Disclaimer - The rights of Total Drama Island and its characters belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and all those associated with the show. No profit is being made by this fanfiction. No'a firin' yur lazors durin' this storee, blargh.
Replies to Questions and Comments:
To Everybody - I notice a lot of you have strong feelings about Heather and Ezekiel. Boy, that's where the drama comes in! \evil laughter\ I'm such a dastardly kobold.
Warning - This episode of TDC contains mild yaoi (boy-boy kissing), mild yuri (girl-girl kissing), cross-dressing (and more than just Chef), lots of references to fake boobs, boy-girl kissing, the usual mild swearing and violence, boogers, and, the thing that makes the most people mad, love.
And now, without further stalling, on with the show!!
Chapter 38 (Day 13, Part 2) - If You're Starting With This Chapter, Things Aren't Going To Make Any Bloody Sense
"Let go of Trent, Gwen."
"I'd love to see you try."
Chris rolled his eyes. He didn't bother moving from the cafeteria door, and he couldn't call Chef for muscular power; that would ruin his plans.
DJ felt guilty for being the one who had to break up the happy moment. He turned away from Trent and Gwen, who were snuggle-hugging, and looked at the other nine campers.
"My man Trent and I had the same idea, so we decided to host it together," he explained it to them. "Some of you guys are doing great, some of you might want to make sure you pass this. 'Cause I'm telling you right now, Duncan's and Chris's challenges are next, and both of them are brutal."
(Confession Cam - I've got a bloody song stuck in my head!)
Cody - "How terribly foreboding."
Eva - "My current score of three out of five is shameful. I won't let myself lose one more."
Beth - \She nervously twiddles her fingers.\ "I gotta make three more challenges. Thith ithn't looking good."
Gwen - \She is in the Confession Cam with Trent, making out. She remembers the camera is there and gives it a hard kick, leaving the viewers in static.\
Izzy - \shrugs\ "What could Trent and DJ think of that's cruel? I don't think there's a mean bone in their body. Maybe they could have one surgically added."
DJ gestured on the table he and Trent had been sitting at, which now had ten one-liter bottles of soda. "Who's good at chugging?"
Harold punched his fist. "Awww, this is cakewalk! I've done two-liter bottles!"
The large football player shook a finger at Harold. "Yes, Harold, but what if one of these ten bottles of soda had been strained through one of my gym socks?"
Eyes went wide. Jaws dropped, as did a few stomachs.
"And I hadn't washed that sock in some time."
Throats clenched. Hearts thumped. Minds spun.
"And Trent really had to squeeze to get the last bit of soda out. My foot was rather sweaty after doing a few laps around Plaza des Losers."
The horrified workouts of heart and mind continued for the ten campers. "Oh, that's just great," Heather shouted, "It's like Russian Roulette but with bad soda."
"We call it Stench Your Thirst," Trent informed the campers. "Who wants to be first?"
He had barely said those words when Izzy grabbed one and guzzled it down. "Has to be all in one go, Izzy," DJ informed her, but the redhead didn't need to be told, for she had it all down in a couple seconds.
The other nine campers grabbed onto one each, nervously exchanging glances. "So, just chug it down in one go, don't spit it out, and we win?" Cody asked.
"Yep," Trent said, giving him a thumbs-up. "And if you manage to keep down DJ's sweat sock soda, then major kudos to you."
The campers swallowed, then cocked their heads back and started to chug down the sodas. Noah immediately spit-taked his out, almost screaming as he sprayed Eva. With a pained whimper, he fell on all fours and gagged, spitting.
All the other campers had no problem chugging down a liter of soda, though Beth and Cody almost didn't make it; the two had tears from the terrible strain of doing it all in one go.
DJ and Trent clapped, while the football player helped Noah get back up on his feet. "Well, that was fun, wasn't it?" Trent asked them.
Harold pumped his fists into the air. "That was fun! Woohoo!"
"Shut up," Noah grumbled, wiping his mouth with grass because nothing else was around. "That tasted like death, a slow and played-out death, one that, for a brief moment, I wished I had died."
"Wish you had let me know," Eva remarked, grinning wickedly.
Trent and DJ, with Gwen happily leaning against the musician, walked over to the communal restrooms. Bridgette was next to Ezekiel, leading him away from Heather as they walked.
"You know, my friend Dawn is a really cute girl," she told him, smiling pleasantly. "She's a little scatterbrained, but she's a real quick learner when she puts her mind to it."
"How long have you knoo'n her, eh?" Ezekiel asked, trying to make small talk.
"Several years. She's never had a boyfriend before, but she's earnest!"
Heather watched Bridgette and Ezekiel, suspicion all over her face. She didn't like what was going on, and she wasn't sure what the surfer chick was doing.
She would have to wait, because the group had reached the communal restrooms. Duncan, juggling his pocket knife with one hand, eyed them as they came over.
"Looks like bookworm was the one to get your sock drink?" the punk asked them.
"Looks like the heavy metal reject is right outside his mother's house," Noah retorted, "and we're gonna throw a party."
"Nice cracks, Mrs. Double-Ds," Duncan replied, "and boy oh boy, you're going to hate me more than ever after you learn my challenge."
Noah put his hands on his hips. "You're all talk, street gang of one."
Eva smirked. "It's so cute to see you two flirt. Can we get to the challenge now?"
Duncan and Noah grimaced at Eva, then the punk cleared his throat. "Let me explain the challenge then, you pack of smart alecks. There are ten stalls in the communal restrooms. There are ten scrub brushes, ten buckets with cleaning solvent and water, and ten of you.
"You're going to be cleaning a stall each. You puke or you don't want to do it anymore, you lose. Have fun."
The ten campers blanched, making all kinds of disgusted and/or nervous gestures and noises. Only Eva looked unimpressed.
"Cleaning a toilet, big deal," she remarked. "Is that the hardest challenge you can make, metal face?"
"Oh, it's a little like Trent and DJ's challenge," Duncan remarked, a cruel grin spreading across his face. "You see, all ten of the stalls were used when we all arrived at Wawanakwa Island...
"And one of the stalls was used by Owen."
Some of the campers screamed in terror, some started to turn green; Eva still looked unfazed. She even grinned.
"Now it's a challenge," she remarked.
(Confession Cam - I don't remember that song's name.)
Bridgette - "Duncan, you are revolting."
Ezekiel - "Eva, you must be a sadomasochist, eh."
Izzy - "Izzy, you are going to win this contest! Yes, you are!" \She whips out a hand mirror and looks at it.\ "Who's the cat who'd catch a jellybean smuggler and still be in time for dinner? Izzy!"
The ten campers began scrubbing the toilets. It was hard to do when most of the time, they were pinching their noses shut with one hand.
Heather was turning green. She came close to heaving a few times, but was able to bear it. When she wanted immunity, it was hard to discourage her; she'd have to rely on herself until she could convince someone, namely Ezekiel, to be her ally.
Ezekiel himself was having little problem with cleaning toilets. He had to do it at home on occasion, so this wasn't totally unpleasant.
Noah had been at his for about a few seconds before he let out a frustrated shout and stormed out of the bathroom. "Forget your masochistic, bathroom humor, you two-bit criminal," he grumbled, "I refuse to clean your porcelain throne."
Bridgette, after several minutes, couldn't stand the smell. She ran out of the stall, gagged, and then she threw up in the middle of the communal washrooms.
"Too bad, surfer chick," Heather said as she exited, rudely bumping against her. "You puke more often than an infant, you know that?"
Gwen soaked a handful of toilet paper, then chucked it at Heather. It splashed against her hair, and she screamed, running out of the washroom thrashing.
The campers, save for Noah and Bridgette, were able to clean their toilets. Beth and Harold looked the most sick out of those that succeeded. Eva, as usual, looked unfazed.
"Man, what fazes you, woman?" Duncan replied, staring at her in amazement. "I mean, you even cleaned the stall Owen used!"
Eva smirked, crossing her arms. "One thing you should know about me is that I refuse to carry on down Loser Road."
(Confession Cam - I don't remember who sung it either.)
Beth - "Eva's remarkable. I wish I had her toughneth."
Gwen - "Eva's insane. She should hire out as a wrecking ball."
Izzy - "Eva is like Izzy: Unstoppable Force! One day, we will collide, and then we'll see who's the more unstoppable of Unstoppables!"
Duncan led the ten campers to the cafeteria, looking slightly let down. "Only two of you were disqualified," he explained to them. "I was really hoping for more."
"Yeah, Justin managed to disqualify more people by taking off his shirt," Izzy remarked. "Maybe if you did that?"
"So Duncan taking off his shirt would make more of us hurl?" Harold asked. He and Cody laughed then high-fived.
"Yeah yeah, laugh it up, nerds," Duncan replied. "But you won't be laughing when you hear Chris's challenge!"
The host, leaning against the cafeteria door, smirked evilly. "Right, my good ol' mohawk-wearing friend. Because today, you're getting revenge on Chef Hatchet for the God-awful cooking he's fed you."
Some of the campers, like Noah, Eva, and Izzy, let out wild cheers. "Let's beat him with an ugly stick," Izzy shouted.
"No, he's already ugly," Noah remarked. "Let's get a stick and beat him with it, make our own ugly stick."
Chris chuckled. "Seems like some of you have some repressed rage. Now I want you go in there, and kick his butt!"
Noah, Izzy, and Eva let out loud cheers again. Harold was more hesitant than that. "Wait, do you mean that figuratively or literally?"
"Literally," Chris said. "Your challenge, Kick the Cook, is to kick Chef Hatchet in the butt."
This made some of the campers, even formally excited Noah, lock up in fright. "Kick... Chef's... butt?" he repeated.
"Yep! Who's first?"
(After a fair, unbiased method of picking one poor soul...)
Beth walked into the cafeteria very slowly, swallowing hard. "I hate rock-paper-sthithors," she whispered, "I alwaysth lose."
She tiptoed into the kitchen, where Chef Hatchet was cutting bananas. If Beth felt guilty about kicking Chef in the butt beforehand, it was all gone when she saw him blend the bananas with the peels on.
With terror in her heart, she walked up behind him. Squeaking in terror, she cocked her foot and gave him a kick in the butt. Turning to run for her life, she bolted for the door.
"Beth?"
She froze when Chef Hatchet looked over at her, looking confused. "What're you doing here, short girl?"
"Umm... uhhh...," she whimpered, tapping her fingers together.
"Chris put you up to this?" the large cook asked, glaring at her now. "Wonder what that pretty boy was thinking. Oh well, get out, and never grace my kitchen again."
"Yeth thir," she shouted, running as fast as her little legs could take her. She burst out of the cafeteria, panting hard.
"Well done, Beth," Chris congratulated her. "Saw it all through a spy cam."
"He didn't even notice you kicked his butt," Gwen said in-between laughs.
(Confession Cam - I don't even remember any of the lyrics.)
Ezekiel - "I really doo'nt want to do this, 'cause I like Chef a little. I think he's mad because his inability to cook hurts him deep down. Still... it'd be fun to give him a boot to the toosh, eh!"
Heather - "If it wasn't for the fact that I have to do the kicking, this would be like a wish come true for me."
Bridgette - "Normally I would be against this kind of violence... but I re-tasted breakfast in the communal washrooms back there. Now I'm mad."
Izzy was next, and she gave Chef a quick kick in the butt. The cook was so startled that he didn't even notice the redhead escape.
Cody slipped in through the back door, and kicked Chef's butt when he was looking for the first offender. The cook ran into the side of the door when chasing the tech-geek and fell to the ground in a daze.
Noah and Harold both took the opportunity to punt Chef's butt while he was on the floor. The large man groggily stood up on his feet, only to be clubbed hard on the head.
Eva stood there, grinning and holding the hardest thing she could have found in Chef Hatchet's kitchen: a loaf of French bread. She dropped the loaf on the floor, where it clanged on the floor and rolled away.
"It's time for pay back, Chef Retching," she said, grinning. She kicked him in the butt once, twice, thrice, and then she began to lose count.
"Eva," Ezekiel shouted, gripping her shoulders and pulling her back. "Eva, Eva stop it, he'll be able to recognize your sneaker tread, eh!"
The fitness buff let out a long sigh, then dusted off her hands. "Well, that'll teach him a lesson he'll never forget."
"Um, except that," the prairie boy pointed out, "no one has said that this was in revenge for his cooking, eh."
"Oh. Well, still, it's fun."
Ezekiel kicked the unconscious cook's butt. "I guess it kind of is."
With Chef Hatchet now in Lala Land, it was easy for Bridgette, Heather, and Gwen to kick his butt. Chris was on his knees, clutching his sides and laughing so hard that he could barely breathe.
"Okay okay, we've had our fun," the host managed to say when his laughter died down. "And truth be told, I'm glad you all passed."
"You think he's still mad a'boot the time Chef Hatchet bound and gagged him," Ezekiel asked Bridgette, "and left him in the Confessional Cam?"
"Possibly."
(Confession Cam - We know we'd be.)
Gwen - "That was the most fun..."
Izzy - "... that I've had in the longest time..."
Eva - "... and I cannot get over how good that felt!"
Harold - "Serves him right for those breakfasts with black eggs and green ham..."
Bridgette - "... the sandwiches for lunch that have a coat of mold and spider webs..."
Cody - "... and the dinners that cannot be picked up with a fork despite being meat!"
Noah - "Food on the plate should never move."
Ezekiel - "Boy, I think Chef Hatchet just got his worst review ever, eh."
Beth - "Doeth it make me a bad persthon that I don't feel guilty over that?"
Heather - "If I ever had the chance to do the same again, I would!"
Chef Hatchet - \crying like a baby\ "Boo hoo hoo! Boo hooo hooo hooooo!"
"What's up, y'all?" Leshawna asked the group as Chris led them to her table nearby the campgrounds. "Doing alright, or you tripping?"
"Leshawna babe," Harold declared, and he ran towards her. She grinned and stood up, arms ready to catch him, but he never arrived; he accidentally tripped on a rock, and fell flat on his face in front of her.
"... Doh," he remarked as he lay there, too embarrassed to move. "I feel like a complete idiot now."
"Get up, baby, I'm not letting you face-plant while I have a challenge to explain to the fools and cool ones here."
She turned towards the campers. "Alright, this is the one challenge that proves which of you is really tough. Which of you is as headstrong as you claim to be!"
The loudmouth sister lifted up a grocery bag and emptied the contents on the table she was sitting in front of. Out spilled ten apples, fresh and bright red.
"Wow, those look good," Bridgette commented, licking her lips.
"I love apples, eh," Ezekiel declared, clasping his hands. "I can make a really good apple pie, if you provide the apples."
"You cook?" Heather asked, looking dubiously at him.
"Ah, just like Gardenia," Bridgette said, slinging her arm around Ezekiel and practically yanking him away from Heather. "She's a good cook too, and she likes men who can cook."
The queen bee glared at the surfer chick, and she glared right back; Ezekiel felt like he was trapped in the middle of a battlefield.
"Bridgette? Girlfriend?" Leshawna called out to her. "As much as I'd love to see you kick that harpy's pasty butt, now's not the time.
"The time is for Apple Head-Crush! You each take an apple, and smash it against your forehead! All you need to do is take an apple and smash it against your forehead."
"That sounds...," Cody whimpered, "rather painful."
"You don't have to splatter the apple, short stuff," Leshawna informed him. "Just get part of it to break off. You only get one head bash, so make it your best."
"Is this even possible?" Heather shouted, looking more furious now. "You only made this challenge for fat heads like you!"
Before the large sister could react, Harold was in front of Heather. He grabbed her hand, then clenched one of her fingers with his ring finger and thumb. Glaring at her, he lifted his pinky as threateningly as you can raise a pinky.
"Care to insult my girlfriend again, Heather?" he hissed, his grasp tight and pinky at the ready.
"Oh dear oh dear," Cody whimpered, his knuckles up to his mouth. "We'd better hope he doesn't flex his pinky."
"Wow, the nerd knows that hold?" Eva asked, her eyebrows raised in awe. "Impressive, most impressive."
Heather didn't know what this was about, but she didn't like it. "Okay okay," she grumbled, "I won't make any more quips."
"Good!" He let go of her finger and backed up.
Leshawna was resting her head against her hand, a dreamy look on her face. "Ohhh, that's my man, yo."
Eva, impressed but not about to be upstaged, grabbed one of the apples off the table and smashed it against her forehead. It practically exploded, leaving an apple juicy stain there.
"Woo, way to go, girl," Leshawna cheered.
Cody let out a cheer for the fitness buff, and grabbed an apple himself. He rammed it against his forehead. It didn't break, and the tech-geek let out a dizzy moan, falling to the ground.
"Tough luck, short stuff," the sister called down to him.
Gwen looked at Cody, and swallowed nervously. She grabbed an apple, took a deep breath, and smashed the apple against her forehead. It broke apart, sending apple bits everyone. Woozy but victorious, she lifted her busted apple in the air and cheered.
"That's my girl, my tough as nails white girl," Leshawna cheered, then hugged Gwen.
Izzy grabbed one apple with both hands, and smashed it to pieces against her forehead; she didn't seem dazed at all, but we know how hard it is to tell with Izzy.
Ezekiel slammed an apple against his forehead, crushing it and splattering his toque with apple juice. "How's my make-up, did I smear it?" he asked.
Beth tried, but only gave herself a bruise and a headache. Bridgette tried as well, and almost knocked herself out.
"Bridgette, how many fingers am I holding up, eh?" Ezekiel asked, holding up three fingers.
"Your index finger, your middle finger, and your ring finger?" she muttered. "That makes... four?"
Noah took one look at the apple, looked up as if to study his forehead, then shook his head. "No thanks," he said, waving his hand. "I'll take my chances with the last challenge."
"If you don't pass that one, you could be immediately booted, you egghead," Leshawna pointed out.
"Well, I'm not bashing my brains in. I need them, we eggheads usually do."
Heather glared at Leshawna, taking one of the remaining apples. Taking a deep breath, her eyes never left the sister until she winced to smash the fruit against her forehead. The apple did break and most of the campers were disappointed.
"Harold babe," Leshawna grumbled as she glared daggers at the queen bee, "you're last up."
"Um, Leshawna?" he said, tapping his fingers together. "I'm violently allergic to apples."
The plus-sized sister looked startled, then smacked her forehead. "Damn it, I completely forgot!"
Heather began to laugh. "So, you managed to get your boyfriend to fail one of the challenges. What a shame, guess no romantic cruise for you!"
Leshawna growled, and picked up an apple. "You want me to ram this down your throat, white girl? 'Cuz I'll do it if you say one more-"
She stopped when Harold grabbed the apple from her hand. His hand was pulled into his sleeve, and he looked determined. "Don't worry, Leshawna," he said as he pulled it back. "I can do this! We're going on that cruise!"
He slammed the apple against his forehead with all the strength he could muster. Though apples are generally not as tough as a human skull, this was Harold we are taking into consideration. With a pained whimper, the nerd collapsed on his back unconscious as the apple, in one piece, rolled away.
"Harold," Leshawna shouted and ran over to his side.
"Oh, he killed himself with an apple in the name of love," Izzy wailed. "Like Romeo and Juliet meets Newton!"
Heather was laughing as Leshawna tried to revive Harold. Bridgette, still slightly dazed, moaned and grabbed her forehead, her green eyes narrowing in hatred.
"She's laughing at them," she said, shaking her head. "How can you like her, Zeke? Can't you see why one of my friends would be better?"
"Huh?" was what the prairie boy had to say in response.
"I want to get you hooked up with one of my friends instead," the surfer girl admitted. "They'd be much nicer to you than that bi-"
(Confession Cam - Not subtle, just like Bridgette.)
Bridgette - "Darn it, I didn't mean to tell him that." \She sighs and shakes her head in shame.\ "He probably thinks I'm as manipulative as Heather now."
Ezekiel - "Oh wow, Bridgette really is a true friend, eh. Trying to hook me with her friends at home..." \He lets out a happy sigh.\
Bridgette couldn't bring herself to look at Ezekiel as the campers headed for the last challenge. A small but long batting cage had been set up with fishing nets, and a pitching machine was set up at the end. Standing next to it all was Tyler.
"Hey bud'day," Ezekiel shouted, high-fiving the jock. "You doing alright?"
"I'm cool as ever, bra," his friend replied. "Got Lindsay, got the plaza, and now I get to put you all through a little torture of my own. And by the way, Zeke man, those are some really cute stockings."
"What's up with the batting cage, jock boy?" Noah asked. "We gonna in and hit a few, sport-o?"
Tyler grinned, and cracked his knuckles. "Not really. You see, boys and girls, my enthusiasm for sports didn't die after I was voted off after a major game. It was pretty painful, so I thought I'd return the favor.
"Each of you will enter the battle cage, and get ready to dodge twenty baseballs shot from the machine. If you don't fall on the ground, then you win; falling on your knees or butt are okay, but you have to stand up after a few seconds," he said as he gestured towards the batting cage. A cardboard figure of himself was standing up at the end, frozen in a polite wave. "Simple as that."
" 'Simple'?" Heather shouted. "That machine shoots baseballs, you jerk! Do you know how much that would hurt?"
Tyler quirked an eyebrow, then held up a small remote and pressed the red button on it. The machine fired a couple balls, knocking off the arm of the Tyler standup, then decapitating the cardboard Tyler.
"Aw darn," Tyler cursed as the campers gasped in terror, "I wanted to keep that."
(Confession Cam - Even I, an outhouse, am scared.)
Noah - "So I refused to smash one hard object against my head, and end up having to risk twenty objects, harder and shot by a machine, being pelted at my oh-so-delicate head? I... hate... my... luck."
"Okay, Noah and Beth," Tyler said, holding up a clipboard and taking a pencil from behind his ear. "One of you step up."
"Why us first?" Noah asked, looking agitated.
"Because both of you have only five points. If one or both of you fail, we won't have to worry about anyone else, 'cept for the folks aiming for a perfect ten."
The egghead growled, then started for the door to the batting cage. "Wait," Heather cried out, "what's to stop him from just ducking the whole time?"
"The machine aims left, right, up and down too," Tyler informed them, "so he still could get hit if he stays down."
When Noah slammed the door to the batting cage shut, the baseballs shot out almost immediately. He screamed and ducked, and the first two sailed over him. His luck wasn't with him the whole way.
Pow! "OWWWW! That better not bruise!"
Pow! "Wow... look mommie stars..."
"Gah! Right in the fake boobs!"
Pow! "... Oh... there goes... any chance... of Noah Junior..."
"This is why sports aren't my thing! I hate you so much, Tyler!"
Despite all his wailing and getting hit by five of the baseballs, he managed to pass the challenge. The other campers clapped, while Tyler threw him a couple ice packs.
"You're next, Beth," the jock informed her.
The farm girl faired much better, because she stayed ducking. Even when the machine pointed downwards, she was too short to be hit. Still, even after all twenty baseballs had shot over her head, she was still crotched over and shivering.
"Beth, you won," Tyler told her. "Beth? Beth!"
He had to go in and pull her out. The farm girl clung to Gwen, whimpering and crying. "It wath horrible...," she said.
"They didn't even get near you, Beth," the goth girl pointed out.
"I could feel every one of them shooting by me... like methangers of death!"
Tyler tapped his clipboard. "Okay, people. Those with seven points don't have to do this challenge because you cannot win immunity, win or lose. Sorry, Bridgette, Cody, Eva.
"The following campers will compete for either immunity or a perfect ten: Zeke, Heather, Gwen, Harold, and Izzy."
"I doo'nt think Harold can do this, eh," Ezekiel pointed to the unconscious Harold, who was being watched over by Leshawna.
"Gah! I hate you, Tyler, I hate you so much! Ahh!"
Pow! "Oh God... right in the stomach, eh... I'm gonna puke..."
"HAHAHAHA! Is that all you got? Is that all you got?!
Pow! "Ow, my leg, damn it! This bruise will take forever to heal! I'm glad I'm wearing pants now!"
Pow! "Oh... in the stomach a'geen... ugggggh..."
"Is that all you got?! Is that all you-" Pow! "... Ow! Wow, you do got more."
"I hate baseball! I hate America for making it!"
"Does blood come out of clothing, eh? Does puke?"
"You can't catch me, you can't-" Pow! "Oh... you caught me!"
"I hope you suffer for this!"
"Whoa... that one came a little close, eh... is my make-up running?"
"Stupid baseball! Hey, that reminds me! Tyler, have you and Lindsay reached second base?"
Ezekiel, Gwen, and Izzy were seated, leaning their backs against each other. All three had major bruises, some bloody marks, and, in Ezekiel's case, a black eye; he was really upset about that, because his fake eyelash had been crushed.
"Sorry it hurt so much, dudes," Tyler said to them, "but you know, you three had a habit of jumping into the pathway of the baseballs!"
"Gonna... kill... you," Gwen replied.
"You messed me up right be'fur I got hooked up, eh," Ezekiel complained.
"You people get so touchy," Izzy muttered, "when I ask about your love lives."
Heather scoffed. "Well, watching you guys makes this challenge so much more easy. I'm sure I'm more coordinated that weird goth girl."
As she walked by the camper, she looked over at Bridgette and smirked unpleasantly. She patted Ezekiel's head, ruffled his toque and said, "I'm sure that even though you won the grand prize, you'll accept my offer to invite you on that romantic cruise."
Ezekiel rubbed his sore head where Heather patted him. "Sure Heather, whatev's you say, eh."
Then he added, "Wait, what?" Bridgette gasped, and her hands started to tremble. "No! No no no no..."
She watched as Heather entered the batting cage, shaking in anticipation and dread. Heather immediately began to dodge the baseballs shot at her, and she wasn't getting hit once.
"Those ballet skills she has seem to be coming in handy," Eva commented, shrugging her shoulders. "Not bad."
"Stop rooting for her," Bridgette cried out, gripping her head. "Oh, this is all my fault, I egged her on!"
"Really?" Cody asked, looking surprised. "All I saw was you talking to Ezekiel all day, and she knows you're taken."
"Cody, that's not the point-"
Heather suddenly left out a triumphant laugh. "Ha! I dodged twenty baseballs! Take that, surfer chick, because no one plays this game except-"
She had counted wrong. The last baseball shot and struck her in the temple. She froze, like if the projectile had paralyzed her, then fell to the ground in a heap.
"Ooo, that was really bad," Tyler said, and laughed hard.
(Confession Cam - Struck in the temple, and you're to blame.)
Bridgette - "Well... that resolved itself nicely."
Beth - "And because she got nine out of ten, once again, Heather getsth immunity. Even without getting that cruise that she wants, she sthtill managesth to get what she needsth."
Cody - "Okay, I'm so confused about this whole Bridgette-Heather-Ezekiel love triangle thing going on. What am I not getting?"
Eva - "That was rather amusing. Finally, Heather gets hit. Are you all as satisfied as I am, people?"
Tyler - "Hahaha! Who's taking blows to the head because of athletic inferiority now, huh? HUH?! HAHAHAHAHA!
The bonfire ceremony was rather crowded that day. The twelve campers voted off where standing next to Dock of Shame. Chris was at the oil drum, with a very grumpy Chef Hatchet nearby. The ten campers still in the contest were sitting on the stump-like chairs, though Heather, who was goofy and loopy from the blow to the head, was being held up by Ezekiel.
Even the harbor looked crowded. The Boat of Losers was docked as usual, but the very large, very pink, romantic cruise ship was right behind it. It was so pink, guys like Duncan and Noah got slightly queasy looking at it.
Chris cleared his throat, and there was silence. Well, as silent as a roaring bonfire and a blabbering Heather would allow. "Okay campers. The first challenge to the Final Ten is over, and boy, was that fun!
"I mean, you couldn't ask for more! Underwear, kissing, make-up (and by the way, Zeke man, you should use some make-up to cover that black eye)...
"Extreme fishing, hot men, spit takes, puking, butt kicking, random acts of violence upon fruit, and baseball dodging! I think it'll be hard to top today!"
Chef Hatchet let out a guttural growl. "Chris, if I find out you're the one who made that challenge, I am gonna roast you for breakfast tomorrow."
"Can you please get on with this?!" Noah shouted. "I'm covered in ink, make-up, bruises, and I smell like gym socks and a latrine! And these stupid girly shorts are riding up on me, and these stupid, fake boobs are going to snap my spine!"
"You think that's something?" Cody remarked. "This skirt is so short, I don't feel comfortable sitting down at all."
"I hate having my hair like this," Eva grumbled.
Gwen batted at her emo bangs. "Oh I dunno, I enjoyed this part a little. And I'm perfectly okay with saying that, since Heather is now as sentient as a sea cucumber."
"Pwetty bwades of gwass, I wuv you all," Heather cooed as she batted those pwetty bwades of gwass with her fingers, sometimes picking some and eating them.
Chris Maclean chuckled. "Okay then, you boys dressed like girls and girls dressed like boys. First off, the winners of the Final Ten's Ten Finals!"
He picked up four of the nine marshmallows from the plate on the oil drum. "Heather and Izzy, you two barely made it."
Izzy caught hers and held it up high as Heather's bonked against her forehead ("Ooo, pwetty fwuffy thing!")
"Gwen and Ezekiel, you two get the grand prize. Who are you taking, need I ask?"
As the two caught their marshmallows, Gwen grinned mischievously. "Well, I'd hate to ask Trent since he might be uncomfortable going on this romantic cruise with a boy, but he'll have to endure."
"I think I can endure it," Trent said, smiling just as mischievously back at her. She walked over to him and hugged her boyfriend, and the two shared a passionate kiss.
"Woohoo, yaoi," Izzy cheered. "Though... it's... not really yaoi, but I can still cheer! Yay!"
Ezekiel was tapping his foot against the stump he was seated upon, looking up at the sky in thought. With a sigh, he looked at the host of the show. "Hey Chris, is it possible if I give my prize to Bridgette?"
Chris's face lit up as if he had received an incredible gift. "Zeke man, I knew you'd come around!"
He was suddenly standing beside Bridgette and Ezekiel, slinging an arm around them and pulling them close. "I hope you two have a happy cruise together!"
"What?" Ezekiel struggled to say, as Chris practically had him in a choke hold. "No, I doo'nt mean I go with her, eh! I mean she can take the cruise and pick who goes with her!"
Bridgette gasped. "You'd... you'd do that for me?"
"Zeke, man, what about Heather?" Cody asked him.
The prairie boy looked over at the queen bee, who was still lying on the ground. She currently was giggling and trying to fit her marshmallow in her ear.
"Yeah, I can see how she'd be an incredible, romantic date."
Chris let go of Bridgette and Ezekiel, sulking back to the oil drum. "Fine fine," he grumbled. "Have her take Geoff instead of you." He muttered very quietly under his breath, "Another fifty bucks down the drain," which only a couple of the ex-campers managed to hear.
Bridgette was now hugging Ezekiel. "You're such a sweetheart," she cooed. "How can you be so nice to me after I was scheming?"
"You were trying to set me up with your friends, eh," he replied, smiling and blushing slightly. "I doo'nt consider that to be offensive."
"And dude," Geoff called out to him, also looking really happy, "I've met her friends. She really ain't letting you down there!"
"ANYWAY," Chris shouted, looking irritated, "it's time to see which of the six campers who didn't pass the challenge today has been voted off, who is walking the Dock of Shame, and isn't coming back on the Boat of Losers...
"Forever and ever and whatnot!!"
Noah glared at him through the mess of octopus ink and smeared make-up that was his face, and his fake boobs were lopsided. Cody clenched his skirt tightly. Bridgette, though her eyes were glowing with happiness, looked nervous.
Harold, with a bandage wrapped around his forehead, sighed and cupped his face in his hand. Eva crossed her arms and snarled, but stopped when she saw Beth out of the corner of her eye. The farm girl looked devastated, her face in her hands.
"What's wrong, Beth?" the fitness buff asked her.
"Didn't you thee me today?" she said with a defeated sigh. "I thucked! Big time! I blew tho many challenges, and I barely sthqueezed by the lastht one! They're going to pick me off, like the sthickly gazelle of the herd."
Eva's normally stern face looked sympathetic, quite rare for her. She rubbed the farm girl's back and said, "Don't be so hard on yourself, you did manage to survive. And I know someone who didn't vote for you."
"Really? Who?"
"Me, you nut. I voted for Cody."
Cody practically flinched upon hearing this. "Awww, but I didn't vote for you. I voted for Noah."
"What?! Again?!" the egghead shouted as he turned towards the tech-geek. "What is it with you and voting for me?"
"He's afraid you'll kiss him again," Izzy said, giggling. "Though who could blame you, he's such a cute girl."
"Izzy, if you weren't immune, I swear I'd-"
"But I am! Nyah-nyah-nyah-nnnyah nyah!!"
Chris cleared his throat. "Well, now with only six left, I'm going to call out the three people who didn't get any votes at all.
"... Beth."
"What?" the farm girl gaped as the marshmallow landed in her hands. "R-Really?"
"I'm actually contract-obligated not to psyche out people during these ceremonies," Chris admitted. "They think we could get sued for that."
Noah snapped his fingers and sighed. "Well, I'll find another loophole."
"The next marshmallow," Chris continued, "goes to Bridgette!" The surfer girl cried out in joy, then ran over to Geoff and glomp-hugged him, knocking him down again.
"She's going to kill him eventually," said Courtney.
"He'd die happy," said Duncan.
"And the last of the three campers who didn't get any votes...," Chris said, "is Harold!"
The nerd looked up in time for the marshmallow to hit him in the forehead. He winced but managed to catch the fluffy treat. "Yes," he whispered in victory.
"So then," Chris said, a wicked grin on his face now, "we only have Noah, Eva, and Cody left! Which of you has lost Total Drama Comeback?"
(Confession Cam - Do you folks at home know?)
Eva - "I really did vote for Cody. I actually think there could be more to that skinny noodle than meets the eyes."
Izzy - "I voted for whom I thought would be the second biggest threat! And that's because Cody is the biggest, but he is always nice to me."
Heather - \still woozy\ "... I like string!" \She falls off the seat of the outhouse and onto the floor.\
Ezekiel - "Eva, man, she still manages to freak me 'oot, eh."
Noah - "Well, joke's on Cody! I voted for him too! Nyah-nyah-nnnn-nyah-nyah!!"
Bridgette - "Despite all the changes and maturing I've seen and experienced here on the island, Noah is still rude. And he looks..." \she snickers\ "quite frightening right now."
Chris looked between Cody, Noah, and Eva. "The first of two remaining marshmallows... goes to..."
Eva crossed her arms tightly. Cody whimpered and shook in anticipation. Noah glared at Chris through the ink and smeared make-up.
"... Noah."
The egghead snatched the marshmallow in midair. "Thank you. Nothing was worth this humiliatio-"
He was stopped when a squealing, super-happy Katie came running at him, and tackle-hugged him to the ground. "No Katie," he protested, "the make-up and ink are still wet-"
But the thinner BFFF didn't listen and proceeded to kiss him. After a couple seconds, Noah had no more objections.
"Cody, Eva," Chris said, drumming his fingers on the plate, "there's only one marshmallow. Who gets it, the boy or the girl?"
The two remaining, cross-dressing campers exchanged glances, wondering which was which in that sentence.
"Who's it gonna be?" the handsome host asked them. "Is it our handsome Eva or our beautiful Cody?"
"If he doesn't get this over with," Eva grumbled to Cody, her voice trembling slightly, "I'm going to murder him."
"On live TV?"
"That's the way he'd want it, I know."
Cody nodded, then looked back at Chris Maclean. The tech-geek crossed his legs tighter in apprehension of the last marshmallow and the fear people might see his underwear.
"And so," Chris finally exclaimed, "the final marshmallow of the night... goes to...
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"Cody."
The tech-geek gasped as he caught the marshmallow, then looked at the host with a "Really?" expression on his face. He flinched when he heard Eva hiss in a sharp, furious breath of air.
The fitness buff shook, her face contorted... then she sighed. "Guess I should have seen it coming," she muttered, half-grumbling and half-sad. "If I allowed myself to lose during the free-for-all, you all would get rid of me ASAP.
"I guess I should consider it a compliment, that you consider me that big a treat."
Cody patted her shoulder, and for the first time ever, she made no motion for him to stop. She even smiled in thanks to the tech-geek.
"Oh, COME ON!"
Chris Maclean looked furious, and he was now holding a tranquilizer dart rifle; his finger was on the trigger. "I got this specifically for your inevitable freak out, and you're going to be nice?! I don't get to use it? GYP!!"
He threw his fists down in frustration, and accidentally squeezed the trigger. The host had only a couple seconds to see a dart lodged in his shoe, penetrating his foot, before he gurgled and collapsed. Drool leaked from his mouth, and his glazed eyes looked up at the night sky.
There was silence, and then all twenty-two campers burst out laughing. Chef Hatchet was cheering and clapping, shouting, "Karma pay back, pretty boy," over the laughter of the campers.
And none of them were laughing as hard as Eva.
"Okay, guys, kick some serious ass," Eva shouted from the Boat of Losers. "I won't be defeated by people who were better than me!"
"Will do, Eva," Cody called to her, waving good-bye.
"Beth, that goes double to you," the fitness buff continued. "You're not weak, you can whip their butts!"
"I'll try," the farm girl called back.
Soon, the Boat of Losers and Eva were out of sight. The romantic cruise ship pulled up to the Dock of Losers.
"You pack of losers," Chef Hatchet said, pointing to the ex-campers, "are going to be riding on this for a couple minutes, as it's taking you back to Plaza des Losers. Geoff and Bridgette, Gwen and Trent, get your butts on that ship too!"
As they left, the losers gave more encouragement to the remaining nine campers. Owen picked Izzy up and kissed her. Katie hugged Noah, and let Sadie give him a hug too (almost crushing him). DJ patted Beth's shoulder and smiled comfortingly at him, while Justin gave her a hug that made her knees weak.
Leshawna hugged Gwen and Trent as the couple made their way onto the boat. Duncan and Courtney patted Cody's shoulder, and waved at Harold.
"Don't let Heather fool you any, dude," Tyler said as he high-fived Ezekiel. "She's not really into you."
"I'm only holding her now because she's tried to jump off twice now, eh."
Bridgette walked over to Ezekiel and kissed his cheek. "Thank you so much again," she said. She looked so radiant, the prairie boy blushed even harder than the kiss had made him.
Geoff kissed his other cheek, which startled the poor boy. "Dude, I owe you so much for this! I love ya, I really do!"
He picked up the prairie boy and gave him a bear hug. Heather giggled, then did a swan dive over the side of the dock. After Geoff finally put him down, Ezekiel mumbled, "You're welcome, treat her well and all, eh," and jumped into the water after Heather.
Gwen and Trent high-fived Geoff and Bridgette as the two couples boarded the ship. Waving good-bye to the remaining campers, the goth girl burst out laughing as she saw Ezekiel drag Heather onto the beach.
"It's so cute how evil girl turns into a dim bulb whenever she gets konked," Gwen remarked. "Though I hope you can still hitch him up with one of your friends, Bridge."
"Yeah, he's such a cute girl, and those stockings could charm any man," Geoff commented, chuckling.
"She does look great in a toque," Trent agreed.
"You two boys shouldn't poke fun at her, now," Bridgette replied. "You're going on romantic cruises with a surfer dude and a goth guy!"
Ezekiel - Eva.
Eva - Cody.
Noah - Cody.
Izzy - Eva.
Cody - Noah.
Beth - Noah.
Harold - Eva.
Bridgette - Noah.
Heather - Cody.
Gwen - Eva.
--
Eva - 4.
Noah - 3.
Cody - 3.
--
Voted off List - Owen, Sadie, Geoff, Leshawna, Justin, Lindsay, DJ, Trent, Katie, Duncan, Tyler, Courtney, Eva.
Remaining Campers - Beth, Bridgette, Cody, Ezekiel, Gwen, Harold, Heather, Izzy, Noah.
--
--
--
Sorry to all you Eva fans. Look on the bright side: she got the last laugh. Chris gets more of what he so richly deserves.
The upcoming challenge has actually been requested by a couple of campers, and it has something to do with jail. Continue to cheer on your favorites, and enjoy!