found something for then he turned to Kurogane with hope in his eyes.
"Fai's heading for Florence," he said.
"How do you know that?"
"The other day…" His memory wandered back to the day when Fai had gone crazy. "Before Kyle and his men came, Fai solved the riddle I stole from the boss." He lifted his head to meet the other's gaze. "He's heading to Florence, and even if he's already captured by the Fei, he'll definitely be there all the same. All we have to do is to find their hideout and we'll find him there."
Kurogane didn't say anything. After a moment of silence, he stormed into the room and started throwing his stuff into the luggage. They had to hurry, there was no time to be wondering and standing around doing nothing. Who knows what might be happening to Fai at the moment. Whatever it was, they didn't have any time to waste. Fai's life was in danger.
"Kurogane?"
"… What?" he answered gruffly, not bothering to look at the man as he continued packing.
"Do you really love Fai?"
The gym teacher froze. That was the question that has been haunting him for a long time, the question without an answer. Did he love Fai? Did he really love him from the very bottom of his heart, or was it just the sense of responsibility, guilt and pity? … Did he really him?
Love has many definitions. It's a number of emotions and experiences clamped into something related to strong affection. To care about, to cherish their presence, to find happiness through them, want them, to feel sadness of their absence, willing to risk or give away everything just to be with them, following them to the end of the world. To love them, forever.
Did he love Fai?
… Did he? Did he?
……
The answer came in a whisper as realization dawned upon him, a new kind of strength and confidence forming itself deep in his heart.
"… Yes. Yes, I do."
xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Sobs wracked through his body as he ran. He remembered running, running, never stopping. If he stopped, he would have to face the horrible truth, the cruel reality. No, he didn't want to face reality; he didn't want to live in a world without Kurogane's love. He just ran for days, the gun he stolen from Kyle abandoned somewhere. He didn't want anyone to die from his hands. Please, not again, never again. Panting, Fai kept running despite the pain and loneliness he felt.
He collapsed on a small, empty street, tears streaming down his face, sobs interrupting his coughing and chokes as he breathed raggedly. His body was covered in dirt, clothes dirty and ragged, but he didn't care. His stomach growled and throat parched, but nothing, not even the condition he was in, could rid of his misery and sorrow. He stood up, and only managed a few steps before stumbling, face first on solid ground.
Clenching his fists, Fai let out a heart-wrenching cry and sobbed again. The grief of whatever happened the past few days was far too overwhelming for him to handle. He broke down and started crying again, loud sobs filling the empty street.
"K- Kuro-chi…" he croaked, reaching out for nothing. The image of Kurogane's gruff yet kind face appeared in front of him, and Fai broke into more violent sobs, reliving the events that had taken place a few days ago.
Love. He lost the only thing that mattered to him in the only world, the one that he had been seeking for ages – love. He lost love, the only thing protecting him from the loneliness so hard to bear.
Love had been taken away from him once when he parted with Ashura. The pain never left him as he remembered the world shattering and emptiness filled his world with a constant clench and tug of his heart. But he never cried, he never looked back; if he did he would have shattered completely.
He remembered classmates laughing and bullying him for never experiencing true love. They jeered and called him pathetic, an unwanted boy. Unconditional love that was given to them so easily and for free was something they never cherished while he would give up everything just to be able to experience it. Just to see Ashura again.
He remembered Ashura telling him that if he wished hard enough, all his wishes would come true. Fai wished and wished, wished for love and care, but it never came true. Is it because he never wished hard enough? Or was it the payment of his previous life's sins?
Was he truly an unwanted child?
The blonde heard laughter ringing on the other side of the street, and clenched his eyes shut. He didn't want to wake up. If he could, he wanted to fall into the darkness, to die, to dream of love, everything he never had in this stupid world, never to wake up again. He just wanted to die.
To die, he had nothing to live for either.
Fai could no longer bear the loneliness anymore. Kurogane's face flashed through his mind again and he let out another sob as his heart pulled, the loneliness in his heart multiplying.
Suddenly, Fai felt pain on his side as someone kicked him and cried out in pain. He could feel a hand grabbing a fist of his dirty locks, pulling his head backwards as another man kicked him on the side again, forcing him to roll over. The sight of strangers greeted him, many chuckling and smirking, but Fai couldn't see properly through his tears of who they are. One of them ran a cold finger down the blonde's wet face.
"Call the boss. Tell him we found him," the man in front of him ordered, a satisfied smile plastered on his face.
Fai didn't know whether it was by desperation, or desolation, or the pure wish that he didn't want to live any longer, he opened his mouth slightly.
"Kill me," he whispered.
The man in front of him chuckled.
"Not so soon, my dear." Then he lowered himself until his face was merely inches from Fai's face. "First, we'll have to make sure you suffer," he said with a chuckle. Fai closed his now red and swollen eyes, tears flowing down his cheeks faster when he felt hands unbuckling his pants. All of a sudden, something hard smashed on the side of Fai's head before he fell onto the cold, hard pavement, finally losing consciousness. Despite the pain and knowledge of what was going to happen, Fai managed a small smile of gratitude for sparing him his emotional pain for at least a moment.
Save me.
Yes, damn short, not as good as the last two chapters, but this is what I managed to cram into this chapter without making the story too fast. Hahah! What will happen next?
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