Writing will take my mind off depression...

The days have been getting longer without Tenten by my side. Im back to square one. Except that this time, my heart is broken yet again into smaller pieces. Will it ever be whole again? I already feel dead and its only been a week. One really crappy week. Everyday I wake up, alone. I play my violin. Alone. I eat my apple. Alone. Everyone leaves me alone. They probably think that I want the privacy. As if. If I wanted to be alone, I probably would have hung a sign around my neck. You would think that I could at least look forward to night time. You're wrong.

Even at night, I cant escape the pain. Tenten haunts my dreams as a deformed monster, always crying out to me to save her, yet laughing at me whenever I got close to her. Her pretty features had morphed into bloody remnants. She ripped my head off numerous times, and every night, she would break my heart. Every morning, I would wake up crying. Alone. It was lonely without Tenten. But what could I do?

I could continue playing the violin as I had before. Except that now it sounded different. My music sounded sadder. Lonelier. It had an extra edge to it. Everyone said that it sounded better, but it didn't feel better. It felt plain weird. Everything felt weird. But what more could I expect of life? It had dealt me a bad hand in a game of poker, and I must make do with what I have. I might even earn a redraw. But to win, would take more then I am capable of...

You watch as the boy Lee becomes more and more mature. The more pain he is put through, the faster he learns to cope with life. You see that he is starting to accept that fact, but not wanting to at the same time. Others have not noticed it yet, but you have. You listen to his music, and realise that it has changed. He not only plays about sadness, he puts his sadness into the music and transforms it into a piece way beyond his music level. Its so emotional, you wish that someone out there would help him...

Two weeks have now passed. But this time I am in a different situation. Some sort of disease is going around the street. People are dropping like flies. I just have to stay away, because I dont want to catch the disease. I have no idea what kind of disease it is, but since I didnt have immunisation against real killers, like other kids my age have, I am in great danger. I am scared. People dont donate like they used to - they stay away. Nothing we will do will make them come. We are slowly dying out, but Im sure that the general population would be happy. Who needs beggers like us?

I pulled the cloth tighter around my shoulders, tying to protect myself from the cold. The snow was blowing into my face, and my skin was turning red. I dont know how much longer of this I can stand. But I had a mission. I had to attend Gais funeral. He was my closest friend after Tenten, and now he was also gone. There wasnt even a priest present at the funeral, but that didnt matter. We all new who Gai was, what type of person he was, and what he meant to us. The other beggars and I crowded around the grave, and I picked up my violin. I had composed a piece especially for the eulogy. So I started to play...

You listen to Lee play his piece. All his emotions are being poured into the violin and filtered out with the music. The overall effect is outstanding, but nobody cares to notice. They all stare sadly at the grave infront of them, and their tears turns the dirt to mud. You feel sadness in your heart for the dead man, who has been so kind to Lee. But you are here to protect Lee, not Gai. So you could only watch helplessly as he died...

I wiped the tears from my eyes when I finished the last note. I placed my flower onto the grave and some of my tears fell onto it. My unanswered questions overflowed with my tears. Why? Why did Gai have to die? He was such a good person. He deserved to live, to live a good life. Not a life of a beggar. They should have taken me instead. I have no reason to live. I was rejected, an outcast, a freak of nature. There was no reason for me to strive to survive. I turned to go, when to strong arms grabbed me around my waist and pulled me into a van.

"Do you know why you are here, Lee?" I shook my head for about the tenth time, and looked the questioner straight in the face. He looked like a nice enough guy, but why would a nice person obduct a kid from a funeral? He stared right back at me, and I felt my gaze start to weaken. He also looked like a pretty strict guy...

He sighed and looked away. I must have done something to offend him. I muttered an apology, and he looked up. His eyes caught me in their gaze again, and I struggled not to look away. He sighed again, and pulled out a letter. He opened it out, and started to read,

...
To my friend Lee, who I thought of as a son. I leave him the rest of my money and wish for the authorities to give him an education. Let the money be spent for supplies and shelter, and a little for himself.
...

I looked up at the man, and finally understood. They were going to take me to an orphanage, where I belonged. They would give me food, clothes, shelter. I would recieve my own money to do what I want with it. I would probably be happy. But thats what Gai wanted, so I couldnt argue. I too, had thought of him as more then a friend. If Tenten was my sister, then Gai was my father. Not as close, yet still family. I will put your money to good use, Gai. I promise.

The van pulled up outside a cocrete building with stairs leading up to wooden double doors. I got pulled out of the truck, and forced up the stairs. For the money that Gai was paying them, couldnt they at least treat me nicer? The wooden doors were pushed open, and I was shoved roughly inside. The doors slammed shut behind me, and the room fell into darkness. Why wasnt there any light? As if in answer to my question, a chandelier went on right above my head. I looked up in wonder, before hearing a slight cough from the other side of the room. I looked back down, only to find a strict looking woman walking towards me.

"Follow me, ehh... Leon,"

"Umm, my name is Lee..."

"Dont talk back to me! Just come!" I cowered under the womans fierce glare and followed her slowly. She led me to a room full of beds.

"This will be your dormitory for your stay here. You are dismissed of all lessons for the first day. Here is your timetable." And the women left. I looked at the piece of paper in my hands, not making sense of any of the little letters. What did all the numbers and letters mean? Theyre making me dizzy, just looking at them. Maybe I should lie down a bit...

You watch him sway a little on the spot, and drop the sheet of paper on the ground. Your surprised that he stayed up this long. Normal people would have collapsed long ago of pain and exhaustion. But not Lee. His pain has hardened him, and he grows stronger with every passing minute. Maybe he too could overcome his pain...

Im in the gray room that my dreams created. I havent dreamt about this room since before Tenten left. But I knew that nothing had changed. The bleak gray tiles stared at me blankly under the dim glow of a single lightbulb. I walked up to my discarded violin in the corner, and noticed that it was my new one. The one I got from Tenten. I fingered the smooth wood for a minute, before picking up my bow. I lifted my bow gracefully, before I realised that I did not know what I wanted to play. So I sat down and thought.

I thought back to my day. Everything was happening so quickly - the disease, Gais death, this orphange. Tentens departure. Maybe, if the events were a little spread out, I could cope with them. Maybe I could get over them, and put them behind me. But they all happened at once, and BOOM! Im overwhelmed by it all. Im scared. Why couldnt I just be left alone? I looked down at my hands, and noticed that they were slowly going red. I think that it is just coldness, but one can never me to sure...

I looked up at the ceiling, and saw the light start to flicker. It felt like I didnt have much time, so I stood up, violin poised, bow at the ready. I decided to play my piece. It was the only thing that could truly belong to me. It was not a physical object that could so easily be destroyed. It was not a friendship, one that could be stolen away. It was not imaginary, it could not disappear or fade away. It was a song. A song that was my heart. My heart belongs to me, and nobody could change that. If that song dies, then so does my heart...

"I look around this lonely earth
and wonder what has happened.
I started life with a happy birth
but now I start to cry.

My tear rolls down my cheek
As I recall my pain.
I think my tear will speak
for me forever.

I dont want to tell you
how much Ive suffered.
Right now all I can do
Is pray you understand..."

I stopped playing and started to use my ears. The girl with the beautiful voice had returned, and was stammering excuses again. I looked at her again, at her pale skin, pink hair and green eyes. She was every bit as beautiful as her voice. She quietened down when I looked into her eyes, and started to back away.

"No!" I shouted desperately. If I had no friends in the real world, i might as well have friends in my dreams. The girl looked startled, but did not move. I got up and walked closer to her, until I could reach out and grab her hand. Which I did. She looked down, and I could see her blushing. I let go of her hand quickly, but she grabbed it again.

"My name is Sakura. Pleased to meet you!" She shook my hand and looked into my eyes again.

"Im Lee. Pleased to meet you too!" We both smiled awkwardly at each other, and the silence stretched on. I dropped her hand, and looked away. It was just too silent...

"Could you play your song again? Its just really beautiful,"

"Only if you sing..."

I picked up my violin as she nodded her head slowly. I struck the first note, and she started to hum along with the music.

"I look around this lonely earth
and wonder what has happened.
I started life with a happy birth
but now I start to cry.

My tear rolls down my cheek
As I recall my pain.
I think my tear will speak
for me forever.

I dont want to tell you
how much Ive suffered.
Right now all I can do
Is pray you understand..."

"Keep going!" I said quickly, as I saw her start to stop.

"But I dont know what else to sing!"

"Make it off the top of your head like you did last time! Just go with what your heart tells you!"

"Ok, Ill try..."

"My emotions are something that
even you cant comprehend
My emotions will control my life
like you cant imagine.
My emotions can never be changed
to differ from them now.
My emotions.
Thats me..."

I stopped playing abruptly when I saw her start to cry. I reached out an arm and grabbed her hand, but she just shook me away. She stared into my eyes, and I could see my reflection in her eyes. I was crying too. But where as I could only see my reflection in her eyes, she could see my whole life in mine. She could all along. So maybe she could understand me. So maybe thats how she got the lyrics.

"Im sorry," She whispered, and disappeared.

Ok, I promise that the next chapter wont be quite depressing... I was just feeling kinda depressed when I started writing it, and couldnt be stuffed to change it. Im currently composing Lees song, and I finally came up with a name for it. If you can guess it, please review! Please review anyways, coz I cant be stuffed to write a story that no-one will read. And the next chapter will be happy, I promise! Im tired of sad stories... (I just watched phantom of the opera, and even though I didnt understand a word, it still made me cry... Its such a good movie) OMG I JUST REALISED THAT THE DOLLAR SIGNS I USED IN THE LAST CHAPTER DiDNT SHOW UP!!